TOTALLY GEEKED!

I don't care what people do. I'm not saying that people who are living together, or even dating--aren't committed.

However, when talking social occasions such as weddings, the convention for deciding who gets invited, if that becomes necessary, is marriage/engagement.

Just because YOU don't agree with it make no difference.

The LW here may, indeed, be very committed--but she wants the person doing the inviting to recognize that, and they have no reason to do so because then they'd have to explain why the LW's live-in got invited but no one else's did, or why a live-in got invited, but not a long-time boyfriend/girlfriend who don't share an address.

Yes, marriages vary in quality. Yes, some end in divorce (which thereby ends the social convention, as well). But for the outside observer--married is married, not is not.

-- Edited by huskerbb on Friday 27th of November 2015 08:28:01 PM

The part of the letter that sticks out to me is: the LW and her BF have been together for ove three years. But apparently the BF has not become friends with her friends. Or the plus one question would be moot

I agree with that. Those inviting dont always know. There are different levels of knowing someone.

msrock wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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msrock wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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msrock wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Who cares if the kids are related or not??? That makes ZERO difference as to whether anyone should include you or your boyfriend as a plus one.

Again, stick to the topic.

I don't even see what point you are trying to make. You can't get married unless you don't have kids? What?

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 You said dating and living together were no different.  I was responding to that.  Don't make stupid comments and I won't respond.  Oh... and don't tell me how to post.

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They aren't any different.  Would you not have kids if you didn't live together?  Would they magically disappear?   

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Are you fvcking serious???  You don't think there's a difference in your situation where you have kids together and make a family... and my situation where I have my kids and made a family and he had his kids and made a family and now those families are gone and we are all going to combine and try to make a new family?  I think you just say dumb **** to try and get a reaction.  You can't be that ...

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I don't even see your point.  You mean you can't get married for some reason?  

Your whole line of posts is irrelevant to the situation.  

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I can get married tomorrow if I wanted to.  You were the one that said living together and dating were the same.  If you don't want a response don't post ridiculous comments and I won't respond.  You post irrelevant stuff ALL the time.. so get off my back about that.  I wouldn't have posted at all if Lily didn't directly address me and say **** or get off the pot...  told me I'm playing house.  Go attack her for starting that ****.  ok?  I know why you don't though.  lol!

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 Actually, the playing house post was before you posted. So no, it was not directed at you. 

You just took it personally because you are living with a guy.

The get off the pot remark was in response to your post. 

But also about anyone living together.

I don't understand why two people want to live together. It seems counterproductive to me.

 

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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chef wrote:

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Living together is not marriage. It does not come with any of the rights of marriage. If you live in a state with common law marriage, you may end up getting bit on the backside by living together. If you don't want to get married, fine, but don't pretend you are married. You're not.

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 I live in a common law state.  Here's the tricky part.  People who live together are constantly using this to be able to file taxes and get more back.  Then, when they split up, they find out they have to file for a legal divorce.  Once you claim it, you claim ALL of it.  Not just the benefits.  They're always really surprised and upset to find out they have to claim the bad parts too.

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HA!!!  Be careful what you wish for and all that. 

 

Common law marriage is only a "thing" in like 11 states, though, and it requires more than just cohabitation.

They must put themselves out there as husband/wife--yeah, the filing taxes, taking the husband's name, sometimes there is a length of time, also.   

Six months of cohabitation, presenting one as man and wife, and/or filing taxes together. Any or all of those things in TX makes you "married".

You don't always invite people you "love" to a wedding. Sometimes you invite people like your distant aunt Jane that you haven't seen in awhile. She has a b/f. Not living with him. He's out. I don't give a damn what her will says.

huskerbb wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Six months of cohabitation, presenting one as man and wife, and/or filing taxes together. Any or all of those things in TX makes you "married".

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Good to know.  I think in some states it is longer.  I think it's either Colorado or maybe Virginia where it is like 7 years.   

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 Six months here.  And all you have to do is any one of the three things.  I personally know two couples who did common law.

Common law in Georgia was abolished 20 years ago.

chef wrote:

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just Czech wrote:

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chef wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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How does taking your husband's name take away your identity?

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 Wow!

Good luck, welts.

flan

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 Wow!

So, Flan, should we assume that you kept your maiden name in both your marriages seeing as how you found Lily's question to be so shocking?

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LOL 

So, really women don't have the right to choose whether or not to take their husbands name, right?

ROTF

Double standard if there ever was one. 

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What double standard? Women can choose whatever they want. Flan acted as if Lily's question was shocking.

Some women find it an honor to take their husband's name. Some women would be disgusted at the implication that doing so removed their identity.

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I was referring to the implication that taking your husbands name somehow takes away a woman's identity.

huskerbb wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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You don't always invite people you "love" to a wedding. Sometimes you invite people like your distant aunt Jane that you haven't seen in awhile. She has a b/f. Not living with him. He's out. I don't give a damn what her will says.

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Good point.

 

Also, like divine says--if they truly "love" you, it's hard to believe they don't know a long term SO or live-in, in which case they would invite them, anyway.  

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 HA!! I thought "what does Miss Divine have to do with this?" 

 

You arent only inviting people you love. A lot of people have big weddings inviting friends of their relatives or whatever.

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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Ooh the Divine Miss M. Gotta love her.

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 Ummm... I'm not talking about Better Middler.

I love her too.

Divine

chef wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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How does taking your husband's name take away your identity?

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 Wow!

Good luck, welts.

flan

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 Wow!

So, Flan, should we assume that you kept your maiden name in both your marriages seeing as how you found Lily's question to be so shocking?

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 What is your problem with me?

flan

msrock wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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msrock wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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You don't always invite people you "love" to a wedding. Sometimes you invite people like your distant aunt Jane that you haven't seen in awhile. She has a b/f. Not living with him. He's out. I don't give a damn what her will says.

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I would never invite my distant Aunt Jane to my wedding.  Sorry... But you're out!  I'm gonna give that slot to one of my favorite people's guest that I might not know.  I would rather do that than have someone there that doesn't have a clue who I am or who I've become.  We had to make these very same decisions at my daughter's wedding.  It can be tricky... but it worked itself out.

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 And when you have your wedding you can choose to invite whoever you want.  Others can choose to exclude someone because they aren't married.  That's THEIR right.

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 Sure they can.  They can do whatever they want.  They're paying for it.  But that says a lot about their values.  That's not my problem.  One word.  Uptight!  Get over yourself! lol!  Nobody has fun at that type of thing.

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 So, you're rude if you're on a budget and you don't invite someone's live in?  Wow.

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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msrock wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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msrock wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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You don't always invite people you "love" to a wedding. Sometimes you invite people like your distant aunt Jane that you haven't seen in awhile. She has a b/f. Not living with him. He's out. I don't give a damn what her will says.

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I would never invite my distant Aunt Jane to my wedding.  Sorry... But you're out!  I'm gonna give that slot to one of my favorite people's guest that I might not know.  I would rather do that than have someone there that doesn't have a clue who I am or who I've become.  We had to make these very same decisions at my daughter's wedding.  It can be tricky... but it worked itself out.

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 And when you have your wedding you can choose to invite whoever you want.  Others can choose to exclude someone because they aren't married.  That's THEIR right.

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 Sure they can.  They can do whatever they want.  They're paying for it.  But that says a lot about their values.  That's not my problem.  One word.  Uptight!  Get over yourself! lol!  Nobody has fun at that type of thing.

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 So, you're rude if you're on a budget and you don't invite someone's live in?  Wow.

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 I never said that!  I said my distant Aunt Jane isn't invited and my FRIEND and his live in are.  Wow.  Trust me I've been there and done it!

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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msrock wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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msrock wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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You don't always invite people you "love" to a wedding. Sometimes you invite people like your distant aunt Jane that you haven't seen in awhile. She has a b/f. Not living with him. He's out. I don't give a damn what her will says.

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I would never invite my distant Aunt Jane to my wedding.  Sorry... But you're out!  I'm gonna give that slot to one of my favorite people's guest that I might not know.  I would rather do that than have someone there that doesn't have a clue who I am or who I've become.  We had to make these very same decisions at my daughter's wedding.  It can be tricky... but it worked itself out.

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 And when you have your wedding you can choose to invite whoever you want.  Others can choose to exclude someone because they aren't married.  That's THEIR right.

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 Sure they can.  They can do whatever they want.  They're paying for it.  But that says a lot about their values.  That's not my problem.  One word.  Uptight!  Get over yourself! lol!  Nobody has fun at that type of thing.

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 So, you're rude if you're on a budget and you don't invite someone's live in?  Wow.

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 You said it makes them uptight and that they need to get over themselves and they have screwed up values.  Just because someone's values are different than yours does not make them screwed up.  Some people just really value marriage more than others.

And if someone called me up and said they weren't coming unless their live in could come I'd say I'm sorry you can't make it.  I'd leave out the part about THEIR values being screwed up.

just Czech wrote:

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chef wrote:

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just Czech wrote:

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chef wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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How does taking your husband's name take away your identity?

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 Wow!

Good luck, welts.

flan

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 Wow!

So, Flan, should we assume that you kept your maiden name in both your marriages seeing as how you found Lily's question to be so shocking?

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LOL 

So, really women don't have the right to choose whether or not to take their husbands name, right?

ROTF

Double standard if there ever was one. 

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What double standard? Women can choose whatever they want. Flan acted as if Lily's question was shocking.

Some women find it an honor to take their husband's name. Some women would be disgusted at the implication that doing so removed their identity.

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I was referring to the implication that taking your husbands name somehow takes away a woman's identity.

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 Oh ok. I misread. Sorry.

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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msrock wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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msrock wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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You don't always invite people you "love" to a wedding. Sometimes you invite people like your distant aunt Jane that you haven't seen in awhile. She has a b/f. Not living with him. He's out. I don't give a damn what her will says.

---

I would never invite my distant Aunt Jane to my wedding.  Sorry... But you're out!  I'm gonna give that slot to one of my favorite people's guest that I might not know.  I would rather do that than have someone there that doesn't have a clue who I am or who I've become.  We had to make these very same decisions at my daughter's wedding.  It can be tricky... but it worked itself out.

---

 And when you have your wedding you can choose to invite whoever you want.  Others can choose to exclude someone because they aren't married.  That's THEIR right.

---

 Sure they can.  They can do whatever they want.  They're paying for it.  But that says a lot about their values.  That's not my problem.  One word.  Uptight!  Get over yourself! lol!  Nobody has fun at that type of thing.

---

 So, you're rude if you're on a budget and you don't invite someone's live in?  Wow.

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 You said it makes them uptight and that they need to get over themselves and they have screwed up values.  Just because someone's values are different than yours does not make them screwed up.  Some people just really value marriage more than others.

And if someone called me up and said they weren't coming unless their live in could come I'd say I'm sorry you can't make it.  I'd leave out the part about THEIR values being screwed up.

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If you base your decision on who to invite to your wedding on whether they are married or not...then you're shallow.  I will not be having Aunt Jane at my wedding.  You can do what you want!  It's your day.  I'm too old and set in my ways to feel any different.  I think it's ugly.

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Well, ugly is your opinion. Not everyone is independently wealthy and can invite everyone everyone else is sleeping with. Some people have to put limits on things.

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 Now see.  That's rude again.  Ugly is within,  and what you just said is terrible.  You're sleeping with someone, aren't you?

msrock wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Well, ugly is your opinion. Not everyone is independently wealthy and can invite everyone everyone else is sleeping with. Some people have to put limits on things.

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 Now see.  That's rude again.  Ugly is within,  and what you just said is terrible.  You're sleeping with someone, aren't you?

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 I was just matching ugly with ugly.  You seem to think your values are the only ones that are valid and right.  Why is that?  Why is someone else's values wrong and "ugly".  All I'm saying is that your values could be seen as just as "ugly" as the other ones that you keep saying are "ugly". 

And yes.  I'm legally married.  Not even sure why that's applicable here.

You have such a double standard.  It's okay for you to look down on people for inviting distant relatives because they value family over live in's. 

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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msrock wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Well, ugly is your opinion. Not everyone is independently wealthy and can invite everyone everyone else is sleeping with. Some people have to put limits on things.

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 Now see.  That's rude again.  Ugly is within,  and what you just said is terrible.  You're sleeping with someone, aren't you?

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 I was just matching ugly with ugly.  You seem to think your values are the only ones that are valid and right.  Why is that?  Why is someone else's values wrong and "ugly".  All I'm saying is that your values could be seen as just as "ugly" as the other ones that you keep saying are "ugly". 

And yes.  I'm legally married.  Not even sure why that's applicable here.

You have such a double standard.  It's okay for you to look down on people for inviting distant relatives because they value family over live in's. 

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 It didn't apply to us but we would've invited family over live-ins too. Family is family.

We actually excluded some family from our wedding. But then we invited the people we wanted there. And we invited spouses. We had two single guests and neither of them were living with or dating anyone so that wasn't even an issue. If they had been they would have been more than welcome to bring a date. But we were pretty laid back.

I do not understand the whole concept of family being of less importance then some friends live-in.

It just seems so .... rude.

JMHO