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Post Info TOPIC: Dear Abby: Fiance Doesn't Like To See Me Cuddle Mom


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Dear Abby: Fiance Doesn't Like To See Me Cuddle Mom
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DEAR ABBY: I'm on the verge of 30, and my fiance has a huge issue with the fact that I still cuddle with my mom. From what he says, his family isn't wild about it, either.

Mom has suffered a great deal of loss in her life. She has lost all of her immediate family (aside from her kids) to cancer. We were all caretakers for these family members, doing in-home hospice, and we have formed a unique bond.

My fiance has never even been to a funeral, so it's hard for me to explain this to him. Mom was born in a country in Europe where hugging and lots of affection are natural.

I live out of state, but when I'm home I will put my head on Mom's shoulder and cuddle with her while watching a movie. Sometimes in the morning I'll bring her a hot cup of coffee, put it next to her bed, and jump in with her and her dog. We joke, laugh, cuddle until we have to get up. Is this something I need professional help for, as certain people have had the nerve to tell me? -- AFFECTIONATE IN ALBANY, N.Y.



DEAR AFFECTIONATE: It should be clear to you by now that you are engaged to a man who comes from a family that isn't comfortable with physical demonstrations of affection, and is quick to judge others. Treasure the closeness you have with your mother while you have it because, after she's no longer with you, that special kind of affection will be permanently over.

For your fiance or his family to suggest there's something wrong with cuddling with your mother, or that you need "professional help" because you do it, is both sad and wrong. Many people would find the relationship you share with her to be enviable, and I am one of them

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/2015/10/16/fiance-cant-get-his-arms-around


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On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

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How on earth is it any of his family's business that she cuddles with her mom. RUN! Control freak family not a win!

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Why can't people just be who they are? If it isn't his cup of tea, then fine. Geez.

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Now, it's like everyone else expects everyone to live their lives exactly as they do.

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

Now, it's like everyone else expects everyone to live their lives exactly as they do.


 Because they think their lives are the norm.



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this is just nuts, she has a good relationship with her mom and it is between them. not up to him or his family

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I'll bet the responses would be different if he had this type of relationship with his mom. He'd be called a mama's boy--or worse.

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On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

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huskerbb wrote:

I'll bet the responses would be different if he had this type of relationship with his mom. He'd be called a mama's boy--or worse.


 Yes, they probably would be - but who cares?  Gender differences are real.  People need to get over that and deal with reality. 



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Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:

I'll bet the responses would be different if he had this type of relationship with his mom. He'd be called a mama's boy--or worse.


 Yes, they probably would be - but who cares?  Gender differences are real.  People need to get over that and deal with reality. 


 Because it's BS that a man can't have that type of relationship without ridicule.



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huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:

I'll bet the responses would be different if he had this type of relationship with his mom. He'd be called a mama's boy--or worse.


 Yes, they probably would be - but who cares?  Gender differences are real.  People need to get over that and deal with reality. 


 Because it's BS that a man can't have that type of relationship without ridicule.


 Oh boohoo.  People would look crosswise if a grown woman was cuddling up to her daddy like that, too.



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Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:

I'll bet the responses would be different if he had this type of relationship with his mom. He'd be called a mama's boy--or worse.


 Yes, they probably would be - but who cares?  Gender differences are real.  People need to get over that and deal with reality. 


 Because it's BS that a man can't have that type of relationship without ridicule.


 Oh boohoo.  People would look crosswise if a grown woman was cuddling up to her daddy like that, too.


 But a man can't do that with either parent without ridicule.



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On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

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huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:

I'll bet the responses would be different if he had this type of relationship with his mom. He'd be called a mama's boy--or worse.


 Yes, they probably would be - but who cares?  Gender differences are real.  People need to get over that and deal with reality. 


 Because it's BS that a man can't have that type of relationship without ridicule.


 Oh boohoo.  People would look crosswise if a grown woman was cuddling up to her daddy like that, too.


 But a man can't do that with either parent without ridicule.


 As I said, boohoo.



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This needs a direct question .... "are you going to be able to deal with this?"

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huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:

I'll bet the responses would be different if he had this type of relationship with his mom. He'd be called a mama's boy--or worse.


 Yes, they probably would be - but who cares?  Gender differences are real.  People need to get over that and deal with reality. 


 Because it's BS that a man can't have that type of relationship without ridicule.


 Oh boohoo.  People would look crosswise if a grown woman was cuddling up to her daddy like that, too.


 But a man can't do that with either parent without ridicule.


 The negatives come along with the positives whether you're a man or woman. Gender roles are a fact of life. Don't like it? Do something to change it because I'm pretty sure you'd be the first one to use the mamas boy insult.



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On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

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Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:

I'll bet the responses would be different if he had this type of relationship with his mom. He'd be called a mama's boy--or worse.


 Yes, they probably would be - but who cares?  Gender differences are real.  People need to get over that and deal with reality. 


 Because it's BS that a man can't have that type of relationship without ridicule.


 Oh boohoo.  People would look crosswise if a grown woman was cuddling up to her daddy like that, too.


 But a man can't do that with either parent without ridicule.


 The negatives come along with the positives whether you're a man or woman. Gender roles are a fact of life. Don't like it? Do something to change it because I'm pretty sure you'd be the first one to use the mamas boy insult.


 Right?  LOL.



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Tignanello wrote:

This needs a direct question .... "are you going to be able to deal with this?"


 I agree.  Especially if they plan on having kids.  I am sure she is going to want to raise them to be snuggly & he may have a problem with it.



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I would be--but it's no better than a mama's girl.

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huskerbb wrote:

I would be--but it's no better than a mama's girl.


 What does this even mean?



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huskerbb wrote:

I would be--but it's no better than a mama's girl.


 Disagree completely.  Women are the nurturers and men are the protectors - that's the way it should be.  In my world, anyway - that's how I want it and like it. 

You can keep your mamby-pamby men and let them get sexbots. 



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Oh BS. Women can form just as unhealthy of attachments with a parent as men can.

 

heck, we see it all the time.  The wife who runs to her mother and blabs everything about her marriage--and then cant understand why her mom doesn't have warm fuzzies about her husband.



-- Edited by huskerbb on Friday 16th of October 2015 12:12:12 PM

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On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

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huskerbb wrote:

Oh BS. Women can form just as unhealthy of attachments with a parent as men can.


 They can.  But what is described in the OP is not unhealthy or strange.



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I think it is sweet that she still cuddles with her mom. Her groom to be needs to open his eyes and realize not all families are like his.

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Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:

Oh BS. Women can form just as unhealthy of attachments with a parent as men can.


 They can.  But what is described in the OP is not unhealthy or strange.


 Yeah, it is.  I know hundreds of adult women and none of them do this.  If it weren't strange, you'd think at least 1% of any sample would do it.



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Your argument was about how men would be ridiculed. Does your argument change when you're stumped for an answer?

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I would get a little squicked out if she was doing this with her dad or brother. I don't find it weird that she is like this with her mom. It's actually very sweet.

They aren't showering together or anything? I don't get it?

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huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:

Oh BS. Women can form just as unhealthy of attachments with a parent as men can.


 They can.  But what is described in the OP is not unhealthy or strange.


 Yeah, it is.  I know hundreds of adult women and none of them do this.  If it weren't strange, you'd think at least 1% of any sample would do it.


I don't with my mother, but I do with DD and DSD.  It's fun to climb into bed and cuddle and watch a movie....or just talk. 



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huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:

Oh BS. Women can form just as unhealthy of attachments with a parent as men can.


 They can.  But what is described in the OP is not unhealthy or strange.


 Yeah, it is.  I know hundreds of adult women and none of them do this.  If it weren't strange, you'd think at least 1% of any sample would do it.


 How do you know?  Are you with them and their mothers every time they are together?



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Ohfour wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:

Oh BS. Women can form just as unhealthy of attachments with a parent as men can.


 They can.  But what is described in the OP is not unhealthy or strange.


 Yeah, it is.  I know hundreds of adult women and none of them do this.  If it weren't strange, you'd think at least 1% of any sample would do it.


 How do you know?  Are you with them and their mothers every time they are together?


 not every time, but it would be pretty obvious after a few times.



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huskerbb wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:

Oh BS. Women can form just as unhealthy of attachments with a parent as men can.


 They can.  But what is described in the OP is not unhealthy or strange.


 Yeah, it is.  I know hundreds of adult women and none of them do this.  If it weren't strange, you'd think at least 1% of any sample would do it.


 How do you know?  Are you with them and their mothers every time they are together?


 not every time, but it would be pretty obvious after a few times.


Really?  No one outside my family knows that the girls and I have "slumber parties" or what happens when we do.  We're not doing this in public... 



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On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

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Empyreal wrote:

I would get a little squicked out if she was doing this with her dad or brother. I don't find it weird that she is like this with her mom. It's actually very sweet.

They aren't showering together or anything? I don't get it?


 Exactly.  My mom and I often lay in bed and talk or watch a movie together.  That's just not wierd.  It's certainly not something I tell every rumdumb I know, though, as it wouldn't even occur to me to be something to talk about.  You know? 



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huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:

Oh BS. Women can form just as unhealthy of attachments with a parent as men can.


 They can.  But what is described in the OP is not unhealthy or strange.


 Yeah, it is.  I know hundreds of adult women and none of them do this.  If it weren't strange, you'd think at least 1% of any sample would do it.


Husker, I suspect that (this time, on this subject) you are clueless. 

 



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ed11563 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:

Oh BS. Women can form just as unhealthy of attachments with a parent as men can.


 They can.  But what is described in the OP is not unhealthy or strange.


 Yeah, it is.  I know hundreds of adult women and none of them do this.  If it weren't strange, you'd think at least 1% of any sample would do it.


Husker, I suspect that (this time, on this subject) you are clueless. 

 


 No.  It's weird.



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On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

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Yep. He's clueless.

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Lawyerlady wrote:

huskerbb wrote:

I'll bet the responses would be different if he had this type of relationship with his mom. He'd be called a mama's boy--or worse.


 Yes, they probably would be - but who cares?  Gender differences are real.  People need to get over that and deal with reality. 






Yes!

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So she's selfish for not wanting to breathe their smoke and get sick but they are not selfish for subjecting her to their second-hand smoke for one day? Your logic is messed up. I think you must know only the bitchiest women out there to have the beliefs and attitudes that you have for women.

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Tinydancer wrote:

So she's selfish for not wanting to breathe their smoke and get sick but they are not selfish for subjecting her to their second-hand smoke for one day? Your logic is messed up. I think you must know only the bitchiest women out there to have the beliefs and attitudes that you have for women.


 WRong thread.



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Lawyerlady wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:

So she's selfish for not wanting to breathe their smoke and get sick but they are not selfish for subjecting her to their second-hand smoke for one day? Your logic is messed up. I think you must know only the bitchiest women out there to have the beliefs and attitudes that you have for women.


 WRong thread.


 Ooops!



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I got confused as he's wrong on both threads...lol

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On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

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Tinydancer wrote:

I got confused as he's wrong on both threads...lol


 He's usually wrong these days.  He used to be so much better.  Don't know what happened.  He's slipping.



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I guess my kids and I are weird and strange.

They each come to my room and pile up on my bed to talk to me, show me things or just be near.

I'm 45 and have no issues with doing the same with my parents.

Perhaps it is strange or weird to some because they either have a dirty mind or they are envious.

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On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

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I think it's a woman thing, and men are not in on it.

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Tinydancer wrote:

So she's selfish for not wanting to breathe their smoke and get sick but they are not selfish for subjecting her to their second-hand smoke for one day? Your logic is messed up. I think you must know only the bitchiest women out there to have the beliefs and attitudes that you have for women.


 Yes, she is selfish.  Expecting the many to change for the one is the definition of the term.



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lilyofcourse wrote:

I guess my kids and I are weird and strange.

They each come to my room and pile up on my bed to talk to me, show me things or just be near.

I'm 45 and have no issues with doing the same with my parents.

Perhaps it is strange or weird to some because they either have a dirty mind or they are envious.


 Kids living at home is different than adult children snuggling with their elderly parents.  



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My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

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So I shouldn't sit on the couch with my mom or mawmaw and hug up on them?

And for sure not my dad.

Oh well.




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lilyofcourse wrote:

So I shouldn't sit on the couch with my mom or mawmaw and hug up on them?

And for sure not my dad.

Oh well.



 That's not what is described in the letter.



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You know some weird people, Husk. Its like a geographical oddity...

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On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

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You know - the problem might be Husker's definition of "cuddle".

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How much second-hand smoke does it take to cause a 1 mm lung tumor? Or an asthma attack?

 



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On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

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Wrong thread!

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Hahahahaha!!!!!!

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