TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dear Abby: Sister Wants Ashes Back

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

They havent' spoken in 4 years? What happens to all these families ? Sheesh. Just send it back lady.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
DEAR ABBY: Seven years ago my sister's 19-year-old son was killed in a car accident. After the wake she gave me a heart necklace with some of his ashes. We no longer speak and haven't for four years.

Well, did I get a shock today. I received an email from her asking for it back! She even had my stepmom repeat that message to me. I don't believe she has the right to ask for the necklace. Does she? -- BLUE IN TENNESSEE

DEAR BLUE: Because you are no longer speaking, I can understand why your sister might want her son's ashes back. Be a lady; return the necklace to her via registered mail or have your stepmother give it to her. It's regrettable that your relationship with your sister has sunk to this level. Because this was no ordinary gift, understand that if you refuse to return it, your relationship with your sister will be permanently fractured.

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/2015/11/17/moving-to-the-desert-makes-woman

I think it has been permanently fractured already in the asking for it back. Who does that?

ed11563 · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
DEAR ABBY: Seven years ago my sister's 19-year-old son was killed in a car accident. After the wake she gave me a heart necklace with some of his ashes. We no longer speak and haven't for four years.

Well, did I get a shock today. I received an email from her asking for it back! She even had my stepmom repeat that message to me. I don't believe she has the right to ask for the necklace. Does she? -- BLUE IN TENNESSEE

DEAR BLUE: Because you are no longer speaking, I can understand why your sister might want her son's ashes back. Be a lady; return the necklace to her via registered mail or have your stepmother give it to her. It's regrettable that your relationship with your sister has sunk to this level. Because this was no ordinary gift, understand that if you refuse to return it, your relationship with your sister will be permanently fractured.

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/2015/11/17/moving-to-the-desert-makes-woman
I think it has been permanently fractured already in the asking for it back. Who does that?

Maybe someone who wants to open a dialogue.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

That's really not the way to do it.

Lindley · Guru

That is cruel and petty to do that to someone. They may not be speaking to each other but that doesn't mean take away what the lw felt about her nephew. A gift is a gift. The only reason I would give it back is if the sister somehow lost her sons ashes and that would be the only one left.

msrock · Guru

Lindley wrote:
That is cruel and petty to do that to someone. They may not be speaking to each other but that doesn't mean take away what the lw felt about her nephew. A gift is a gift. The only reason I would give it back is if the sister somehow lost her sons ashes and that would be the only one left.

This.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

msrock wrote:
Lindley wrote:
That is cruel and petty to do that to someone. They may not be speaking to each other but that doesn't mean take away what the lw felt about her nephew. A gift is a gift. The only reason I would give it back is if the sister somehow lost her sons ashes and that would be the only one left.
This.

Yep.

FNW · Guru

Lindley wrote:
That is cruel and petty to do that to someone. They may not be speaking to each other but that doesn't mean take away what the lw felt about her nephew. A gift is a gift. The only reason I would give it back is if the sister somehow lost her sons ashes and that would be the only one left.

I think that was her point. To be mean to her sister. And it worked.

Ohfour · Hooker

My sister would SOOOOO do this. She's that kind of mean. She hated my Ex husband when we were married. Like HATED him. The first Thanksgiving after we were divorced, she called him and asked him to come to dinner at her house. That she felt bad that he would be by himself...yes, she really did do that...

FNW · Guru

My mother had two sisters. They have/had a love/hate relationship. Frenemies. She always told me to be grateful I only had a brother. I've seen so much crap with friends who had sisters. That so sucks, Ohfour.

Tinydancer · Guru

I have two sisters. I love them both dearly but there is only one that I actually like.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Lindley wrote:

That is cruel and petty to do that to someone. They may not be speaking to each other but that doesn't mean take away what the lw felt about her nephew. A gift is a gift. The only reason I would give it back is if the sister somehow lost her sons ashes and that would be the only one left.

Personally, I find the whole splitting up human remains and keeping it in a jar thing pretty weird and morbid. I just find that very odd. And, I don't really consider giving human remains a "gift". That seems odd to describe it that way as well. As for the sister, it was her child. Send it back. And, try to open a dialogue with sis. And, if she won't then just send it back anyway.

msrock · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Lindley wrote:

That is cruel and petty to do that to someone. They may not be speaking to each other but that doesn't mean take away what the lw felt about her nephew. A gift is a gift. The only reason I would give it back is if the sister somehow lost her sons ashes and that would be the only one left.

Personally, I find the whole splitting up human remains and keeping it in a jar thing pretty weird and morbid. I just find that very odd. And, I don't really consider giving human remains a "gift". That seems odd to describe it that way as well. As for the sister, it was her child. Send it back. And, try to open a dialogue with sis. And, if she won't then just send it back anyway.

Did you miss the part where she said the remains were in a heart shaped necklace that was given to her at the wake? That is a gift.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

msrock wrote:

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Lindley wrote:

That is cruel and petty to do that to someone. They may not be speaking to each other but that doesn't mean take away what the lw felt about her nephew. A gift is a gift. The only reason I would give it back is if the sister somehow lost her sons ashes and that would be the only one left.

Personally, I find the whole splitting up human remains and keeping it in a jar thing pretty weird and morbid. I just find that very odd. And, I don't really consider giving human remains a "gift". That seems odd to describe it that way as well. As for the sister, it was her child. Send it back. And, try to open a dialogue with sis. And, if she won't then just send it back anyway.
Did you miss the part where she said the remains were in a heart shaped necklace that was given to her at the wake? That is a gift.

No. I didn't miss it. Some things in life are not worth fighting about in my opinion. You want it? Here you go. Not going to have any more angst over it. I just find that sort of thing to be a waste of time.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
msrock wrote:

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Lindley wrote:

That is cruel and petty to do that to someone. They may not be speaking to each other but that doesn't mean take away what the lw felt about her nephew. A gift is a gift. The only reason I would give it back is if the sister somehow lost her sons ashes and that would be the only one left.

Personally, I find the whole splitting up human remains and keeping it in a jar thing pretty weird and morbid. I just find that very odd. And, I don't really consider giving human remains a "gift". That seems odd to describe it that way as well. As for the sister, it was her child. Send it back. And, try to open a dialogue with sis. And, if she won't then just send it back anyway.
Did you miss the part where she said the remains were in a heart shaped necklace that was given to her at the wake? That is a gift.

No. I didn't miss it. Some things in life are not worth fighting about in my opinion. You want it? Here you go. Not going to have any more angst over it. I just find that sort of thing to be a waste of time.

Maybe the aunt cherishes that necklace. And the mother likely has her own. She just wants it back to be petty and mean.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

When I was younger, my mom and her sisters were fighting over their mother's necklace. It was really idiotic and stupid and I thought my aunts were acting like stupid idiots over it. My mom was the oldest daughter. Finally, my mom did send it to one of the sisters. The pain it caused her was not worth it. I was glad when the stupid drama was over and she was happy again. Was that "right"? No. Of course not. But, you can cause yourself a lot of unnecessary misery keeping these kinds of stupid things going. Who cares? It's just stuff. Personally, I don't cherish "stuff". When my mom died, I called my sis and said, Go over to her house and take whatever you want. Then, we went over. My sis is not some greedy arse type so I knew she wasn't going to act that way and she didn't. I would never fight with my only sister over that kind of nonsense.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
When I was younger, my mom and her sisters were fighting over their mother's necklace. It was really idiotic and stupid and I thought my aunts were acting like stupid idiots over it. My mom was the oldest daughter. Finally, my mom did send it to one of the sisters. The pain it caused her was not worth it. I was glad when the stupid drama was over and she was happy again. Was that "right"? No. Of course not. But, you can cause yourself a lot of unnecessary misery keeping these kinds of stupid things going. Who cares? It's just stuff. Personally, I don't cherish "stuff". When my mom died, I called my sis and said, Go over to her house and take whatever you want. Then, we went over. My sis is not some greedy arse type so I knew she wasn't going to act that way and she didn't. I would never fight with my only sister over that kind of nonsense.

Remains are not just stuff. Whole different thing...

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Ohfour wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
When I was younger, my mom and her sisters were fighting over their mother's necklace. It was really idiotic and stupid and I thought my aunts were acting like stupid idiots over it. My mom was the oldest daughter. Finally, my mom did send it to one of the sisters. The pain it caused her was not worth it. I was glad when the stupid drama was over and she was happy again. Was that "right"? No. Of course not. But, you can cause yourself a lot of unnecessary misery keeping these kinds of stupid things going. Who cares? It's just stuff. Personally, I don't cherish "stuff". When my mom died, I called my sis and said, Go over to her house and take whatever you want. Then, we went over. My sis is not some greedy arse type so I knew she wasn't going to act that way and she didn't. I would never fight with my only sister over that kind of nonsense.
Remains are not just stuff. Whole different thing...

They are not fighting over the remains. They are fighting over something else - they haven't spoken in 4 years. The one sister is simply trying to use the necklace as a weapon.

msrock · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
When I was younger, my mom and her sisters were fighting over their mother's necklace. It was really idiotic and stupid and I thought my aunts were acting like stupid idiots over it. My mom was the oldest daughter. Finally, my mom did send it to one of the sisters. The pain it caused her was not worth it. I was glad when the stupid drama was over and she was happy again. Was that "right"? No. Of course not. But, you can cause yourself a lot of unnecessary misery keeping these kinds of stupid things going. Who cares? It's just stuff. Personally, I don't cherish "stuff". When my mom died, I called my sis and said, Go over to her house and take whatever you want. Then, we went over. My sis is not some greedy arse type so I knew she wasn't going to act that way and she didn't. I would never fight with my only sister over that kind of nonsense.
Remains are not just stuff. Whole different thing...
They are not fighting over the remains. They are fighting over something else - they haven't spoken in 4 years. The one sister is simply trying to use the necklace as a weapon.

Yes. This is where I'm at.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

msrock wrote:
Lindley wrote:
That is cruel and petty to do that to someone. They may not be speaking to each other but that doesn't mean take away what the lw felt about her nephew. A gift is a gift. The only reason I would give it back is if the sister somehow lost her sons ashes and that would be the only one left.
This.

If the LW had a good relationship with her nephew, I'd keep the necklace.

flan

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

I would send the necklace back, inside a sympathy card. She wants it back that badly, just give it back. She can't get back the memories, which are more cherish able then ashes.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
When I was younger, my mom and her sisters were fighting over their mother's necklace. It was really idiotic and stupid and I thought my aunts were acting like stupid idiots over it. My mom was the oldest daughter. Finally, my mom did send it to one of the sisters. The pain it caused her was not worth it. I was glad when the stupid drama was over and she was happy again. Was that "right"? No. Of course not. But, you can cause yourself a lot of unnecessary misery keeping these kinds of stupid things going. Who cares? It's just stuff. Personally, I don't cherish "stuff". When my mom died, I called my sis and said, Go over to her house and take whatever you want. Then, we went over. My sis is not some greedy arse type so I knew she wasn't going to act that way and she didn't. I would never fight with my only sister over that kind of nonsense.
Remains are not just stuff. Whole different thing...

I agree but it is her son's remains.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
When I was younger, my mom and her sisters were fighting over their mother's necklace. It was really idiotic and stupid and I thought my aunts were acting like stupid idiots over it. My mom was the oldest daughter. Finally, my mom did send it to one of the sisters. The pain it caused her was not worth it. I was glad when the stupid drama was over and she was happy again. Was that "right"? No. Of course not. But, you can cause yourself a lot of unnecessary misery keeping these kinds of stupid things going. Who cares? It's just stuff. Personally, I don't cherish "stuff". When my mom died, I called my sis and said, Go over to her house and take whatever you want. Then, we went over. My sis is not some greedy arse type so I knew she wasn't going to act that way and she didn't. I would never fight with my only sister over that kind of nonsense.
Remains are not just stuff. Whole different thing...
They are not fighting over the remains. They are fighting over something else - they haven't spoken in 4 years. The one sister is simply trying to use the necklace as a weapon.

Yeah. So here's your weapon back now leave me the hell alone.

Mary Zombie · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
msrock wrote:
Lindley wrote:
That is cruel and petty to do that to someone. They may not be speaking to each other but that doesn't mean take away what the lw felt about her nephew. A gift is a gift. The only reason I would give it back is if the sister somehow lost her sons ashes and that would be the only one left.
This.
Yep.

Concur. I would probably ignore her. Yeah....u can tell me what to do....not.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

DH has part of his brothers ashes. His mom took part and his other brother took part. We have them in an urn on our bookcase. I don't even think about it. I asked him if his mom or brother asked for them back would he give them back. He said not only no but hell no. His brother died young. It's the principle of the thing. It's his last tie to him.