DEAR AMY: Our young neighbor boy defecated on public property about three inches from our yard. I think he just got caught up in playing. I immediately walked over to his house and told his dad. His mother, who is my good friend, was not home. Dad was watching a football game with friends but I still expected a prompt response. Unfortunately, 45 minutes later he had not cleaned it up and his children continued to play in the area. I sent a text to both the father and mother letting them know that kids were there. Within a few minutes the mother rushed over and was cleaning it up apologetically. She said she hadn't been home earlier because she had been at the ER with her mother. Amy, I am so disturbed first that the father didn't respond immediately to clean up his son's mess, but even more so that he allowed his wife to come deal with it while he watched football! As a friend and neighbor, should I say something to the husband about his lack of response and treatment of his wife? He is a bit of a bully anyway and I'm not interested in a fight, but both the un-neighborliness of his response and the unjust treatment of his wife are appalling to me.
DEAR UPSET: If you do speak to your male neighbor about his disrespectful inattention, what outcome would you hope for? Do you imagine he would smack his head in recognition and say, "I get it now -- I'm an inattentive boor!" All the same, because this incident involved you directly, you certainly have the right to say, "I want you to know that I don't appreciate that you didn't respond when I told you about your son's accident." Your friend already knows what she's dealing with. Be her supportive friend. Unless she asks you directly for feedback, it might be best if you simply understand that you did the right thing in this situation -- even if her husband did not.
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
I would take the woman's word that she was out at the time. I am sure the husband let her know when she arrived home of the problem. Why the wife did not handle it immediately and had to wait for the neighbor to text her, I don't know. The wife owes the lady an apology for taking so long to get over there.
I would take the woman's word that she was out at the time. I am sure the husband let her know when she arrived home of the problem. Why the wife did not handle it immediately and had to wait for the neighbor to text her, I don't know. The wife owes the lady an apology for taking so long to get over there.
Really? What world do you live in? LOL! G forgets to tell me stuff all the time. Especially if he's distracted while being given the information.
(Oh, I didn't tell you I would be on the road the next 4 weekends? I could have sworn I mentioned it.)
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America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...
Good lord the mother had just returned home from the ER.
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“You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I'll rise!” ― Maya Angelou
I don't think this would even register in my world.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I guess my first thought would have been to ask the mom how her mom was doing.
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“You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I'll rise!” ― Maya Angelou
“You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I'll rise!” ― Maya Angelou
“You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I'll rise!” ― Maya Angelou
First of all--if it was three inches FROM the LW's yard--then it wasn't on her property. If the dog craps in your own yard, it's not a problem. Same with a kid.
Second, she's making an awful lot of assumptions. She is assuming he doesn't care. If he had guests over and it was a tense part of the game--it probably wasn't that high on his list of priorities. Sure, he COULD be a jerk and let his wife handle all this stuff--but that isn't really the LW's business, anyway. She sounds like a nosy busy-body.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
"" Amy, I am so disturbed first that the father didn't respond immediately to clean up his son's mess, but even more so that he allowed his wife to come deal with it while he watched football! As a friend and neighbor, should I say something to the husband about his lack of response and treatment of his wife? He is a bit of a bully anyway and I'm not interested in a fight, but both the un-neighborliness of his response and the unjust treatment of his wife are appalling to me.""
Ok, because he didn't Jump when she said jump. He is now unresponsive, bully, unneighborly and treats his wife unjustly. Thank goodness he "allowed" her to come over and clean up the turd. lol
Unfortunately, I do know people like this. They take ever incident, event and interaction and project a whole of meaning onto it whether it is accurate or not.
I would take the woman's word that she was out at the time. I am sure the husband let her know when she arrived home of the problem. Why the wife did not handle it immediately and had to wait for the neighbor to text her, I don't know. The wife owes the lady an apology for taking so long to get over there.
Ummm, the lady is not the problem. Why didn't the HUSBAND handle it. What the HELL kind of caveman mentality is this?
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
I would take the woman's word that she was out at the time. I am sure the husband let her know when she arrived home of the problem. Why the wife did not handle it immediately and had to wait for the neighbor to text her, I don't know. The wife owes the lady an apology for taking so long to get over there.
Ummm, the lady is not the problem. Why didn't the HUSBAND handle it. What the HELL kind of caveman mentality is this?
We don't know--but, really, handle what? The p00p was on his yard, not his neighbor's. Again, if the dog craps on your yard, your neighbor can b!tch all they want but it's too damn bad.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
I would take the woman's word that she was out at the time. I am sure the husband let her know when she arrived home of the problem. Why the wife did not handle it immediately and had to wait for the neighbor to text her, I don't know. The wife owes the lady an apology for taking so long to get over there.
Ummm, the lady is not the problem. Why didn't the HUSBAND handle it. What the HELL kind of caveman mentality is this?
We don't know--but, really, handle what? The p00p was on his yard, not his neighbor's. Again, if the dog craps on your yard, your neighbor can b!tch all they want but it's too damn bad.
What I'm taking exception to is that it is somehow only the wife's responsiblity and not his.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
I would take the woman's word that she was out at the time. I am sure the husband let her know when she arrived home of the problem. Why the wife did not handle it immediately and had to wait for the neighbor to text her, I don't know. The wife owes the lady an apology for taking so long to get over there.
Ummm, the lady is not the problem. Why didn't the HUSBAND handle it. What the HELL kind of caveman mentality is this?
We don't know--but, really, handle what? The p00p was on his yard, not his neighbor's. Again, if the dog craps on your yard, your neighbor can b!tch all they want but it's too damn bad.
What I'm taking exception to is that it is somehow only the wife's responsiblity and not his.
Did ANYONE read the part about the wife not being home at the time it actually happened? Read the OP! SHE WAS IN THE ER WITH HER MOM! OMG! Are you supposed to leave your sick mom to come home and clean up poo? The husband should have handled it. He did not. It sounds like the wife handled it when she got home.
I agree with you LL.
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“You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I'll rise!” ― Maya Angelou
I would take the woman's word that she was out at the time. I am sure the husband let her know when she arrived home of the problem. Why the wife did not handle it immediately and had to wait for the neighbor to text her, I don't know. The wife owes the lady an apology for taking so long to get over there.
Ummm, the lady is not the problem. Why didn't the HUSBAND handle it. What the HELL kind of caveman mentality is this?
We don't know--but, really, handle what? The p00p was on his yard, not his neighbor's. Again, if the dog craps on your yard, your neighbor can b!tch all they want but it's too damn bad.
What I'm taking exception to is that it is somehow only the wife's responsiblity and not his.
Never said it was. It's not really either of their responsibility to jump just because their neighbor wants them to.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
I would take the woman's word that she was out at the time. I am sure the husband let her know when she arrived home of the problem. Why the wife did not handle it immediately and had to wait for the neighbor to text her, I don't know. The wife owes the lady an apology for taking so long to get over there.
Ummm, the lady is not the problem. Why didn't the HUSBAND handle it. What the HELL kind of caveman mentality is this?
I would take the woman's word that she was out at the time. I am sure the husband let her know when she arrived home of the problem. Why the wife did not handle it immediately and had to wait for the neighbor to text her, I don't know. The wife owes the lady an apology for taking so long to get over there.
Ummm, the lady is not the problem. Why didn't the HUSBAND handle it. What the HELL kind of caveman mentality is this?
I was just joking.
Thank heavens.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
I would take the woman's word that she was out at the time. I am sure the husband let her know when she arrived home of the problem. Why the wife did not handle it immediately and had to wait for the neighbor to text her, I don't know. The wife owes the lady an apology for taking so long to get over there.
Ummm, the lady is not the problem. Why didn't the HUSBAND handle it. What the HELL kind of caveman mentality is this?