Q. No-longer-welcome house guest: A friend of mine posted on social media in a way that led me to believe she was in danger in her relationship with a live-in boyfriend. Because I was worried about her safety, I offered her a temporary place to stay. (I live alone, in a tiny studio apartment, for a reason.) A few days into her staying at my place, she admitted that he hadn’t threatened her physically but that she had kicked and punched him repeatedly. There have been numerous occasions where she talked about breaking up with this guy, and almost as many times I’ve watched her go back to him. Prudie, I figured they’d be back to their dysfunctional coupledom within a couple of days, but she’s been here a full week now with no signs of finding her own place. What can I do to get my place back to myself?
A: She’s not only lied about being physically abused; she’s physically abusing her boyfriend. I hope very much that she doesn’t return to him. It’s absolutely fair to tell your unwanted roommate that you offered her a place to stay out of a misguided concern for her safety—frankly I’m more worried about his—and now that you know she’s not in danger of violence, she’ll have to find another place to live.
Given what you know of her behavior, it’s very likely that she will not graciously accept your request and may try to make removing her from your apartment extremely difficult. I think I am going to open this one up to the commenters! What’s the best way to approach this? Should the OP consider her legal options? Should she contact the ex-boyfriend and offer her support, now that she knows her friend has been abusing him? Should she be worried about her own safety? What say you?
Q. Re: No-longer-welcome house guest: Attorney here. Be very careful, and get this person out as soon as you can. Depending on your state you may, if you let her stay long enough, create what is called a “tenancy at sufferance,” which means she becomes entitled to notice (30 or 60 days) AND possible the full rights of the formal eviction process (meaning you have to go to court to get her out).
A: Thank you! Tenancy laws can be so complicated; I want to make sure OP is protected as much as possible.
Q. Re: No-longer-welcome house guest: That person is not your friend. She manipulated you into giving her a place to stay. Her boyfriend may have kicked her out, which would be the right thing to have done after the assault. You clearly realize that you have to usher her out of your apartment, too. Be prepared to be guilt-tripped over this. Change your locks. Your friendship may end, but if she assaulted her boyfriend, she is probably beyond the stage where you can help her.
A: Absolutely change your locks after she leaves. You don’t want her “forgetting” to return your key and letting herself back in.
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
Anyone remember the Craigslist nanny that wouldn't leave a families home in Ca? Pack her bags once she leaves the house and set it on the porch. Of course she can just tell her that it is time for her to go.
