TOTALLY GEEKED!

huskerbb wrote:

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At what point is stuff truly household chores that HAVE to be done like laundry--and stuff that is more of a hobby, or at least stuff that doesn't HAVE to be done....

 

...like putting up Christmas decorations or doing Christmas cards.

 

Awhile back, a husband wrote in that much of what his wife considered as "chores", like Christmas cards, were more like a hobby, or didn't have to be done--whereas stuff he did (he used doing the taxes as an example) HAD to be done.  And his wife got to decide what a "fair" split was. 

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G and I have a compromise.  He bring the decorations down from the attic, I decorate. Then he takes the boxes back up.  After Christmas he brings them down, I pack them up and he takes them back to the attic.  I don't want to go up and down, he doesn't want to decorate.  I never even have to ask him. 

I have an thing where we MUST hand sign our Christmas Cards.  He knows it means a lot to me, and does it without complaint.

People that have problems like this in their lives seem very unhappy to me... 

Ohfour wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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At what point is stuff truly household chores that HAVE to be done like laundry--and stuff that is more of a hobby, or at least stuff that doesn't HAVE to be done....

 

...like putting up Christmas decorations or doing Christmas cards.

 

Awhile back, a husband wrote in that much of what his wife considered as "chores", like Christmas cards, were more like a hobby, or didn't have to be done--whereas stuff he did (he used doing the taxes as an example) HAD to be done.  And his wife got to decide what a "fair" split was. 

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G and I have a compromise.  He bring the decorations down from the attic, I decorate. Then he takes the boxes back up.  After Christmas he brings them down, I pack them up and he takes them back to the attic.  I don't want to go up and down, he doesn't want to decorate.  I never even have to ask him. 

I have an thing where we MUST hand sign our Christmas Cards.  He knows it means a lot to me, and does it without complaint.

People that have problems like this in their lives seem very unhappy to me... 

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That's fine--but that said, just because something is important to your spouse doesn't automatically mean they have to do something.

 

Sure, it's nice when they do.  I certainly appreciate it when my wife helps me do something I find important and I like to do--even if she's not into it.  

Yes, it's nice that your husband does what he does to help you with the decorations.

I just disagree that in GENERAL it simply HAS to be important to your spouse if it's important to you.   

huskerbb wrote:

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Let me use another example.

My wife HATES, HATES, HATES freezing corn. She'd probably rather staple bologna to her face than do it.

I like it. I think it's a family activity and it gives us good corn to eat in the winter.

Is it, however, absolutely necessary for the running of the household? Not really.

So--should she have to do it just because I want to?

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 Oh, hell no.

You are capable of doing the job by yourself.

huskerbb wrote:

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Ohfour wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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At what point is stuff truly household chores that HAVE to be done like laundry--and stuff that is more of a hobby, or at least stuff that doesn't HAVE to be done....

 

...like putting up Christmas decorations or doing Christmas cards.

 

Awhile back, a husband wrote in that much of what his wife considered as "chores", like Christmas cards, were more like a hobby, or didn't have to be done--whereas stuff he did (he used doing the taxes as an example) HAD to be done.  And his wife got to decide what a "fair" split was. 

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G and I have a compromise.  He bring the decorations down from the attic, I decorate. Then he takes the boxes back up.  After Christmas he brings them down, I pack them up and he takes them back to the attic.  I don't want to go up and down, he doesn't want to decorate.  I never even have to ask him. 

I have an thing where we MUST hand sign our Christmas Cards.  He knows it means a lot to me, and does it without complaint.

People that have problems like this in their lives seem very unhappy to me... 

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That's fine--but that said, just because something is important to your spouse doesn't automatically mean they have to do something.

 

Sure, it's nice when they do.  I certainly appreciate it when my wife helps me do something I find important and I like to do--even if she's not into it.  

Yes, it's nice that your husband does what he does to help you with the decorations.

I just disagree that in GENERAL it simply HAS to be important to your spouse if it's important to you.   

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Oh, I see what  you were saying.  I totally agree with you.  But the way we work, if one of us finds something important, the other one will go out of their way to help in some way. He could not care less if I decorate.  But he knows I enjoy it, so he helps the best way he can (which happens to be the best way I need him to!).  No, it doesn't have to be important to them, but it sure makes for a happy marriage if they bend a little... 

I pay the grand's to help me a lot. Like shoveling snow, mowing the yard, hedging, general cleaning, etc.

DH hates all of those jobs. I can't do some of those jobs by myself anymore. He will help if he has time, but he still hates it.

But, my list is of necessary jobs.

Decorating and un-decorating is my job, because I like doing those jobs. If he volunteers to help, great. If not, I'm fine with it.

I don't think any of the un-necessary jobs are a hill to die on type of thing.

Oh, and I do the taxes. :)

Empyreal wrote:

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If you want a family picture to send out with your Christmas cards and your husband doesn't want to, should you hound him into it or just drop the idea?

This kind of falls into the same category.. I'm curious what you guys think

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I forced DH to take a 40th wedding anniversary picture.

But, THAT is important to the family, not just me. 

huskerbb wrote:

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Empyreal wrote:

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If you want a family picture to send out with your Christmas cards and your husband doesn't want to, should you hound him into it or just drop the idea?

This kind of falls into the same category.. I'm curious what you guys think

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I hate pictures--but, he should probably take the picture--as long as he doesn't have to write the letters, address the envelopes, or lick them shut.  Maybe he can put on the stamps--if they are the self-adhesive kind.  

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See, G does this with nary a complaint.  And I know for a fact he doesn't like to do it.  But It's important to me.  And I am important to him...

huskerbb wrote:

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Empyreal wrote:

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If you want a family picture to send out with your Christmas cards and your husband doesn't want to, should you hound him into it or just drop the idea?

This kind of falls into the same category.. I'm curious what you guys think

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I hate pictures--but, he should probably take the picture--as long as he doesn't have to write the letters, address the envelopes, or lick them shut.  Maybe he can put on the stamps--if they are the self-adhesive kind.  

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 Family photo is important later in life.  PLUS you can order them with a greeting so only have to send them out!  

huskerbb wrote:

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just Czech wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Let me use another example.

My wife HATES, HATES, HATES freezing corn. She'd probably rather staple bologna to her face than do it.

I like it. I think it's a family activity and it gives us good corn to eat in the winter.

Is it, however, absolutely necessary for the running of the household? Not really.

So--should she have to do it just because I want to?

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 Oh, hell no.

You are capable of doing the job by yourself.

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Well, that's kind of what I'm saying.  What becomes more of a hobby than a necessary chore?

 

I don't have to do it by myself, though.  I have a mom, and kids, and a kid's girlfriend, and nieces and nephews, and a SIL. 

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 So slave labor then...lol. My DH does lot's of things he hates because it makes me happy. I'd like to believe I do Lot's of things he likes (watch golf all weekend...blech!) because he likes it. I even try to know their names and how they play that damn game. Then we also have things we enjoy together like football and food and it's all good. If you try to learn about the things others like you broaden your horizons even if you don't like it all.

Back to the original question.

If it were a choice between doing the taxes, or writing Christmas cards.

I'd do the taxes.

I've never heard of anyone going to jail, for not sending Christmas cards.

And, as Lily pointed out, there are some chores that need to be done on a daily basis.

Your family needs food, clean clothes, a reasonably clean home, to live in. (Not that you have to scrub and clean every day. But, you need to keep up with things.)

Some chores, need to be done weekly, or so. Cutting grass. Taking trash to the curb for pick up, come to mind.

Bill paying can vary. My Mom does her's by the month. Most of ours, are auto pays. But, it needs to be done. Someone needs to keep track of it.

Still other chores, like trimming the bushes, and weeding the flower beds, might happen 3 or 4 times, a year. Depending on where you live.

So, a once a year event, like writing out Christmas cards, and doing the taxes...well, they happen, once a year!

Doing one, makes family and friends happy.

Doing the other, makes the IRS happy.

I do both, at my house!

(Makes family and friends happy...and keeps me out of the Slammer! Yeehaw!)

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Well I am glad for that FWM. I'm not sure they'll let me come have lunch with you in the big house!

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Smarty pants!

I'll do the taxes, before I write out Christmas cards, my pretty.

I guess that was my point.

Some things you do, because you have to.

Some things you do, because you want to. 

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Fort Worth Mom wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Well I am glad for that FWM. I'm not sure they'll let me come have lunch with you in the big house!

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Smarty pants!

I'll do the taxes, before I write out Christmas cards, my pretty.

I guess that was my point.

Some things you do, because you have to.

Some things you do, because you want to. 

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 Well, I know where I fall on THAT list! 

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Of course you do, my friend!

I wouldn't drive down I-35 for over an hour, for just anybody! 

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Fort Worth Mom wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Fort Worth Mom wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Well I am glad for that FWM. I'm not sure they'll let me come have lunch with you in the big house!

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Smarty pants!

I'll do the taxes, before I write out Christmas cards, my pretty.

I guess that was my point.

Some things you do, because you have to.

Some things you do, because you want to. 

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 Well, I know where I fall on THAT list! 

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Of course you do, my friend!

I wouldn't drive down I-35 for over an hour, for just anybody! 

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   I secretly think DH is looking forward to being alone!

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I think a little time away, from the spouse, does a world of good.

 

attitude has a great deal to do with it--chores are chores and if i finish mine early i'll help her with her stuff and vice versa--that way we both get done with the stuff sooner--we each have areas in which we are sort of specialists--i handle all the horses/toys/machinery/household systems, etc. and she handles all the tech/IT stuff for us (we've got four seperate computer systems and all the ancillary hardware that goes with them)--we try and share our knowledge with one another so that we each have a better understanding/working knowledge of things in the event we're on our lonesome and have to act

works well for us--we work to understand each other's passions and engage in them to please/share with one another--just makes things a hell of a lot more fun

I have to admit. I yell sometimes. It's very rare and he always apologizes but sometimes...

Lawyerlady wrote:

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I think if more spouses were concerned with doing what makes their spouse happy instead of turning every little thing into a battle, marriages would be a lot happier.

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 Of course. It's called compromise.

flan

I decorate the home with the start of each season. I like the little changes to the decor, and the boys love it. I don't expect DH to lift a finger.

DH decorates outside during the holidays. I have offered to hire a crew to do it for him, but he insists he can do it. I hired a gardener when the boys were born so that DH could spend more of his free time with the boys or on the golf course, rather than mowing our rather large lawns. This year I hired the gardener to remove the leaves and pine needles so that DH wouldn't have to do it. DH hired a maid service for me when we got married.

As for the day-to-day stuff, I do most of it, because I'm home more. There are things DH automatically does. Like prep the coffee for the morning, and unload the dishwasher before we go to bed. If there are clothes in the dryer, he'll fold them and bring them upstairs.

We really don't fight about chores, unless I ask him to fix something and he doesn't think it's broken. Then it's more of a battle trying to convince him it's not working properly, because he never notices, especially if it's something that has deteriorated over time.

He's not real handy. But there are things he can do, like replace the toilet flapper and change lightbulbs. He even replaced the electrical outlets in the house. However....some had to be done over as he didn't connect the wires tight enough and they stopped working. I'm having that issue right now with the foyer light. It flickers. He doesn't see this as a problem. And the toilet in our bathroom re-fills s.l.o.w.l.y. It flushes, so he doesn't think the re-fill issue is an issue. Ugh.

HAHAHAHA!

burns07 wrote:

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attitude has a great deal to do with it--chores are chores and if i finish mine early i'll help her with her stuff and vice versa--that way we both get done with the stuff sooner--we each have areas in which we are sort of specialists--i handle all the horses/toys/machinery/household systems, etc. and she handles all the tech/IT stuff for us (we've got four seperate computer systems and all the ancillary hardware that goes with them)--we try and share our knowledge with one another so that we each have a better understanding/working knowledge of things in the event we're on our lonesome and have to act

works well for us--we work to understand each other's passions and engage in them to please/share with one another--just makes things a hell of a lot more fun

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 My wife and I have never had an argument, or even a serious discussion, about household chores.  

 

Doesn't seem to be the norm, though--not necessarily from this board, but just in talking to people and all the letters in to advice columnists and other internet boards.

When I was married, he worked, I stayed home.

I kept the house clean, did all the errends, made sure he had a hot, home cooked meal on the table when he walked in the door.

The only thing I ever expected him to do was be available and present with us at home.

He worked 12 hours a day and playing with his kid when he got home was good for both of them.

I think, and it's probably backwards to a lot of people, that if he makes the money to provide, I needed to make it run smoothly.

Of course, we all know how that turned out.

I take care of cleaning the kitchen and bathrooms, he does the yard and the cars. I dust, he vacuums. I load the dishwasher, he empties it. I wash my laundry, he washes his. Whoever gets home first starts dinner. I run most errands (they're usually on my way home), he does the grocery shopping. Everything eles gets done by whoever notices it needs doing.

well, believe we each have particular things about a household that are more important to us than to our spouses and vice versa--that's just natural--having lived together for so long we know how we like the house to look, who's better at this than that and how when schedules change responsibilities can shift as well--you've got to be flexible, you've got to give of yourself and your time--it's not about " compromise " it's about taking care of each other

didn't marry her to gain a maid and would never dishonor her by making her feel/think that way--rather, want her to be happy, to see that i'm prepared to do my part at least AND hers if needs be--but just like you've got to make time to take care of a household, you've got to make time to listen to the music as well--years and years from now you won't remember the housework at all but you'll damn sure remember the music