Q. Friend of an Ex Slandering Me: Six years ago I briefly dated a guy who works in the same large industry that I do. (Something like one-third of the people in my city work in this industry.) We broke up after three months, and I haven’t seen him since. I just found out that one of his friends, whom I met perhaps four times while we were dating, is currently working in a firm in this industry with which I work on a regular basis. This friend of the ex is apparently telling co-workers in his firm what a horrible person I am personally and that I can’t be trusted in any professional interactions either—he apparently accused me of trying to sabotage a deal in his unit, though based on what I know I was ensuring that relevant laws are followed in the procurement process. Luckily for me, one of the people in the firm called him out on it and notified me of the trash-talking. I think all I can do is rely on my reputation in this industry (I’m widely respected for subject-area knowledge and customer responsiveness) and laugh off this sad sack, but I’m still kind of hurt that someone I barely know would keep bringing up something that happened to a friend of his six years ago. There’s nothing I can do here, right?
A: If you are being defamed and it is hurting your reputation, you have grounds for a civil action. This guy sounds like a nut, and maybe when he gasses on about you everyone thinks, “He sounds obsessed and crazy.” But there are also going to be people who believe his slander. Gather as much specific evidence as you can documenting that he repeatedly has lied about you to people in your industry, and take it to a lawyer. It could be that a cease and desist letter will work wonders. Maybe with the lawyer, in lieu of your filing suit, you can craft a way for this guy to clarify that his previous remarks about you were baseless and that he must issue an apology.
Q. Re: Slandering Friend of an Ex: If this friend of the ex isn’t self-employed but works for a firm then his comments and actions may be implicated to the firm. If a C&D letter to him directly doesn’t work, have one sent to his employer. No employer is going to want to be liable for a trash-talking employee.
A: Thanks—great point. I agree the letter writer should consult a lawyer, one who knows how to cover all these bases and get this resolved.
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
