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Post Info TOPIC: Dear Harriette: Unwanted Advice
Lady Gaga Snerd


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Dear Harriette: Unwanted Advice
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DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of the family was rude to me recently. He is my father's best friend, and he has been out of work for years. He used to work full time, was fired and has not been able to find a job since. His wife supports them both, and they have no children. I have a part-time job and am still in school. There is a 30-year difference in our ages, and I have always respected the opinions of those senior to me. However, my father's best friend decided that it was his responsibility to tell me that a part-time job will never support me, that I am delusional and that I do not know how to work hard. Although alcohol probably aided his honesty toward me, I felt it was impossible to defend myself without coming off as rude. He does not even have a job!

I responded by saying that I am trying my best to juggle saving money for myself and getting an education, and the conversation seemed to end there. No one defended me while this was happening, probably because they did not want to bring up the fact that the friend does not have any job to begin with. How do I defend myself politely next time without causing a scene? -- New Generation, Detroit



DEAR NEW GENERATION: Fueled by inebriation, your father's friend was likely speaking his truth by expressing the loss and missed opportunities that can come from not having a full-time, well-paying job. Take his comments as fuel that will ensure that you keep up your energy to complete your education and build a life for yourself of your own design that will fund your lifestyle. Next time you get caught in a conversation with him when he is lecturing you, excuse yourself and leave the room. Do not engage someone who is drunk and belligerent. It will never work to your advantage.

http://www.uexpress.com/sense-and-sensitivity/2015/10/15/dads-best-friends-comments-hurt-reader


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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Oh geez. Stop explaining yourself to arseholes! Wow. Nobody has the right to tell me how to run my life unless they are paying my bills. So, next time he says something, just say FFS!

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lilyofcourse


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He probably meant nothing by it. Just talking from experience.

People are so touchy.

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This is why I hate socializing.

I went to a neighborhood cookout the other day and was approached by one of my neighbors. He asked if the pool was finished then proceeded to tell me all the horrible things the boys will be doing (jumping from roof into shallow end, etc.), holding each other's heads under water, yadda yadda. Things no mother wants to hear. I responded that while he might be right if they were permitted to swim without supervision, then tried to change the subject to mentioning my son's broken arm, etc., and how it was too bad because it cut his swimming season short. He retorted that I should just have him break his back so he would be in traction for the entire summer and I won't have to worry about all the stuff. WTF? Anyway, I said, "no, I don't think so...excuse me" then I walked away.

My point is some people are just friggin idiots. You can't argue with an idiot. Just walk away.

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flan327


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lilyofcourse wrote:

He probably meant nothing by it. Just talking from experience.

People are so touchy.

Oh, right...no

flan 



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FNW wrote:

This is why I hate socializing.

I went to a neighborhood cookout the other day and was approached by one of my neighbors. He asked if the pool was finished then proceeded to tell me all the horrible things the boys will be doing (jumping from roof into shallow end, etc.), holding each other's heads under water, yadda yadda. Things no mother wants to hear. I responded that while he might be right if they were permitted to swim without supervision, then tried to change the subject to mentioning my son's broken arm, etc., and how it was too bad because it cut his swimming season short. He retorted that I should just have him break his back so he would be in traction for the entire summer and I won't have to worry about all the stuff. WTF? Anyway, I said, "no, I don't think so...excuse me" then I walked away.

My point is some people are just friggin idiots. You can't argue with an idiot. Just walk away.

WTF 



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ladyloonatic


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Opinions and azzholes, everyone has one. I agree with Harriette, don't bother arguing with people who are drinking. If I were concerned about not offending the person, I'd say something like thanks for advice, and move along. If I didn't care about offending, I'd tell him I didn't ask for his opinion.

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Lawyerlady


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ladyloonatic wrote:

Opinions and azzholes, everyone has one. I agree with Harriette, don't bother arguing with people who are drinking. If I were concerned about not offending the person, I'd say something like thanks for advice, and move along. If I didn't care about offending, I'd tell him I didn't ask for his opinion.

 If I didn't care about offending, I'd tell him I only take job and career advice from people with one.



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ladyloonatic


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Well said, LL. I was trying to think of something snappier but I'm not done with my coffee yet! All I could come up with was "You should talk" or "bugger off."

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just Czech


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Why was the LW expecting others to defend her? I don't get that..

She should have asked him how he liked living off her taxes.

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Lawyerlady


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ladyloonatic wrote:

Well said, LL. I was trying to think of something snappier but I'm not done with my coffee yet! All I could come up with was "You should talk" or "bugger off."

 I'm already on my second cup.



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Lawyerlady wrote:

ladyloonatic wrote:

Opinions and azzholes, everyone has one. I agree with Harriette, don't bother arguing with people who are drinking. If I were concerned about not offending the person, I'd say something like thanks for advice, and move along. If I didn't care about offending, I'd tell him I didn't ask for his opinion.

 If I didn't care about offending, I'd tell him I only take job and career advice from people with one.




Bwaaaah! biggrin

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lilyofcourse


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just Czech wrote:

Why was the LW expecting others to defend her? I don't get that..

She should have asked him how he liked living off her taxes.

 It says his wife supports them both.

 



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just Czech wrote:

Why was the LW expecting others to defend her? I don't get that..

She should have asked him how he liked living off her taxes.

 Well if her mom and dad were sitting there too it would make sense if they would defend her, the fact that they didn't makes me wonder if they agree with the friend.



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lilyofcourse


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I think people, older people, see things differently and have life experiences that a younger person doesnt.

And sometimes it can probably sound like criticism when it really isnt.



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Charley Harper
Lindley


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He may be right but not be the right person to offer advice in her situation.

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Mellow Momma


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She is in school AND working part time. That's a heck of a lot more than a lot of kids are doing. What the heck does this douche rocket expect?!?! She is doing great!

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Mellow Momma wrote:

She is in school AND working part time. That's a heck of a lot more than a lot of kids are doing. What the heck does this douche rocket expect?!?! She is doing great!

 That's what I thought!  She's doing great and some unemployed loser wants to give her advice.  Okay...



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