TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dear Abby: Husband would pick baby over me

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

The idea that there is a "choice" of "kill the baby and save my wife versus save my wife and kill the baby" is so patently absurd and beyond the realm of reality. If MOM is in trouble, then so is the baby! So, the treatment for that is to deliver the baby. Geez. And, no you don't do an abortion, you do a stat C-section and deliver a baby who may be premature.

Honestly, do some women just need to invent things to be pissed off about?

Domestic Engineer · Guru

DH and I had a similar conversation years ago, his answer was the complete opposite. His reasoning was that a child would never be able to be his soul mate.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I personally think everyone should have their own Advance Directives in place.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

With each pregnancy I made sure everyone else who could possibly be responsible for decisions knew my BABY came first. Period.

And that is STILL the case all these years later.

huskerbb · Guru

Don't ask questions that you really don't want the answer to.

Like gaga said it's a ridiculous scenario to even bring up.

It's like saying something like, well, if Kate Upton were naked in your bed would you have sex with her--and then if he says "of course not"--call him a liar, anyway, and if he says, yeah, I probably would, be all butt hurt about it even though IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN.

-- Edited by huskerbb on Thursday 26th of November 2015 11:21:11 AM

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

huskerbb wrote:
Don't ask questions that you really don't want the answer to.

Like gaga said it's a ridiculous scenario to even bring up.

It's like saying something like, well, if Kate Upton were naked in your bed would you have sex with her--and then if he says "of course not"--call him a liar, anyway, and if he says, yeah, I probably would, be all butt hurt about it even though IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN.

-- Edited by huskerbb on Thursday 26th of November 2015 11:21:11 AM

Exactly.

flan

huskerbb · Guru

What bothers me most is that she created a crisis in her marriage--and as far as we can tell to this point it has been a good marriage--over nothing.

She knew there were basically only two possible answers. Either one is morally defensible.

Also, in many ways, each one is also defensible in the microcosm of the marriage/family. SOME women, I would dare say many, would sacrifice themselves for their children, and so then if he would answer that he would save their lives rather than the baby's--he would be "wrong" in that case.

Possibly, he should have known his wife well enough to know what answer she might be expecting--but on the other hand, the question is so stupid it probably caught him off guard and he hadn't really even considered the possibility to that point.

Now, what's he supposed to do? Just change his mind? I'm betting she wouldn't be satisfied with that, either.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

It would have been better if she had shared HER wishes with him.

flan

Dona Worry Be Happy · Vette's SS!!

I think it was the abrupt response is what got him in trouble. Sometimes the way you say things is much more important than what you say.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

He was screwed from square one. Neither answer would have made her happy. She needs to get over it.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

He should have just said "oh my gosh honey, that is so horrible to even consider, that I just can't think about it". But, instead she is creating drama out of nothing.

huskerbb · Guru

flan327 wrote:
It would have been better if she had shared HER wishes with him.

flan

Much better.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Yeah, if he would have said Her, then she would have questioned his love as a father. So, that was a no win question either way.

Divine Geek · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
The idea that there is a "choice" of "kill the baby and save my wife versus save my wife and kill the baby" is so patently absurd and beyond the realm of reality. If MOM is in trouble, then so is the baby! So, the treatment for that is to deliver the baby. Geez. And, no you don't do an abortion, you do a stat C-section and deliver a baby who may be premature.

Honestly, do some women just need to invent things to be pissed off about?

Sometimes, there does have to be a choice. When I was born, it was a difficult delivery via emergency c-section. Before they took my mom in, the doctor came out and told my dad, "H, I need to prepare you, you may need to make a choice. I'm going to try, but I don't know if I can save both M and the baby". Luckily, it didn't come down to that, but they really didn't expect both of us to survive.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

The choice is not an abortion. The choice is an early delivery and C-section. They still attempt to save the baby.

Divine Geek · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
The choice is not an abortion. The choice is an early delivery and C-section. They still attempt to save the baby.

I never said anything about an abortion. But there are times where the mother and baby will not both survive the delivery. And yes, a choice will be made who the medical team focuses their attention on. It is unfortunate, but it can't always be both, sometimes its an either or.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Divine Geek wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
The idea that there is a "choice" of "kill the baby and save my wife versus save my wife and kill the baby" is so patently absurd and beyond the realm of reality. If MOM is in trouble, then so is the baby! So, the treatment for that is to deliver the baby. Geez. And, no you don't do an abortion, you do a stat C-section and deliver a baby who may be premature.

Honestly, do some women just need to invent things to be pissed off about?
Sometimes, there does have to be a choice. When I was born, it was a difficult delivery via emergency c-section. Before they took my mom in, the doctor came out and told my dad, "H, I need to prepare you, you may need to make a choice. I'm going to try, but I don't know if I can save both M and the baby". Luckily, it didn't come down to that, but they really didn't expect both of us to survive.

I think what LGS was saying is that this is VERY VERY RARE. It hardly ever comes down to this. Especially these days with all the new technology. I know thirty years doesn't seem like a lot but in the medical field they have made huge advances.

Divine Geek · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Divine Geek wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
The idea that there is a "choice" of "kill the baby and save my wife versus save my wife and kill the baby" is so patently absurd and beyond the realm of reality. If MOM is in trouble, then so is the baby! So, the treatment for that is to deliver the baby. Geez. And, no you don't do an abortion, you do a stat C-section and deliver a baby who may be premature.

Honestly, do some women just need to invent things to be pissed off about?
Sometimes, there does have to be a choice. When I was born, it was a difficult delivery via emergency c-section. Before they took my mom in, the doctor came out and told my dad, "H, I need to prepare you, you may need to make a choice. I'm going to try, but I don't know if I can save both M and the baby". Luckily, it didn't come down to that, but they really didn't expect both of us to survive.
I think what LGS was saying is that this is VERY VERY RARE. It hardly ever comes down to this. Especially these days with all the new technology. I know thirty years doesn't seem like a lot but in the medical field they have made huge advances.

I am confident what happened during my birth would not happen today. There have been too many changes and advances.

Eta: I was also born in a rural hospital where there were very limited resources. That I am sure played a part. There was only one doctor for both of us

-- Edited by Divine Geek on Thursday 26th of November 2015 03:26:42 PM

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Divine Geek wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
The choice is not an abortion. The choice is an early delivery and C-section. They still attempt to save the baby.
I never said anything about an abortion. But there are times where the mother and baby will not both survive the delivery. And yes, a choice will be made who the medical team focuses their attention on. It is unfortunate, but it can't always be both, sometimes its an either or.

If the mother is in danger then so is the baby. If mom doesnt survive and the baby is not delivered then the baby will die.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Divine Geek wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Divine Geek wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
The idea that there is a "choice" of "kill the baby and save my wife versus save my wife and kill the baby" is so patently absurd and beyond the realm of reality. If MOM is in trouble, then so is the baby! So, the treatment for that is to deliver the baby. Geez. And, no you don't do an abortion, you do a stat C-section and deliver a baby who may be premature.

Honestly, do some women just need to invent things to be pissed off about?
Sometimes, there does have to be a choice. When I was born, it was a difficult delivery via emergency c-section. Before they took my mom in, the doctor came out and told my dad, "H, I need to prepare you, you may need to make a choice. I'm going to try, but I don't know if I can save both M and the baby". Luckily, it didn't come down to that, but they really didn't expect both of us to survive.
I think what LGS was saying is that this is VERY VERY RARE. It hardly ever comes down to this. Especially these days with all the new technology. I know thirty years doesn't seem like a lot but in the medical field they have made huge advances.
I am confident what happened during my birth would not happen today. There have been too many changes and advances.

I agree. Technology has changed. And it is a rare thing.

Dona Worry Be Happy · Vette's SS!!

I think it is normal to be afraid during pregnacy.

ed11563 · Guru

flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Don't ask questions that you really don't want the answer to.

Like gaga said it's a ridiculous scenario to even bring up.

It's like saying something like, well, if Kate Upton were naked in your bed would you have sex with her--and then if he says "of course not"--call him a liar, anyway, and if he says, yeah, I probably would, be all butt hurt about it even though IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN.

-- Edited by huskerbb on Thursday 26th of November 2015 11:21:11 AM
Exactly.
flan

The correct response is, "When are you planning to change your name to Kate Upton?"

ed11563 · Guru

It's NOT a stupid question, it DOES come up in real life.

If the woman has cancer that needs aggressive treatment, the chemo or radiation can kill the fetus.

So the choice could be, delay treatment until the fetus is viable ... which could save the baby but kill the mother.

ed11563 · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
He was screwed from square one. Neither answer would have made her happy. She needs to get over it.

He could say, "What would you want me to do? "

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Yes. So you discuss that. That isnt a 911 emergency in the delivery room.

burns07 · Guru

that's an easy one--i'd choose my lady

huskerbb · Guru

ed11563 wrote:
It's NOT a stupid question, it DOES come up in real life.
If the woman has cancer that needs aggressive treatment, the chemo or radiation can kill the fetus.
So the choice could be, delay treatment until the fetus is viable ... which could save the baby but kill the mother.

That's not even the question she proposed. In that case, they would have a great deal of time--hours, certainly, if not days or even weeks--to discuss it.

The case she put forth would be a split second, unilateral decision.

Not remotely the same thing--or nearly as likely.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

huskerbb wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
It's NOT a stupid question, it DOES come up in real life.
If the woman has cancer that needs aggressive treatment, the chemo or radiation can kill the fetus.
So the choice could be, delay treatment until the fetus is viable ... which could save the baby but kill the mother.

That's not even the question she proposed. In that case, they would have a great deal of time--hours, certainly, if not days or even weeks--to discuss it.

The case she put forth would be a split second, unilateral decision.

Not remotely the same thing--or nearly as likely.

Yeah, not even a smidgen close to the same.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Yes its not like she doesnt have a say or input.