TOTALLY GEEKED!

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

RE: He Wants Us to Cut Her Off.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Books and supplies at $1800. And $930 of other " fees".

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Yeah we are visiting a branch campus on Thurs. We have already done other visits.

NAOW · Vette's SS

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Room and Board for a year at Penn State is over $10k. Not including tuition. Guess u guys have some cheap ass schools there!

Hahahaha! Black Hills State is like $8k total. At least for in state tuition.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
ed11563 wrote:

He grew up with her living in the house, almost as his sister.

But it's not his sister. She isn't their daughter.
Family is what you make it. They treat her as a daughter and they don't have to stop because the son wants them to.
Maybe not--but to expect that he never get another girlfriend and never bring her home is beyond unreasonable.
If shes a daughter--then they've been encouraging incest.
I would not want my kids bringing home every person they decide to date for the holidays. There is absolutely no reason for this girlfriend to be staying at their house until they know it is serious enough. Casual boyfriends/girlfriends don't make the cut.

That is BS on its face. You don't want them bringing anyone home--but would invite someone to live with them???? That's fvcked up.

You don't know this is "casual", anyway. They are just pissed he broke up with her.

huskerbb · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
He should not be expected to date her forever. But it is unreasonable on his part to expect his parents to cut her loose.

And it is more unreasonable that he can't bring home any other girlfriends because she is there. What if he wants to get married? They aren't going to go to the wedding because he broke up with this girl back in college?

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

NAOW wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Room and Board for a year at Penn State is over $10k. Not including tuition. Guess u guys have some cheap ass schools there!
Hahahaha! Black Hills State is like $8k total. At least for in state tuition.

Baylor is $12,400/semester.

NAOW · Vette's SS

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
NAOW wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Room and Board for a year at Penn State is over $10k. Not including tuition. Guess u guys have some cheap ass schools there!
Hahahaha! Black Hills State is like $8k total. At least for in state tuition.
Baylor is $12,400/semester.

Ok. I lied. It was about 8k when I went there.. but apparently things have changed in the last 10+ years :/

Now it's $15,662, for tuition, room, books, meal plan

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

NAOW wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
NAOW wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Room and Board for a year at Penn State is over $10k. Not including tuition. Guess u guys have some cheap ass schools there!
Hahahaha! Black Hills State is like $8k total. At least for in state tuition.
Baylor is $12,400/semester.
Ok. I lied. It was about 8k when I went there.. but apparently things have changed in the last 10+ years :/
Now it's $15,662, for tuition, room, books, meal plan

Yep. Thirty grand a year is NOT a small chunk of change. AND you know there's other expenses. Like stuff for their dorm rooms. And clothes. Even reasonable expenses add up. Even if the kid is working it's still expensive.

Around here the kids are split into two groups. The rich kids go to Baylor and the not rich kids go to the junior college. But our junior college has partnered with three major universities to offer classes through them. Like a magnet college almost. That's how DN is getting her degree. She actually pays the university but if she needs something she goes to the junior college. She will graduate from the university. We will all have to pack up and spend the night there as it's a 700 mile round trip ride.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
ed11563 wrote:

He grew up with her living in the house, almost as his sister.

But it's not his sister. She isn't their daughter.
Family is what you make it. They treat her as a daughter and they don't have to stop because the son wants them to.
Maybe not--but to expect that he never get another girlfriend and never bring her home is beyond unreasonable.
If shes a daughter--then they've been encouraging incest.
I would not want my kids bringing home every person they decide to date for the holidays. There is absolutely no reason for this girlfriend to be staying at their house until they know it is serious enough. Casual boyfriends/girlfriends don't make the cut.
That is BS on its face. You don't want them bringing anyone home--but would invite someone to live with them???? That's fvcked up.
You don't know this is "casual", anyway. They are just pissed he broke up with her.

Let me repeat. It is THEIR house, not his. They are the ones who get to decide who will stay there.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
He should not be expected to date her forever. But it is unreasonable on his part to expect his parents to cut her loose.
And it is more unreasonable that he can't bring home any other girlfriends because she is there. What if he wants to get married? They aren't going to go to the wedding because he broke up with this girl back in college?

That is ridiculous.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:

huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
ed11563 wrote:

He grew up with her living in the house, almost as his sister.

But it's not his sister. She isn't their daughter.
Family is what you make it. They treat her as a daughter and they don't have to stop because the son wants them to.
Maybe not--but to expect that he never get another girlfriend and never bring her home is beyond unreasonable.
If shes a daughter--then they've been encouraging incest.
I would not want my kids bringing home every person they decide to date for the holidays. There is absolutely no reason for this girlfriend to be staying at their house until they know it is serious enough. Casual boyfriends/girlfriends don't make the cut.
That is BS on its face. You don't want them bringing anyone home--but would invite someone to live with them???? That's fvcked up.
You don't know this is "casual", anyway. They are just pissed he broke up with her.
Let me repeat. It is THEIR house, not his. They are the ones who get to decide who will stay there.

I completely agree. However, I disagree that should he should just suck it up. I think he should be able to spend some relaxed time with his own parents.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Let's just summarize -

He brought this girl into their home and asked his parents to care for her for SIX years.

He cheated on her and dumped her.

He wants his parents to cut all ties with a girl they have become very attached to so he can bring home his latest flavor of the month.

His parents love this girl and feel responsible for her.

He has no right to tell them they must cut her out of their lives.

There can be compromises. Perhaps the girl can spend Thanksgiving with a friend, and only come to their house every other holiday. But for him to demand his parents cut her off completely is RIDICULOUS and SELFISH and IMMATURE.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

He was a young, immature teen. I have been feeding and clothing a lot of my kids' friends who have derelict parents. The latest was my son asked if one of his friends could move in with us to attend the local college because he works till 2 am here in town. Um, no. I have a young daughter and I don't need a grown man, who is not a relative living in my house. And, sorry, the gravy train has to stop at some point as I have my own bills to pay and let his parents either step up and help their own son or not. It is simply not my responsibility. Turns out, he drives in every morning, rides to college with my son and when he gets home, he eats dinner here. I think I am doing plenty. But, he isn't my son nor will he ever be. Doesn't mean I don't care about him but that isn't the same thing. So, just because Junior asked them to help her doesn't mean he understood what that really meant.

And, nowhere did I say that they should cut all ties. But, I think they do have to respect that she is no longer his girlfriend and most breakups are painful so he should at least have some unencumbered time with his own parents.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
He was a young, immature teen. I have been feeding and clothing a lot of my kids' friends who have derelict parents. The latest was my son asked if one of his friends could move in with us to attend the local college because he works till 2 am here in town. Um, no. I have a young daughter and I don't need a grown man, who is not a relative living in my house. And, sorry, the gravy train has to stop at some point as I have my own bills to pay and let his parents either step up and help their own son or not. It is simply not my responsibility. Turns out, he drives in every morning, rides to college with my son and when he gets home, he eats dinner here. I think I am doing plenty. But, he isn't my son nor will he ever be. Doesn't mean I don't care about him but that isn't the same thing. So, just because Junior asked them to help her doesn't mean he understood what that really meant.

And, nowhere did I say that they should cut all ties. But, I think they do have to respect that she is no longer his girlfriend and most breakups are painful so he should at least have some unencumbered time with his own parents.

Well, now he does.

And I said that they could alternate holidays and/or weekends homes. It's not that difficult.

huskerbb · Guru

No way should he have to alternate holidays.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
He should not be expected to date her forever. But it is unreasonable on his part to expect his parents to cut her loose.
And it is more unreasonable that he can't bring home any other girlfriends because she is there. What if he wants to get married? They aren't going to go to the wedding because he broke up with this girl back in college?
That is ridiculous.

It is ridiculous. That's what I've been saying.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
ed11563 wrote:

He grew up with her living in the house, almost as his sister.

But it's not his sister. She isn't their daughter.
Family is what you make it. They treat her as a daughter and they don't have to stop because the son wants them to.
Maybe not--but to expect that he never get another girlfriend and never bring her home is beyond unreasonable.
If shes a daughter--then they've been encouraging incest.
I would not want my kids bringing home every person they decide to date for the holidays. There is absolutely no reason for this girlfriend to be staying at their house until they know it is serious enough. Casual boyfriends/girlfriends don't make the cut.
That is BS on its face. You don't want them bringing anyone home--but would invite someone to live with them???? That's fvcked up.
You don't know this is "casual", anyway. They are just pissed he broke up with her.
Let me repeat. It is THEIR house, not his. They are the ones who get to decide who will stay there.

Yeah, and it's stupid to put some ex-girlfriend of your kids over a current one. That relationship is over. Move on.

Lindley · Guru

I've seen it happen in families including my own and it doesn't always work out to well. We took in our daughters best friend in high school treated her has our own. By the time she moved out dd and her were no longer friends. No we did not kick her out and we stayed out of it for the most part and I won't go into details and it was a relief when she found another friend to move in with.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
No way should he have to alternate holidays.

NO way should he have to bring a girl home with him for the holidays unless they are engaged or married.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
No way should he have to alternate holidays.
NO way should he have to bring a girl home with him for the holidays unless they are engaged or married.

That is a flat out stupid statement. He was doing that EXACT SAME THING with the ex and they were neither married or engaged.

huskerbb · Guru

That's also an absurd statement on its face. The family should never meet any s/o until it reaches the point of engagement??? That is patently ridiculous.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
No way should he have to alternate holidays.
NO way should he have to bring a girl home with him for the holidays unless they are engaged or married.
That is a flat out stupid statement. He was doing that EXACT SAME THING with the ex and they were neither married or engaged.

And look how that has turned out. Lesson learned.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
That's also an absurd statement on its face. The family should never meet any s/o until it reaches the point of engagement??? That is patently ridiculous.

Meet them? Of course. Have them stay holidays and weekends at their home? No.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
That's also an absurd statement on its face. The family should never meet any s/o until it reaches the point of engagement??? That is patently ridiculous.
Meet them? Of course. Have them stay holidays and weekends at their home? No.

When else are college students going to accomplish that if they are any distance away?

Well gee, son, we'd love to meet your girlfriend, but don't bring her by on any weekends, holidays, or college breaks.

No. That's stupid.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
That's also an absurd statement on its face. The family should never meet any s/o until it reaches the point of engagement??? That is patently ridiculous.
Meet them? Of course. Have them stay holidays and weekends at their home? No.
When else are college students going to accomplish that if they are any distance away?

Well gee, son, we'd love to meet your girlfriend, but don't bring her by on any weekends, holidays, or college breaks.

No. That's stupid.

Oh well. So sad, too bad. He made this situation - he's gotta deal with it.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

This is an unusual situtation. Your idea of what should "normally" take place has no place here.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
No way should he have to alternate holidays.
NO way should he have to bring a girl home with him for the holidays unless they are engaged or married.
That is a flat out stupid statement. He was doing that EXACT SAME THING with the ex and they were neither married or engaged.
And look how that has turned out. Lesson learned.

They can rectify that now.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
That's also an absurd statement on its face. The family should never meet any s/o until it reaches the point of engagement??? That is patently ridiculous.
Meet them? Of course. Have them stay holidays and weekends at their home? No.
When else are college students going to accomplish that if they are any distance away?

Well gee, son, we'd love to meet your girlfriend, but don't bring her by on any weekends, holidays, or college breaks.

No. That's stupid.
Oh well. So sad, too bad. He made this situation - he's gotta deal with it.

His parents made this situation as much or more than he did. They had him married off a long time ago and never considered the possibility it wouldn't work out. they are still making this situation.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
This is an unusual situtation. Your idea of what should "normally" take place has no place here.

No time like the present to get back to normal. What are they going to do? Never allow him to bring a new love around?

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
This is an unusual situtation. Your idea of what should "normally" take place has no place here.
No time like the present to get back to normal. What are they going to do? Never allow him to bring a new love around?

Never is an exageration. But until they have fulfilled the promises they made to this girl, yes. It's likely not going to be that long until she is finished with school and on her own. He can suck it up until then.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I must not be able to read right because nowhere in the OP does it say they still expect him to get married to this girl.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
That's also an absurd statement on its face. The family should never meet any s/o until it reaches the point of engagement??? That is patently ridiculous.
Meet them? Of course. Have them stay holidays and weekends at their home? No.
When else are college students going to accomplish that if they are any distance away?

Well gee, son, we'd love to meet your girlfriend, but don't bring her by on any weekends, holidays, or college breaks.

No. That's stupid.
Oh well. So sad, too bad. He made this situation - he's gotta deal with it.
His parents made this situation as much or more than he did. They had him married off a long time ago and never considered the possibility it wouldn't work out. they are still making this situation.

Exageration again. They did not have him married off. They took in a girl at their son's request. If they were going to marry them off - they would have done it right after high school.

Again -this is a temporary problem that he can deal with.

huskerbb · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
I must not be able to read right because nowhere in the OP does it say they still expect him to get married to this girl.

Oh come on. Of course they did. they never expected this breakup.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

They said they were very upset they had broken up but that's ALL! NOWHERE does it say they want him to marry her.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
I must not be able to read right because nowhere in the OP does it say they still expect him to get married to this girl.
Oh come on. Of course they did. they never expected this breakup.

Maybe what they didn't expect is that their son would cheat on her and break her heart and then expect them to toss her out on top of it.

huskerbb · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
They said they were very upset they had broken up but that's ALL! NOWHERE does it say they want him to marry her.

Holy cow. What do you think was the end result they expected if they were so upset when he broke it off? To date in perpetuity?

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
I must not be able to read right because nowhere in the OP does it say they still expect him to get married to this girl.
Oh come on. Of course they did. they never expected this breakup.
Maybe what they didn't expect is that their son would cheat on her and break her heart and then expect them to toss her out on top of it.

Then they weren't very smart. Most high school relationships don't last. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out.

huskerbb · Guru

They can fulfill any obligation they feel separate from their address.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

So the parents should put the girl up in a hotel whenever she comes home on break so that their son can screw his new flavor of the month without feeling bad?

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
They can fulfill any obligation they feel separate from their address.

Nope. Sorry. It's thier house, not his. He's a grown up now. He wants his fvck-buddy staying the night, he can be the one to get a hotel.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
I must not be able to read right because nowhere in the OP does it say they still expect him to get married to this girl.
Oh come on. Of course they did. they never expected this breakup.
Maybe what they didn't expect is that their son would cheat on her and break her heart and then expect them to toss her out on top of it.
Then they weren't very smart. Most high school relationships don't last. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out.

But they don't all end that sh1tty, either. My high school boyfriend and I didn't break up like that, and we are still friends.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

DN wasn't allowed to have boys stay the night. End of story. Our house, our rules. And I have several ex b/f's I'm still friends with.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Funny story - in college once, I went home with a boyfriend for the weekend. He TOLD his parents he was bringing me. When we got there and he asked where his mom wanted me to sleep, she was like, "What? She's not staying here!!!!" He was like, "Mom, what did you think I meant when I said I was bringing her home with me?" It was very awkward. He slept on the couch that first night, and I slept in his room. The next night, we went to a concert and stayed in a hotel. Then his mother was like "why did you sleep in a hotel?" And he told her flat out she had made me feel very unwelcome.

I refused to go home with another boyfriend for anything other than day visits after that.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

If it's your house you have the right to tell your kids they cannot bring the flavor of the month to spend the night. We have made it clear. Unless you are married you cannot sleep in the same bed in our house.

Mary Zombie · Guru

Did he cheat on her? Seems like he went to college and decided he wanted to be free to date. That's what young adults do. The parents never should have treated her like a possible DIL. They were teens.
This is the parents job to deal with this.
Their son has a right to break up with his HS girlfriend and date someone else......and not be stuck with his Ex on every holiday.
I agree with husker.

huskerbb · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
If it's your house you have the right to tell your kids they cannot bring the flavor of the month to spend the night. We have made it clear. Unless you are married you cannot sleep in the same bed in our house.

First of all, they obviously don't have that rule.

Second, no one said they had to be in the same bed, although it's hypocritical to let him share a bed with one girl but not another.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
They can fulfill any obligation they feel separate from their address.
Nope. Sorry. It's thier house, not his. He's a grown up now. He wants his fvck-buddy staying the night, he can be the one to get a hotel.

LOL!!! What difference does it make which fvck buddy he's with? Why is the first fvck buddy acceptable to sleep with and not any others? They werent engaged or married which you seem to think makes a huge difference, yet you are ok that he slept with the ex, but can't sleep with any others? Hypocritical, to say the least.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
I must not be able to read right because nowhere in the OP does it say they still expect him to get married to this girl.
Oh come on. Of course they did. they never expected this breakup.
Maybe what they didn't expect is that their son would cheat on her and break her heart and then expect them to toss her out on top of it.
Then they weren't very smart. Most high school relationships don't last. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out.
But they don't all end that sh1tty, either. My high school boyfriend and I didn't break up like that, and we are still friends.

So what? This one did. Irrelevant.

Tinydancer · Guru

Their house, their decision no matter what husker thinks. The son made his bed now he can lie on it.