DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old single mom of two young girls. After my divorce, I returned to my hometown where my family is. I'm enrolled in school full time and set to graduate in two semesters. I have a 3.7 GPA, my girls are well-adjusted and well-behaved, and I have my own place. My mom primarily watches my girls when I'm in school, and I feel lucky to have her support.
The other day, Mom came into my room and opened my bedside drawer. Like most people, this is where I keep my most private things. She discovered that I had a pack of cigarettes and some marijuana. Abby, I don't smoke often, but sometimes when the kids are down and things are taken care of, I like to smoke a joint, watch some shows and fall asleep. I take care of my responsibilities, and I don't feel like an occasional joint impacts me negatively.
Mom now says she will no longer watch her grandchildren and doesn't want to see me again! I feel completely hurt, violated and disrespected. We said some nasty things to each other, and I can't help but feel like she is completely wrong for reacting the way she did. Any advice would be much appreciated. -- RESPONSIBLE (OCCASIONAL) SMOKER IN OHIO
DEAR RESPONSIBLE: Your mother overreacted, but she should not have been going into your drawer(s). Apologize for whatever you said to her in the heat of anger. (She should also apologize to you for snooping.) Make whatever arrangements you need for child care apart from your mother, and either quit smoking or do it away from your home.
Children are a lot sharper than they are often given credit for, and their sense of smell is particularly acute. In a few short years, they will recognize that Mommy "smokes," so quit setting a bad example. That way, when you tell them that smoking is bad for their health, you won't be a hypocrite.
I guess it depends on how bad you need her to watch the kids--or how bad she will miss them if you don't make arrangements for her to see them at other times.
I'd get the pot out of your house, though. She might get nasty and call CPS.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
Good point. It probably isn't a big deal to her. But, to her mom's generation, it is a big deal. And, if she is doing it in a State where it is ILLEGAL then she is just being a dumb ass. Why risk it? You could lose your kids. If she is in a state where it is legal, then not so much of an issue. I would advise her to get a lock box and just lock it up at home. And, dont' smoke it if mom is around.
If she pays her bills and takes good care of her kids shame on her mom for letting this one thing ruin her relationship with her daughter. And shame on her for snooping.
I would be furious and never trust her again if I were the DD. But yes....DD needs to.lock up her stuff and do it when her daughter isn't there.
If she pays her bills and takes good care of her kids shame on her mom for letting this one thing ruin her relationship with her daughter. And shame on her for snooping. I would be furious and never trust her again if I were the DD. But yes....DD needs to.lock up her stuff and do it when her daughter isn't there.
I was sorta thinking the same?
I'd feel worse for being the lady who gets into peoples private biz than being a person who is holding down the fort and maybe toking a little something on the side? Who is the weirdo here?
Is the grandma really willing to write everything off over this? She's been programmed? Chill out a little.
If the daughter was failing at life, I would totally rail against her smoking. Just like alcohol. Some people can handle it, some people are destroyed over it. Use common sense!
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