TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

RE: We've seen it over and over...

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I think part of the big problem nowadays is that we don't lay the blame where it belongs. At the fault of the perp. We are soooo afraid to punish and hold accountable those who are accountable. Like in school, if a kid misbehaves, they punish the whole class. Um, no. How about punishing the Person that did the deed. This type of lazy discipline just teaches people that they can shirk their responsibility and accountability.

Having said that, I do agree that women need to wake up and open their eyes. That if the warning signs are there and they choose to ignore them, that they are putting themselves and their own children or future children in danger.

But punishment does zero good to those already dead. We may still have some work to do in this area, but we punish domestic violence more harshly now that at an time in our nations history. Im not saying we can't or shouldn't do more or better, but I am saying that punishment is after the fact and in this case, and many others, it does no real good to the victim other than some small measure of justice.

huskerbb · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
These dippy young women just HAVE to have this or that boyfriend. They hang on to them like a toddler clutches stuffed animals. They hang on to the despite what their friends and family say. They make excuses for their bad behavior. Then, to top it off, they have kids with these losers, making it more difficult to end the relationship, and tying themselves to these losers through the children even if they can get out of the romantic relationship.

It makes me angry that they don't once stop to think--at least not with the organ on top of their neck.
It makes me angry that you seem to blame these women more than you blame the men. Surely there are men who make bad decisions about women yet you don't hear about these women killing their boyfriends children. Look to the real reason this is happening and stop blaming the women. sheesh
That's BS. The reason you don't hear about women killing their boyfriend's children is because it doesn't happen that much. A man can date loser women and the consequences are not as great.
Sure, we can put all the laws in place that we want to in order to punish those who commit such crimes--but criminals break the law. Such laws don't prevent a damn thing. They can only come into the play after the fact.
You make my point exactly. Yes men can date losers and you blame the women. Women can date losers and you blame the women. Are you seeing a pattern here husker because I sure do. It's that whole men can't control themselves thing you seem to believe. Whether it's a sister in law hitting on you or killing children it's always some one else fault if it's a man.
Men are to blame for dating losers, too. However, the consequences for doing so are rarely as dire.

It's the man's fault here for killing his kids and her father--but so what? Again, punishment is AFTER THE FACT. It does no good to the dead to punish people. They are already dead.
So what? You find a way to blame the women no matter WHAT. It doesn't matter how or when the men get punished and just because someone's dead doesn't mean the guy gets a pass. You can minimize what these animals do but it only makes you look like a sympathizer. Blaming the women makes you look like a women hater. That you don't see it is just wrong.

Who's giving anyone a pass? The guy is dead. We can't possibly do any more to punish him. How is death minimizing anything.

You want to focus on punishment. I would rather such situations be prevented. Punishment does the victims no real good, especially if they are dead.

Tinydancer · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
These dippy young women just HAVE to have this or that boyfriend. They hang on to them like a toddler clutches stuffed animals. They hang on to the despite what their friends and family say. They make excuses for their bad behavior. Then, to top it off, they have kids with these losers, making it more difficult to end the relationship, and tying themselves to these losers through the children even if they can get out of the romantic relationship.

It makes me angry that they don't once stop to think--at least not with the organ on top of their neck.
It makes me angry that you seem to blame these women more than you blame the men. Surely there are men who make bad decisions about women yet you don't hear about these women killing their boyfriends children. Look to the real reason this is happening and stop blaming the women. sheesh
That's BS. The reason you don't hear about women killing their boyfriend's children is because it doesn't happen that much. A man can date loser women and the consequences are not as great.
Sure, we can put all the laws in place that we want to in order to punish those who commit such crimes--but criminals break the law. Such laws don't prevent a damn thing. They can only come into the play after the fact.
You make my point exactly. Yes men can date losers and you blame the women. Women can date losers and you blame the women. Are you seeing a pattern here husker because I sure do. It's that whole men can't control themselves thing you seem to believe. Whether it's a sister in law hitting on you or killing children it's always some one else fault if it's a man.
Men are to blame for dating losers, too. However, the consequences for doing so are rarely as dire.

It's the man's fault here for killing his kids and her father--but so what? Again, punishment is AFTER THE FACT. It does no good to the dead to punish people. They are already dead.
So what? You find a way to blame the women no matter WHAT. It doesn't matter how or when the men get punished and just because someone's dead doesn't mean the guy gets a pass. You can minimize what these animals do but it only makes you look like a sympathizer. Blaming the women makes you look like a women hater. That you don't see it is just wrong.
Who's giving anyone a pass? The guy is dead. We can't possibly do any more to punish him. How is death minimizing anything.

You want to focus on punishment. I would rather such situations be prevented. Punishment does the victims no real good, especially if they are dead.

Where did I focusd on punishment? What I did focus on was your useless blaming of the women after the fact. Until YOU are a woman in an absuive relationship you don't have a clue what they've been through but being a hater seems to be very easy for you.

huskerbb · Guru

All of your posts focus on punishment. You want to do nothing to prevent such tragedies, and criticize things that could very well prevent them.

I want women to avoid such relationships.

-- Edited by huskerbb on Monday 23rd of November 2015 10:29:31 AM

huskerbb · Guru

Ok, we do blame the guy who did this. It is 100% his fault. We'll give him the death penalty, which is de facto what happened.

What good does that do those kids? Her father? How does that prevent this from happening to someone else?

The answers are none, none, and it won't.

You want to focus on blame--which is useless. I want to focus on prevention.

huskerbb · Guru

Let's say you leave your house unlocked and someone robs it. Yes, the robbers are to blame for taking your stuff. However, what good does that fact do you? Your stuff is gone. They can catch and punish the guys, but that may or may not bring your stuff back, and you may truly never get back your lost sense of security in your home.

Wouldn't it have been better to lock your door and at least attempt to prevent that?

Tinydancer · Guru

Again until you've been an abused women you have no clue. No matter how many times we've told you that you usually can't tell until it's too late you insist that these women were stupid or ignorant.

Tinydancer · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Ok, we do blame the guy who did this. It is 100% his fault. We'll give him the death penalty, which is de facto what happened.

What good does that do those kids? Her father? How does that prevent this from happening to someone else?

The answers are none, none, and it won't.

You want to focus on blame--which is useless. I want to focus on prevention.

And the only way you can think of preventing it is to blame the women.

Ohfour · Hooker

(flame suit on)

I'm going to be one of "those" women...

I was abused before I got married. I knew exactly what he was like and I thought I could change him. I am 100% to blame. I let him manipulate me and I knew he was doing it. You know when I finally stopped? When I realized that I provoked him to get attention from him, because if I didn't, I was totally ignored. That day, my life changed...

Tinydancer · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
(flame suit on)

I'm going to be one of "those" women...

I was abused before I got married. I knew exactly what he was like and I thought I could change him. I am 100% to blame. I let him manipulate me and I knew he was doing it. You know when I finally stopped? When I realized that I provoked him to get attention from him, because if I didn't, I was totally ignored. That day, my life changed...

Did you think he'd be capable of killing ay children you had? Would you have stayed with him if you had thought that was possible?

huskerbb · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
Again until you've been an abused women you have no clue. No matter how many times we've told you that you usually can't tell until it's too late you insist that these women were stupid or ignorant.

Too late for what? In this case, there were signs LONG before it led to this.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Okay, after we come up with a system in which society gets to tell women who they can and can't date maybe we can come up with a board that gets people off welfare. I mean, if friends and family don't like who you pick out, for any reason at all, they could apply to this new government board and you will no longer be able to date that man. I think that will work swell.

huskerbb · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Ok, we do blame the guy who did this. It is 100% his fault. We'll give him the death penalty, which is de facto what happened.

What good does that do those kids? Her father? How does that prevent this from happening to someone else?

The answers are none, none, and it won't.

You want to focus on blame--which is useless. I want to focus on prevention.
And the only way you can think of preventing it is to blame the women.

you don't even want to prevent it.

huskerbb · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Okay, after we come up with a system in which society gets to tell women who they can and can't date maybe we can come up with a board that gets people off welfare. I mean, if friends and family don't like who you pick out, for any reason at all, they could apply to this new government board and you will no longer be able to date that man. I think that will work swell.

No, not "for any reason at all"--but if the guy is controlling and abusive, then maybe the advice of family and friends should be taken into consideration.

Or, as you all seem to prefer--we can do nothing and say nothing and simply lament the situation when stuff like this happens.

Tinydancer · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Ok, we do blame the guy who did this. It is 100% his fault. We'll give him the death penalty, which is de facto what happened.

What good does that do those kids? Her father? How does that prevent this from happening to someone else?

The answers are none, none, and it won't.

You want to focus on blame--which is useless. I want to focus on prevention.
And the only way you can think of preventing it is to blame the women.
you don't even want to prevent it.

Where did I say that? Nice try deflecting because you can't support that stupid argument any longer.

huskerbb · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Ok, we do blame the guy who did this. It is 100% his fault. We'll give him the death penalty, which is de facto what happened.

What good does that do those kids? Her father? How does that prevent this from happening to someone else?

The answers are none, none, and it won't.

You want to focus on blame--which is useless. I want to focus on prevention.
And the only way you can think of preventing it is to blame the women.
you don't even want to prevent it.
Where did I say that? Nice try deflecting because you can't support that stupid argument any longer.

I'm not deflecting anything. You have made excuse after excuse as to why we can't change anything.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

huskerbb wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Okay, after we come up with a system in which society gets to tell women who they can and can't date maybe we can come up with a board that gets people off welfare. I mean, if friends and family don't like who you pick out, for any reason at all, they could apply to this new government board and you will no longer be able to date that man. I think that will work swell.
No, not "for any reason at all"--but if the guy is controlling and abusive, then maybe the advice of family and friends should be taken into consideration.

Or, as you all seem to prefer--we can do nothing and say nothing and simply lament the situation when stuff like this happens.

How do YOU propose to MAKE a woman stop dating someone? I have yet to hear YOU come up with a plan. Truth is YOU CAN'T. You can't control another adult no matter how much it pains you husker. And yes, there are plenty of parents out there who hate their daughters b/f's for no reason at all. It's not like this is something you can legislate. YOU can't even come up with a solution.

huskerbb · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Okay, after we come up with a system in which society gets to tell women who they can and can't date maybe we can come up with a board that gets people off welfare. I mean, if friends and family don't like who you pick out, for any reason at all, they could apply to this new government board and you will no longer be able to date that man. I think that will work swell.
No, not "for any reason at all"--but if the guy is controlling and abusive, then maybe the advice of family and friends should be taken into consideration.

Or, as you all seem to prefer--we can do nothing and say nothing and simply lament the situation when stuff like this happens.
How do YOU propose to MAKE a woman stop dating someone? I have yet to hear YOU come up with a plan. Truth is YOU CAN'T. You can't control another adult no matter how much it pains you husker. And yes, there are plenty of parents out there who hate their daughters b/f's for no reason at all. It's not like this is something you can legislate. YOU can't even come up with a solution.

No, it can't be legislated--but I want people to make better decisons.

If they don't want to--then this is what you get.

huskerbb · Guru

I think programs to help people place more value on themselves might be a start.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

huskerbb wrote:
I think programs to help people place more value on themselves might be a start.

LMFAO I want to see this added to the freakin high school curriculum.

Tinydancer · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Ok, we do blame the guy who did this. It is 100% his fault. We'll give him the death penalty, which is de facto what happened.

What good does that do those kids? Her father? How does that prevent this from happening to someone else?

The answers are none, none, and it won't.

You want to focus on blame--which is useless. I want to focus on prevention.
And the only way you can think of preventing it is to blame the women.
you don't even want to prevent it.
Where did I say that? Nice try deflecting because you can't support that stupid argument any longer.
I'm not deflecting anything. You have made excuse after excuse as to why we can't change anything.

Quote one single excuse I made. You're the one making excuses for the guys by saying it's the womens fault...lol

huskerbb · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
I think programs to help people place more value on themselves might be a start.
LMFAO I want to see this added to the freakin high school curriculum.

??? some schools have things like this. Maybe not separate classes, but I taught a leadership class that included such topics. there was a symposium for junior high kids on this when I was teaching, also.

huskerbb · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Ok, we do blame the guy who did this. It is 100% his fault. We'll give him the death penalty, which is de facto what happened.

What good does that do those kids? Her father? How does that prevent this from happening to someone else?

The answers are none, none, and it won't.

You want to focus on blame--which is useless. I want to focus on prevention.
And the only way you can think of preventing it is to blame the women.
you don't even want to prevent it.
Where did I say that? Nice try deflecting because you can't support that stupid argument any longer.
I'm not deflecting anything. You have made excuse after excuse as to why we can't change anything.
Quote one single excuse I made. You're the one making excuses for the guys by saying it's the womens fault...lol

Youve been saying over and over that we can't prevent it.

old you want to focus on blame. I want to prevent this from happening. What is going to do more good?

Tinydancer · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Ok, we do blame the guy who did this. It is 100% his fault. We'll give him the death penalty, which is de facto what happened.

What good does that do those kids? Her father? How does that prevent this from happening to someone else?

The answers are none, none, and it won't.

You want to focus on blame--which is useless. I want to focus on prevention.
And the only way you can think of preventing it is to blame the women.
you don't even want to prevent it.
Where did I say that? Nice try deflecting because you can't support that stupid argument any longer.
I'm not deflecting anything. You have made excuse after excuse as to why we can't change anything.
Quote one single excuse I made. You're the one making excuses for the guys by saying it's the womens fault...lol
Youve been saying over and over that we can't prevent it.
old you want to focus on blame. I want to prevent this from happening. What is going to do more good?

I never said any such thing. Making crap up is not really debating, it's lying.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

huskerbb wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
I think programs to help people place more value on themselves might be a start.
LMFAO I want to see this added to the freakin high school curriculum.
??? some schools have things like this. Maybe not separate classes, but I taught a leadership class that included such topics. there was a symposium for junior high kids on this when I was teaching, also.

This is hilarious. I want to see you try to make this mandatory. Our teachers are barely able to teach the basic core subjects because people like you want all these stupid fluff classes put in. How about this? How about if PARENTS, OMG GASP, actually parent and teach their kids not to get into relationships like this. Statistically speaking women who are in these relationships almost ALWAYS come from parents who have been in likewise situations. And unfortunately, you cannot stop people from being with who they choose to be with. You don't get that decision.

huskerbb · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Ok, we do blame the guy who did this. It is 100% his fault. We'll give him the death penalty, which is de facto what happened.

What good does that do those kids? Her father? How does that prevent this from happening to someone else?

The answers are none, none, and it won't.

You want to focus on blame--which is useless. I want to focus on prevention.
And the only way you can think of preventing it is to blame the women.
you don't even want to prevent it.
Where did I say that? Nice try deflecting because you can't support that stupid argument any longer.
I'm not deflecting anything. You have made excuse after excuse as to why we can't change anything.
Quote one single excuse I made. You're the one making excuses for the guys by saying it's the womens fault...lol
Youve been saying over and over that we can't prevent it.
old you want to focus on blame. I want to prevent this from happening. What is going to do more good?
I never said any such thing. Making crap up is not really debating, it's lying.

It's spot on--and you are continuing to contribute nothing of substance to the topic.

Tinydancer · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Ok, we do blame the guy who did this. It is 100% his fault. We'll give him the death penalty, which is de facto what happened.

What good does that do those kids? Her father? How does that prevent this from happening to someone else?

The answers are none, none, and it won't.

You want to focus on blame--which is useless. I want to focus on prevention.
And the only way you can think of preventing it is to blame the women.
you don't even want to prevent it.
Where did I say that? Nice try deflecting because you can't support that stupid argument any longer.
I'm not deflecting anything. You have made excuse after excuse as to why we can't change anything.
Quote one single excuse I made. You're the one making excuses for the guys by saying it's the womens fault...lol
Youve been saying over and over that we can't prevent it.
old you want to focus on blame. I want to prevent this from happening. What is going to do more good?
I never said any such thing. Making crap up is not really debating, it's lying.
It's spot on--and you are continuing to contribute nothing of substance to the topic.

Quote me or you're a liar.

Tinydancer · Guru

Your contribution is no more than blaming the women as usual.

huskerbb · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Ok, we do blame the guy who did this. It is 100% his fault. We'll give him the death penalty, which is de facto what happened.

What good does that do those kids? Her father? How does that prevent this from happening to someone else?

The answers are none, none, and it won't.

You want to focus on blame--which is useless. I want to focus on prevention.
And the only way you can think of preventing it is to blame the women.
you don't even want to prevent it.
Where did I say that? Nice try deflecting because you can't support that stupid argument any longer.
I'm not deflecting anything. You have made excuse after excuse as to why we can't change anything.
Quote one single excuse I made. You're the one making excuses for the guys by saying it's the womens fault...lol
Youve been saying over and over that we can't prevent it.
old you want to focus on blame. I want to prevent this from happening. What is going to do more good?
I never said any such thing. Making crap up is not really debating, it's lying.
It's spot on--and you are continuing to contribute nothing of substance to the topic.
Quote me or you're a liar.

I can't go back and re-quote every post youve made on this thread. none of them have contributed anything of substance.

Tinydancer · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Ok, we do blame the guy who did this. It is 100% his fault. We'll give him the death penalty, which is de facto what happened.

What good does that do those kids? Her father? How does that prevent this from happening to someone else?

The answers are none, none, and it won't.

You want to focus on blame--which is useless. I want to focus on prevention.
And the only way you can think of preventing it is to blame the women.
you don't even want to prevent it.
Where did I say that? Nice try deflecting because you can't support that stupid argument any longer.
I'm not deflecting anything. You have made excuse after excuse as to why we can't change anything.
Quote one single excuse I made. You're the one making excuses for the guys by saying it's the womens fault...lol
Youve been saying over and over that we can't prevent it.
old you want to focus on blame. I want to prevent this from happening. What is going to do more good?
I never said any such thing. Making crap up is not really debating, it's lying.
It's spot on--and you are continuing to contribute nothing of substance to the topic.
Quote me or you're a liar.
I can't go back and re-quote every post youve made on this thread. none of them have contributed anything of substance.

So says you. That's kind of how I feel about your contribution. No substance. Just women bashing. That's how opinions work.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Women do have to realize they are responsible for their choices in life. Choosing a bad guy is not being responsible, IMHO.

When women grab hold of their choices with courage, they will be free.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Yes they do. They DO need to be responsible for their choices. But this starts at home when they're just tiny. We teach them that they're worthy and loved. We teach them to have self esteem. We teach them they're important. It's not something that can be taught in one semester in high school. Parents need to instill this in their children. And even when we do teach them, as Riding says, sometimes they fail. Some kids just have to learn the hard way. Once they become adults you can't force them to do what you want.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Yes they do. They DO need to be responsible for their choices. But this starts at home when they're just tiny. We teach them that they're worthy and loved. We teach them to have self esteem. We teach them they're important. It's not something that can be taught in one semester in high school. Parents need to instill this in their children. And even when we do teach them, as Riding says, sometimes they fail. Some kids just have to learn the hard way. Once they become adults you can't force them to do what you want.

Are you saying an adult can't learn to find worth in themselves? Or to love themselves?

Yes, there are some really bad parents out there, but once you are an adult, you can choose to relearn.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

That's not what I said at all.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

That is sure what it sounds like to me.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

That is not what I said. Not once. Maybe you should reread it.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

I'm thinking you may need to reread what you wrote.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Nope. I don't. I've said that parents need to teach their kids self esteem. I think it's stupid and asinine that someone would think you could teach girls to "own their choices" in one semester in high school. Not going to happen. The reason you have all these women picking douche bags is that generally their mom's were married to douche bags. I said all of that already and if you had read what I posted then you would have seen it. Let me ask you who is responsible for teaching girls to own their choices? THEIR FREAKING PARENTS. Too bad most of the time these women have absent fathers and mothers who make bad choices. That's where they learn them. And one semester of high school leadership is not going to remove a lifetime of watching mom let men hit her.

Somewhere the cycle needs to be broken. It can be but it's not easy. Women absolutely do need to take responsibility for their lives. I've said that over and over. I just don't have the lala land thinking of Nebraskans that it's as simple as saying don't do it. Riding is a good mom. She says she did everything possible to keep her daughter on the right track. And yet her daughter did what she wanted to anyway. So sometimes you have to let people fail and learn.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Nope. I don't. I've said that parents need to teach their kids self esteem. I think it's stupid and asinine that someone would think you could teach girls to "own their choices" in one semester in high school. Not going to happen. The reason you have all these women picking douche bags is that generally their mom's were married to douche bags. I said all of that already and if you had read what I posted then you would have seen it. Let me ask you who is responsible for teaching girls to own their choices? THEIR FREAKING PARENTS. Too bad most of the time these women have absent fathers and mothers who make bad choices. That's where they learn them. And one semester of high school leadership is not going to remove a lifetime of watching mom let men hit her.

Somewhere the cycle needs to be broken. It can be but it's not easy. Women absolutely do need to take responsibility for their lives. I've said that over and over. I just don't have the lala land thinking of Nebraskans that it's as simple as saying don't do it. Riding is a good mom. She says she did everything possible to keep her daughter on the right track. And yet her daughter did what she wanted to anyway. So sometimes you have to let people fail and learn.

We are talking about adults who had bad parenting, not adults who had good parenting.

An adult who has reached the age of 40 should have be long past their parents "bad parenting" choices.

And, yes, learning leadership skills in high school can do a lot of good for kids who have "bad parents".

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I got therapy in my mid twenties. Somewhere about 26. Took me about a decade to fully come to the point where I could live without feeling the shame that had been programmed into me. I can honestly say I'm responsible for my own life. For what I do and the choices I make. I will say point blank that my mom was abusive. Not just a little whiny chit. I don't know why she was the way she was. It's not my job to figure it out. I have forgiven her, put it in the past (yes you can discuss it even though it's in the past), but I won't go back and allow myself to be manipulated more by her. No amount of little life class would have ever done something to help me. Or any of the people I know who actually did suffer REAL abuse. You want to boil it down to a simple little formula. It doesn't happen that way.

And my point is that even GOOD PARENTS sometimes have kids that make horribly bad choices. I have known people with multiple children and all of them were successful except for one who totally screwed up their life. So, bad behavior isn't always about woe is me I had a bad childhood.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
I got therapy in my mid twenties. Somewhere about 26. Took me about a decade to fully come to the point where I could live without feeling the shame that had been programmed into me. I can honestly say I'm responsible for my own life. For what I do and the choices I make. I will say point blank that my mom was abusive. Not just a little whiny chit. I don't know why she was the way she was. It's not my job to figure it out. I have forgiven her, put it in the past (yes you can discuss it even though it's in the past), but I won't go back and allow myself to be manipulated more by her. No amount of little life class would have ever done something to help me. Or any of the people I know who actually did suffer REAL abuse. You want to boil it down to a simple little formula. It doesn't happen that way.

And my point is that even GOOD PARENTS sometimes have kids that make horribly bad choices. I have known people with multiple children and all of them were successful except for one who totally screwed up their life. So, bad behavior isn't always about woe is me I had a bad childhood.

NJN, you can only really speak for yourself, some of the other people you know who did suffer real abuse may have benefited a lot from a leadership class or two. You can't speak for someone else failing what you think you would have failed.

Glad you took the bull by the horn and beat the problems yourself and by the age of 26. That is exactly what we are talking about, taking control yourself. Most people do that before the age of 40, or should, because by that age, lots of people have told them they have a problem.

And, yes, it is simple IMHO, take control of your own life.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I can speak for others who have been abused because I have sat in group therapy with them. In high school most people who are being abused still live with their abuser. A leadership class is going to do nothing until you break away from the abuser. The abuser will undo any work that is made. Sure it's a cute idea. Not realistic for those facing serious odds. I think it's great if you want to offer it for people. I'm sick of our schools offering BS classes at the expense of teaching our kids how to read and write. It's great to have a class about feelings but if they can't spell angry you're pretty much screwed.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
I can speak for others who have been abused because I have sat in group therapy with them. In high school most people who are being abused still live with their abuser. A leadership class is going to do nothing until you break away from the abuser. The abuser will undo any work that is made. Sure it's a cute idea. Not realistic for those facing serious odds. I think it's great if you want to offer it for people. I'm sick of our schools offering BS classes at the expense of teaching our kids how to read and write. It's great to have a class about feelings but if they can't spell angry you're pretty much screwed.

It plants a seed.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

We don't need our schools to teach feelings. We need them to teach people how to read and write. They are failing miserably at this. I'd much rather them focus on teaching kids to read and write.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Our health classes cover domestic violence. So do our psychology classes. You take both in high school. And I wouldn't think Nebraska even needed a class. Just send home a note instructing the parts to tell the kids to grow the f up and slap them upside the head. All is good.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Our health classes cover domestic violence. So do our psychology classes. You take both in high school. And I wouldn't think Nebraska even needed a class. Just send home a note instructing the parts to tell the kids to grow the f up and slap them upside the head. All is good.

It's the adult you tell to grow the f up. Why do you keep bringing up little kids when we are talking about adults?

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

We're talking about a class on feelings. You guys don't need one. And here we already cover it in health and psychology. I don't think we need a third class on it. Wasteful. We need to teach the kids to read and write.

I keep talking about kids because you say what's the answer. The answer is for parents to be responsible parents. No stupid class in the world is going to reparent a child you didn't parent to begin with. Or are we headed that way now? That schools just take over complete responsibility.

You and husker seem to think there's a simple answer to this. There's not. Yes, it can be fixed. But you're way over simplifying it.

WYSIWYG · Guru

There's usually plenty of blame to go around when something bad happens and it could be foreseen. Blame the perpetrator for doing the bad thing, obviously. But blame the person that made bad choices for their choices that could have avoided the whole thing.

If you only date "bad boys", can you really be surprised when one of them eventually acts like a "bad boy" and does something bad?

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

WYSIWYG wrote:
There's usually plenty of blame to go around when something bad happens and it could be foreseen. Blame the perpetrator for doing the bad thing, obviously. But blame the person that made bad choices for their choices that could have avoided the whole thing.

If you only date "bad boys", can you really be surprised when one of them eventually acts like a "bad boy" and does something bad?

There is a huge difference between a girl who wants to date a bad boy for the excitement of it all and girl who has been told all her life she is not worth anything more than someone who beats her.