TOTALLY GEEKED!

Q. Odd Mentorship Situation: I am 22 years old, just about to finish college and make the next step. I am thinking about law school. There is a gentleman (62 years old) that I have developed a relationship with through work—I am a server and bartender at a nice restaurant. We text, get drinks every now and then, and he encourages me and says that he may be able to help me with work experience before I even get through law school. I feel as if he could really help me with my career, as he is quite successful. But he has said a couple of inappropriate things, and I have merely brushed them away without setting clear boundaries. I worry that he might be interested in me sexually. Any advice?

A: If he’s already said a couple of inappropriate things to you, it wasn’t by accident. I’ve had friendly mentors who helped me out earlier in my career, and I’ve gone out for drinks more than once with younger women looking to start their own businesses and writing careers, and I’ve never made or received an “accidental pass” at or from any of them. When I hit on someone, I hit on someone. When I talk to someone about work, we talk about work. I never confuse the two and try to employ an attractive stranger I meet at a bar. He’s testing the waters. If you brush these things aside without making it clear that you’re not interested in him sexually, he’s almost certainly going to escalate. He hasn’t made any specific promises about jobs he could help you find or other people he’d like you to meet, and I’m willing to bet he doesn’t intend to. He’s not taking you to lunch with interesting people in your field, and he’s not taking you to industry events. He’s texting you privately and meeting you one-on-one in bars. He’s not looking to expand your professional circle; he’s trying to see if you’ll go out with him if he blurs the line between a meeting and a date.

There will be plenty of people interested in helping you professionally whether you go to law school or not. This man almost certainly isn’t one of them.