DEAR ABBY: I am 50, own my home and am debt-free. I have friends but have never dated anyone. This doesn't bother me, although many of my close friends joke with me about being a "50-year-old virgin."
My problem is, four years ago I lost my job. I have a few investments and a small inheritance that, when combined, give me an income of $60,000 a year. So I don't need more money.
Although I did look for another job for two years, I haven't tried for the past two. I tell my friends I've decided to retire. They keep telling me I need to find a job because I need something to keep me busy. I remind them that I have enough money for everything I need.
Friends have started telling me I may have a "problem" and should think about counseling. I see no need for it, but have decided to get an outside opinion. So, Abby, should I see a counselor about my lack of interest in finding a new job? -- OUT OF WORK IN TEXAS
DEAR OUT OF WORK: There are reasons people work besides the financial one. Social stimulation is important, too. I am glad you have the money to support yourself now, but what if something unplanned or catastrophic happens in the future that jeopardizes your nest egg?
Fifty is young to "retire." The counseling you're considering should be used to determine why you lack the motivation to continue being a contributing member of society. (This may be the "problem" your friends are hinting at.)
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
"The counseling you're considering should be used to determine why you lack the motivation to continue being a contributing member of society." ... I take exception to this. Just because she doesn't work doesn't mean she's not a contributing member of society. I also see a twinge of jealousy. Does Abby see older retirees in the same light? Something catastrophic can happen at any age.
If she can afford to retire at 50, why not? Not many people can. I say good for her.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I think she should definitely consider counseling.
I'm certain that people will pay her to advise them how they too can have a guaranteed income of $60,000 per year at age 50, in addition to or instead of their regular employment.
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
That's the crux of it to me. Is this LW bored or depressed? They didnt say anything about that.
Personally, I would be nervous about be depen on investments at such at young age and I would probably be unhappy and bored without something to do.
Perhaps this person has fulfilling hobbies and/or volunteer work and is satisfied with their life. If that is the case I think their friends should butt out.
I think it's funny b/c when I read it, I thought it was a man and you all are thinking it's a woman. I re-read it and you can't tell. But, I think people generally have a harder time with men not working, so maybe that's why I assumed it's a man.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
I agree with what everyone else pretty much said. If he/she can afford it, and has other interests in life that keep him/her interested, why not retire.
It's true that something may come up that jeopardizes one's nest egg, but, just like everyone, you deal with that when and if it happens.
I dont need work to not be board. I could find plenty to do. But why be all or nothing? She could consider part time or trying a different career or whatever.
Whether it's a her or him if they have the money to support themselves go for it. If they don't want to work fine. Doesn't sound like s/he is depressed because they have friends they socialize with. And not working DOES NOT make you a non contributing person in society. That's offensive. If that's the case every SAHM raising children are non contributing members of society. And I agree with the others that say something can happen at any time.
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“You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I'll rise!” ― Maya Angelou
It is nobody's business but hers/his if they choose to work or not. The LW is not taking handouts, no depts. and careful with his/her money and sounds happy/content.
It is nobody's business but hers/his if they choose to work or not. The LW is not taking handouts, no depts. and careful with his/her money and sounds happy/content.
Exactly. You're not on the government dime and no debt. You're good.
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“You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I'll rise!” ― Maya Angelou
Sigh, retire, dreamy... I would love to retire, but retirement for me means working a job with no stress or starting up an online store for unique items. I would still need that professional interaction, but at my chosen speed.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
I do wonder a bit, though, whether or not the $60,000 is truly "income", or if she is dipping into the meat of the inheritance and if so, how many years she (or he) is planning to live and whether it will truly be enough.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
I know some people who have never worked in the first place!
My mom.
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“You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I'll rise!” ― Maya Angelou
I had the same thought as husker with respect to whether or not the $60K was actual income or if s/he was dipping into the principal. But, if it is truly income from the inheritance, good enough.
$60,000 per year isn't that much really, but depending on where you live, it can be plenty if you don't carry any debt or have monthly expenses like mortgage and car payments.
I had the same thought as husker with respect to whether or not the $60K was actual income or if s/he was dipping into the principal. But, if it is truly income from the inheritance, good enough.
$60,000 per year isn't that much really, but depending on where you live, it can be plenty if you don't carry any debt or have monthly expenses like mortgage and car payments.
I wanted to retire at 50. Hah! Still working.
$60K a year could keep her quite comfortable in this area, even with a mortgage and car payment.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
I agree with what everyone else pretty much said. If he/she can afford it, and has other interests in life that keep him/her interested, why not retire.
It's true that something may come up that jeopardizes one's nest egg, but, just like everyone, you deal with that when and if it happens.
Maybe the friends are hinting that this person is not socially active enough in general and they are afraid if this person stops working they will continue to withdraw. I don't really have an issue with someone seeing a counselor about big life changes, especially if you don't have a life partner to discuss these things with.
Her money. Her life. Her decision. Why does she even care what others think she should do? Sounds to me like some of her friends are projecting their problems onto her. Just because it's something they wouldn't do doesn't mean she has to listen.
-- Edited by Tinydancer on Tuesday 13th of October 2015 12:03:42 PM
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“Until I discovered cooking, I was never really interested in anything.” ― Julia Child ―
Her money. Her life. Her decision. Why does she even care what others think she should do? Sounds to me like some of her friends are projecting their problems onto her. Just because it's something they wouldn't do doesn't mean she has to listen.
-- Edited by Tinydancer on Tuesday 13th of October 2015 12:03:42 PM
Of course not. But a lot of people value friends opinions. If a good friend told me they were concerned about something I would at least think about it.
Maybe the friends are hinting that this person is not socially active enough in general and they are afraid if this person stops working they will continue to withdraw. I don't really have an issue with someone seeing a counselor about big life changes, especially if you don't have a life partner to discuss these things with.
But, what measure are they using to determine this? Their own social activeness? Is there a predetermined 'social activeness' line like there is a predetermined poverty line?
I'm a SAHM now but even when I was working, I was never socially active. Never had the desire to be. I don't get much enjoyment out of socializing. I'd rather curl up with my crosswords. Maybe the LW is the same. I did join a Bible study at my Church, which I do enjoy, but I joined it because the topic interested me. I've gotten comfortable talking with the women in my group though. Many of them have young kids so it's nice talking with others whose kids are at/near/recently past the same developmental stages as DS.
Maybe the friends are hinting that this person is not socially active enough in general and they are afraid if this person stops working they will continue to withdraw. I don't really have an issue with someone seeing a counselor about big life changes, especially if you don't have a life partner to discuss these things with.
But, what measure are they using to determine this? Their own social activeness? Is there a predetermined 'social activeness' line like there is a predetermined poverty line?
I'm a SAHM now but even when I was working, I was never socially active. Never had the desire to be. I don't get much enjoyment out of socializing. I'd rather curl up with my crosswords. Maybe the LW is the same. I did join a Bible study at my Church, which I do enjoy, but I joined it because the topic interested me. I've gotten comfortable talking with the women in my group though. Many of them have young kids so it's nice talking with others whose kids are at/near/recently past the same developmental stages as DS.
I'm assuming the friends would base this upon known factors about the LW. If this person has continually become more of a home body it might be concerning to long time friends.
What chef said! It's not up to others to determine for us what's right for our own lives. People need to spend more time worrying about their own lives than trying to run everyone elses'.
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“Until I discovered cooking, I was never really interested in anything.” ― Julia Child ―
Maybe the friends are hinting that this person is not socially active enough in general and they are afraid if this person stops working they will continue to withdraw. I don't really have an issue with someone seeing a counselor about big life changes, especially if you don't have a life partner to discuss these things with.
But, what measure are they using to determine this? Their own social activeness? Is there a predetermined 'social activeness' line like there is a predetermined poverty line?
I'm a SAHM now but even when I was working, I was never socially active. Never had the desire to be. I don't get much enjoyment out of socializing. I'd rather curl up with my crosswords. Maybe the LW is the same. I did join a Bible study at my Church, which I do enjoy, but I joined it because the topic interested me. I've gotten comfortable talking with the women in my group though. Many of them have young kids so it's nice talking with others whose kids are at/near/recently past the same developmental stages as DS.
I'm assuming the friends would base this upon known factors about the LW. If this person has continually become more of a home body it might be concerning to long time friends.
I agree with that. If the LW used to be super socially active but isn't anymore because she's not working, that would concern me too as a friend.
I was just saying last night, that if mom had not came to town to meet me for dinner, I would have just gone home and did nothing.
Why? Cause the less you do, they less you want to do.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
What chef said! It's not up to others to determine for us what's right for our own lives. People need to spend more time worrying about their own lives than trying to run everyone elses'.
The bolded is where I'm at. I can cause for concern if a certain behavior is abnormal for the LW but, as a general rule, what works for one doesn't work for another.
My friends would have the opposite worry ... if I suddenly started being a social butterfly :P
It just seems to me that she's been unemployed for 4 years and is doing fine financially. I didn't get the feeling that she had changed her social habits just that her friends said she needed therapy for not wanting to keep working. I'm sorry but if could retire tomorrow I would and I'd enjoy every minute of it whether my friends approved or not.
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“Until I discovered cooking, I was never really interested in anything.” ― Julia Child ―
Like others have said some are more social than others. Doesn't mean they're wrong. Just the way people are wired. I don't go out much either. But if I want to go see a movie I will. I enjoy going to church group once a month.
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“You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I'll rise!” ― Maya Angelou
It could be that the friends are just worried that s/he is just "giving up" because s/he hasn't found work yet, but if that's the case, they should just say so.
my social security age to retire is 66.
I got news recently that I can afford to retire at 65.
I am 63, maybe if I meet with another adviser I can retire tonite......I am sooo tired,,,,,
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Minds are like parachutes, they work best when open