TOTALLY GEEKED!

huskerbb · Guru

RE: Dear Abby: Wife Sleeps in the Living Room

ed11563 · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Then they should try counseling at that point. But really? Having a toddler in the house messes with everyone's sex life.

Let me tell you, first hand, sometimes nothing works.

Three marriage counselors told her she should initiate. She agreed. Then she never did.

Instead she changed counselors.

The real problem might be that her mother taught her that if she enjoys it, she's bad and will be beaten.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

ed11563 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Then they should try counseling at that point. But really? Having a toddler in the house messes with everyone's sex life.
Let me tell you, first hand, sometimes nothing works.
Three marriage counselors told her she should initiate. She agreed. Then she never did.
Instead she changed counselors.
The real problem might be that her mother taught her that if she enjoys it, she's bad and will be beaten.

ed, I realize you've never been married to a normal women. But even normal women are just too tired to have sex quite often. And it is even more often when they have babies and toddlers in the house and a husband who doesn't bother to help.

He needs to honestly ask himself if he is part of the problem.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Then they should try counseling at that point. But really? Having a toddler in the house messes with everyone's sex life.
Let me tell you, first hand, sometimes nothing works.
Three marriage counselors told her she should initiate. She agreed. Then she never did.
Instead she changed counselors.
The real problem might be that her mother taught her that if she enjoys it, she's bad and will be beaten.

ed, I realize you've never been married to a normal women. But even normal women are just too tired to have sex quite often. And it is even more often when they have babies and toddlers in the house and a husband who doesn't bother to help.
He needs to honestly ask himself if he is part of the problem.

You don't know he isn't "helping" or even doing more than she is. What we do know is that one area of parenting he tries to be involved in--she won't let him.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Then they should try counseling at that point. But really? Having a toddler in the house messes with everyone's sex life.
Let me tell you, first hand, sometimes nothing works.
Three marriage counselors told her she should initiate. She agreed. Then she never did.
Instead she changed counselors.
The real problem might be that her mother taught her that if she enjoys it, she's bad and will be beaten.

ed, I realize you've never been married to a normal women. But even normal women are just too tired to have sex quite often. And it is even more often when they have babies and toddlers in the house and a husband who doesn't bother to help.
He needs to honestly ask himself if he is part of the problem.
You don't know he isn't "helping" or even doing more than she is. What we do know is that one area of parenting he tries to be involved in--she won't let him.

Really? Where does it say he actually tried to help rather than just tell her what she should be doing?

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Then they should try counseling at that point. But really? Having a toddler in the house messes with everyone's sex life.
Let me tell you, first hand, sometimes nothing works.
Three marriage counselors told her she should initiate. She agreed. Then she never did.
Instead she changed counselors.
The real problem might be that her mother taught her that if she enjoys it, she's bad and will be beaten.

ed, I realize you've never been married to a normal women. But even normal women are just too tired to have sex quite often. And it is even more often when they have babies and toddlers in the house and a husband who doesn't bother to help.
He needs to honestly ask himself if he is part of the problem.
You don't know he isn't "helping" or even doing more than she is. What we do know is that one area of parenting he tries to be involved in--she won't let him.
Really? Where does it say he actually tried to help rather than just tell her what she should be doing?

It says as much about that as he didn't. That's why I said "you don't know"--and you don't.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Then they should try counseling at that point. But really? Having a toddler in the house messes with everyone's sex life.
Let me tell you, first hand, sometimes nothing works.
Three marriage counselors told her she should initiate. She agreed. Then she never did.
Instead she changed counselors.
The real problem might be that her mother taught her that if she enjoys it, she's bad and will be beaten.

ed, I realize you've never been married to a normal women. But even normal women are just too tired to have sex quite often. And it is even more often when they have babies and toddlers in the house and a husband who doesn't bother to help.
He needs to honestly ask himself if he is part of the problem.
You don't know he isn't "helping" or even doing more than she is. What we do know is that one area of parenting he tries to be involved in--she won't let him.
Really? Where does it say he actually tried to help rather than just tell her what she should be doing?
It says as much about that as he didn't. That's why I said "you don't know"--and you don't.

Oh, yes, I do. "I have told her how I feel about our "sleeping arrangements," but nothing has changed."

He hasn't DONE anything about it, he's just bitching about it.

Tinydancer · Guru

But huskers ALWAYS know how others will react or feel. He just makes it up in his head and then somehow it becomes real.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Then they should try counseling at that point. But really? Having a toddler in the house messes with everyone's sex life.
Let me tell you, first hand, sometimes nothing works.
Three marriage counselors told her she should initiate. She agreed. Then she never did.
Instead she changed counselors.
The real problem might be that her mother taught her that if she enjoys it, she's bad and will be beaten.

ed, I realize you've never been married to a normal women. But even normal women are just too tired to have sex quite often. And it is even more often when they have babies and toddlers in the house and a husband who doesn't bother to help.
He needs to honestly ask himself if he is part of the problem.
You don't know he isn't "helping" or even doing more than she is. What we do know is that one area of parenting he tries to be involved in--she won't let him.
Really? Where does it say he actually tried to help rather than just tell her what she should be doing?
It says as much about that as he didn't. That's why I said "you don't know"--and you don't.
Oh, yes, I do. "I have told her how I feel about our "sleeping arrangements," but nothing has changed."
He hasn't DONE anything about it, he's just bitching about it.

You were talking about whether or not he helped with the kids, not about their sleeping arrangements. To which I respnded "you dont know". Try to follow the thread.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Yeah - he "tells" her. I'm sure he helps. Yeah, right.

ladyloonatic · Regular

He doesn't have to wait until bedtime to initiate some romance. Maybe he just needs to be more "romantic" than laying in bed with no pajamas on.

There really isn't enough information given, but Abby is right, he's talking to the wrong woman. He needs to talk to her, not just about sex and sleeping arrangements, but about their relationship in general. Why is she choosing to sleep in the recliner?

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I mean, seriously, he just goes to bed and waits while she deals with the kids?

Riding · Guru

huskerbb wrote:

ed, I realize you've never been married to a normal women. But even normal women are just too tired to have sex quite often. And it is even more often when they have babies and toddlers in the house and a husband who doesn't bother to help.
He needs to honestly ask himself if he is part of the problem.
You don't know he isn't "helping" or even doing more than she is. What we do know is that one area of parenting he tries to be involved in--she won't let him.

in my world telling me what I NEED to do is not helping me, it is just telling me what you think I need to do. helping is taking middle child helping him/her get through bedtime routine or doing what is necessary to get ready for bed, reading them a book while they are in bed, if there is an issue on why they don't want to sleep in own room, maybe get a nightlight, or *chase* any monsters away with a special *monster go away* spray made from an air freshner or whatever your family would be comfortable with. or staying with them til they doze off, letting mo get smaller child settled for the night, or vice versa, but actively DOING something to allow mom get kids in a routine successfully, or if mom has other things she is trying to do, like dishes laundry etc., while she is trying to get kids down, perhaps do those things, so that she is not beyond tired when kids are in bed. She WILL notice and it is so nice to have the other parent/partner do things to help rather than tell YOU what will help.

and communication, assuming just leads to speculation. ask and then truly hear what is being said, talk to each other not AT each other. Respect goes a long way.....

huskerbb · Guru

Riding wrote:
huskerbb wrote:

ed, I realize you've never been married to a normal women. But even normal women are just too tired to have sex quite often. And it is even more often when they have babies and toddlers in the house and a husband who doesn't bother to help.
He needs to honestly ask himself if he is part of the problem.
You don't know he isn't "helping" or even doing more than she is. What we do know is that one area of parenting he tries to be involved in--she won't let him.
in my world telling me what I NEED to do is not helping me, it is just telling me what you think I need to do. helping is taking middle child helping him/her get through bedtime routine or doing what is necessary to get ready for bed, reading them a book while they are in bed, if there is an issue on why they don't want to sleep in own room, maybe get a nightlight, or *chase* any monsters away with a special *monster go away* spray made from an air freshner or whatever your family would be comfortable with. or staying with them til they doze off, letting mo get smaller child settled for the night, or vice versa, but actively DOING something to allow mom get kids in a routine successfully, or if mom has other things she is trying to do, like dishes laundry etc., while she is trying to get kids down, perhaps do those things, so that she is not beyond tired when kids are in bed. She WILL notice and it is so nice to have the other parent/partner do things to help rather than tell YOU what will help.
and communication, assuming just leads to speculation. ask and then truly hear what is being said, talk to each other not AT each other. Respect goes a long way.....

You don't know he hasn't tried to do that and his wife won't let him.

ed11563 · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Riding wrote:
huskerbb wrote:

ed, I realize you've never been married to a normal women. But even normal women are just too tired to have sex quite often. And it is even more often when they have babies and toddlers in the house and a husband who doesn't bother to help.
He needs to honestly ask himself if he is part of the problem.
You don't know he isn't "helping" or even doing more than she is. What we do know is that one area of parenting he tries to be involved in--she won't let him.
in my world telling me what I NEED to do is not helping me, it is just telling me what you think I need to do. helping is taking middle child helping him/her get through bedtime routine or doing what is necessary to get ready for bed, reading them a book while they are in bed, if there is an issue on why they don't want to sleep in own room, maybe get a nightlight, or *chase* any monsters away with a special *monster go away* spray made from an air freshener or whatever your family would be comfortable with. or staying with them til they doze off, letting mo get smaller child settled for the night, or vice versa, but actively DOING something to allow mom get kids in a routine successfully, or if mom has other things she is trying to do, like dishes laundry etc., while she is trying to get kids down, perhaps do those things, so that she is not beyond tired when kids are in bed. She WILL notice and it is so nice to have the other parent/partner do things to help rather than tell YOU what will help.
and communication, assuming just leads to speculation. ask and then truly hear what is being said, talk to each other not AT each other. Respect goes a long way.....

You don't know he hasn't tried to do that and his wife won't let him.

In fact, he might already be doing all of that, and it doesn't change how she treats him.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

By the sound of that letter - nope. Not buying it.

Dona Worry Be Happy · Vette's SS!!

Wife is not helping a single thing by sleeping on the couch every night. That solves NOTHING.

Riding · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Riding wrote:
huskerbb wrote:

ed, I realize you've never been married to a normal women. But even normal women are just too tired to have sex quite often. And it is even more often when they have babies and toddlers in the house and a husband who doesn't bother to help.
He needs to honestly ask himself if he is part of the problem.
You don't know he isn't "helping" or even doing more than she is. What we do know is that one area of parenting he tries to be involved in--she won't let him.
in my world telling me what I NEED to do is not helping me, it is just telling me what you think I need to do. helping is taking middle child helping him/her get through bedtime routine or doing what is necessary to get ready for bed, reading them a book while they are in bed, if there is an issue on why they don't want to sleep in own room, maybe get a nightlight, or *chase* any monsters away with a special *monster go away* spray made from an air freshner or whatever your family would be comfortable with. or staying with them til they doze off, letting mo get smaller child settled for the night, or vice versa, but actively DOING something to allow mom get kids in a routine successfully, or if mom has other things she is trying to do, like dishes laundry etc., while she is trying to get kids down, perhaps do those things, so that she is not beyond tired when kids are in bed. She WILL notice and it is so nice to have the other parent/partner do things to help rather than tell YOU what will help.
and communication, assuming just leads to speculation. ask and then truly hear what is being said, talk to each other not AT each other. Respect goes a long way.....

You don't know he hasn't tried to do that and his wife won't let him.

perhaps BUT you also do not know that HE has......

and my main point was talking TO each other, not AT each other

or if he has ever helped, or just ran his mouth as his help

Ohfour · Hooker

I think that's she just not into him. My ex did this. Slept on the couch with excuse after excuse.

Bedroom didn't have a TV (so I bought one)
Then it didn't have a VCR (so I bought one)
The mattress was uncomfortable (so I bought a new one)
The street light shined in (it was worse in the den where he slept)

He just stopped being into me. Did me a favor though...

Lindley · Guru

His loss oh four, but your now husbands gain.

Tinydancer · Guru

Maybe he should get a sexbot. It's so much easier than talking to her and trying to work it out.

-- Edited by Tinydancer on Wednesday 21st of October 2015 06:09:20 PM

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

OMG, I almost slept on the couch last night. I SWEAR I was having hot flashes.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

https://youtu.be/OOgd9hitEAE

Ya'll look this up. I figured it out!

WYSIWYG · Guru

lilyofcourse, that was a pretty funny song. I especially liked the antique black sedan. I'd like to own one of those.

It's got a point though, albeit a sad one. We are too hung up on how we look and how others look. We aren't this body of flesh though, we are the spirit within the body. That's what we should be paying attention to.

Mary Zombie · Guru

Regardless of their sex life.....I don't agree withvl allowing kids tobdecide where they want to sleep. They need to be in their rooms.
Anyone I know who's allowed otherwise had nothing but trouble with it.

And it also seems to me that the wife doesn't like her husband anymore.the kids are a buffer

Mary Zombie · Guru

Regardless of their sex life.....I don't agree withvl allowing kids tobdecide where they want to sleep. They need to be in their rooms. Anyone I know who's allowed otherwise had nothing but trouble with it. And it also seems to me that the wife doesn't like her husband anymore.the kids are a buffer