DEAR AMY: I have been with my partner for five years; he rents his own place and I live with my parents. My parents are old-fashioned and believe I can only live with him when we are married (I used to share this view, but now I don’t). I have finished college and have moved back home to pay off my debt and save for a house (or wedding!). My partner’s home is five minutes away from my workplace and my folks’ house is one hour away (in good traffic), so I do frequent “sleepovers” at his place. This is causing tension in both households. I pay rent to my parents and I help out my partner by cleaning up after myself and buying bread, milk and eggs regularly. But he says that I’m using him, and that I’m just doing the minimum. He says I should be preparing dinners for both of us when I am there, doing washing, or helping by paying rent or at least one utility bill. Now I’m broke, tired and grumpy. I’m at his house cooking and cleaning and then when I’m at my parents I’m doing exactly the same thing to appease them because I’ve slept over my partner’s house. I’ve gone cold turkey and have slept only at one home, but then money is wasted on gas driving back and forth. I can’t afford to move out and I don’t want to get married just so we can live together — HELP!!! — Betwixt
DEAR BETWIXT: I don’t particularly like this guy’s style (at least the way you describe it) or the way he is framing his concerns, but I reluctantly agree with him. If you are staying at his house over half the week, then you should kick in for more of the living expenses. “Cleaning up after yourself” is not contributing to the household.
You see this as a huge burden, but he may see this as you having a primary residence and a secondary residence; maintaining a two-home lifestyle, which you obviously cannot afford.
If you can afford to pay rent to your parents, then you should be able to afford to rent a room nearer to your boyfriend and your place of work. I don’t suggest you move in with him — not because of your parents object to it, but because you need to figure out what it feels like to be in charge of your own life instead of bouncing around to serve others’ agendas.
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
I'm interested in why the guy might be asking her to pay him rent, since they're sharing a bed when she's there.
I have never asked a woman (or girl) for money. And a sex partner is special, unless maybe he has neighbors knocking on his door asking to sleep with him.
Maybe he wants her to decide NOT to pay her parents rent??? If she pays him, she can't pay both.
Maybe if he takes her money and puts it into a trust account in her name?
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
I'm interested in why the guy might be asking her to pay him rent, since they're sharing a bed when she's there.
I have never asked a woman (or girl) for money. And a sex partner is special, unless maybe he has neighbors knocking on his door asking to sleep with him.
Maybe he wants her to decide NOT to pay her parents rent??? If she pays him, she can't pay both.
Maybe if he takes her money and puts it into a trust account in her name?
Why SHOULDN'T she be paying rent or helping with the bills if she lives there?
Just paying him in sex makes her no better than a hooker.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I'm interested in why the guy might be asking her to pay him rent, since they're sharing a bed when she's there.
I have never asked a woman (or girl) for money. And a sex partner is special, unless maybe he has neighbors knocking on his door asking to sleep with him.
Maybe he wants her to decide NOT to pay her parents rent??? If she pays him, she can't pay both.
Maybe if he takes her money and puts it into a trust account in her name?
Why SHOULDN'T she be paying rent or helping with the bills if she lives there?
Just paying him in sex makes her no better than a hooker.
... or a stay at home wife ...
__________________
The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
I'm interested in why the guy might be asking her to pay him rent, since they're sharing a bed when she's there.
I have never asked a woman (or girl) for money. And a sex partner is special, unless maybe he has neighbors knocking on his door asking to sleep with him.
Maybe he wants her to decide NOT to pay her parents rent??? If she pays him, she can't pay both.
Maybe if he takes her money and puts it into a trust account in her name?
Why SHOULDN'T she be paying rent or helping with the bills if she lives there?
Just paying him in sex makes her no better than a hooker.
... or a stay at home wife ...
WTF??????
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
I'm interested in why the guy might be asking her to pay him rent, since they're sharing a bed when she's there.
I have never asked a woman (or girl) for money. And a sex partner is special, unless maybe he has neighbors knocking on his door asking to sleep with him.
Maybe he wants her to decide NOT to pay her parents rent??? If she pays him, she can't pay both.
Maybe if he takes her money and puts it into a trust account in her name?
Why SHOULDN'T she be paying rent or helping with the bills if she lives there?
Just paying him in sex makes her no better than a hooker.
... or a stay at home wife ...
WTF??????
Seriously...
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America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...
Really ed. Two couples who love and respect each other make a vow and get married. Wife chooses to stay home to raise their children and that makes her a hooker?
Do most hookers take care of cleaning, cooking, and childcare? If so, I wouldn't be opposed to getting a Hooker of my own every now and then. It's probably cheaper than hiring a housekeeper..
I'm interested in why the guy might be asking her to pay him rent, since they're sharing a bed when she's there.
I have never asked a woman (or girl) for money. And a sex partner is special, unless maybe he has neighbors knocking on his door asking to sleep with him.
Maybe he wants her to decide NOT to pay her parents rent??? If she pays him, she can't pay both.
Maybe if he takes her money and puts it into a trust account in her name?
Why SHOULDN'T she be paying rent or helping with the bills if she lives there?
Just paying him in sex makes her no better than a hooker.
... or a stay at home wife ...
WTF??????
Seriously...
I wasn't the one who said "hooker".
__________________
The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
I'm interested in why the guy might be asking her to pay him rent, since they're sharing a bed when she's there.
I have never asked a woman (or girl) for money. And a sex partner is special, unless maybe he has neighbors knocking on his door asking to sleep with him.
Maybe he wants her to decide NOT to pay her parents rent??? If she pays him, she can't pay both.
Maybe if he takes her money and puts it into a trust account in her name?
Why SHOULDN'T she be paying rent or helping with the bills if she lives there?
Just paying him in sex makes her no better than a hooker.
... or a stay at home wife ...
WTF??????
Seriously...
I wasn't the one who said "hooker".
Yeah, but you were the one that said he shouldn't expect her to pay for anything because she sleeps with him.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
