TOTALLY GEEKED!

Mary Zombie · Guru

RE: Dear Abby: Battlling over Thanksgiving

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

If this was the sons idea the son should have told his mother.

Ohfour · Hooker

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
FNW wrote:
More often than not, the DIL takes the brunt of the problems. The blame. DS used to spend the holidays with mommy dearest until "she" came along. A daughter is a daughter for life, a son is a son until he takes a wife.
And this is just wrong. Sorry. You shouldn't lose your son just because he gets married.

She's not losing a son. She's sharing him. With his wife's family. That's how marriage works.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

I bet the son doesn't care where he has Thanksgiving. Either way he gets turkey & football. It is easier to go with the wife's plan than go against her since he has to live with her. He probably said something like ok but you get to tell my mother.

FNW · Guru

MIL will only lose her son if she pits herself against his wife.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Turning a holiday into a battleground would not be my approach. She has cooked for 44yrs. Let someone else step up now.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

No one should "lose" their son when they get married. The saying a son is a son till he takes a wife but a daughter's a daughter all of your life is stupid. You should NOT lose your son just because they get married. And if you only have son's then you should give them up when they get married? Sit alone on the holidays?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

No, go to the DIL's house. Problem solved.

Ohfour · Hooker

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
No one should "lose" their son when they get married. The saying a son is a son till he takes a wife but a daughter's a daughter all of your life is stupid. You should NOT lose your son just because they get married. And if you only have son's then you should give them up when they get married? Sit alone on the holidays?

No, you SHARE holidays with his wife's family. She does NOT get to dictate who cooks Thanksgiving. If his wife wants to cook, she should be able to. She does not have to cater to the demands of her MIL.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
No, go to the DIL's house. Problem solved.

THIS!!!!!!

Riding · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
I think you're projecting your own feelings onto this situation just like ed see's sex predators everywhere.

And I remember how damn butthurt you were and how you cried to the board all the times your daughter spent time exclusively with her in-laws and not you.
I agree.
Have TWO Thanksgivings...How hard is that?
flan

I agree with Flan....no holiday has to only be celebrated on the date the calendar says. We will, as usual, do our Thanksgiving on Friday. and if it is just DH and I on Thursday, no worries, we can eat whatever we want, and it will still be our Thanksgiving the day after. I just do not get all the uproar. Some years we can all get together on Thursday and one year we had a turkey meal both days ! We love turkey and eventually all kids were with us sometime during our 2 day Thanksgiving and they all pitched in preparing and providing, it was a blast!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I think you do have to recognize that sons generally are going to lean in more towards their wife's family if they wives are close to their own parents.

Riding · Guru

I have 3 sons, and I hope that I don't *lose* them to a wife, but...as Czech one never knows the future. the women they are with arewho they will most likely marry all get along great with us...now....but I am aware things change.

I am pretty laid back, but also am not a push over, I will just hope the open communication we have now continues and if it doesn't, then I suppose we will deal with the issues at that time.

Lindley · Guru

I think people makes holidays more difficult then they need to be. Nothing wrong in taking turns. My dd and her family spends Christmas one year with her inlaws and the next with us. Same as my son and dil. There is no pressure from either side of the family.

When we were younger and both sets of parents were still living, we always spend holidays with my in laws since we lived in the same town and state. One year I decided that I wanted to start spending Thanksgiving with my parents and started doing just that. No one complained about it. My mil understood my feelings.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Turning a holiday into a battleground would not be my approach. She has cooked for 44yrs. Let someone else step up now.

She still has other kids. They may very well be planning to go to Mom's.

This goes back to what I said on page one. MIL declines DIL's invitation and extends her own. If they choose not to come, that is on them. MIL doesn't have to go to DIL's any more than some of you think DIL doesn't have to go to MIL's.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Nobody said she had to go. If she wants to stay home, then stay home. If she has over people over fine. Then what's the problem?

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Nobody said she had to go. If she wants to stay home, then stay home. If she has over people over fine. Then what's the problem?

Apparently, wanting to cook Thanksgiving and have people over to her home makes her a control freak.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Nobody said she had to go. If she wants to stay home, then stay home. If she has over people over fine. Then what's the problem?
Apparently, wanting to cook Thanksgiving and have people over to her home makes her a control freak.

DEMANDING that they not spend a holiday with their families is being a control freak...

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Ohfour wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Nobody said she had to go. If she wants to stay home, then stay home. If she has over people over fine. Then what's the problem?
Apparently, wanting to cook Thanksgiving and have people over to her home makes her a control freak.
DEMANDING that they not spend a holiday with their families is being a control freak...

Please show me where that is in the OP anywhere.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

""Two years ago, my daughter-in-law asked to spend Thanksgiving with her parents and sister, and I reluctantly agreed""

Control Freak. She "reluctantly agreed" to "let" DIL spend time with her own family. Uh huh. SHe's a piece of work.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Nobody said she had to go. If she wants to stay home, then stay home. If she has over people over fine. Then what's the problem?
Apparently, wanting to cook Thanksgiving and have people over to her home makes her a control freak.

Then, neither is it a problem for the DIL to want to cook Thanksgiving and have people over at her home.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lawyerlady wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Nobody said she had to go. If she wants to stay home, then stay home. If she has over people over fine. Then what's the problem?
Apparently, wanting to cook Thanksgiving and have people over to her home makes her a control freak.
DEMANDING that they not spend a holiday with their families is being a control freak...
Please show me where that is in the OP anywhere.

Two years ago, my daughter-in-law asked to spend Thanksgiving with her parents and sister, and I reluctantly agreed. Her mom was battling cancer, so I said she could have Thanksgiving with her parents.

She reluctantly agreed and gave permission for DIL to spend Thanksgiving with her cancer ridden mother! What a foul effin wench.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Throw some pee at her!

Ohfour · Hooker

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
""Two years ago, my daughter-in-law asked to spend Thanksgiving with her parents and sister, and I reluctantly agreed""

Control Freak. She "reluctantly agreed" to "let" DIL spend time with her own family. Uh huh. SHe's a piece of work.

Whose mother was battling CANCER! Oh the horror!!!!!!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

What a selfish beitch to screw up her Thanksgiving dinner plans! Ack!

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
""Two years ago, my daughter-in-law asked to spend Thanksgiving with her parents and sister, and I reluctantly agreed""

Control Freak. She "reluctantly agreed" to "let" DIL spend time with her own family. Uh huh. SHe's a piece of work.

When it has been the status quo that everyone comes to her house for Thanksgiving and goes elsewhere for other holidays, then yes, she had to give up having her son there for that holiday.

However - she goes on to say - "I sent her an email back saying I would like to have Thanksgiving at my house and she and her parents were invited."

That's not demanding she not spend Thanksgiving with her family.

Ohfour · Hooker

Her mom was battling cancer, so I said she could have Thanksgiving with her parents.

MIL SAID DIL could have Thanksgiving with her parents. Well ain't she just special. THIS would have made me hate that woman.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
""Two years ago, my daughter-in-law asked to spend Thanksgiving with her parents and sister, and I reluctantly agreed""

Control Freak. She "reluctantly agreed" to "let" DIL spend time with her own family. Uh huh. SHe's a piece of work.
When it has been the status quo that everyone comes to her house for Thanksgiving and goes elsewhere for other holidays, then yes, she had to give up having her son there for that holiday.

However - she goes on to say - "I sent her an email back saying I would like to have Thanksgiving at my house and she and her parents were invited."
That's not demanding she not spend Thanksgiving with her family.

Maybe she wants to spend Thanksgiving with her grandparents and brothers and sisters. THEY weren't invited...

-- Edited by Ohfour on Tuesday 20th of October 2015 02:06:37 PM

Ohfour · Hooker

Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
""Two years ago, my daughter-in-law asked to spend Thanksgiving with her parents and sister, and I reluctantly agreed""

Control Freak. She "reluctantly agreed" to "let" DIL spend time with her own family. Uh huh. SHe's a piece of work.
When it has been the status quo that everyone comes to her house for Thanksgiving and goes elsewhere for other holidays, then yes, she had to give up having her son there for that holiday.

However - she goes on to say - "I sent her an email back saying I would like to have Thanksgiving at my house and she and her parents were invited."
That's not demanding she not spend Thanksgiving with her family.

She does not say she invited the sister...

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Ohfour wrote:
Her mom was battling cancer, so I said she could have Thanksgiving with her parents.

MIL SAID DIL could have Thanksgiving with her parents. Well ain't she just special. THIS would have made me hate that woman.

Seriously? This reads as nothing more than they already had the plans for Thanksgiving and DIL wanted to back out so she let her without throwing a fit. You are reading way too much evil intent into a simple practical matter.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Ohfour wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
""Two years ago, my daughter-in-law asked to spend Thanksgiving with her parents and sister, and I reluctantly agreed""

Control Freak. She "reluctantly agreed" to "let" DIL spend time with her own family. Uh huh. SHe's a piece of work.
When it has been the status quo that everyone comes to her house for Thanksgiving and goes elsewhere for other holidays, then yes, she had to give up having her son there for that holiday.

However - she goes on to say - "I sent her an email back saying I would like to have Thanksgiving at my house and she and her parents were invited."
That's not demanding she not spend Thanksgiving with her family.
She does not say she invited the sister...

Neither does it say DIL invited her husband's siblings.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lawyerlady wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Her mom was battling cancer, so I said she could have Thanksgiving with her parents.

MIL SAID DIL could have Thanksgiving with her parents. Well ain't she just special. THIS would have made me hate that woman.
Seriously? This reads as nothing more than they already had the plans for Thanksgiving and DIL wanted to back out so she let her without throwing a fit. You are reading way too much evil intent into a simple practical matter.

Yep,

If I had to ask permission from my MIL to spend Thanksgiving with my mother who has freakin CANCER, that relationship would be over. In a heartbeat...

Ohfour · Hooker

Lawyerlady wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
""Two years ago, my daughter-in-law asked to spend Thanksgiving with her parents and sister, and I reluctantly agreed""

Control Freak. She "reluctantly agreed" to "let" DIL spend time with her own family. Uh huh. SHe's a piece of work.
When it has been the status quo that everyone comes to her house for Thanksgiving and goes elsewhere for other holidays, then yes, she had to give up having her son there for that holiday.

However - she goes on to say - "I sent her an email back saying I would like to have Thanksgiving at my house and she and her parents were invited."
That's not demanding she not spend Thanksgiving with her family.
She does not say she invited the sister...
Neither does it say DIL invited her husband's siblings.

I'm assuming she didn't. It's her family Thanksgiving. She doesn't have to invite his whole family...

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Ohfour wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
""Two years ago, my daughter-in-law asked to spend Thanksgiving with her parents and sister, and I reluctantly agreed""

Control Freak. She "reluctantly agreed" to "let" DIL spend time with her own family. Uh huh. SHe's a piece of work.
When it has been the status quo that everyone comes to her house for Thanksgiving and goes elsewhere for other holidays, then yes, she had to give up having her son there for that holiday.

However - she goes on to say - "I sent her an email back saying I would like to have Thanksgiving at my house and she and her parents were invited."
That's not demanding she not spend Thanksgiving with her family.
She does not say she invited the sister...
Neither does it say DIL invited her husband's siblings.
I'm assuming she didn't. It's her family Thanksgiving. She doesn't have to invite his whole family...

And there you go. HER.

There's a whole lot of selfish going on.

msrock · Guru

You know what? When my mom was battling cancer, I spent Thanksgiving with my mom. My SO went to his mom's. Is it possible to go their separate ways on the actual day and have Thanksgiving together as a family another day? Ugh. I do think the MIL is acting unreasonably. It's not all about you and what you want anymore. You have extended family now. Get over it.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lawyerlady wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
""Two years ago, my daughter-in-law asked to spend Thanksgiving with her parents and sister, and I reluctantly agreed""

Control Freak. She "reluctantly agreed" to "let" DIL spend time with her own family. Uh huh. SHe's a piece of work.
When it has been the status quo that everyone comes to her house for Thanksgiving and goes elsewhere for other holidays, then yes, she had to give up having her son there for that holiday.

However - she goes on to say - "I sent her an email back saying I would like to have Thanksgiving at my house and she and her parents were invited."
That's not demanding she not spend Thanksgiving with her family.
She does not say she invited the sister...
Neither does it say DIL invited her husband's siblings.
I'm assuming she didn't. It's her family Thanksgiving. She doesn't have to invite his whole family...
And there you go. HER.
There's a whole lot of selfish going on.

She has every right to establish traditions just like MIL did. The kids are grown. MIL need to get over it.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

IMHO, a holiday meal is not a hill to die on, for either the MIL or the DIL.

Traditions change all the time. This is just one more change in life.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

It's quite easy to tell other people what they need to "get over". But no one has that right. They are both being difficult, but the respect should run to the elder.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lawyerlady wrote:
It's quite easy to tell other people what they need to "get over". But no one has that right. They are both being difficult, but the respect should run to the elder.

Yes, respect to the elder battling cancer...

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Ohfour wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
It's quite easy to tell other people what they need to "get over". But no one has that right. They are both being difficult, but the respect should run to the elder.
Yes, respect to the elder battling cancer...

That's not the issue now.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lawyerlady wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
It's quite easy to tell other people what they need to "get over". But no one has that right. They are both being difficult, but the respect should run to the elder.
Yes, respect to the elder battling cancer...
That's not the issue now.

You don't know that.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Ohfour wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
It's quite easy to tell other people what they need to "get over". But no one has that right. They are both being difficult, but the respect should run to the elder.
Yes, respect to the elder battling cancer...
That's not the issue now.
You don't know that.

That would be a pretty important point.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lawyerlady wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
It's quite easy to tell other people what they need to "get over". But no one has that right. They are both being difficult, but the respect should run to the elder.
Yes, respect to the elder battling cancer...
That's not the issue now.
You don't know that.
That would be a pretty important point.

I don't think it would be in her eyes...I mean geez, she "reluctantly agreed" to let DIL spend Thanksgiving with her mother that was battling cancer. I mean, that was two YEARS ago. She does not get to pull that card again!

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

This is the thread that never ends...it just goes on and on my friends...

flan

msrock · Guru

Some mothers are significantly older than their partner's mother may be. We don't know the ages of these 2 women either and that may play into why the DIL would like to spend the holiday with her family. Maybe her mother isn't able to cook Thanksgiving anymore and she would like to have her at her home where mother may feel more comfortable and at home than she would at her son in-laws, perhaps surrounded by people she doesn't really know. Maybe she has an embarrassing medical issue. We just don't know, but DIL's intentions may not be selfish or evil.

-- Edited by msrock on Tuesday 20th of October 2015 02:41:25 PM

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

msrock wrote:
Some mothers are significantly older than their partner's mother may be. We don't know the ages of these 2 women either and that may play into why the DIL would like to spend the holiday with her family. Maybe her mother isn't able to cook Thanksgiving anymore and she would like to have her at her home where mother may feel more comfortable and at home than she would at her daughter's in-laws, perhaps surrounded by people she doesn't really know. Maybe she has an embarrassing medical issue. We just don't know, but DIL's intentions may not be selfish or evil.

Then it could have been DISCUSSED.

Ohfour · Hooker

So, let's be the DIL.

Two years ago she had to ASK PERMISSION from her MIL to spend Thanksgiving with her mother. MIL wasn't happy about it, but finally agreed.

If YOUR mother was battling cancer, how would you feel having to go to your MIL and ask permission to see your mother on a Family holiday. And her reluctantly agreeing instead of encouraging it?

Again, if she were my MIL, I would never have anything to do with her again. Asking permission to see my sick mother on a holiday from ANYONE would be a deal breaker.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lawyerlady wrote:
msrock wrote:
Some mothers are significantly older than their partner's mother may be. We don't know the ages of these 2 women either and that may play into why the DIL would like to spend the holiday with her family. Maybe her mother isn't able to cook Thanksgiving anymore and she would like to have her at her home where mother may feel more comfortable and at home than she would at her daughter's in-laws, perhaps surrounded by people she doesn't really know. Maybe she has an embarrassing medical issue. We just don't know, but DIL's intentions may not be selfish or evil.
Then it could have been DISCUSSED.

Yeah, she tried that 2 years ago. MIL was NOT happy. You think the outcome would have been any better this year?

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Ohfour wrote:
So, let's be the DIL.

Two years ago she had to ASK PERMISSION from her MIL to spend Thanksgiving with her mother. MIL wasn't happy about it, but finally agreed.

If YOUR mother was battling cancer, how would you feel having to go to your MIL and ask permission to see your mother on a Family holiday. And her reluctantly agreeing instead of encouraging it?

Again, if she were my MIL, I would never have anything to do with her again. Asking permission to see my sick mother on a holiday from ANYONE would be a deal breaker.

Then the thing to do is simply to tell MIL that she is spending Thanksgiving with her parents. Not slap her in the face with a change to MIL's holiday.

msrock · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
msrock wrote:
Some mothers are significantly older than their partner's mother may be. We don't know the ages of these 2 women either and that may play into why the DIL would like to spend the holiday with her family. Maybe her mother isn't able to cook Thanksgiving anymore and she would like to have her at her home where mother may feel more comfortable and at home than she would at her daughter's in-laws, perhaps surrounded by people she doesn't really know. Maybe she has an embarrassing medical issue. We just don't know, but DIL's intentions may not be selfish or evil.
Then it could have been DISCUSSED.

It doesn't sound to me like her MIL is open to discussion regarding Thanksgiving. Sometimes you just have to make a unilateral decision.