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ed11563


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Odd Compliments Merit as Little Response as Possible
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Odd Compliments Merit as Little Response as Possible

Sep 29, 2015 - 2 of 3
 
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DEAR MISS MANNERS: When someone offers a compliment, I know that it is proper to say thank you. However, sometimes the compliments are worded so oddly that I'm left puzzled on how to respond.

Yesterday a woman said to me, "You look so good it makes me want to slap you." Another time, two people approached me and said to each other, "Doesn't she look cute? You hold her down and I'll beat her."

I realize that these are clumsy attempts to be funny and complimentary. I'm certainly not offended, but how should I respond? Saying thank you certainly doesn't sound right.

 

GENTLE READER: It is tempting to answer an oddly worded compliment -- or its cousin, the insult thinly disguised as a compliment -- in kind. Miss Manners urges you to resist. Unless you are Oscar Wilde, your response is as likely to miss the mark as did the original. Better a tight smile and an insincere tone, with a bland "Oh, thank you" that kills its posing as a joke and discourages repetition.



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ed11563


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Probably the best response is to walk away.

But MY first thought was, these are threats, and I have pepper spray.

 

 



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Always misinterpret when you can.
flan327


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Yeah, the "hold her down and I'll beat her" would NOT get a "Thank you" from me!

flan

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Tangerine


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I try to give compliments like "I like your hair" or "I love your outfit". These don't really sound like fomients to me.

ETA: fomients? Really, phone? That should say compliments. 



-- Edited by Tangerine on Thursday 1st of October 2015 08:06:45 PM

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flan327


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Smart phones crack me up!

flan

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Southern_Belle


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Icy MM stare, spin around and walk away.

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Lawyerlady


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Tangerine wrote:

I try to give compliments like "I like your hair" or "I love your outfit". These don't really sound like fomients to me.

ETA: fomients? Really, phone? That should say compliments. 



-- Edited by Tangerine on Thursday 1st of October 2015 08:06:45 PM

 WHAT are fomients?  LOL!



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flan327


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Lawyerlady wrote:
Tangerine wrote:

I try to give compliments like "I like your hair" or "I love your outfit". These don't really sound like fomients to me.

ETA: fomients? Really, phone? That should say compliments. 



-- Edited by Tangerine on Thursday 1st of October 2015 08:06:45 PM

 WHAT are fomients?  LOL!

 They are similar to the bubbles in bubble tea. I think I've seen them in some of the frozen yogurt shops too.

evileye

flan



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Lawyerlady


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flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Tangerine wrote:

I try to give compliments like "I like your hair" or "I love your outfit". These don't really sound like fomients to me.

ETA: fomients? Really, phone? That should say compliments. 



-- Edited by Tangerine on Thursday 1st of October 2015 08:06:45 PM

 WHAT are fomients?  LOL!

 They are similar to the bubbles in bubble tea. I think I've seen them in some of the frozen yogurt shops too.

evileye

flan

 I'm not sure that answer helped. 

 

What is bubble tea?

 



-- Edited by Lawyerlady on Thursday 1st of October 2015 09:09:14 PM

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karl271


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I have given up on making compliments. Everything turns into a sexist statement or showing a degrading attitude to women. So, I just shut my mouth.















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flan327


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Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Tangerine wrote:

I try to give compliments like "I like your hair" or "I love your outfit". These don't really sound like fomients to me.

ETA: fomients? Really, phone? That should say compliments. 



-- Edited by Tangerine on Thursday 1st of October 2015 08:06:45 PM

 WHAT are fomients?  LOL!

 They are similar to the bubbles in bubble tea. I think I've seen them in some of the frozen yogurt shops too.

evileye

flan

 I'm not sure that answer helped. 

 

What is bubble tea?

 

 



-- Edited by Lawyerlady on Thursday 1st of October 2015 09:09:14 PM

 I first saw it in a Chinese restaurant in Bloomington. I don't drink tea, but my son liked it.

The bubbles look like small balls. I honestly don't know what they are.

flan



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Tangerine


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flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Tangerine wrote:

I try to give compliments like "I like your hair" or "I love your outfit". These don't really sound like fomients to me.

ETA: fomients? Really, phone? That should say compliments. 



-- Edited by Tangerine on Thursday 1st of October 2015 08:06:45 PM

 WHAT are fomients?  LOL!

 They are similar to the bubbles in bubble tea. I think I've seen them in some of the frozen yogurt shops too.

evileye

flan

 I'm not sure that answer helped. 

 

What is bubble tea?

 

 



-- Edited by Lawyerlady on Thursday 1st of October 2015 09:09:14 PM

 I first saw it in a Chinese restaurant in Bloomington. I don't drink tea, but my son liked it.

The bubbles look like small balls. I honestly don't know what they are.

flan

The black bubbles are tapioca. They also have lots of other flavors. My fave is mango tea with lychee bubbles. Some of the places have flavored jellies, too. 

 



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flan327


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Thanks, Tang.

flan

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karl271 wrote:

I have given up on making compliments. Everything turns into a sexist statement or showing a degrading attitude to women. So, I just shut my mouth.













 I hear that!  It's rather sad.



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I think the best response to those non-complimentary compliments would be silence with one raised eyebrow. You know - the "Mr. Spock look."

I certainly wouldn't thank someone who mentioned slapping me or beating me up because of my looks, even if they were apparently trying (but failing) to make a joke.

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lilyofcourse


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Is it like saying a baby is so cute you want to eat t hem up?

I mean you're not really going to eat the baby.



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lilyofcourse wrote:

Is it like saying a baby is so cute you want to eat t hem up?

I mean you're not really going to eat the baby.

 I think that's exactly what it's like.  I hate to admit it but I've said stuff like the OP says.  I clearly remember meeting Vette and saying to my husband, "She's so gorgeous!  You hold her and I'll beat it out of her!"  It's a joke.  I wasn't going to beat Vette up.  It's more like Wow, she's even more beautiful than I can say!



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flan327


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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:

Is it like saying a baby is so cute you want to eat t hem up?

I mean you're not really going to eat the baby.

 I think that's exactly what it's like.  I hate to admit it but I've said stuff like the OP says.  I clearly remember meeting Vette and saying to my husband, "She's so gorgeous!  You hold her and I'll beat it out of her!"  It's a joke.  I wasn't going to beat Vette up.  It's more like Wow, she's even more beautiful than I can say!

 It's different coming from another woman, imho.

flan



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