TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dear Amy: Husband Creating Clutter

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Just announce, if you don't clean up your stuff by the end of the month, i am going to start organizing . Most likely he won't. Then just start systematically throwing stuff out and don't tell him. When he asks where such and such is , just shrug and say "I dunno". Problem solved.

FNW · Guru

I was married to DH 10 years before I discovered he, too, had a problem throwing things away. Things I hand to him and asked to throw out years before I found in a box in the basement. So when I come across such things, I throw them out. I teased him a bit about it once, and we both just had a good laugh. He's a little better now, when I told him we didn't need a shed to store more junk, we needed to throw out stuff we didn't need/use.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

He lives there, too. If he wants to keep stuff, he gets to. And I'd be beyond pissed if my SAHW threw my stuff away while I was out working to pay for the house the stuff was sitting in.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
He lives there, too. If he wants to keep stuff, he gets to. And I'd be beyond pissed if my SAHW threw my stuff away while I was out working to pay for the house the stuff was sitting in.

Him throwing my stuff away would be quite a bit different than me throwing his stuff away. Just saying! biggrin

But, seriously, you don't get to just plop stuff in the middle of the room and leave it. And, in reality, if you dont' ever touch or use something, you don't care about it.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

There is a point in life when you have to realize you can't save everything. What are you saving it for? And, will you In Reality, ever use that again? If not, then why clutter up your house? It's silly.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
He lives there, too. If he wants to keep stuff, he gets to. And I'd be beyond pissed if my SAHW threw my stuff away while I was out working to pay for the house the stuff was sitting in.

But the key is "lives".

You can't really "live" in a house that is perpetually cluttered.

If he wants to keep all that crap, then he needs to sort it, organize it, and if they don't have room in the house, make other arrangements for storing it.

He's had time--he just doesn't want to do it.

You can't say "well, dammit it's my house, too"--but not take ANY responsibility for cleaning up your crap.

If he isn't going to do it--then she has every right to. SHE lives there, too.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

At this point there is only one thing to do.

Get rid of the husband.

I'm kidding!

Getting rid of stuff after a death can be hard. The siblings have gotten rid of a lot already. Give him time to go through the grieving process.

In a week or two ask if you can help him with one box.

Usually once you get started, the ball starts rolling.

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
At this point there is only one thing to do.

Get rid of the husband.

I'm kidding!

Getting rid of stuff after a death can be hard. The siblings have gotten rid of a lot already. Give him time to go through the grieving process.

In a week or two ask if you can help him with one box.

Usually once you get started, the ball starts rolling.

It's been FIVE MONTHS. He's had time to get the ball rolling.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
At this point there is only one thing to do.

Get rid of the husband.

I'm kidding!

Getting rid of stuff after a death can be hard. The siblings have gotten rid of a lot already. Give him time to go through the grieving process.

In a week or two ask if you can help him with one box.

Usually once you get started, the ball starts rolling.

It's been FIVE MONTHS. He's had time to get the ball rolling.

Thank you for telling another how long they can take to deal with a death.

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
At this point there is only one thing to do.

Get rid of the husband.

I'm kidding!

Getting rid of stuff after a death can be hard. The siblings have gotten rid of a lot already. Give him time to go through the grieving process.

In a week or two ask if you can help him with one box.

Usually once you get started, the ball starts rolling.

It's been FIVE MONTHS. He's had time to get the ball rolling.
Thank you for telling another how long they can take to deal with a death.

Oh good grief. Leaving your house in a state of clutter for months on end has NOTHING to do with "dealing with a death". It has everything to do with being lazy.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
At this point there is only one thing to do.

Get rid of the husband.

I'm kidding!

Getting rid of stuff after a death can be hard. The siblings have gotten rid of a lot already. Give him time to go through the grieving process.

In a week or two ask if you can help him with one box.

Usually once you get started, the ball starts rolling.

It's been FIVE MONTHS. He's had time to get the ball rolling.
Thank you for telling another how long they can take to deal with a death.

Oh good grief. Leaving your house in a state of clutter for months on end has NOTHING to do with "dealing with a death". It has everything to do with being lazy.

Wow. That's very judgmental, husker.

huskerbb · Guru

So what? She doesn't have to live in a constant state of clutter. He's had plenty of time to do something about it--and his excuses don't even include anything about his mother's death.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

It said the stuff is in the sunroom. Not the whole house.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

So possibly TWO walls in ONE room equate a disaster of clutter?

Get a grip.

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
It said the stuff is in the sunroom. Not the whole house.

And the garage.

Which points to the fact that is has nothing to do with his mother's death--he just doesn't clean up his crap. This didn't just happen 5 months ago--he's never done it.

She has every right to start in on it. Likely, it will make him get off his butt and help.

huskerbb · Guru

just Czech wrote:
So possibly TWO walls in ONE room equate a disaster of clutter?

Get a grip.

That's not even what the letter says--and she is living there--not you.

She's tired of it and it's been plenty long for him to do something about it.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

He cleans the garage once a year. So what. He has a right to have his stuff anyway he wants it.

Good gosh, should we have been bitcHy about MIL keeping a ton of her stuff here for years?

I don't think so.

It is not a hill to die on.

huskerbb · Guru

just Czech wrote:
He cleans the garage once a year. So what. He has a right to have his stuff anyway he wants it.

Good gosh, should we have been bitcHy about MIL keeping a ton of her stuff here for years?

I don't think so.

It is not a hill to die on.

BS. She has just as much right to have her house the way she wants it.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
So possibly TWO walls in ONE room equate a disaster of clutter?

Get a grip.
That's not even what the letter says--and she is living there--not you.
She's tired of it and it's been plenty long for him to do something about it.

Yeah, it is what the letter implies. One room, possible as little as two walls. She doesn't say "the whole room".

There are worse things in life to freak out over. This is minor, IMHO.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Whatever Husker.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
He cleans the garage once a year. So what. He has a right to have his stuff anyway he wants it.

Good gosh, should we have been bitcHy about MIL keeping a ton of her stuff here for years?

I don't think so.

It is not a hill to die on.
BS. She has just as much right to have her house the way she wants it.

So does he. Or are you not in favor of a man having HIS things where he wants them?

Fort Worth Mom · Mod/Penguin lover/Princess!

Around here, a small storage unit rents for about $20 a month.

If she can't stand looking at it, maybe she should check into getting one for this stuff.

It would be a small price to pay, to keep the peace, IMHO.

huskerbb · Guru

just Czech wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
So possibly TWO walls in ONE room equate a disaster of clutter?

Get a grip.
That's not even what the letter says--and she is living there--not you.
She's tired of it and it's been plenty long for him to do something about it.
Yeah, it is what the letter implies. One room, possible as little as two walls. She doesn't say "the whole room".
There are worse things in life to freak out over. This is minor, IMHO.

It does NOT say "as little as two walls".

YOU can say it's "minor" all you want. Irrelevant. You don't live there.

huskerbb · Guru

just Czech wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
He cleans the garage once a year. So what. He has a right to have his stuff anyway he wants it.

Good gosh, should we have been bitcHy about MIL keeping a ton of her stuff here for years?

I don't think so.

It is not a hill to die on.
BS. She has just as much right to have her house the way she wants it.
So does he. Or are you not in favor of a man having HIS things where he wants them?

A pile of crap is not "having his things".

Sort through them. Put stuff on walls, or in drawers, or in storage. A pile of sh!t in a room is not it.

huskerbb · Guru

This is how people who get on hoarders get started.

They have some psychological issue that causes them to exhibit the behavior. They won't do sh!t, themselves, to deal with it, most everyone around them enables it--and pretty soon the house is so full of crap you can't even walk through it. It STARTS with one room.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
He cleans the garage once a year. So what. He has a right to have his stuff anyway he wants it.

Good gosh, should we have been bitcHy about MIL keeping a ton of her stuff here for years?

I don't think so.

It is not a hill to die on.
BS. She has just as much right to have her house the way she wants it.
So does he. Or are you not in favor of a man having HIS things where he wants them?
A pile of crap is not "having his things".
Sort through them. Put stuff on walls, or in drawers, or in storage. A pile of sh!t in a room is not it.

It's not a pile of sh1t to him.

Sometimes it's better to deal with it or get a divorce.

huskerbb · Guru

just Czech wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
He cleans the garage once a year. So what. He has a right to have his stuff anyway he wants it.

Good gosh, should we have been bitcHy about MIL keeping a ton of her stuff here for years?

I don't think so.

It is not a hill to die on.
BS. She has just as much right to have her house the way she wants it.
So does he. Or are you not in favor of a man having HIS things where he wants them?
A pile of crap is not "having his things".
Sort through them. Put stuff on walls, or in drawers, or in storage. A pile of sh!t in a room is not it.
It's not a pile of sh1t to him.
Sometimes it's better to deal with it or get a divorce.

Oh Good God. Who's making a mountain out of a molehill now? Divorce? That is STUPID.

He didn't cheat--he just won't clean up his crap.

She should start in on it LONG before it would ever have to come to a divorce. That IS "dealing with it".

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
He cleans the garage once a year. So what. He has a right to have his stuff anyway he wants it.

Good gosh, should we have been bitcHy about MIL keeping a ton of her stuff here for years?

I don't think so.

It is not a hill to die on.
BS. She has just as much right to have her house the way she wants it.
So does he. Or are you not in favor of a man having HIS things where he wants them?
A pile of crap is not "having his things".
Sort through them. Put stuff on walls, or in drawers, or in storage. A pile of sh!t in a room is not it.
It's not a pile of sh1t to him.
Sometimes it's better to deal with it or get a divorce.
Oh Good God. Who's making a mountain out of a molehill now? Divorce? That is STUPID.
He didn't cheat--he just won't clean up his crap.
She should start in on it LONG before it would ever have to come to a divorce. That IS "dealing with it".

You are the one to imply his one room with clutter is a HUGE issue, therefore making a mountain out of a molehill.

I would let it go. It's his clutter in one room. Shut the damn door.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Fort Worth Mom wrote:
Around here, a small storage unit rents for about $20 a month.
If she can't stand looking at it, maybe she should check into getting one for this stuff.
It would be a small price to pay, to keep the peace, IMHO.

That was my thought too, FWM.

And maybe the sunroom was her favorite room before the clutter.

flan

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
At this point there is only one thing to do.

Get rid of the husband.

I'm kidding!

Getting rid of stuff after a death can be hard. The siblings have gotten rid of a lot already. Give him time to go through the grieving process.

In a week or two ask if you can help him with one box.

Usually once you get started, the ball starts rolling.

It's been FIVE MONTHS. He's had time to get the ball rolling.
Thank you for telling another how long they can take to deal with a death.

This coming from someone who tells everyone that they need to grow up at 18! RICH!

NAOW · Vette's SS

I can't deal with clutter. It would have to be dealt with. I would, however, offer to help get it stored and organized

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

flan327 wrote:
Fort Worth Mom wrote:
Around here, a small storage unit rents for about $20 a month.
If she can't stand looking at it, maybe she should check into getting one for this stuff.
It would be a small price to pay, to keep the peace, IMHO.
That was my thought too, FWM.
And maybe the sunroom was her favorite room before the clutter.
flan

Yep. Storage unit would be a great compromise.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
At this point there is only one thing to do.

Get rid of the husband.

I'm kidding!

Getting rid of stuff after a death can be hard. The siblings have gotten rid of a lot already. Give him time to go through the grieving process.

In a week or two ask if you can help him with one box.

Usually once you get started, the ball starts rolling.

It's been FIVE MONTHS. He's had time to get the ball rolling.

Yes, at some point it's just more Crap. It isn't important to him because he isn't using it, has no use for it, nor even wants to be bothered to store or take care of it. To me, that's a signal of "I don't care". So give up the pretense that this is some precious object.

huskerbb · Guru

just Czech wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
He cleans the garage once a year. So what. He has a right to have his stuff anyway he wants it.

Good gosh, should we have been bitcHy about MIL keeping a ton of her stuff here for years?

I don't think so.

It is not a hill to die on.
BS. She has just as much right to have her house the way she wants it.
So does he. Or are you not in favor of a man having HIS things where he wants them?
A pile of crap is not "having his things".
Sort through them. Put stuff on walls, or in drawers, or in storage. A pile of sh!t in a room is not it.
It's not a pile of sh1t to him.
Sometimes it's better to deal with it or get a divorce.
Oh Good God. Who's making a mountain out of a molehill now? Divorce? That is STUPID.
He didn't cheat--he just won't clean up his crap.
She should start in on it LONG before it would ever have to come to a divorce. That IS "dealing with it".
You are the one to imply his one room with clutter is a HUGE issue, therefore making a mountain out of a molehill.
I would let it go. It's his clutter in one room. Shut the damn door.

Um, no. I'm not implying anything. The LETTER WRITER is directly stating that it is a problem.

YOU would let it go. What YOU would do is IRRELEVANT.

NAOW · Vette's SS

just Czech wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
He cleans the garage once a year. So what. He has a right to have his stuff anyway he wants it.

Good gosh, should we have been bitcHy about MIL keeping a ton of her stuff here for years?

I don't think so.

It is not a hill to die on.
BS. She has just as much right to have her house the way she wants it.
So does he. Or are you not in favor of a man having HIS things where he wants them?
A pile of crap is not "having his things".
Sort through them. Put stuff on walls, or in drawers, or in storage. A pile of sh!t in a room is not it.
It's not a pile of sh1t to him.
Sometimes it's better to deal with it or get a divorce.
Oh Good God. Who's making a mountain out of a molehill now? Divorce? That is STUPID.
He didn't cheat--he just won't clean up his crap.
She should start in on it LONG before it would ever have to come to a divorce. That IS "dealing with it".
You are the one to imply his one room with clutter is a HUGE issue, therefore making a mountain out of a molehill.
I would let it go. It's his clutter in one room. Shut the damn door.

It's not just one room though. He has the garage full of stuff as well, so full that this stuff wont fit in there. So where does it end? He will keep accumulating things and the room will fill up the same way the garage does, and it will move into a third area. At what point does she have a 'right' to demand he figure it out?

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

just Czech wrote:
So possibly TWO walls in ONE room equate a disaster of clutter?

Get a grip.

Exactly.

Cheerios4606 · Guru

Unless the garage is filled floor to ceiling and wall to wall, there IS still room int the garage to put the new pile of stuff. If not, I would warn hubby that he has one more week to figure out what to do with the stuff otherwise I would move stuff from the garage to the curb in order to make room for the new stuff in the garage.

I loath "piles".

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Yup!

huskerbb · Guru

Cheerios4606 wrote:
Unless the garage is filled floor to ceiling and wall to wall, there IS still room int the garage to put the new pile of stuff. If not, I would warn hubby that he has one more week to figure out what to do with the stuff otherwise I would move stuff from the garage to the curb in order to make room for the new stuff in the garage.

I loath "piles".

I would just start sorting through it. My guess is that he'll join in out of fear of losing his stuff. He can go get a storage unit and pile crap in it to his heart's content.

ed11563 · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Cheerios4606 wrote:
Unless the garage is filled floor to ceiling and wall to wall, there IS still room int the garage to put the new pile of stuff. If not, I would warn hubby that he has one more week to figure out what to do with the stuff otherwise I would move stuff from the garage to the curb in order to make room for the new stuff in the garage.

I loath "piles".
I would just start sorting through it. My guess is that he'll join in out of fear of losing his stuff. He can go get a storage unit and pile crap in it to his heart's content.

DS1 has two storage units cry

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

I hate clutter. But I love when Husker and Czech battle it out!