TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

RE: Dear Abby: Battlling over Thanksgiving

Mary Zombie · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Nobody said she had to go. If she wants to stay home, then stay home. If she has over people over fine. Then what's the problem?
Apparently, wanting to cook Thanksgiving and have people over to her home makes her a control freak.

No , wanting that isnt controlling but wanting the DIL to not be able to do the same thing IS.

If she had a ....meh whatever it will all work out attitude there would be no issue.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

If my mother was battling cancer I wouldn't be throwing a fit about where my in laws at dinner. The only thing on my mind would be my mom. Not who got to cook the turkey.

FNW · Guru

No one says MIL can't still have Thanksgiving. Son and DIL just won't be there.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

FNW wrote:

No one says MIL can't still have Thanksgiving. Son and DIL just won't be there.

Yes, so what is the problem? Here are the choices:

1. Go to DIL and son's house for Thanksgiving with a good attitude and have fun.
2. Go to DIL and son's house for Thanksgiving with a chip on your shoulder and piss poor attitude and make everyone miserable.
3. Stay home, cook as usual and have other family and friends with a good attitude and have fun.
4. Stay home, cook as usual and have other family and friends with a chip on your shoulder and a piss poor attitude and make everyone miserable.
5. Stay home, don't cook at all and spend the day drinking vodka and watching reruns on Netflix with a good attitude and having fun.
5. Stay home, don't cook at all and spend the day drinking vodka with a chip on your shoulder and piss poor attitude and make yourself miserable.

And, I can think of many other options. It's really up to the LW. biggrin

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

5. Stay home, don't cook at all and spend the day drinking vodka and watching reruns on Netflix with a good attitude and having fun.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

This is my choice! But alas I have to go to my Mom's for dinner.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

If I was MIL I'd be hosting my regular Thanksgiving.

Ohfour · Hooker

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
If I was MIL I'd be hosting my regular Thanksgiving.

No one is asking her to do otherwise...

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

And for all of those who say she's too old to cook DH and I asked his parents if they wanted us to do dinner. My FIL has many health problems and my SMIL has a few too. MIL ADAMANTLY wants to cook every Thanksgiving. That's fine with us. Sometimes we go, most times not. They always tell us they wish we would join them but know our lives are busy.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

If I was MIL I'd be hosting my regular Thanksgiving.

Well, if you included vodka, you might make it through! lol biggrin

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Ohfour wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
If I was MIL I'd be hosting my regular Thanksgiving.
No one is asking her to do otherwise...

But people are saying she's selfish for doing that. I don't think she's anymore selfish than the DIL who wants to have her own dinner. Let DIL do her thing. Let MIL do her thing. Chips fall where they may.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

If I was MIL I'd be hosting my regular Thanksgiving.

Well, if you included vodka, you might make it through! lol

I don't drink vodka.

Ohfour · Hooker

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
If I was MIL I'd be hosting my regular Thanksgiving.
No one is asking her to do otherwise...
But people are saying she's selfish for doing that. I don't think she's anymore selfish than the DIL who wants to have her own dinner. Let DIL do her thing. Let MIL do her thing. Chips fall where they may.

No one has said that. We said she is selfish for expecting everyone to cater to her whims. Her DIL wants to have Thanksgiving with her family. What is so wrong with that?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Xanax maybe? lol

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

I vote vodka and Netflix!
And fun!

huskerbb · Guru

Mary Zombie wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Nobody said she had to go. If she wants to stay home, then stay home. If she has over people over fine. Then what's the problem?
Apparently, wanting to cook Thanksgiving and have people over to her home makes her a control freak.
No , wanting that isnt controlling but wanting the DIL to not be able to do the same thing IS.
If she had a ....meh whatever it will all work out attitude there would be no issue.

Wanting doesn't--deManding does.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Ohfour wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
If I was MIL I'd be hosting my regular Thanksgiving.
No one is asking her to do otherwise...
But people are saying she's selfish for doing that. I don't think she's anymore selfish than the DIL who wants to have her own dinner. Let DIL do her thing. Let MIL do her thing. Chips fall where they may.
No one has said that. We said she is selfish for expecting everyone to cater to her whims. Her DIL wants to have Thanksgiving with her family. What is so wrong with that?

Nothing would be wrong with that if that was all she wanted. That's fine. Go do your thing. But she sent her MIL an email saying she was taking over Thanksgiving from now on. Just as MIL doesn't get to control DIL neither does DIL get to control where, or what, MIL does. MIL was wrong for "allowing" her to spend the holidays with her parents but DIL is just as wrong for announcing to DIL that she is taking over now. Don't you see that? They're BOTH wrong. If the DIL wants to have her dinner, by all means she should, but she doesn't get to dictate to MIL any more than MIL gets to dictate to her. And that was exactly what the email said. It said she would now be taking over. No discussion. Just an announcement that too bad, so sad. Son seems like a loser. They all need to go do their own thing.

Ohfour · Hooker

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
If I was MIL I'd be hosting my regular Thanksgiving.
No one is asking her to do otherwise...
But people are saying she's selfish for doing that. I don't think she's anymore selfish than the DIL who wants to have her own dinner. Let DIL do her thing. Let MIL do her thing. Chips fall where they may.
No one has said that. We said she is selfish for expecting everyone to cater to her whims. Her DIL wants to have Thanksgiving with her family. What is so wrong with that?
Nothing would be wrong with that if that was all she wanted. That's fine. Go do your thing. But she sent her MIL an email saying she was taking over Thanksgiving from now on. Just as MIL doesn't get to control DIL neither does DIL get to control where, or what, MIL does. MIL was wrong for "allowing" her to spend the holidays with her parents but DIL is just as wrong for announcing to DIL that she is taking over now. Don't you see that? They're BOTH wrong. If the DIL wants to have her dinner, by all means she should, but she doesn't get to dictate to MIL any more than MIL gets to dictate to her. And that was exactly what the email said. It said she would now be taking over. No discussion. Just an announcement that too bad, so sad. Son seems like a loser. They all need to go do their own thing.

No she most certainly did NOT. She said She was going to cook for her family this year.

This year I received an email that SHE will be hosting it at her house with her parents and hoped we would come!

She never said that she was taking over. Did you even read the same OP????

-- Edited by Ohfour on Tuesday 20th of October 2015 04:07:36 PM

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Everyone can do what the hell they please. This year i am cooking. Whoever wants to come can come or not. Geez.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Ohfour wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
If I was MIL I'd be hosting my regular Thanksgiving.
No one is asking her to do otherwise...
But people are saying she's selfish for doing that. I don't think she's anymore selfish than the DIL who wants to have her own dinner. Let DIL do her thing. Let MIL do her thing. Chips fall where they may.
No one has said that. We said she is selfish for expecting everyone to cater to her whims. Her DIL wants to have Thanksgiving with her family. What is so wrong with that?

Because Thanksgiving is the ONLY holiday MIL gets. That's it. And now she will have none and DIL will have them all to do as she pleases.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Ohfour wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
If I was MIL I'd be hosting my regular Thanksgiving.
No one is asking her to do otherwise...
But people are saying she's selfish for doing that. I don't think she's anymore selfish than the DIL who wants to have her own dinner. Let DIL do her thing. Let MIL do her thing. Chips fall where they may.
No one has said that. We said she is selfish for expecting everyone to cater to her whims. Her DIL wants to have Thanksgiving with her family. What is so wrong with that?
Nothing would be wrong with that if that was all she wanted. That's fine. Go do your thing. But she sent her MIL an email saying she was taking over Thanksgiving from now on. Just as MIL doesn't get to control DIL neither does DIL get to control where, or what, MIL does. MIL was wrong for "allowing" her to spend the holidays with her parents but DIL is just as wrong for announcing to DIL that she is taking over now. Don't you see that? They're BOTH wrong. If the DIL wants to have her dinner, by all means she should, but she doesn't get to dictate to MIL any more than MIL gets to dictate to her. And that was exactly what the email said. It said she would now be taking over. No discussion. Just an announcement that too bad, so sad. Son seems like a loser. They all need to go do their own thing.
No she most certainly did NOT. She said She was going to cook for her family this year.
This year I received an email that SHE will be hosting it at her house with her parents and hoped we would come!
She never said that she was taking over. Did you even read the same OP????

-- Edited by Ohfour on Tuesday 20th of October 2015 04:07:36 PM

Actually yes. I am quite capable of reading. The DIL said she will be hosting it at her house this year. I do believe when you announce to some, NOT ask or discuss, that you are hosting, pretty sure that means you're going to be doing Thanksgiving this year.

Ohfour · Hooker

That's not even remotely what you said. You said that she said:

But she sent her MIL an email saying she was taking over Thanksgiving from now on.

Where did she even imply that?

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

So you really think that the DIL is going to graciously "give back" Thanksgiving after this year? LMAO Love to see that. This is just the beginning of a long battle between them.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
So you really think that the DIL is going to graciously "give back" Thanksgiving after this year? LMAO Love to see that. This is just the beginning of a long battle between them.

Yep.

Ohfour · Hooker

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
So you really think that the DIL is going to graciously "give back" Thanksgiving after this year? LMAO Love to see that. This is just the beginning of a long battle between them.

I don't think anything. I'm not the one making false quotes...

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Ohfour wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
So you really think that the DIL is going to graciously "give back" Thanksgiving after this year? LMAO Love to see that. This is just the beginning of a long battle between them.
I don't think anything. I'm not the one making false quotes...

Oh good lord.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lawyerlady wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
So you really think that the DIL is going to graciously "give back" Thanksgiving after this year? LMAO Love to see that. This is just the beginning of a long battle between them.
Yep.

I hope she DOESN'T "give it back". It's time for her to make her own traditions with her kids.

Ohfour · Hooker

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
So you really think that the DIL is going to graciously "give back" Thanksgiving after this year? LMAO Love to see that. This is just the beginning of a long battle between them.
I don't think anything. I'm not the one making false quotes...
Oh good lord.

Well, you did.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Ohfour wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
So you really think that the DIL is going to graciously "give back" Thanksgiving after this year? LMAO Love to see that. This is just the beginning of a long battle between them.
Yep.
I hope she DOESN'T "give it back". It's time for her to make her own traditions with her kids.

What kids? No kids mentioned at all.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

This whole thread has gotten so dramatic. The MIL was wrong for "allowing" her DIL to have Thanksgiving at her house. The DIL was wrong for making unilateral plans on her own. Let the two women duke it out in Jello. I don't really give a crap. I do know this. This is a damn stupid reason for the DIL to lose her relationship with her MIL over. And that's what will ultimately happen. Maybe she doesn't give a crap about the relationship. And that's fine. But if they have kids she should.

I'm a big girl and learned a way to work it out with my IL's. I really honestly don't see why everyone see's the DIL as some caped crusader riding the hills for all the downtrodden DIL's of the world. She's starting WW3 and the price she pays in the long run won't be worth it. I promise you that. The DIL needed to grow up and just talk to the MIL. If she doesn't want to go then don't fvcking go but you don't handle it the way she did. She could have called the MIL and said, "I know you really look forward to having Thanksgiving at your house but my parents will be here and we're going to spend it with them. I'm sorry if this disappoints you. Maybe we can stop by later in the evening or the next day."

Can people really not act like adults these days?

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
If I was MIL I'd be hosting my regular Thanksgiving.
No one is asking her to do otherwise...
But people are saying she's selfish for doing that. I don't think she's anymore selfish than the DIL who wants to have her own dinner. Let DIL do her thing. Let MIL do her thing. Chips fall where they may.
No one has said that. We said she is selfish for expecting everyone to cater to her whims. Her DIL wants to have Thanksgiving with her family. What is so wrong with that?
Because Thanksgiving is the ONLY holiday MIL gets. That's it. And now she will have none and DIL will have them all to do as she pleases.

We don't know that at all. we know it's the only one she wants, we don't know how the rest of the family will treat other holidays.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lawyerlady wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
So you really think that the DIL is going to graciously "give back" Thanksgiving after this year? LMAO Love to see that. This is just the beginning of a long battle between them.
Yep.
I hope she DOESN'T "give it back". It's time for her to make her own traditions with her kids.
What kids? No kids mentioned at all.

Reading comprehension but be at a minimum today...

Frankly, I don't want to go to her house, but I don't want to alienate my son and two grandkids.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
If I was MIL I'd be hosting my regular Thanksgiving.
No one is asking her to do otherwise...
But people are saying she's selfish for doing that. I don't think she's anymore selfish than the DIL who wants to have her own dinner. Let DIL do her thing. Let MIL do her thing. Chips fall where they may.
No one has said that. We said she is selfish for expecting everyone to cater to her whims. Her DIL wants to have Thanksgiving with her family. What is so wrong with that?
Because Thanksgiving is the ONLY holiday MIL gets. That's it. And now she will have none and DIL will have them all to do as she pleases.
We don't know that at all. we know it's the only one she wants, we don't know how the rest of the family will treat other holidays.

Yes, we do. She already said she gave up the other holidays.

Perhaps she should repay DIL in kind and tell her she's hosting Christmas this year.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

So go ahead. But, you are kind of missing the point LL. There is a time to pass the baton. This is her time. She can be gracious about it or not. It's her choice.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
So go ahead. But, you are kind of missing the point LL. There is a time to pass the baton. This is her time. She can be gracious about it or not. It's her choice.

No, I'm really not. Why does one person get to unilaterally decide when a baton gets passed? DIL doesn't get to decide that for an entire family. That is the issue.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
So go ahead. But, you are kind of missing the point LL. There is a time to pass the baton. This is her time. She can be gracious about it or not. It's her choice.
No, I'm really not. Why does one person get to unilaterally decide when a baton gets passed? DIL doesn't get to decide that for an entire family. That is the issue.

She's not. She's hosting her family. MIL can still have the rest of them at her house. DIL can come every other year. It's a very simple solution.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Ohfour wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
So go ahead. But, you are kind of missing the point LL. There is a time to pass the baton. This is her time. She can be gracious about it or not. It's her choice.
No, I'm really not. Why does one person get to unilaterally decide when a baton gets passed? DIL doesn't get to decide that for an entire family. That is the issue.
She's not. She's hosting her family. MIL can still have the rest of them at her house. DIL can come every other year. It's a very simple solution.

Then why did DIL think MIL would come to her house?

Ohfour · Hooker

Lawyerlady wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
So go ahead. But, you are kind of missing the point LL. There is a time to pass the baton. This is her time. She can be gracious about it or not. It's her choice.
No, I'm really not. Why does one person get to unilaterally decide when a baton gets passed? DIL doesn't get to decide that for an entire family. That is the issue.
She's not. She's hosting her family. MIL can still have the rest of them at her house. DIL can come every other year. It's a very simple solution.
Then why did DIL think MIL would come to her house?

She probably didn't. She invited her. I've invited people to things that I KNOW they won't come to. But I still extended the invite so they wouldn't come back and say they were forgotten.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I have been inviting my sister in law for the last 20+ yrs. She will never bother to drive to our home. She has "panic attacks" and can't leave town though she seems to do fine with friends, blah, blah. She can come or not come. But, then she complains that she has nowhere to go, blah blah and that nobody loves her, etc. I have already extended the invitation this year. And, yes, we spent years going to Dh's parents which is in her neighborhood and have even gone to her house. But she can't be bothered to put her arse in the car to come up here. The road runs two ways.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I have been inviting my sister in law for the last 20+ yrs. She will never bother to drive to our home. She has "panic attacks" and can't leave town though she seems to do fine with friends, blah, blah. She can come or not come. But, then she complains that she has nowhere to go, blah blah and that nobody loves her, etc. I have already extended the invitation this year. And, yes, we spent years going to Dh's parents which is in her neighborhood and have even gone to her house. But she can't be bothered to put her arse in the car to come up here. The road runs two ways.

But we don't know that the MIL doesn't go to the other children's houses on other holidays.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Then just cook Thanksgiving and have the other family and celebrate without them. Is this really that HARD needing 6 pages worth! Lol

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dh's brother goes to his wife's family's home. We celebrate with just us. My sis lives several states away so I don't get to see. All these people bellyaching about family. Wow.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Then just cook Thanksgiving and have the other family and celebrate without them. Is this really that HARD needing 6 pages worth! Lol

Not for me. I'd do my own thing. I do now. But I wouldn't piss my MIL off by doing it.

chef · Guru

Reading this thread has made me very grateful for my family. My in-laws want holiday celebrations to be ON the holiday. My family doesn't care what day the celebration is on. It makes it so easy for us because we don't have to choose one family over the other and both families get it their way.

Re the expression "a son is a son until he gets a wife" ... My son will always be my son. My future DIL will be invited to our family holiday celebrations and I hope we'd be invited to hers. Ideally, I would love to have a DIL who wants to work WITH me on the meals but, hey, if she wants to do all the cooking, let us when to show up. My son won't have to choose whether to spend a holiday with his in-laws or us because we're cool with celebrating holidays whenever. But, I have a couple decades (at least, I hope) before having to worry about such things.

Mary Zombie · Guru

Odds are pretty good that there will be plenty
Of other people at MIL's house. If that is the case I think she is making way too much of this.
Even my controlling parents were ok the couple times I spent TG with someone else.
If they could deal anyone can do it lol.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
So go ahead. But, you are kind of missing the point LL. There is a time to pass the baton. This is her time. She can be gracious about it or not. It's her choice.
No, I'm really not. Why does one person get to unilaterally decide when a baton gets passed? DIL doesn't get to decide that for an entire family. That is the issue.

No one gets to unilaterally decide who has the baton--EVER.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
If I was MIL I'd be hosting my regular Thanksgiving.
No one is asking her to do otherwise...
But people are saying she's selfish for doing that. I don't think she's anymore selfish than the DIL who wants to have her own dinner. Let DIL do her thing. Let MIL do her thing. Chips fall where they may.
No one has said that. We said she is selfish for expecting everyone to cater to her whims. Her DIL wants to have Thanksgiving with her family. What is so wrong with that?
Because Thanksgiving is the ONLY holiday MIL gets. That's it. And now she will have none and DIL will have them all to do as she pleases.
We don't know that at all. we know it's the only one she wants, we don't know how the rest of the family will treat other holidays.
Yes, we do. She already said she gave up the other holidays.
Perhaps she should repay DIL in kind and tell her she's hosting Christmas this year.

Yeah--she unilaterally decided that, as well. It's BS. She doesn't get to make those decisions for everyone.

She can tell people she's hosting whatever she wants to--that doesn't mean anyone has to come. From the sounds of the letter, I'm betting there are good reasons why this DIL wants to forego this--and I don't doubt that other in-laws will now grow a spine and tell her to proverbially fvck off, too.

Using HER OWN WORDS she's the perfect example of why so many mothers-in-law have a bad name.

-- Edited by huskerbb on Tuesday 20th of October 2015 10:59:02 PM

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Why is the spacing screwed up on the last page?

flan