TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

RE: Dear Abby: Paternal family not interested in Special needs daughter.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Yes, but so what? They were together and it is a possibility. So, until you know otherwise, you keep trying. And, then have your loser son request a paternity test to make sure.

TrudyML · Guru

*rat a tat tat*

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Yes, but so what? They were together and it is a possibility. So, until you know otherwise, you keep trying. And, then have your loser son request a paternity test to make sure.

I don't know what world you live in, but the sad reality is that paternal grandparents of children born outside of marriage when the parents are not together are rarely involved in the kid's life very much. The relationship needs to be there first. This doesn't even sound as if the father sees his kid - so you are expecting more from them than of him?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Yes, but so what? They were together and it is a possibility. So, until you know otherwise, you keep trying. And, then have your loser son request a paternity test to make sure.
I don't know what world you live in, but the sad reality is that paternal grandparents of children born outside of marriage when the parents are not together are rarely involved in the kid's life very much. The relationship needs to be there first. This doesn't even sound as if the father sees his kid - so you are expecting more from them than of him?

Huh? We aren't even talking about him. We are addressing the OP. But, that is a good point. Why is the LW so bent out of shape over the grandparents versus actual Bio dad?

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

One important fact she left out is how special needs the child is. "Special Needs" covers a lot of ground. Is the child blind? Deaf? Does she have cognitive deficits? I think that's important information. If the child doesn't even understand who grandma and grandpa are then just give her the gift. You don't even need to tell her who they're from if she's not going to understand anyway.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

If the gift giving kept going on with no other contact, I would be returning the gifts to the store and putting the dollar value in a bank account.

I notice that most of you posting about "let the child figure it out" are people with families; married, interactions with your extended family. You have never experienced the sadness of a 4YO + when she realizes that she is getting gifts from someone that doesn't want her, doesn't want to spend the time with her. Little kids love gifts but they love the excitement of seeing their relatives on their special days more than the gift. The heart wrenching sadness DD has experienced with ex-DH's family is enough to make me want to cut off ties to her father's family. I haven't.

I wonder if any of your children were strung along by their loser father w/r to promises to see them and giving them tons of gifts, and that day doesn't happen. It is really sad and maddening.

I can't imagine what that is like for a special needs child. Maybe it isn't as bad, maybe it is something they fixate on. I Don't know.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I guess i dont see it that way. We got gifts from relatives when i was a kid that we never saw. Kids accept what is. I just enjoyed the gift.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I got gifts from relatives I didn't know all the time. And it did not occur to me to think, "oh, they don't want to be with me". That would be the parent causing that thought.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

When a child knows they have a different family, when they see their friends and neighbors and even cousins seeing their grandparents and excited to see them and the child doesn't have that? They get an occasional gift? It does cause issues. Of course it depends on how sensitive and how hungry for love from the absent side of the family that child is.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Yeah me either. One year they sent one if those 5lb Hershey bars. Thought that was awesome.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lawyerlady wrote:
I got gifts from relatives I didn't know all the time. And it did not occur to me to think, "oh, they don't want to be with me". That would be the parent causing that thought.

Really? I never did.

flan

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

How special needs IS this child? Seriously. I want to know this. What level of cognitive function does this child have? There's a chance this kiddo doesn't even have the ability to understand what's going on.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
I got gifts from relatives I didn't know all the time. And it did not occur to me to think, "oh, they don't want to be with me". That would be the parent causing that thought.
Really? I never did.
flan

Well then perhaps consider our experience.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Some grandparents are less involved. That's life not a tragedy.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Some grandparents are less involved. That's life not a tragedy.

Oh, in my mind it actually is...

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

And we call that victim mentality. Life aint fair flan. Be happy and make the best of it or not. Focus on what you do have not on what u dont.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

My father had 17 brothers and sisters. I think I know 3. But, there were times I'd get gifts from aunts and uncles I had no idea who they were.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
And we call that victim mentality. Life aint fair flan. Be happy and make the best of it or not. Focus on what you do have not on what u dont.

Can you stop seeing victims everywhere?

I'm a grandparent. I cannot imagine NOT being involved in Itty bitty's life.

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
And we call that victim mentality. Life aint fair flan. Be happy and make the best of it or not. Focus on what you do have not on what u dont.

Can you stop seeing victims everywhere?
I'm a grandparent. I cannot imagine NOT being involved in Itty bitty's life.
flan

Well, if one of your sons had knocked up some girl without being married and then they broke up before the baby was born, you would probably not be in that child's life much. Mom would be totally in control.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Huh? This isnt about how you would feel or about you. You obviously want to be a grandparent. They dont.