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Post Info TOPIC: Dear Abby: I Don't Love My Mom
Nobody Just Nobody


Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

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RE: Dear Abby: I Don't Love My Mom
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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

I do think that the standards of 30 yrs ago are not today's standards, etc. And, that now we expect parents to do things they didn't used to do or act in ways that in those times were really not the norm. But, I know you guys aren't talking about that per se. Just making a point. My dad was not overly expressive but would say "oh here's $20", or something like that and do things to show he loved me rather than say it.

 Yeah, my step dad wasn't overly expressive either.  He was old school.  He showed his love in other ways.



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huskerbb


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Tinydancer wrote:

My Mom is the center of our family. She still cooks Sunday dinner every week and sends home pots of food to those who can't make it. She still going strong enough that she enjoys having her great grand kids spend the night. We will be devastated when she's gone. It's a shame the way some of you were treated by your own families and I think you've handled it better than I would have.

 In many ways, my mom is the matriarch of my dads extended family.  More so than even his sisters or sisters in law.  

 

For our my family, she is our foundation, especially now that dad's Gone.  



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FNW


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I didn't care for my mother until I was about 40. But I always loved her, and needed her. Now I dread the day when I can no longer pick up the phone and call her.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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My mom was there for me. All of my life. So many times, I would just pick up the phone..."Mom, I need....". She would come. If I was sick, she would jump in the car and drive 3 hours to come and help me. If my kids were sick, she was there. Didn't matter. She was there. And, I literally talked to her almost every day of my life. After my dad died, I talked to her every single day until she died 13 years after he did. When my dad died, I was absolutely panicked because I thought if I lost her shortly after I could not handle it. However, by the grace of God she did live to 13 years more. And, the biggest struggle I have is that I can't talk to her and hear her voice and happily chat about my day and what my kids are doing, etc. But, I feel blessed to have had my parents.

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Nobody Just Nobody


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I really think forgiveness is the key if you have a parent you don't get along with. Whether it's because of abuse or just not seeing eye to eye. I hear a lot of people say I will hate her till the day she dies, I will wait for the day I can get back at her, I would like to see her suffer the way I did. But you know, that's just not healthy. Forgiveness does not mean that the other person is absolved from their sins. It means you no longer carry the burden of judging them for their sins. It is freedom for you, general you. People think forgiveness mean you are condoning what they did and that couldn't be further from the truth. Forgiveness means, you no longer have power over me or my emotions.

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TrudyML


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She has zero power over me. She never mothered when she needed to. Now just wants to boss me around. 1 call a week. That's all I give her.

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flan327


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TrudyML wrote:

She has zero power over me. She never mothered when she needed to. Now just wants to boss me around. 1 call a week. That's all I give her.

 I honestly think mine didn't know HOW to mother. After DH1 died (by that time, they had moved 500 miles away), I had to ask Dad to ask Mom if she could stay a few more days & help me pack up clothes.

flan



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Nobody Just Nobody


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Not everyone goes through the hate thing. But I do know people who have spent decades wrapped up in anger and bitterness. To those people I would say you're only hurting yourself.

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Ohfour


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I've NEVER hated my mother...well except that whole 14-18yo thing, but that wasn't really hate.

I've not been bitter or angry. I felt guilty. Guilty that I didn't have THAT mother. Guilty that all of the cards on mother's day were talking about how much the mother was respected and how much they learned from their mother. I just always go for the short ones an write a note in them. We talk at least once a week. I see her as often as I feel is necessary. Her teeth are REALLY bad, and my sister and I are going to spilt the several thousands $ dental bill. Her rent is going up in January $100 a month and my sister and I are going to cover that.

I have no ill will towards my mother, but I just don't feel like I think I SHOULD feel towards her.

I didn't even tell her G and I were getting married. I didn't want her to spoil the day. So I told her afterwards. I still hear about that...

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Mellow Momma


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My mom was a strict disciplinarian. I had good grades, and was well behaved, but she kept such tight control over what I did,when I did it and who I did it with that it stifled me. I am not talking about run of the mill strict, I am talking about obsessive strict - everyone else was allowed to do things and it was the town joke that I wouldn't be allowed. Things like staying out until 10 pm in 10th grade on a weekend night, being allowed to make a phone call after 7 on a school night, etc. were not allowed. There was never any good reason, I just wasn't allowed. So because I never gave her a reason not to trust me, and she didn't trust me, I acted out and gave her a reason not to trust me. I figured then, at least I had earned the punishment I was already getting.

She stopped hugging me at about age 10. From age 10 until about last year, she didn't say "I love you". She used to do those things and then stopped. She told me I was too old for them.

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flan327


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Mellow Momma wrote:

My mom was a strict disciplinarian. I had good grades, and was well behaved, but she kept such tight control over what I did,when I did it and who I did it with that it stifled me. I am not talking about run of the mill strict, I am talking about obsessive strict - everyone else was allowed to do things and it was the town joke that I wouldn't be allowed. Things like staying out until 10 pm in 10th grade on a weekend night, being allowed to make a phone call after 7 on a school night, etc. were not allowed. There was never any good reason, I just wasn't allowed. So because I never gave her a reason not to trust me, and she didn't trust me, I acted out and gave her a reason not to trust me. I figured then, at least I had earned the punishment I was already getting.

She stopped hugging me at about age 10. From age 10 until about last year, she didn't say "I love you". She used to do those things and then stopped. She told me I was too old for them.

 That is sad.

flan



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Domestic Engineer


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I understand the Mother's Day card thing. Hallmark doesn't make one that says, "I tolerate you because you birthed me".

I had a therapist tell me once that you can only truly hate something that you truly loved.

I don't love or hate my mom. I have no feelings whatsoever for her, which makes me sad on some level.
After sis and I quit jumping at her every demeaning and demanding whim, she had an attorney send a letter telling us just what she thought. Her vile letter completely released us. It hurt my sister to realize mom only cared as much as she could use you.

I haven't spoken to mom in over a year. My mental & emotional health has improved tremendously without her in it.



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flan327


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Domestic Engineer wrote:

I understand the Mother's Day card thing. Hallmark doesn't make one that says, "I tolerate you because you birthed me".

I had a therapist tell me once that you can only truly hate something that you truly loved.

I don't love or hate my mom. I have no feelings whatsoever for her, which makes me sad on some level.
After sis and I quit jumping at her every demeaning and demanding whim, she had an attorney send a letter telling us just what she thought. Her vile letter completely released us. It hurt my sister to realize mom only cared as much as she could use you.

I haven't spoken to mom in over a year. My mental & emotional health has improved tremendously without her in it.

 Good for you, DE.

flan



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lilyofcourse


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My mom gets on my nerves but I love her and she loves me.

All these stories of bad blood between moms and daughters.

Mom and I are not friends, she is my mom. And that's the way it is.

Caitlyn and I have a better relationship than my mom and I.



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Nobody Just Nobody


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Mine wasn't just about not getting along or being too strict. Mine was about getting beaten. Yeah, there was some hate there in the beginning.

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Tinydancer


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Getting a beating is not what most Moms do. As much as I just can't understand that I love my Mom even more. I only hope I was a good Mom in my own way. There's not a Mom here I don't think does any more than her best.

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flan327


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lilyofcourse wrote:

My mom gets on my nerves but I love her and she loves me.

All these stories of bad blood between moms and daughters.

Mom and I are not friends, she is my mom. And that's the way it is.

Caitlyn and I have a better relationship than my mom and I.

 What are you trying to say?

flan



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