Dear Amy: I’m at a crossroads. I’ve been married for 15 years, and have two children, ages 11 and 9.
I don’t love my husband anymore and don’t see myself spending the rest of my life with him. I care about him and appreciate him, but there’s no love left. He’s an honest person, and a very hard worker who’s great around the house. However, he’s also a rigid, insecure, angry man.
I’ve been unhappy for years (yes, years), but decided to stick it out for the sake of the kids. But I’m just tired of dealing with him. We don’t fight very often because I find myself letting everything go for the sake of having a peaceful house.
If we didn’t have children, I’d have no problem dissolving the marriage. I’m not being truthful with him about my feelings, which really bothers me. My dilemma is that I’m concerned with uprooting my children’s lives. How does one decide whether it’s worth it to stay for the children’s sake? — Should I Stay or Should I Go?
DETROIT FREE PRESS
Readers offer advice on marriage, divorce, in-laws, loneliness
Dear Stay or Go:I’m wondering if your husband might be insecure and angry because he is married to someone who likes but does not love him, and who has been unhappy for years.
I’m not blaming you for his behavior, but you don’t seem to be taking much responsibility for your own happiness. You passively avoid fighting in order to have a peaceful home, but there are times to be a little less Neville Chamberlain and a little more Winston Churchill.
You two might be able to restore some connection and intimacy if you learned how to communicate honestly — and fight for your marriage. It would be a shame if you walked away without at least attempting to change it for the better.
Raising children in an unhappy home is obviously not good for them, but don’t kid yourself — at their ages, most children aren’t overly concerned about your happiness in marriage and would rather have their parents together than endure the dislocation and uncertainty of splitting up.
A marriage counselor may be able to coach both of you into making changes that might benefit your marriage, or help you to separate peacefully, if that’s what you choose to do.
Unless she really wants to work it out, the marriage is over.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Unless she really wants to work it out, the marriage is over.
Well, why will people invest sooooo much in a wedding? But, as soon as life gets bit dull, they won't go spend $500 for some marriage counseling to at least see if there is a marriage to salvage with the person with whom you pledged your life and have children with? You may get divorced anyway but why not spend some money and try and even if you leave, you will get some good counseling in how to manage your relationship and parenting duties.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
