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ed11563


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Dear Abby - something my wife does bothers me.
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DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been together for 10 years. Like all couples do, we've had our ups and downs, but we love each other very much. Two months ago, we welcomed our first son into our family; we are overjoyed.

Raising a newborn has its challenges because babies don't come with an owner's manual. Our communication has always been good, and we work hard in our relationship to keep it that way. When we disagree, we try not to fight in front of the baby or raise our voices.

But something my wife does bothers me. She talks about me to the baby. An example: "Apparently you're too stressful for Daddy right now, but not for me." I have asked her to please not do it. I understand that he's only 2 months old and can't understand her, but I don't feel disparaging me in front of him is right. Am I wrong? Or am I being overly sensitive? -- NEEDS HELP IN NEW YORK

DEAR NEEDS HELP: I don't think you're being overly sensitive. It is important for an infant's development that the parents talk to him or her. While your baby may be too young to understand what's being said right now, your wife is forming a habit that both of you may regret later. It implies that she is the "good mommy" and you are the "bad daddy" who can't deal with his son. If this continues, at some point the boy WILL get the message, and it won't be good for the relationship you have with her or the one you have with your son.

 

 



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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That isn't nice. Passive aggressive. He just needs to have a frank talk with her.

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flan327


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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

That isn't nice. Passive aggressive. He just needs to have a frank talk with her.

 Bingo!

flan



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ladyloonatic


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Yup, that's what I thought too. She's being passive aggressive.

If she has issues with him not doing his share, than she needs to talk to him, not to the baby.

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lilyofcourse


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Well. Stop saying your child is stressful and pitch the heck in.

And yes, mom needs to stop this. The child is not a therapist.

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ladyloonatic wrote:

Yup, that's what I thought too. She's being passive aggressive.

If she has issues with him not doing his share, than she needs to talk to him, not to the baby.

 Yeah, pretty much.  The baby isn't going to tell dad mom is mad.  This is silly.  She needs to tell her husband what she wants him to do.  This is another case of a woman expecting a man to be a mind reader.  Men don't read our minds.  They're also not stupid so I'm not implying that.  But if you need help you have to ask for it.  "Honey, I need you to feed the baby so I can get in the shower."  Simple as that.



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Lawyerlady


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Men shouldn't have to be mind readers to know to pitch in and help.

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No, they shouldn't HAVE to be. They should just pitch in and help. But being passive aggressive about it does not solve the problem if he is not doing what she wants. Maybe he thinks he IS helping. She needs to tell him she needs more help. You can get mad and say he should already know but the fact is that as of right now this woman feels like he's not helping out enough and he doesn't seem to understand what else he needs to do.

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NAOW


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Maybe she is joking and he is taking her too seriously.

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ed11563


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NAOW wrote:

Maybe she is joking and he is taking her too seriously.

A joke like that should NEVER be said out loud. 

 



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ladyloonatic


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Nothing says he's not helping. Maybe MOM is feeling stressed out and overwhelmed and wants a break but not saying that to her husband.



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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That might be her way of trying to get him to help. But, it probably isnt' going to work. Just hand him the baby and say "Here honey, I am heading out for a bit".

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flan327


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Communication. It's important!

flan

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

That might be her way of trying to get him to help. But, it probably isnt' going to work. Just hand him the baby and say "Here honey, I am heading out for a bit".

 I'll agree with this.  And I agree she needs to stop the habit before it continues to a time when the child will understand.



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NAOW


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ed11563 wrote:
NAOW wrote:

Maybe she is joking and he is taking her too seriously.

A joke like that should NEVER be said out loud. 

 

 I disagree. I don't think it sounds like a big deal. Although, since it bothers him she should stop. 

If I handed off the baby for whatever reason and DH said that to me I'd be all 'You bet, and since you got this, I'm off to take a bubble bath.'



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ed11563


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NAOW wrote:

If I handed off the baby for whatever reason and DH said that to me I'd be all 'You bet, and since you got this, I'm off to take a bubble bath.'

Been there, done that  



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huskerbb


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Lawyerlady wrote:

Men shouldn't have to be mind readers to know to pitch in and help.

 We don't know that he isn't.  



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huskerbb wrote:

Lawyerlady wrote:

Men shouldn't have to be mind readers to know to pitch in and help.

 We don't know that he isn't.  




Of course we do! He's a son of a beitch!

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Lawyerlady


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NAOW wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
NAOW wrote:

Maybe she is joking and he is taking her too seriously.

A joke like that should NEVER be said out loud. 

 

 I disagree. I don't think it sounds like a big deal. Although, since it bothers him she should stop. 

If I handed off the baby for whatever reason and DH said that to me I'd be all 'You bet, and since you got this, I'm off to take a bubble bath.'

 I agree.  This is one of those things that she stop doing just because he asked her to.



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huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:

Men shouldn't have to be mind readers to know to pitch in and help.

 We don't know that he isn't.  

 My comment was in response to NJN's comments. 



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