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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Dear Carolyn: Wife Samples Food Off my Plate
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Dear Carolyn: My wife has a habit that totally annoys me. Whenever we go to a restaurant, she always asks for a bite from my plate. I tell her that if she wanted that dish, she should have ordered it.

She insists that people share food samples all the time, and I am being selfish.

Background: My mother did the same thing to me growing up and I resented it, but I have told my wife about this and she still insists on asking for “a bite.”

What is the etiquette on this? Is it proper to ask for a sample? Help!!!!

— Off My Plate



Dear Plate: This is a marriage, so if we’re bringing etiquette in to referee it, you’ve both already lost.

Strictly speaking, your wife is wrong to keep pressing the issue. Recurring arguments are a failure to take no for an answer. And, while couples ideally are both generous with each other and careful not to burden present coexistence with past emotional baggage, we’re all entitled to mulligans from our partners for a peeve we can’t seem to master. You’re clearly all bunched up about this and so the pragmatic move for her was drop it already, years ago …

However. Your honking at her that “if she wanted that dish, she should have ordered it!” not only belongs in the killjoy hall of fame but also fails to hold up logically.

It feels weird to have to spell this out: I can order the chicken, be glad I ordered the chicken, enjoy the chicken and still be curious about the fish. So while I suppose I could order both dishes for myself at excessive cost to my wallet and waistline, what I’d really like is to enjoy my chicken and have just a taste of the fish my companion ordered. I don’t see how this violates any rules of entree ownership — especially since I will happily give you a bite of my chicken. Do you taste the rosemary in it? And what’s that other flavor? I can’t quite make it out …

Oh wait. You don’t want this to be a shared sensory experience.

See what I mean?

She’s your wife. You love her. You chose her over all others. Maybe if you trade a bite of each other’s dinner, you’ll both have a teensy something new to talk about, a better idea of what to order next time, and, best of all, that little warm glow you get from choosing to be open where you could, out of cantankerous habit, just insist on staying closed.

Your plate, your call — but from where I sit, this call makes itself
http://www.freep.com/story/life/advice/2015/11/05/carolyn-hax-hates-wife-samples-plate/75019920/








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Dona Worry Be Happy


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Just give her a damn bite, jeez, stop being a pick about it. This is a perfectly normal thing.

Although, she should have dropped it a long time ago if it bothered him so much. But what a stupid issue to fight about.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Or she could just stop eating off his plate. It sounds like it bothers him more than her need to sample.

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lilyofcourse


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Where is eye roll emoji?



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jlbear71


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DH & I purposely get two different meals so that we can sample the others. But there are times when we do not want to share and we are understanding of that too.

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Ohfour


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Lord, he would hate my husband. He is always picking food off peoples plates...without asking. Hes kinda known for it, and people are just used to it...


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Lawyerlady


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What an azzhole.

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Mary Zombie


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Joey doesn't share food!

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Lawyerlady


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Mary Zombie wrote:

Joey doesn't share food!

 LOL!



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jlbear71 wrote:

DH & I purposely get two different meals so that we can sample the others. But there are times when we do not want to share and we are understanding of that too.

 Exactly what we do too. We can't eat 2 dinners each, but we can at least TASTE 2 different dinners! 



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cadiver


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He should just order the same dish.


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Lindley


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Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:

Just give her a damn bite, jeez, stop being a pick about it. This is a perfectly normal thing.

Although, she should have dropped it a long time ago if it bothered him so much. But what a stupid issue to fight about.

 My feelings  exactly  



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Ohfour wrote:

Lord, he would hate my husband. He is always picking food off peoples plates...without asking. Hes kinda known for it, and people are just used to it...

 I want to eat off your plate!



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We taste each others food constantly. I didn't realize people made such a big deal of it. In fact, we sometimes trade food. I will slide something of mine onto his plate and he will give me something of his. It's our darn food. We can do whatever.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Honestly we rarely do that. I mean if i wanted to or Dh did then we wouldnt care but i dont get the incessant need to do that?

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Nobody Just Nobody


Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

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Well, whenever we go to IHOP I order some kind of egg deal. It always comes with hashbrowns. I don't particularly care for them. DH loves them. DH usually will order a burger or something that comes with fries. I'd much rather have the fries. So we swap. Easy peasy.

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I might be torn between 2 choices of entree. If I pick one and DH happens to choose the other, he will give me a bite. We typically have the same few choices so what one of us orders is usually a top choice for the other too.

But I agree that the OP's wife should have dropped it if it meant that much to him. Clearly he has a problem with it so why be so passive aggressive and continue to needle him about it, knowing it ticks him off?

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karl271


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I do not see the big deal, either. Sometimes I will order something that looks good to my wife when it arrives and she asks to share. She does not eat off my plate as such (I keep seeing a cat eating from their dish) but I usually "shovel" some of the dish onto her plate. Anyway, I never thought much about it.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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I think sticking your fork onto someone elses plate is presumptive. Ok with a spouse if u both agree.

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lilyofcourse


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I see what the problem is.

The LW said his mom use to do it to him.

It's a boundaries thing.


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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.

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