TOTALLY GEEKED!

ed11563 · Guru

Aggressive kids have Mom wanting to avoid family functions

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Tell the 4 yr old to kick the older boy in the nuts. And, the 3 yr old girl, he should be able to manage .

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Yeah. Teach him to throw and land a punch.

ed11563 · Guru

One of my favorite books is, "Don't Get Mad, Get Even" .

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Pretty much. Talking to these kids isn't going to help.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Bust their butts.

ed11563 · Guru

To the parents of the violent kids,

"If you don't discipline your kids, I will, and you won't like it."

A smack on the bottom when a kid hits, or throws something is appropriate, especially for a 6 y.o. who should have known better for a long time.

I remember one little monster getting very frightened when I yelled at him for that. I think no one had ever told him "NO" as an angry adult before.

I was angry, and he ran away crying.

Lindley · Guru

I had no problem telling kids no in front of the parents.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Yep. Sometimes you have to be the responsible one.

NAOW · Vette's SS

I don't think I would tell my kids to hit back but I would have no problem loudly reprimanding their son if he hurt one of my kids.

Lindley · Guru

I know one kid who was mean and a bully and his parents never corrected him. One day he came home from school with a shiner, he picked on the wrong kid at school. Funny thing was after that happened he was a much better kid. I don't like seeing kids get hurt but I caught him trying to stick kids with straight pins. He was a real brat with a mean streak.

Ohfour · Hooker

My son was THE runt of the class. Smaller than the girls. One day, the bully challenged him. Son kicked him right in the nuts. Never bothered him again.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

It sounds like the OP has already reprimanded the other kids though. She says she is sick of trying to parent them. It seems like she has done exactly what the answer suggests. I for one WOULD avoid family functions or else I would not let my child play with the other children. He could sit and play quietly near me. Of that didn't work I don't think I would go and let my child be abused like that. Yes, he should stand up for himself. But if he isn't ready to or hasn't been able to, I am not going to let him be abused until he figures it out.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I don't think she has reprimanded them enough. She's probably trying not to really discipline them, but simply tell them to stop. I'd be doing a hell of a lot more. And the mother would be very embarrassed when I was done.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Those kind of people don't get embarrassed LL.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I would not spank someone else's child though. I would be OK with my kid hitting back. But, I would be verbally remprimand. Then, if that didn't work, I would just get up and leave. I have seen some kids be abusive to others. They don't get to be a bully and get a way with it.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

NAOW wrote:
I don't think I would tell my kids to hit back but I would have no problem loudly reprimanding their son if he hurt one of my kids.

I agree, and maybe she should stay home. That might send a message to her husband.

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I don't think she should have to miss family gatherings for this bunch of idiots. She could plan her own family event and not invite them, and when called on it, tell the truth.

ladyloonatic · Regular

I would probably tell my child to not play with them if they're too rough or to just stay away from the mean kids.

If they sought my kid out, I would say something to them and/or the parent.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

IDK - the kid threw a hot wheels & it bounced up & hit her son. He may not have meant to hurt him. The pushing OK but why didn't her son push him right back? Isn't that what most kids do instead of running crying to mommy? And a 3yo girl pulled his hair? I think she may have a crybaby on her hands. Sorry but he cried 3 times at the same even. Perhaps that is why her husband isn't backing her. He may think she's turning their son into a mommas boy.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

They are cousins.

They need to learn to deal with each other.

I don't know. My judgment is skewed I guess. I grew up with tons of cousins and we were all disciplined by each others parents.

So I don't get why the LW can't just discipline the kids.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Lexxy wrote:
IDK - the kid threw a hot wheels & it bounced up & hit her son. He may not have meant to hurt him. The pushing OK but why didn't her son push him right back? Isn't that what most kids do instead of running crying to mommy? And a 3yo girl pulled his hair? I think she may have a crybaby on her hands. Sorry but he cried 3 times at the same even. Perhaps that is why her husband isn't backing her. He may think she's turning their son into a mommas boy.

This.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

lilyofcourse wrote:
They are cousins.

They need to learn to deal with each other.

I don't know. My judgment is skewed I guess. I grew up with tons of cousins and we were all disciplined by each others parents.

So I don't get why the LW can't just discipline the kids.

Because that is not the dynamic in everyone's family.

flan

Ohfour · Hooker

lilyofcourse wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
IDK - the kid threw a hot wheels & it bounced up & hit her son. He may not have meant to hurt him. The pushing OK but why didn't her son push him right back? Isn't that what most kids do instead of running crying to mommy? And a 3yo girl pulled his hair? I think she may have a crybaby on her hands. Sorry but he cried 3 times at the same even. Perhaps that is why her husband isn't backing her. He may think she's turning their son into a mommas boy.
This.

X2

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lexxy wrote:
IDK - the kid threw a hot wheels & it bounced up & hit her son. He may not have meant to hurt him. The pushing OK but why didn't her son push him right back? Isn't that what most kids do instead of running crying to mommy? And a 3yo girl pulled his hair? I think she may have a crybaby on her hands. Sorry but he cried 3 times at the same even. Perhaps that is why her husband isn't backing her. He may think she's turning their son into a mommas boy.

A couple things: If the kid is in preschool, they are taught NOT to push or hit back.

And we don't know the size of the kids. If the 4-year-old has a slim build & his cousins are bigger, that may be a factor.

flan

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Ohfour wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
IDK - the kid threw a hot wheels & it bounced up & hit her son. He may not have meant to hurt him. The pushing OK but why didn't her son push him right back? Isn't that what most kids do instead of running crying to mommy? And a 3yo girl pulled his hair? I think she may have a crybaby on her hands. Sorry but he cried 3 times at the same even. Perhaps that is why her husband isn't backing her. He may think she's turning their son into a mommas boy.
This.

X2

Caitlyn works in a daycare. Babies to pre-k.

You should hear the stories she tells.

Not only how the kids behave, but the parents as well.

They had one kid who was biting. The parent of this biting kid raised all kinds cane when she found out her kid was put in time out for biting. No way her VSS would do that.

Well. The kid stopped biting when one of the other kids bit him back.

Sometimes, kids need to learn to stand up for themselves.

If more learned to as toddlers I doubt we would have as many adult victims.

ed11563 · Guru

Lexxy wrote:
IDK - the kid threw a hot wheels & it bounced up & hit her son. He may not have meant to hurt him. The pushing OK but why didn't her son push him right back? Isn't that what most kids do instead of running crying to mommy? And a 3yo girl pulled his hair? I think she may have a crybaby on her hands. Sorry but he cried 3 times at the same even. Perhaps that is why her husband isn't backing her. He may think she's turning their son into a mommas boy.

the kid threw a hot wheels & it bounced up & hit her son. He may not have meant to hurt him.

Of COURSE he meant to hurt his cousin. If a 6 y.o. doesn't KNOW that getting hit by a flying metal toy would HURT, then someone should show him what it feels like.

The pushing? I would expect a 6 y.o. to be bigger and heavier than a 4 y.o., so pushing him back might not work.

And the 3 y.o. girl should also know that pulling hair hurts. Where did she learn that? From her big brother doing it to her?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Well, they are pretty young. Some of learning and growing is learning and growing to work these situations out. If it is just stupid kid stuff like taking a toy or pulling some hair, then learn to stand up for yourself. If it is abusive and dangerous, that is a different situation altogether.

NAOW · Vette's SS

lilyofcourse wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
IDK - the kid threw a hot wheels & it bounced up & hit her son. He may not have meant to hurt him. The pushing OK but why didn't her son push him right back? Isn't that what most kids do instead of running crying to mommy? And a 3yo girl pulled his hair? I think she may have a crybaby on her hands. Sorry but he cried 3 times at the same even. Perhaps that is why her husband isn't backing her. He may think she's turning their son into a mommas boy.
This.

X2
Caitlyn works in a daycare. Babies to pre-k.
You should hear the stories she tells.
Not only how the kids behave, but the parents as well.
They had one kid who was biting. The parent of this biting kid raised all kinds cane when she found out her kid was put in time out for biting. No way her VSS would do that.
Well. The kid stopped biting when one of the other kids bit him back.

Sometimes, kids need to learn to stand up for themselves.
If more learned to as toddlers I doubt we would have as many adult victims.

Except kids are taught not to hit/kick/push/bite back. They actually get in trouble for it. So even if you condone it at home, it doesn't stop them from getting in trouble and losing out on activities at school for doing it.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

ed11563 wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
IDK - the kid threw a hot wheels & it bounced up & hit her son. He may not have meant to hurt him. The pushing OK but why didn't her son push him right back? Isn't that what most kids do instead of running crying to mommy? And a 3yo girl pulled his hair? I think she may have a crybaby on her hands. Sorry but he cried 3 times at the same even. Perhaps that is why her husband isn't backing her. He may think she's turning their son into a mommas boy.
the kid threw a hot wheels & it bounced up & hit her son. He may not have meant to hurt him.
Of COURSE he meant to hurt his cousin. If a 6 y.o. doesn't KNOW that getting hit by a flying metal toy would HURT, then someone should show him what it feels like.

The pushing? I would expect a 6 y.o. to be bigger and heavier than a 4 y.o., so pushing him back might not work.
And the 3 y.o. girl should also know that pulling hair hurts. Where did she learn that? From her big brother doing it to her?

Yes Ed. These two kids are abusers and should be carted away in chains. How dare they act like kids.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

NAOW wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
IDK - the kid threw a hot wheels & it bounced up & hit her son. He may not have meant to hurt him. The pushing OK but why didn't her son push him right back? Isn't that what most kids do instead of running crying to mommy? And a 3yo girl pulled his hair? I think she may have a crybaby on her hands. Sorry but he cried 3 times at the same even. Perhaps that is why her husband isn't backing her. He may think she's turning their son into a mommas boy.
This.

X2
Caitlyn works in a daycare. Babies to pre-k.
You should hear the stories she tells.
Not only how the kids behave, but the parents as well.
They had one kid who was biting. The parent of this biting kid raised all kinds cane when she found out her kid was put in time out for biting. No way her VSS would do that.
Well. The kid stopped biting when one of the other kids bit him back.

Sometimes, kids need to learn to stand up for themselves.
If more learned to as toddlers I doubt we would have as many adult victims.
Except kids are taught not to hit/kick/push/bite back. They actually get in trouble for it. So even if you condone it at home, it doesn't stop them from getting in trouble and losing out on activities at school for doing it.

And sometimes, losing a privilege is worth it.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

lilyofcourse wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
IDK - the kid threw a hot wheels & it bounced up & hit her son. He may not have meant to hurt him. The pushing OK but why didn't her son push him right back? Isn't that what most kids do instead of running crying to mommy? And a 3yo girl pulled his hair? I think she may have a crybaby on her hands. Sorry but he cried 3 times at the same even. Perhaps that is why her husband isn't backing her. He may think she's turning their son into a mommas boy.
the kid threw a hot wheels & it bounced up & hit her son. He may not have meant to hurt him.
Of COURSE he meant to hurt his cousin. If a 6 y.o. doesn't KNOW that getting hit by a flying metal toy would HURT, then someone should show him what it feels like.

The pushing? I would expect a 6 y.o. to be bigger and heavier than a 4 y.o., so pushing him back might not work.
And the 3 y.o. girl should also know that pulling hair hurts. Where did she learn that? From her big brother doing it to her?

Yes Ed. These two kids are abusers and should be carted away in chains. How dare they act like kids.

Stop the melodrama! Where do you think bullies come from? Children who are never disciplined by their PARENTS.

flan

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

NAOW wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
IDK - the kid threw a hot wheels & it bounced up & hit her son. He may not have meant to hurt him. The pushing OK but why didn't her son push him right back? Isn't that what most kids do instead of running crying to mommy? And a 3yo girl pulled his hair? I think she may have a crybaby on her hands. Sorry but he cried 3 times at the same even. Perhaps that is why her husband isn't backing her. He may think she's turning their son into a mommas boy.
This.

X2
Caitlyn works in a daycare. Babies to pre-k.
You should hear the stories she tells.
Not only how the kids behave, but the parents as well.
They had one kid who was biting. The parent of this biting kid raised all kinds cane when she found out her kid was put in time out for biting. No way her VSS would do that.
Well. The kid stopped biting when one of the other kids bit him back.

Sometimes, kids need to learn to stand up for themselves.
If more learned to as toddlers I doubt we would have as many adult victims.
Except kids are taught not to hit/kick/push/bite back. They actually get in trouble for it. So even if you condone it at home, it doesn't stop them from getting in trouble and losing out on activities at school for doing it.

Exactly. Two "wrongs" don't make a right.

flan

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

ed11563 wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
IDK - the kid threw a hot wheels & it bounced up & hit her son. He may not have meant to hurt him. The pushing OK but why didn't her son push him right back? Isn't that what most kids do instead of running crying to mommy? And a 3yo girl pulled his hair? I think she may have a crybaby on her hands. Sorry but he cried 3 times at the same even. Perhaps that is why her husband isn't backing her. He may think she's turning their son into a mommas boy.
the kid threw a hot wheels & it bounced up & hit her son. He may not have meant to hurt him.
Of COURSE he meant to hurt his cousin. If a 6 y.o. doesn't KNOW that getting hit by a flying metal toy would HURT, then someone should show him what it feels like.

The pushing? I would expect a 6 y.o. to be bigger and heavier than a 4 y.o., so pushing him back might not work.
And the 3 y.o. girl should also know that pulling hair hurts. Where did she learn that? From her big brother doing it to her?

He didn't throw it AT his cousin. He threw it & it BOUNCED up & hit him in the head. Kids throw things.

There were 9 of us cousins on my mom's side. We only all got together a few times a year. When we did there was a lot of horseplay & tumbling. Someone usually got hurt. It wasn't malicious it was just rough & tumble. I remember my oldest cousin always picking up a little one & saying he was going to drop them down the laundry shoot. He never did but it always got a reaction out of us.

-- Edited by Lexxy on Tuesday 27th of October 2015 11:58:37 AM

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

My younger son threw a Barney (jack in the box) at my older son and hit him in the nose. My younger son was the thrower, lol. My older son was the destroyer. He used to rip all the pages out of every book he would find and empty any and all cupboards. DD was the biter.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Luckily, I never had a biter.

flan

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
My younger son threw a Barney (jack in the box) at my older son and hit him in the nose. My younger son was the thrower, lol. My older son was the destroyer. He used to rip all the pages out of every book he would find and empty any and all cupboards. DD was the biter.

You raised bullies!

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lexxy wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
My younger son threw a Barney (jack in the box) at my older son and hit him in the nose. My younger son was the thrower, lol. My older son was the destroyer. He used to rip all the pages out of every book he would find and empty any and all cupboards. DD was the biter.
You raised bullies!

Well, at least they're not Liberals!!

flan

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

flan327 wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
My younger son threw a Barney (jack in the box) at my older son and hit him in the nose. My younger son was the thrower, lol. My older son was the destroyer. He used to rip all the pages out of every book he would find and empty any and all cupboards. DD was the biter.
You raised bullies!
Well, at least they're not Liberals!!
flan

LOL!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Bwaaahhh! Probably because I let them fight their own fights, lol.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Aaron had his finger broken by his cousin.

My cousin had to go more than once to get his lip sewn up because of rough play between us.

We've had everything from friendly accidents to outright fights.

Cousins do that.

And you learn how to get along.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Bwaaahhh! Probably because I let them fight their own fights, lol.

I thought you'd like that!

flan

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

lilyofcourse wrote:
Aaron had his finger broken by his cousin.

My cousin had to go more than once to get his lip sewn up because of rough play between us.

We've had everything from friendly accidents to outright fights.

Cousins do that.

And you learn how to get along.

Nothing like that ever happened in my family.

flan

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Kids fight. And they're going to fight. I think you have to determine whether these kids intend to hurt him. Some families are more physical than others. Some families coddle kids more. There's no right or wrong way but both sides will clash. And yeah, the kid didn't throw the car at him so that would be the time you say to him. "I know you didn't mean to hurt my little VSS but when you throw things accidents can happen. So no throwing things from now on."

Ohfour · Hooker

I ran over my sister with a car when she was 3 and I was 5 (I took the car out of gear).

Ran over her with a bike when I was 7 and she was 5 (she had a concussion). She jumped in front of me.

I hit her in the mouth with a golf club (she came up behind me while I was swinging) and knocked a couple of teeth out.

I was playing doctor with her and for SOME reason stuck a bobby pin in her ear and ruptured her eardrum. (still can't fathom why I would do that).

She pushed me into a pool and I hit my head on the side, it knocked me out and a lifeguard had to pull me out.

She was swinging and jumped out of the swing and landed on me (not intentionally) and broke my arm.

This was all before we were 8 and 6.

-- Edited by Ohfour on Tuesday 27th of October 2015 12:31:32 PM

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Yep. Kids fight.

My granny would say "I don't know what the fuss is but take it outside".

Of course our fights were usually more like screaming at each other and some pushing.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Ohfour wrote:
I ran over my sister with a car when she was 3 and I was 5 (I took the car out of gear).

Ran over her with a bike when I was 7 and she was 5 (she had a concussion). She jumped in front of me.

I hit her in the mouth with a golf club (she came up behind me while I was swinging) and knocked a couple of teeth out.

I was playing doctor with her and for SOME reason stuck a bobby pin in her ear and ruptured her eardrum. (still can't fathom why I would do that).

She pushed me into a pool and I hit my head on the side, it knocked me out and a lifeguard had to pull me out.

She was swinging and jumped out of the swing and landed on me (not intentionally) and broke my arm.

This was all before we were 8 and 6.

-- Edited by Ohfour on Tuesday 27th of October 2015 12:31:32 PM

Remember that Bazooka Bubble Gum? I chewed a piece so it was soft and shoved it so far up my sister's nose it got stuck at the bridge of her nose. My mom had to take her to the doctor to have it removed.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Wow! You guys scare me...

flan

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Hahaha, we had a BEAUTIFUL oak full size bed. It had the long posters on it and a pink canopy. It was all ruffled and beautiful. My sister and I were supposed to be taking a nap. We weren't.

I could tell you so many stories...

FNW · Guru

I'm pretty strict at home because I don't want the kids breaking things. My things. Apparently it's paid off, because I get compliments from teachers, other parents, strangers, etc. But there are still times when they smack each other and fight. I say, "well, what did you expect? You hit first. Don't ever hit someone and think you won't get hit back twice as hard!"

Both my kids bit me once when they were about 2. I bit them back. Ended right there. I did see a 4 year old picking on my 2 year old and I ended that, too. Other than that, I teach them what to do when they get laughed at or picked on.