TOTALLY GEEKED!

FNW · Guru

RE: But I’m miserable. Why?

Lindley · Guru

I'm so sorry LL, I'm glad that your father made good memories for you which that is a great gift that you will always have of him.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I think that's the thing.

We don't choose how we feel.

But we choose how we let our feelings affect us and especially those around us.

We choose how we react.

huskerbb · Guru

flan327 wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Every Christmas eve I can remember, my pawpaw and uncle would play their guitars.

I have a picture of the last time pawpaw ever played his guitar.

It was Christmas eve, 2012. He died the following April.

I miss him more every year.

But I know he would not want any of us to be sad.

Missing someone is completely normal.

Allowing that to take away from the living is wrong and hurtful to everyone.

OR...the people who LOVE you will understand.
flan

No. Little kids will not understand.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Every Christmas eve I can remember, my pawpaw and uncle would play their guitars.

I have a picture of the last time pawpaw ever played his guitar.

It was Christmas eve, 2012. He died the following April.

I miss him more every year.

But I know he would not want any of us to be sad.

Missing someone is completely normal.

Allowing that to take away from the living is wrong and hurtful to everyone.

OR...the people who LOVE you will understand.
flan
No. Little kids will not understand.

If they're MY kids, that's one thing. If not...

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Then you dont care?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

How does spending the day being miserable improve your life?

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Then you dont care?

Then they can learn something, maybe?

flan

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
How does spending the day being miserable improve your life?

Ask me a real question & maybe I'll answer.

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

So, you want to be the pathetic sad sack that kids feel sorry for on Christmas day? Even though you have heat in your house, food on your table, use of your arms and legs and a family? Oh ok.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
How does spending the day being miserable improve your life?
Ask me a real question & maybe I'll answer.
flan

That's a serious question flan. How does indulging in the misery day after day after day IMPROVE anything? All it does is ruin today. Why?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Then you dont care?
Then they can learn something, maybe?
flan

It would seem to me that the lesson being learned is the lack of gratitude.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
So, you want to be the pathetic sad sack that kids feel sorry for on Christmas day? Even though you have heat in your house, food on your table, use of your arms and legs and a family? Oh ok.

You know depression better than that.

flan

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
How does spending the day being miserable improve your life?
Ask me a real question & maybe I'll answer.
flan
That's a serious question flan. How does indulging in the misery day after day after day IMPROVE anything? All it does is ruin today. Why?

I'm sorry, but this sounds like "Snap out of it."

flan

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
How does spending the day being miserable improve your life?
Ask me a real question & maybe I'll answer.
flan
That's a serious question flan. How does indulging in the misery day after day after day IMPROVE anything? All it does is ruin today. Why?
I'm sorry, but this sounds like "Snap out of it."
flan

Its a completely serious question flan. One that needs confronted.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

lilyofcourse wrote:

Wow! No more need for any therapists or psychiatrists...

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I see you aren't going to answer. Ok. Next question. Completely serious. WHO is responsible for YOUR happiness? And, if you aren't willing to confront those things that i mentioned, then how in the world do you expect others to somehow be responsible for your happiness if the person will not even take basic steps of accepting that responsibility?

And, do you have a better flow chart for Lilly?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Who said not to use pychiatrists, pyschologists or counselors? I have said repeatedly that people will go to the ends of the earth for their physical health but won't spend $200 to see a counselor.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Who said not to use pychiatrists, pyschologists or counselors? I have said repeatedly that people will go to the ends of the earth for their physical health but won't spend $200 to see a counselor.

Based on Lily's posting history, the chart suggests that.

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I have never said that. Do what you need to do to be whole and move forward. But you have to accept responsibility to do that.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I have never said that. Do what you need to do to be whole and move forward. But you have to accept responsibility to do that.

No, you haven't.

My point is that it is sometimes nearly impossible for a person dealing with depression to believe that they deserve help.

flan

huskerbb · Guru

flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Every Christmas eve I can remember, my pawpaw and uncle would play their guitars.

I have a picture of the last time pawpaw ever played his guitar.

It was Christmas eve, 2012. He died the following April.

I miss him more every year.

But I know he would not want any of us to be sad.

Missing someone is completely normal.

Allowing that to take away from the living is wrong and hurtful to everyone.

OR...the people who LOVE you will understand.
flan
No. Little kids will not understand.
If they're MY kids, that's one thing. If not...
flan

If not then you can ruin their Christmas? Nice.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I dont disagree flan. The reality is that nobody else can do it for you.

huskerbb · Guru

Also, losing a loved on and being clinically depressed are two WHOLLY different things.

EVERYONE loses loved ones. Not everyone is depressed.

Ohfour · Hooker

Remember my miserable BIL? You would think that he would have a smidgen of sympathy for others.

Two years ago on Christmas Eve, Gs son got a phone call from a good friend. He had come home from work and his roommate had killed himself. After dealing with the police, he needed a place to crash.

-- Edited by Ohfour on Saturday 26th of December 2015 06:28:06 PM

Ohfour · Hooker

BIL freaked out. IN FRONT OF THE KID, he said that if we let him stay, BIL was going to a hotel, that he didn't know this guy and therefore didn't trust him. We told BIL fine, go, but the kid refused to stay. He said he didnt want to ruin anyone else's Christmas. We all cried all night (well BIL didn't, he slept fine). Now maybe you understand why we dont want him here?

Lindley · Guru

Oh four how awful for your young friend. I always remembered Christmas growing up as happy wonderful times. Didn't know until I was married and moved away from home that my mom hated Christmas and it was always a depressing holiday for her. She didn't let it ruin our holidays.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Lindley wrote:
Oh four how awful for your young friend. I always remembered Christmas growing up as happy wonderful times. Didn't know until I was married and moved away from home that my mom hated Christmas and it was always a depressing holiday for her. She didn't let it ruin our holidays.

You had a good mom.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I have never said that. Do what you need to do to be whole and move forward. But you have to accept responsibility to do that.
No, you haven't.
My point is that it is sometimes nearly impossible for a person dealing with depression to believe that they deserve help.
flan

Or even that they CAN BE helped.

Lindley · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:

Lindley wrote:
Oh four how awful for your young friend. I always remembered Christmas growing up as happy wonderful times. Didn't know until I was married and moved away from home that my mom hated Christmas and it was always a depressing holiday for her. She didn't let it ruin our holidays.
You had a good mom.

Thank you lily, looking back I believe she was depressed buy didn't know why or that there was help. I do know she tried not to let it affect us.

Ohfour · Hooker

Mellow Momma wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I have never said that. Do what you need to do to be whole and move forward. But you have to accept responsibility to do that.
No, you haven't.
My point is that it is sometimes nearly impossible for a person dealing with depression to believe that they deserve help.
flan
Or even that they CAN BE helped.

Well, if they dont even TRY, thats on them...

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Ohfour wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I have never said that. Do what you need to do to be whole and move forward. But you have to accept responsibility to do that.
No, you haven't.
My point is that it is sometimes nearly impossible for a person dealing with depression to believe that they deserve help.
flan
Or even that they CAN BE helped.
Well, if they dont even TRY, thats on them...

That's like saying to someone that they can fly to the moon by the sheer power of their own thoughts and if they can't get to the moon, it's because they didn't even try and that's on them. No matter that they don't know anyone who has gotten to the moon (people may have, but no one talks about it, and no one says how they did it because it's shamefull even to have to TRY to get to the moon) and that they don't think it is even possible to get to the moon using their thoughts. YOU think they should be able to do it alone. And the fact that people sit in judgement of their inability to get to the moon (even though they haven't even tried yet, they are being judged for not just BEING there) makes it even harder for them to try. You have already judged them for not being able to get there, you think they are foolish for not trying, you think they are useless for not just BEING there somehow without trying...why should they try at all?

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

No. It isnt.

Look, if keep hitting your thumb with a hammer, you have two choices, move your thumb or keep hitting it.

It takes ONE step to start a new path.

huskerbb · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I have never said that. Do what you need to do to be whole and move forward. But you have to accept responsibility to do that.
No, you haven't.
My point is that it is sometimes nearly impossible for a person dealing with depression to believe that they deserve help.
flan
Or even that they CAN BE helped.
Well, if they dont even TRY, thats on them...
That's like saying to someone that they can fly to the moon by the sheer power of their own thoughts and if they can't get to the moon, it's because they didn't even try and that's on them. No matter that they don't know anyone who has gotten to the moon (people may have, but no one talks about it, and no one says how they did it because it's shamefull even to have to TRY to get to the moon) and that they don't think it is even possible to get to the moon using their thoughts. YOU think they should be able to do it alone. And the fact that people sit in judgement of their inability to get to the moon (even though they haven't even tried yet, they are being judged for not just BEING there) makes it even harder for them to try. You have already judged them for not being able to get there, you think they are foolish for not trying, you think they are useless for not just BEING there somehow without trying...why should they try at all?

I don't know that I've ever read a post on here that was more rambling and made less sense.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

And THAT, husker, is precisely the problem.

If you have not experienced crippling depression, you can never truly understand.

flan

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

lilyofcourse wrote:
No. It isnt.

Look, if keep hitting your thumb with a hammer, you have two choices, move your thumb or keep hitting it.

It takes ONE step to start a new path.

Have you read any of this thread?

flan

Tinydancer · Guru

Some people try not to let their depression ruin everyone else's life. Some people wallow in it like perpetual victims. Of course if you believe you don't deserve help or feel that no one can help you then giving up is the only option left. Just because you have depression doesn't mean you have to indulge it every day of the year.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I have never said that. Do what you need to do to be whole and move forward. But you have to accept responsibility to do that.
No, you haven't.
My point is that it is sometimes nearly impossible for a person dealing with depression to believe that they deserve help.
flan
Or even that they CAN BE helped.
Well, if they dont even TRY, thats on them...
That's like saying to someone that they can fly to the moon by the sheer power of their own thoughts and if they can't get to the moon, it's because they didn't even try and that's on them. No matter that they don't know anyone who has gotten to the moon (people may have, but no one talks about it, and no one says how they did it because it's shamefull even to have to TRY to get to the moon) and that they don't think it is even possible to get to the moon using their thoughts. YOU think they should be able to do it alone. And the fact that people sit in judgement of their inability to get to the moon (even though they haven't even tried yet, they are being judged for not just BEING there) makes it even harder for them to try. You have already judged them for not being able to get there, you think they are foolish for not trying, you think they are useless for not just BEING there somehow without trying...why should they try at all?

Who said "alone"? You keep saying "alone"? I have said over and over that people should take the same care to invest in their mental, emotional, spiritual, well being as they do their physical health. Yeah, it's "hard". Some things in life are hard.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

flan327 wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
No. It isnt.

Look, if keep hitting your thumb with a hammer, you have two choices, move your thumb or keep hitting it.

It takes ONE step to start a new path.

Have you read any of this thread?
flan

Flan, i asked 2 questions of you. Or anyone else who wants to take those up for that matter. What is your response?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Questions:

1.How does indulging in the misery day after day after day IMPROVE anything? All it does is ruin today. Why?

2. Completely serious. WHO is responsible for YOUR happiness? And, if you aren't willing to confront those things that i mentioned, then how in the world do you expect others to somehow be responsible for your happiness if the person will not even take basic steps of accepting that responsibility?

And, do you have a better flow chart for Lilly?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I read the book Pilgrim's Progress. In the book Christian is on a journey. At one point in his journey, he trips and falls in the mud. He laid there for a bit just thinking that maybe he should just stay in the mud. There were other people laying there who would not even attempt to get up. But, finally, he got up, cleaned himself and went on his way. And, yes he had more trials and tribulations along the way. There are people who will, can and want to help. But, they cannot care about your well being more than you do. They cannot do for you what you need to do for yourself. You cannot expect others to be responsible for your happiness when you aren't taking responsibilitiy for it yourself. There is a point where you need to just Press On. Depression has a big old fat "I" right smack in there. Doesn't mean that someone isn't 'justified' to feel they way they do. But, they want to continually make the case and justify why they deserve to feel that way. Yes, some deserve to feel that way. But, that goes back to question on. And, then if you continue that day after day and year after year, you are continually laying new ground and roads for depression. That approach does NOTHING to help you.

You can however, create a new life, minute by minute, day by day. Then week by week, month by month, you are living a better life. An improved and happier life. The fatal flaw i believe is that depressed people think that "Happiness" is something you should feel all the time. Maybe some people do, i don't know. There are still times in life we fall in the mud. And yes, maybe we need to have a full on pity party at times. In fact, i think that is fine and we should. However, there is a point though where that is counterproductive to your life. You simply have to crawl OUT of the mud. Clean yourself off and move ahead.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Questions:

1.How does indulging in the misery day after day after day IMPROVE anything? All it does is ruin today. Why?
You are NOT that dense. YOU UNDERSTAND THAT CLINICAL DEPRESSION IS A CHEMICAL IMBALANCE IN THE BRAIN.

2. Completely serious. WHO is responsible for YOUR happiness? And, if you aren't willing to confront those things that i mentioned, then how in the world do you expect others to somehow be responsible for your happiness if the person will not even take basic steps of accepting that responsibility?
Because a person suffering from clinical depression DOES NOT BELIEVE THEY DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.

And, do you have a better flow chart for Lilly?
Depression is way too complicated for a stupid flow chart.
flan

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Tinydancer wrote:
Some people try not to let their depression ruin everyone else's life. Some people wallow in it like perpetual victims. Of course if you believe you don't deserve help or feel that no one can help you then giving up is the only option left. Just because you have depression doesn't mean you have to indulge it every day of the year.

Well, by the same token, just because you have Type 1 Diabetes doesn't mean you have to indulge it every day of the year.

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Questions:

1.How does indulging in the misery day after day after day IMPROVE anything? All it does is ruin today. Why?
You are NOT that dense. YOU UNDERSTAND THAT CLINICAL DEPRESSION IS A CHEMICAL IMBALANCE IN THE BRAIN.

2. Completely serious. WHO is responsible for YOUR happiness? And, if you aren't willing to confront those things that i mentioned, then how in the world do you expect others to somehow be responsible for your happiness if the person will not even take basic steps of accepting that responsibility?
Because a person suffering from clinical depression DOES NOT BELIEVE THEY DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.

And, do you have a better flow chart for Lilly?
Depression is way too complicated for a stupid flow chart.
flan

Flan, there are many components to illness. If you have a heart attack,there is more to do than simply take a pill. That requires lifestyle changes, walking, exercise, diet and other things. There are people we call "Cardiac cripples' who have a heart attack and then they come home and just sit in a chair because the wife is terrified of having him exert himself, etc so they wind up worse off than if they got back to living life. Did I say to NOT address that component? No, i have said OVER AND OVER to get the help you need. You seem to want to deny any personal responsibility at all. That this is somehow the job of everyone else except for that individual.

As for not believing you deserve happiness. I agree. That is part of the Mindset loop that replays a that record over and over and in your brain. I highly recommend the book "Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer. She discusses the need to "think about what we are thinking about". And, how to stop our "stinking thinking". Again, that requires some activity on the part of the individual to try to address this.

And, as for a flow chart needing to be "complicated", sometimes the best advice is the simplest. Get up TODAY and make your life better TODAY. Get out of bed. Do your dishes. Take the dog for a walk. Hug a child or give a compliment to the cashier TODAY. You behave your way to success. No, you dont' "feel like it". If wait until you "feel like it", you are never going to feel like it. That is where people get stuck in my opinion. They want to "feel like it" before they DO. That's backwards. You need to DO, then the feelings will follow not the other way around.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
Some people try not to let their depression ruin everyone else's life. Some people wallow in it like perpetual victims. Of course if you believe you don't deserve help or feel that no one can help you then giving up is the only option left. Just because you have depression doesn't mean you have to indulge it every day of the year.
Well, by the same token, just because you have Type 1 Diabetes doesn't mean you have to indulge it every day of the year.
flan

So, you just say "what the hell" and you eat cake, candies, cookies all day every day? Or, do you take CARE of your diet? I think you have just proved her point. You keep saying, oh there is nothing that person can do to help themselves or change it, so just go eat whatever. That seems to be the approach you are applying to depression but you dont to diabetes.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Mellow Momma wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I have never said that. Do what you need to do to be whole and move forward. But you have to accept responsibility to do that.
No, you haven't.
My point is that it is sometimes nearly impossible for a person dealing with depression to believe that they deserve help.
flan
Or even that they CAN BE helped.
Well, if they dont even TRY, thats on them...
That's like saying to someone that they can fly to the moon by the sheer power of their own thoughts and if they can't get to the moon, it's because they didn't even try and that's on them. No matter that they don't know anyone who has gotten to the moon (people may have, but no one talks about it, and no one says how they did it because it's shamefull even to have to TRY to get to the moon) and that they don't think it is even possible to get to the moon using their thoughts. YOU think they should be able to do it alone. And the fact that people sit in judgement of their inability to get to the moon (even though they haven't even tried yet, they are being judged for not just BEING there) makes it even harder for them to try. You have already judged them for not being able to get there, you think they are foolish for not trying, you think they are useless for not just BEING there somehow without trying...why should they try at all?

Ummm, this is not a good comparison. Flying to the moon is impossible. Getting up, going about the daily routine, and getting yourself help is not.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Yeah, that makes no sense in this discussion.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Yeah, that makes no sense in this discussion.

A lot of posts make no sense in this discussion.

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

But, in the end, it's your life. You can fight and fight to hold on to misery. It's your life. Others around you are going to live their lives. One person cannot make another person happy. Every individual is responsible for their own happiness on this planet. If you want to just lay in bed day after day, there is really nothing anyone else can do for you. They cannot care more about you if you are not willing to take the basic steps to care for yourself.
Like the cardiac patient who won't change his diet, exercise, etc, there is nothing a doctor can really do other than presciribe the pills. But ,the person who ultimately suffers is the cardiac patient who isn't willing to help himself.