DEAR ABBY: My mother calls me all the time. I answer sometimes, but sometimes I don't because I feel she wants to know too much about my life.
I work full time with the public. When I get home, I'm tired. I have talked to people all day long, and I really don't feel like entertaining her.
My mother tends to be negative, snotty and, most of the time, offensive. If there's a storm or an accident on the news, she calls me repeatedly until I call back. Who wants to call someone back who acts that way?
I try to be positive and upbeat. Sometimes she drains my energy. Do you have any advice for me? -- PUT OFF IN THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST
DEAR PUT OFF: Yes. Explain to your mother that at the end of the day you don't have the energy to carry on a lengthy conversation with her. It wouldn't be rude; it's the truth. If she calls because she's worried that the bad news she hears in the media could be about you, tell her that you have her listed as someone to contact if there is an emergency. Continue to be positive and upbeat, and stop hiding from your mother.
One day, that phone won't ring and you'll give almost anything if it would.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Mom is lonely and needy. Limit her calls to one a day. After that, put her number on ignore for the rest of the day. And tell her, only one call a day, period.
You are a grown up, act like one.
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I drink coffee so I don't kill you.
I quilt so I don't kill you.
Do you see a theme?
Faith isn't something that keeps bad things from happening. Faith is what helps us get through bad things when they do happen.
I could have been this LW in my 20s & 30s. My mother's calls drove me crazy. When I reached 40, I understood that she was just worried about me, so I made sure she knew I was home or at work safely. FB and texts have really helped, too. I kick myself for taking so long to grow up and accept her desire to remain an important figure in my life.
I remember being so angry and complaining about it to my friend. Her response still resonates with me. "I would give anything to be able to talk to my mother just one more time."
I could have been this LW in my 20s & 30s. My mother's calls drove me crazy. When I reached 40, I understood that she was just worried about me, so I made sure she knew I was home or at work safely. FB and texts have really helped, too. I kick myself for taking so long to grow up and accept her desire to remain an important figure in my life.
I remember being so angry and complaining about it to my friend. Her response still resonates with me."I would give anything to be able to talk to my mother just one more time."
yes,just one more time
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~~Four Wheels Move the Body~~ ~~ Two Wheels Move the Soul~~
One day, that phone won't ring and you'll give almost anything if it would.
No way, especially is she's unpleasant when they do talk. I wouldn't have some confrontation about it.mmid just refuse to answer the phone. Hell, make her text. Respond to the tenth damn call with the text message "what".
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
I could have been this LW in my 20s & 30s. My mother's calls drove me crazy. When I reached 40, I understood that she was just worried about me, so I made sure she knew I was home or at work safely. FB and texts have really helped, too. I kick myself for taking so long to grow up and accept her desire to remain an important figure in my life.
I remember being so angry and complaining about it to my friend. Her response still resonates with me. "I would give anything to be able to talk to my mother just one more time."
Important--yes--but that doesn't mean answering 15 phone calls a day. I wouldn't want my mom calling that much, and she's a nice person to talk to.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
I know in my situation, my mother would call 15 times until I answered. Just to know if I was still alive. And if I ignored her calls for a couple days, she was snotty when I did answer because she was pist I was ignoring her. Sadly, it took me years to figure out how to manage her and the calls. Now we periodically chat on FB messaging throughout the day. If I think of something I want to share with her or vice versa, we both know that we will respond when we have time. No one is being interrupted. We check our messages when we feel like it. She knows everything is fine, and is happy. When she's happy, she's not snotty or negative.
I know it's different with sons. They don't have the kind of relationship with their mothers (usually) where they want to share the events of the day. Heck, there are daughters that don't, too, but I have the kind of relationship with my mother where I do.
Just tell her that you are tired and you don't want to talk. Tell her not to call you or just tell her you can say Hi briefly but you need to go get other things done or whatever and cut her off and limit the time she is talking.
I disagree with the people who say "one day (when your mother is gone) you will wish you had this problem".
I will be devastated when my mother dies, but still I would hate a nightly phone call from her after a hard days work. And it's not a personality issue, it's that I have to decompress, start cooking, open the mail, etc.
My dad was the mom in the scenario. I miss him but not the obsessive harrasing phone calls. I had to start ignoring.
You do what you have to for your sanity!
I am the caller but no more than 2X a week since I don't have a lot of chat time. If I don't call within a 5 day period, mom will call me. We have great convos, much about nothing, catching up. We also don't become upset if the other one can't talk long. She is a great phone friend. She is 85 soon and I know time may be limited, I try not to think about that.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
I pretty much talked to my mom daily all my life. Maybe not so much in college or starting my career but i was very close to my mom. After my dad died i talked to her every single day until she died.
