TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dear Prudie: Charity Tightwad

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I agree with the poster. Where I live I see people on all kinds of welfare continuing to have child after child. One couple said they've been sleeping in their car but she went ahead and got pregnant. Why would you do that? Instead of begging for more stuff I'd be begging for someone to help me with family planning. And my DN and her b/f wanted to give to an angel tree program. Those kids asked for bikes and PS4's and XBOX's and laptops. A lot of parents who have real jobs and can actually support themselves aren't able to buy those things for their very own kids. It's frustrating sometimes.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

It isn't 'uncharitable" to not help people who can help themselves. We need to get over the notion that "charity" means funding every lazy ass on the planet.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
I agree with the poster. Where I live I see people on all kinds of welfare continuing to have child after child. One couple said they've been sleeping in their car but she went ahead and got pregnant. Why would you do that? Instead of begging for more stuff I'd be begging for someone to help me with family planning. And my DN and her b/f wanted to give to an angel tree program. Those kids asked for bikes and PS4's and XBOX's and laptops. A lot of parents who have real jobs and can actually support themselves aren't able to buy those things for their very own kids. It's frustrating sometimes.

I agree with this 100%. It's why I stopped buying for the angel trees - they asked for nicer things than I was buying my own kids. iPods and X boxes...not happening. Sorry. We would work with my mom's church and buy for a family of "working poor" who were having a difficult time - high medical bills, unemployed after long periods of employment, something like that. People who are helping themselves should be rewarded and helped. People who refuse to work and to better themselves should NOT be helped.

And don't ever say all liberals are for a "nanny state" because I am as liberal as they come but I think everyone should get a damn job!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

This is a Lib I can get behind! lol

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

There is something everyone can do. I fully believe that. The government may have to step in and help some people find the right job - if they need certain accommodations, it may not be easy to find the right job. But everyone can do something. Those with mobility issues can do phone and computer work. Those with intellectual disabilities can do work - we have a crew at work who clean the store, do the trash, and package up deli and bulk items. Routine work. I don't think that working even a few hours should mess up anyone's benefits, on the contrary, I think it should be required to get benefits!

We have a group of people who have never seen anyone in their family work a steady job and so they don't. I don't expect those people to change without being forced to. They work just long enough to get benefits and then they quit. If we actually gave them incentives to work, it would change their behaviors.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I am a conservative, yet i have no problem with a social safety net and neither do most conservatives. The point of that is a "minimum" to keep you sustained. Not to scam and have all the goodies of life and sit on your arse for 30 yrs. But, a safety net to help you out. A couple of months or weeks of unemployent, fine. 99 weeks of it? Hell no.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Yes. This does just drive me absolutely nuts. There was a lady on one of our local FB pages back in JULY asking how she got on the Toys for Tots sign up list. People were saying it doesn't start till November. She said she wanted to sign up first so she could get the good gifts. People told her that July was a long time away from Christmas and if she would buy one thing every pay period for her kids she could manage. She responded that this is what the toy drives are for.

We adopted two families this year. They are both young, single, working moms that don't qualify for any assistance. They didn't even put their names in the hat. Friends of theirs told me about how hard they worked to take care of the kids.

And, I get tired of the sob stories. Sorry. Everyone has one. DH is laid off again. He was earlier in the year too. Life goes on.

Cheerios4606 · Guru

I think it is important to give where you are led to. Don't focus on where you are not comfortable in giving, just keep your eyes on giving where you can.

ed11563 · Guru

I think we all agree that the LW should stop feeling bad about her decision.

huskerbb · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
I agree with the poster. Where I live I see people on all kinds of welfare continuing to have child after child. One couple said they've been sleeping in their car but she went ahead and got pregnant. Why would you do that? Instead of begging for more stuff I'd be begging for someone to help me with family planning. And my DN and her b/f wanted to give to an angel tree program. Those kids asked for bikes and PS4's and XBOX's and laptops. A lot of parents who have real jobs and can actually support themselves aren't able to buy those things for their very own kids. It's frustrating sometimes.

But when you give that toy--how do you know?

How do you know it's not a struggling single mom whose husband got killed in Iraq? How do you know it's not a child with, yes, loser parents but they are living with an elderly grandparent on a fixed income?

I get the sentiment--but at the same time, when you give to charity, do so with an open spirit. You are certainly free to choose any charities you want to, and no one except the very wealthy can give to them all--but when you write in to an advice column and lay your judgments out there, you are showing yourself to be rather parsimonious--if not in fact, at least in spirit.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I agree to give in the spirit of giving. But, if you don't feel that is the right venue then give somewhere else. There is an endless supply of charities so find one that you believe in and feel good about. I don't give to certain charities because i view them as crooks, so no.

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I agree to give in the spirit of giving. But, if you don't feel that is the right venue then give somewhere else. There is an endless supply of charities so find one that you believe in and feel good about. I don't give to certain charities because i view them as crooks, so no.

Sure--and I agree with that.

I just think that writing in some advice columnist, spilling your judgment, and then expecting some absolution just shows that your spirit probably isn't in the right place.

Give, or don't--but giving isn't done for "credit", anyway.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

huskerbb wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
I agree with the poster. Where I live I see people on all kinds of welfare continuing to have child after child. One couple said they've been sleeping in their car but she went ahead and got pregnant. Why would you do that? Instead of begging for more stuff I'd be begging for someone to help me with family planning. And my DN and her b/f wanted to give to an angel tree program. Those kids asked for bikes and PS4's and XBOX's and laptops. A lot of parents who have real jobs and can actually support themselves aren't able to buy those things for their very own kids. It's frustrating sometimes.
But when you give that toy--how do you know?

How do you know it's not a struggling single mom whose husband got killed in Iraq? How do you know it's not a child with, yes, loser parents but they are living with an elderly grandparent on a fixed income?

I get the sentiment--but at the same time, when you give to charity, do so with an open spirit. You are certainly free to choose any charities you want to, and no one except the very wealthy can give to them all--but when you write in to an advice column and lay your judgments out there, you are showing yourself to be rather parsimonious--if not in fact, at least in spirit.

Well, if I don't have the money to buy my own kids an XBOX I sure as hell aren't going to buy someone elses kids an XBOX. I do know some of those people on those lists. They're quite open about being on them. I know some really need help. I choose to give my money to people I want to give it to. It's my money. I have that right.

Tignanello · My dog name is, Sasha!

I don't know - I'm kind of with the majority here. If it's real need, than you see the need in the request. An X-box? That's not a need. That's a luxury. Not that the Angel Tree is about socks and underwear, but there needs to still be a sense of 'someone else's money is paying for this, so let's be reasonable'.

I'd be happy to pick up some books at Chapters, or some crayons and colouring books, or some lego sets. An X-Box? Not happening.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I don't give for "credit". I give because I want to give. But because it's my money I also get to choose who I give it to.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Last year this lady posted in the mom's group that she was desperate for some special baby shampoo. Her baby had bad allergies and she had to use a certain brand. DH and I had seen it on sale so we went and picked up three bottles for her. The next day she posted in the same group that she bought a new car.

chef · Guru

I like doing the Angel trees when I can. I won't buy big stuff (like an Xbox) but I will buy smaller things.

I have a simple rule for buying for others: If I wouldn't spend $x on a certain item for me, I won't spend it for them either. I like getting good value for my money and that goes for whoever I'm buying for.

jlbear71 · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I am a conservative, yet i have no problem with a social safety net and neither do most conservatives. The point of that is a "minimum" to keep you sustained. Not to scam and have all the goodies of life and sit on your arse for 30 yrs. But, a safety net to help you out. A couple of months or weeks of unemployent, fine. 99 weeks of it? Hell no.

And I am grateful that there was 99 weeks of Unemployment Comp available for DH when he was out of work for 2.5 years several years ago. DH paid into that system for 30 years and only collected one other time briefly. He PAID into the system more than he ever got out of it.

He is in the IT field and it had crashed. He tried to get jobs in other fields only to be told he was way over-qualified. No one offered him work. He did a few contract jobs here and there for a week or two. That is all that was offered to him. No, wait, there were a few job offers. Being paid $8/hour at a location almost 100 miles away on a toll road making it so that he would LOSE money if he took the job.

Several local shops all turned him down. He won't work with food or directly with the public and I understand that because it is not his personality.

All our bills were paid, I covered the medical insurance thru my job. We had no other assistance.

jlbear71 · Guru

And we go thru our lodge to give back to the community. They find a family or families that needs assistance and help with what is needed.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

jlbear71 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I am a conservative, yet i have no problem with a social safety net and neither do most conservatives. The point of that is a "minimum" to keep you sustained. Not to scam and have all the goodies of life and sit on your arse for 30 yrs. But, a safety net to help you out. A couple of months or weeks of unemployent, fine. 99 weeks of it? Hell no.
And I am grateful that there was 99 weeks of Unemployment Comp available for DH when he was out of work for 2.5 years several years ago. DH paid into that system for 30 years and only collected one other time briefly. He PAID into the system more than he ever got out of it.
He is in the IT field and it had crashed. He tried to get jobs in other fields only to be told he was way over-qualified. No one offered him work. He did a few contract jobs here and there for a week or two. That is all that was offered to him. No, wait, there were a few job offers. Being paid $8/hour at a location almost 100 miles away on a toll road making it so that he would LOSE money if he took the job.
Several local shops all turned him down. He won't work with food or directly with the public and I understand that because it is not his personality.
All our bills were paid, I covered the medical insurance thru my job. We had no other assistance.

I have paid into this system ALL of my life. Then unemployed in 2013, i couldn't get umemployment because i was an partial owner/stockholder in my small business. So, guess what? I lost money. I had to suddenly redirect my career. So, i PAID into it for what exactly? I didn't have the safety net. So how is that "fair"?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

But, it worked out well for me because if i would have had the opportunity to sit for 99 weeks, at this stage of my life, that would be quite appealing. However, i had to dust off my resume and jump back in to the game for awhile and really put myself out there and now things are going well. I am actually working where i used to because they called me and asked me if i would please come back. :)

Tinydancer · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
I agree with the poster. Where I live I see people on all kinds of welfare continuing to have child after child. One couple said they've been sleeping in their car but she went ahead and got pregnant. Why would you do that? Instead of begging for more stuff I'd be begging for someone to help me with family planning. And my DN and her b/f wanted to give to an angel tree program. Those kids asked for bikes and PS4's and XBOX's and laptops. A lot of parents who have real jobs and can actually support themselves aren't able to buy those things for their very own kids. It's frustrating sometimes.
But when you give that toy--how do you know?

How do you know it's not a struggling single mom whose husband got killed in Iraq? How do you know it's not a child with, yes, loser parents but they are living with an elderly grandparent on a fixed income?

I get the sentiment--but at the same time, when you give to charity, do so with an open spirit. You are certainly free to choose any charities you want to, and no one except the very wealthy can give to them all--but when you write in to an advice column and lay your judgments out there, you are showing yourself to be rather parsimonious--if not in fact, at least in spirit.

OMG. I agree with husker. That's been three times this week. I think hell just might be freezing over.

Tinydancer · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
I agree with the poster. Where I live I see people on all kinds of welfare continuing to have child after child. One couple said they've been sleeping in their car but she went ahead and got pregnant. Why would you do that? Instead of begging for more stuff I'd be begging for someone to help me with family planning. And my DN and her b/f wanted to give to an angel tree program. Those kids asked for bikes and PS4's and XBOX's and laptops. A lot of parents who have real jobs and can actually support themselves aren't able to buy those things for their very own kids. It's frustrating sometimes.
But when you give that toy--how do you know?

How do you know it's not a struggling single mom whose husband got killed in Iraq? How do you know it's not a child with, yes, loser parents but they are living with an elderly grandparent on a fixed income?

I get the sentiment--but at the same time, when you give to charity, do so with an open spirit. You are certainly free to choose any charities you want to, and no one except the very wealthy can give to them all--but when you write in to an advice column and lay your judgments out there, you are showing yourself to be rather parsimonious--if not in fact, at least in spirit.
Well, if I don't have the money to buy my own kids an XBOX I sure as hell aren't going to buy someone elses kids an XBOX. I do know some of those people on those lists. They're quite open about being on them. I know some really need help. I choose to give my money to people I want to give it to. It's my money. I have that right.

Just because they ask doesn't mean that's what you have to give. You can't paint every family on an angel tree with the same brush unless you personally know each and every story. Sheesh give or don't but if you're judging them then I'm judging you (general you).

Tinydancer · Guru

If you ask a kid what he wants for Christmas he's going to tell you. I doubt they even think about how much it costs, just that they want it.

jlbear71 · Guru

Believe me when I say that DH was not just sitting around. He was putting out between 30-40 applications a week. He was doing odd jobs and asking anyone he could think of for work. Our dentist hired him on an as needed basis for computers and recommended him to anyone he could. Our house was spotless and kept up to date. MIL house was spotless and most repairs it needed were done. He babysat and did was a handyman for friends when they needed it. He took certification classes to keep up to date within the field.

DH kept looking for jobs and almost went back into his old field of QA inspections. I told him no because that job has a 90% divorce rate due to never being home. It is the only time I really put my foot down and said he was not allowed to do something.

And we are facing that possibility again next year when his company closes the Pennsylvania location to consolidate to Massachusetts. His job is not moving. So again, I am glad that UC benefits are available. Right now, they are at the normal 26 weeks. If unemployment rises again, I am not sure that the state is in a position to extend any benefits. Trust me when I say that the $246/week they gave out does not go very far.

We do have a better emergency fund this time but he will apply for whatever benefits he is eligible for.

Worse part about the job market here is that is fluctuates so much. We are just outside of a major city. One would think that would improve opportunities.

burns07 · Guru

like many posters here, we're careful with our money--excepting a couple of national foundations we've supported for years, we give locally and directly--we've gone to local animal shelters and delivered food and supplies in person--we've written rent checks directly for the battered women's center here--we've paid utility bills directly for a couple of other community outreach programs we support--we're not grinches but we're selective about who and what we support

we see charity ( giving ) as a privelege but also as a responsibility--my personal " spirit " is tempered by what my grandfather always used to tell me:
" the best way to help the poor is by not becoming one of them. "

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Tinydancer wrote:
If you ask a kid what he wants for Christmas he's going to tell you. I doubt they even think about how much it costs, just that they want it.

A needy child who truly has needs, and is living on charity and assistance, would not ask for that kind of stuff for Christmas. They ask for clothes for school so they don't have to wear the same thing every other day. They ask for something reasonable because they know the big things are out of reach. A lot ask for presents for their mom because they see how hard she works and they only want her to be happy. They ask for a new blanket becasue the one they have in their room is too "babyish" and they know it can't be replaced because there is no money. They ask for books because the library is too far away and their school library doesn't have many books and all they want to do is learn.

Kids who are raised watching everything they need/want handed to them ask for X boxes and iPods. Kids whose parents dont teach them the value of money because they don't know it themselves ask for xboxes and iPods. If you would have asked my kids for their Christmas lists, they would never have asked for those things because they know how expensive they are and they know the value of hard work and of money.

Yes, I will judge you. If you are asking for help, I get to judge the situation and determine if I can/should help you. Don't want me to judge, don't ask me to buy Christmas presents for your children.

Tinydancer · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
If you ask a kid what he wants for Christmas he's going to tell you. I doubt they even think about how much it costs, just that they want it.
A needy child who truly has needs, and is living on charity and assistance, would not ask for that kind of stuff for Christmas. They ask for clothes for school so they don't have to wear the same thing every other day. They ask for something reasonable because they know the big things are out of reach. A lot ask for presents for their mom because they see how hard she works and they only want her to be happy. They ask for a new blanket becasue the one they have in their room is too "babyish" and they know it can't be replaced because there is no money. They ask for books because the library is too far away and their school library doesn't have many books and all they want to do is learn.
Kids who are raised watching everything they need/want handed to them ask for X boxes and iPods. Kids whose parents dont teach them the value of money because they don't know it themselves ask for xboxes and iPods. If you would have asked my kids for their Christmas lists, they would never have asked for those things because they know how expensive they are and they know the value of hard work and of money.
Yes, I will judge you. If you are asking for help, I get to judge the situation and determine if I can/should help you. Don't want me to judge, don't ask me to buy Christmas presents for your children.

You can't possibly know that. So a 7 year old would ask for clothes. Kids ask for what they want whether they're rich or poor. I'd like to see people get off their high horse. Especially in this season. Believe the worst of everyone if that floats your boat but no matter what stupidity these parents had it's not the kids fault.

NAOW · Vette's SS

Mellow Momma wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
If you ask a kid what he wants for Christmas he's going to tell you. I doubt they even think about how much it costs, just that they want it.
A needy child who truly has needs, and is living on charity and assistance, would not ask for that kind of stuff for Christmas. They ask for clothes for school so they don't have to wear the same thing every other day. They ask for something reasonable because they know the big things are out of reach. A lot ask for presents for their mom because they see how hard she works and they only want her to be happy. They ask for a new blanket becasue the one they have in their room is too "babyish" and they know it can't be replaced because there is no money. They ask for books because the library is too far away and their school library doesn't have many books and all they want to do is learn.
Kids who are raised watching everything they need/want handed to them ask for X boxes and iPods. Kids whose parents dont teach them the value of money because they don't know it themselves ask for xboxes and iPods. If you would have asked my kids for their Christmas lists, they would never have asked for those things because they know how expensive they are and they know the value of hard work and of money.
Yes, I will judge you. If you are asking for help, I get to judge the situation and determine if I can/should help you. Don't want me to judge, don't ask me to buy Christmas presents for your children.

Yep. This. Perfect.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Tinydancer wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
If you ask a kid what he wants for Christmas he's going to tell you. I doubt they even think about how much it costs, just that they want it.
A needy child who truly has needs, and is living on charity and assistance, would not ask for that kind of stuff for Christmas. They ask for clothes for school so they don't have to wear the same thing every other day. They ask for something reasonable because they know the big things are out of reach. A lot ask for presents for their mom because they see how hard she works and they only want her to be happy. They ask for a new blanket becasue the one they have in their room is too "babyish" and they know it can't be replaced because there is no money. They ask for books because the library is too far away and their school library doesn't have many books and all they want to do is learn.
Kids who are raised watching everything they need/want handed to them ask for X boxes and iPods. Kids whose parents dont teach them the value of money because they don't know it themselves ask for xboxes and iPods. If you would have asked my kids for their Christmas lists, they would never have asked for those things because they know how expensive they are and they know the value of hard work and of money.
Yes, I will judge you. If you are asking for help, I get to judge the situation and determine if I can/should help you. Don't want me to judge, don't ask me to buy Christmas presents for your children.
You can't possibly know that. So a 7 year old would ask for clothes. Kids ask for what they want whether they're rich or poor. I'd like to see people get off their high horse. Especially in this season. Believe the worst of everyone if that floats your boat but no matter what stupidity these parents had it's not the kids fault.

Trust me, I have worked with a lot of charities and the poorest kids ask for clothes and basics like socks and pillows. It breaks your heart. But yes, that's exactly what a truly poor child asks for. Until you have worked with them, you wouldn't believe it But a truly needy child is acutley aware of his/her situation. They just want the basics because they know their situation and they know what is not possible. I think it's really naive of you to think that all kids ask for the moon. That's just not true. At all. So many of them just ask to be able to buy their mother one small token - even if it means they get nothing themselves. They would never dream of asking for an Xbox because they know it's just not realistic.

chef · Guru

We did 4 boxes for Operation Christmas Child this year. I hope the kids enjoyed them. We filled them with toys and necessities.

Tinydancer · Guru

So have I and still do. You are not the only one who's worked with very poor children and my experience with them has been vastly different. That may be your truth but none of the kids I've worked with asked for clothes. That may be what they end up with but that's not what they want. I think it's naive of you to think all kids ask for what they need when you ask them what they want. As I said, unless you know each and every story you can't possibly know what they'd ask for. You can judge them but then I'll judge you. That's how judging works.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I am tired of all the push, push to give, give. To "prove" you care by putting stupid ribbons on your card or changing your Facebook page to some flag and all that crap. The reality is that those who work and take care of their OWN families do more to help others than all of this baloney. That by going to work every day, i provide needed services to people. I pay taxes. I take care of my own children. I volunteer in my community and coach youth basketball and work for free on the School Board and chip in to help coworkers in need and on and on. The act of a minimum wage employee going to work every day does more to help people than all this other stuff.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I am a conservative, yet i have no problem with a social safety net and neither do most conservatives. The point of that is a "minimum" to keep you sustained. Not to scam and have all the goodies of life and sit on your arse for 30 yrs. But, a safety net to help you out. A couple of months or weeks of unemployent, fine. 99 weeks of it? Hell no.

I know of no conservatives that have a problem with a social safety net.

Divine Geek · Guru

Years ago, a local charity came to my dad (at the time a business owner) and asked him for a donation because they were opening a new office and did not have the money for supplies and furniture. He asked them what they needed, he would order it and have it all delivered. The charity said, you can just write us a check. He said no, you said you needed to set up your office, I will buy you whatever you need. They insisted he needed to just write a check, they didn't want him buying the things and donating them. 20+ years later and we still will not support that charity.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Mellow Momma wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
If you ask a kid what he wants for Christmas he's going to tell you. I doubt they even think about how much it costs, just that they want it.
A needy child who truly has needs, and is living on charity and assistance, would not ask for that kind of stuff for Christmas. They ask for clothes for school so they don't have to wear the same thing every other day. They ask for something reasonable because they know the big things are out of reach. A lot ask for presents for their mom because they see how hard she works and they only want her to be happy. They ask for a new blanket becasue the one they have in their room is too "babyish" and they know it can't be replaced because there is no money. They ask for books because the library is too far away and their school library doesn't have many books and all they want to do is learn.
Kids who are raised watching everything they need/want handed to them ask for X boxes and iPods. Kids whose parents dont teach them the value of money because they don't know it themselves ask for xboxes and iPods. If you would have asked my kids for their Christmas lists, they would never have asked for those things because they know how expensive they are and they know the value of hard work and of money.
Yes, I will judge you. If you are asking for help, I get to judge the situation and determine if I can/should help you. Don't want me to judge, don't ask me to buy Christmas presents for your children.
You can't possibly know that. So a 7 year old would ask for clothes. Kids ask for what they want whether they're rich or poor. I'd like to see people get off their high horse. Especially in this season. Believe the worst of everyone if that floats your boat but no matter what stupidity these parents had it's not the kids fault.
Trust me, I have worked with a lot of charities and the poorest kids ask for clothes and basics like socks and pillows. It breaks your heart. But yes, that's exactly what a truly poor child asks for. Until you have worked with them, you wouldn't believe it But a truly needy child is acutley aware of his/her situation. They just want the basics because they know their situation and they know what is not possible. I think it's really naive of you to think that all kids ask for the moon. That's just not true. At all. So many of them just ask to be able to buy their mother one small token - even if it means they get nothing themselves. They would never dream of asking for an Xbox because they know it's just not realistic.

This is so true. My Christmas charity is buying gifts for JD's that live at a school for kids who are problems; really due to their poor parenting, wards of the state. They each get to ask for one item. Sometimes they are nice toys, nothing like an Xbox though. Sometimes they ask for batteries or a warm hat. I get them what they ask for plus some indulgences. I too don't want to punish the kids for their parent's bad example, and I am lucky to have a charity I can give to without the worry of the "bad" parents taking the gifts and selling them to buy drugs or such.

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
jlbear71 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I am a conservative, yet i have no problem with a social safety net and neither do most conservatives. The point of that is a "minimum" to keep you sustained. Not to scam and have all the goodies of life and sit on your arse for 30 yrs. But, a safety net to help you out. A couple of months or weeks of unemployent, fine. 99 weeks of it? Hell no.
And I am grateful that there was 99 weeks of Unemployment Comp available for DH when he was out of work for 2.5 years several years ago. DH paid into that system for 30 years and only collected one other time briefly. He PAID into the system more than he ever got out of it.
He is in the IT field and it had crashed. He tried to get jobs in other fields only to be told he was way over-qualified. No one offered him work. He did a few contract jobs here and there for a week or two. That is all that was offered to him. No, wait, there were a few job offers. Being paid $8/hour at a location almost 100 miles away on a toll road making it so that he would LOSE money if he took the job.
Several local shops all turned him down. He won't work with food or directly with the public and I understand that because it is not his personality.
All our bills were paid, I covered the medical insurance thru my job. We had no other assistance.
I have paid into this system ALL of my life. Then unemployed in 2013, i couldn't get umemployment because i was an partial owner/stockholder in my small business. So, guess what? I lost money. I had to suddenly redirect my career. So, i PAID into it for what exactly? I didn't have the safety net. So how is that "fair"?

The "system" for unemployment isn't funded by employees. It's not taken out of their paychecks.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Around here they don't ask the kids what they want. They ask the parents what the kids want. So the kids are never interviewed. It's always up to the parents to say what they do or don't want. If I were a parent needing help I would not allow my children to ask for an XBOX. I just wouldn't. I would tell them they need to think about other things they want in case Santa can't bring that.

huskerbb · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Around here they don't ask the kids what they want. They ask the parents what the kids want. So the kids are never interviewed. It's always up to the parents to say what they do or don't want. If I were a parent needing help I would not allow my children to ask for an XBOX. I just wouldn't. I would tell them they need to think about other things they want in case Santa can't bring that.

I'd like to know how many people are coughing up the dough for new x-boxes.

Let's face it, most people are not going to give unlimited amounts of money to charity--most won't give more than a fraction of their income, so I doubt spending the several hundred dollars for a donated X-box is that high on most people's list.

Plus, it's a little silly to spend that on one kid when there are hundreds that need something under the tree. Putting a bunch of $20-$30 presents might be much better use of the cash.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Tinydancer wrote:
So have I and still do. You are not the only one who's worked with very poor children and my experience with them has been vastly different. That may be your truth but none of the kids I've worked with asked for clothes. That may be what they end up with but that's not what they want. I think it's naive of you to think all kids ask for what they need when you ask them what they want. As I said, unless you know each and every story you can't possibly know what they'd ask for. You can judge them but then I'll judge you. That's how judging works.

Except I don't care if you judge me. And again, when you ask me to buy Christmas presents for your child, I WILL judge the situation. I will judge and determine if your situation is one that will be made better with my intervention or if it will be enabled by my intervention. Because when you ask people for help, you have to remember that no one is obligated to help you.

A whole bunch of those charities ask the parents what the kid wants anyway. They dont speak directly with the children. It's the parents that ask for the big ticket items. Easier to sell. At least that's what the people at one of the angel tree people told me when I asked her about it. She said they just ask the parents what the kids want. And they don't do a whole lot of research into determining if the family is in need. Pretty much anyone can sign up. I would rather give to someone I know is working, trying to do the right thing, and is just going through a rough patch.

I have been at the register when a man, reeking of booze, brought in a his daughter's winter coat and said "we got this from the Coats for Kids project. Can I return it?" No you cannot. I have been in the store and had to approve the return of every stitch of clothing and toys we bought for the Angel tree family we adopted and watched the mother pick out crap for herself - CD's, makeup, and clothes for the club. I have been burnt one too many times, so yeah, I will judge. It's my money and I want it to actually HELP someone. Not provide them the clothes to club in or the drugs to get high on.

Divine Geek · Guru

I'm in the, if I wouldn't buy it for my nephew, I'm not buying it for a charity toy drive. Now, I did buy a kid a bike one year. My unit at the hospital I worked adopted a family displaced by Katrina. They were actually living with the sister of one of our nurses. This family had nothing. The 16-year-old wanted a bike. Every one was so shocked when I wheeled in the bike. I guess the mom had apologized he'd asked for one and didn't expect anyone to get it.

huskerbb · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
So have I and still do. You are not the only one who's worked with very poor children and my experience with them has been vastly different. That may be your truth but none of the kids I've worked with asked for clothes. That may be what they end up with but that's not what they want. I think it's naive of you to think all kids ask for what they need when you ask them what they want. As I said, unless you know each and every story you can't possibly know what they'd ask for. You can judge them but then I'll judge you. That's how judging works.
Except I don't care if you judge me. And again, when you ask me to buy Christmas presents for your child, I WILL judge the situation. I will judge and determine if your situation is one that will be made better with my intervention or if it will be enabled by my intervention. Because when you ask people for help, you have to remember that no one is obligated to help you.

A whole bunch of those charities ask the parents what the kid wants anyway. They dont speak directly with the children. It's the parents that ask for the big ticket items. Easier to sell. At least that's what the people at one of the angel tree people told me when I asked her about it. She said they just ask the parents what the kids want. And they don't do a whole lot of research into determining if the family is in need. Pretty much anyone can sign up. I would rather give to someone I know is working, trying to do the right thing, and is just going through a rough patch.
I have been at the register when a man, reeking of booze, brought in a his daughter's winter coat and said "we got this from the Coats for Kids project. Can I return it?" No you cannot. I have been in the store and had to approve the return of every stitch of clothing and toys we bought for the Angel tree family we adopted and watched the mother pick out crap for herself - CD's, makeup, and clothes for the club. I have been burnt one too many times, so yeah, I will judge. It's my money and I want it to actually HELP someone. Not provide them the clothes to club in or the drugs to get high on.

But how do you know? You usually don't even know what individual child your donation goes to, let alone anything about their circumstances.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

By the charity. I don't do the Angel tree because the people who run it told me they don't vet the families and they allow the parents to chose the gifts they want for the kids. I work with people we know in some way, or who are known to people I trust.

huskerbb · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
By the charity. I don't do the Angel tree because the people who run it told me they don't vet the families and they allow the parents to chose the gifts they want for the kids. I work with people we know in some way, or who are known to people I trust.

Ok, I see that--but that still doesn't solve the LW's problem, really--because in general, they aren't vetting them for the things she is griping about.

jlbear71 · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
jlbear71 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I am a conservative, yet i have no problem with a social safety net and neither do most conservatives. The point of that is a "minimum" to keep you sustained. Not to scam and have all the goodies of life and sit on your arse for 30 yrs. But, a safety net to help you out. A couple of months or weeks of unemployent, fine. 99 weeks of it? Hell no.
And I am grateful that there was 99 weeks of Unemployment Comp available for DH when he was out of work for 2.5 years several years ago. DH paid into that system for 30 years and only collected one other time briefly. He PAID into the system more than he ever got out of it.
He is in the IT field and it had crashed. He tried to get jobs in other fields only to be told he was way over-qualified. No one offered him work. He did a few contract jobs here and there for a week or two. That is all that was offered to him. No, wait, there were a few job offers. Being paid $8/hour at a location almost 100 miles away on a toll road making it so that he would LOSE money if he took the job.
Several local shops all turned him down. He won't work with food or directly with the public and I understand that because it is not his personality.
All our bills were paid, I covered the medical insurance thru my job. We had no other assistance.
I have paid into this system ALL of my life. Then unemployed in 2013, i couldn't get umemployment because i was an partial owner/stockholder in my small business. So, guess what? I lost money. I had to suddenly redirect my career. So, i PAID into it for what exactly? I didn't have the safety net. So how is that "fair"?
The "system" for unemployment isn't funded by employees. It's not taken out of their paychecks.

It is here in PA. And it is including in the overall employees compensation just like other benefits such as medical insurance. I do payroll and these are all factored into an employee's overall salary. If the employee was not working, there would not be money paid into the system for them.

huskerbb · Guru

No, it isn't. There is not a line item for unemployment that is taken out of employee's checks--unless you have a separate state system that is wholly distinct from the federal system.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I do not put unemployment into the same category as welfare. Unemployment is an insurance that is paid by employers and it is for the loss of a job - not refusing to get one.

huskerbb · Guru

The Federal unemployment Tax Act:

Federal Unemployment Tax Liability

The Federal Unemployment Tax Act (FUTA) imposes a payroll tax on employers, based on the wages they pay to their employees. Unlike some other payroll taxes, the business itself must pay the FUTA tax. You do not withhold the FUTA tax from an employee's wages.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
I do not put unemployment into the same category as welfare. Unemployment is an insurance that is paid by employers and it is for the loss of a job - not refusing to get one.

Yeah--but our worthless congress often extends it to the point of ridiculousness.