TOTALLY GEEKED!

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

RE: But I’m miserable. Why?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

You keep saying that over and over. Yes, you "can't" and that is why you get HELP. You go to the doctor to get medication. You go to a counselor. You talk to your Pastor. All of those things combined which then pull you up a bit so that you can start helping yourself. But, if you never get to the point of helping yourself, you never will. So, yeah, we see people who spend 50+ YEARS still reliving their childhoods. And, that helps them HOW?

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
You keep saying that over and over. Yes, you "can't" and that is why you get HELP. You go to the doctor to get medication. You go to a counselor. You talk to your Pastor. All of those things combined which then pull you up a bit so that you can start helping yourself. But, if you never get to the point of helping yourself, you never will. So, yeah, we see people who spend 50+ YEARS still reliving their childhoods. And, that helps them HOW?

You are not that dense...

Okay, I can only speak from my own experience (as do we all).

I had my first major depressive episode after college. I had NO idea what was going on. I was living at home & working part time. I wore the same dress day in & day out and no one said a thing. I barely spoke & slept for hours at a time, even during the day. At that point, I was NOT capable of reaching out for help. IF someone had cared enough to say something, would things have been different?

I don't know.

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Why do you keep saying "dense"? Do you think you are the only one who has ever suffered from depression? Yes, we all speak from our own experiences. Perhaps it is time to HEAR?

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Why do you keep saying "dense"? Do you think you are the only one who has ever suffered from depression? Yes, we all speak from our own experiences. Perhaps it is time to HEAR?

1. Because of the questions you insist on asking.

2. Ummm, no, but "depression" is NOT a one size fits all disease.

3. To what end?

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Why do you keep saying "dense"? Do you think you are the only one who has ever suffered from depression? Yes, we all speak from our own experiences. Perhaps it is time to HEAR?
1. Because of the questions you insist on asking.
2. Ummm, no, but "depression" is NOT a one size fits all disease.
3. To what end?
flan

If it isn't one size fits all, then why are you dismissing my advice and Lilly's advice and everyone else's?

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Because "just feel better" doesn't work for ANY size...

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Because "just feel better" doesn't work for ANY size...

flan

Show me where I have said that.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

flan327 wrote:
Because "just feel better" doesn't work for ANY size...

flan

She has not said that.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I think i have given a very comprehensive and specific approach.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I think i have given a very comprehensive and specific approach.

You have to realize that some people don't want advice and don't want to do anything to make it better.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Some people want to hold on so hard as to why they are "justified" to feel they way they do. That doesn't change their past, it only contaminates their future.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

It's like when we see my SIL. She will manage to work every wrong that ever happened to her into a 2 hour conversation and visit. We could be playing a card game and having a ball with her and the kids, but she will always toss in one of her tragedies. The kids are like 'whaattt??". We were standing in DD's bedroom and her comment on the view from DD's room was she "hoped she has a nice view like that when she is in the Nursing home". Um, yeah, she's upright, healthy and works a full time job, so yeah, lol.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

But, OK flan. You don't like our approaches. Now, tell us what WORKS instead.

huskerbb · Guru

flan327 wrote:
And THAT, husker, is precisely the problem.

If you have not experienced crippling depression, you can never truly understand.

flan

Fine, then I guess the obvious thing is to wallow in your misery and try to make everyone else around you as miserable as you can, too.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Because "just feel better" doesn't work for ANY size...

flan
Show me where I have said that.

Lily said pretty much that.

flan

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
And THAT, husker, is precisely the problem.

If you have not experienced crippling depression, you can never truly understand.

flan
Fine, then I guess the obvious thing is to wallow in your misery and try to make everyone else around you as miserable as you can, too.

You just don't get it.

True depression is actually NOT misery...it is "zombieland," the absence of ANY emotion, positive or negative.

flan

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
But, OK flan. You don't like our approaches. Now, tell us what WORKS instead.

I can only tell you what worked for ME...no one else.

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
But, OK flan. You don't like our approaches. Now, tell us what WORKS instead.
I can only tell you what worked for ME...no one else.
flan

Well that's fair. What did work for you flan?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
And THAT, husker, is precisely the problem.

If you have not experienced crippling depression, you can never truly understand.

flan
Fine, then I guess the obvious thing is to wallow in your misery and try to make everyone else around you as miserable as you can, too.
You just don't get it.
True depression is actually NOT misery...it is "zombieland," the absence of ANY emotion, positive or negative.
flan

That's true too.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
But, OK flan. You don't like our approaches. Now, tell us what WORKS instead.
I can only tell you what worked for ME...no one else.
flan
Well that's fair. What did work for you flan?

I did nothing during my first episode. I just went to sleep every night, hoping I would not wake up.

It eventually went away...But I have learned that it always comes back.

By the time I was a single parent, I started therapy & agreed to anti-depressants. Finding the right combination of pills is SO frustrating. I also watch my kids for signs.

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Flan, i am in no way saying "Suck it up, stop being a baby, etc". What i am saying is to get help, which pulls you up to the place where you can begin taking steps to help yourself. If you carefully read what i have written instead of reading it with a defensive posture, you will see that.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Flan, i am in no way saying "Suck it up, stop being a baby, etc". What i am saying is to get help, which pulls you up to the place where you can begin taking steps to help yourself. If you carefully read what i have written instead of reading it with a defensive posture, you will see that.

Yes, BUT depression convinces a person they don't DESERVE help. That's already been stated on this thread.

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Yes. I know. So what do u propose to get someone to the point of seeking help?

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Flan, i am in no way saying "Suck it up, stop being a baby, etc". What i am saying is to get help, which pulls you up to the place where you can begin taking steps to help yourself. If you carefully read what i have written instead of reading it with a defensive posture, you will see that.
Yes, BUT depression convinces a person they don't DESERVE help. That's already been stated on this thread.
flan

Well, refusing to get it isn't going to do anything. So if they don't, they will just do exactly what Husker said - wallow in their depression and make everyone else around them miserable, too. Even if you won't do it for yourself, get help for the sake of your family.

And NOONE on this board has the excuse of not knowing better.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Flan, i am in no way saying "Suck it up, stop being a baby, etc". What i am saying is to get help, which pulls you up to the place where you can begin taking steps to help yourself. If you carefully read what i have written instead of reading it with a defensive posture, you will see that.
Yes, BUT depression convinces a person they don't DESERVE help. That's already been stated on this thread.
flan
Well, refusing to get it isn't going to do anything. So if they don't, they will just do exactly what Husker said - wallow in their depression and make everyone else around them miserable, too. Even if you won't do it for yourself, get help for the sake of your family.
And NOONE on this board has the excuse of not knowing better.

Actually you just disappear into the background.

flan

Ohfour · Hooker

flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Flan, i am in no way saying "Suck it up, stop being a baby, etc". What i am saying is to get help, which pulls you up to the place where you can begin taking steps to help yourself. If you carefully read what i have written instead of reading it with a defensive posture, you will see that.
Yes, BUT depression convinces a person they don't DESERVE help. That's already been stated on this thread.
flan
Well, refusing to get it isn't going to do anything. So if they don't, they will just do exactly what Husker said - wallow in their depression and make everyone else around them miserable, too. Even if you won't do it for yourself, get help for the sake of your family.
And NOONE on this board has the excuse of not knowing better.
Actually you just disappear into the background.
flan

That's what you THINK. You affect everyone around you. You dont just disappear as you would like to believe...people are having to walk on eggshells. While you think you are invisible, you are causing a lot of pain...

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

In one year, I became pregnant, discovered my husband was using drugs and having an affair, the day he left,( I was a stay at home mom and had to move back in with my parents,) my great grandmother died, went through the holidays, my grandfather had a massive stroke, he died 10 days before I gave birth.

Can you count the major life changes that happened in just 40 weeks?

You want to know how depressed I was? Can you tell me how I didn't just die? Cause I had to force myself to take the next breath. I could have very easily allowed that darkness to swallow me up. I almost did.

Ten years.

I faked it through birthdays, holidays, family meals, vacations and all the daily activities.

I didn't feel anything. Nothing. I was just going through the motions. I didn't deserve help. I didn't have professional help. Because that was a no no in my family.

I remember sitting at the circus, holding my youngest son and my other two in front of me, all of them squealing and laughing and enjoying the moment, but all I could do was cry.

I had to make a choice.

It wasn't easy by any means. I fought through each day. I swallowed tears. I made myself participate. I prayed a LOT. And slowly, very slowly, I felt that confining darkness crack.

Ten years. Gone.

Ten years I will never get back.

Sometimes, I feel it creeping back around me. Like a choking vine entangling me. But I refuse to become that she'll of a human again.

I had 3 kids who needed me. 3 kids who deserved a life. 3 kids who never knew how truly messed up their mom was.

I guess I could have just expected toddlers to understand. I mean they were my kids and they could have just dealt with it.

I guess I could have expected my parents to deal with it. I mean they were my family and if they truly loved me, they would have dealt with it.

Guess I could have just showed up at work when I felt like it and expect my coworkers to pick up any slack. I mean, they had to see how bad it was for me.

I guess I should have expected everyone I came in contact with to handle me with kid gloves. After all, I was going through something "no one else" could understand.

But I didnt.

I made the choice to take another breath.

I made the choice, that even if I didn't deserve it, I was going to take that next step.

I do know what it is to be depressed. I do know what it feels like to think about taking all the pills or to drive off the bridge.

But I am living proof that you can't just sit in one place and expect things to change. You have to take that first step.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Ohfour wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Flan, i am in no way saying "Suck it up, stop being a baby, etc". What i am saying is to get help, which pulls you up to the place where you can begin taking steps to help yourself. If you carefully read what i have written instead of reading it with a defensive posture, you will see that.
Yes, BUT depression convinces a person they don't DESERVE help. That's already been stated on this thread.
flan
Well, refusing to get it isn't going to do anything. So if they don't, they will just do exactly what Husker said - wallow in their depression and make everyone else around them miserable, too. Even if you won't do it for yourself, get help for the sake of your family.
And NOONE on this board has the excuse of not knowing better.
Actually you just disappear into the background.
flan
That's what you THINK. You affect everyone around you. You dont just disappear as you would like to believe...people are having to walk on eggshells. While you think you are invisible, you are causing a lot of pain...

During the latest episode, the kids were already gone. There was no "everyone" around me. I managed to do my job.

It took a long time for DH to even notice.

flan

huskerbb · Guru

flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
And THAT, husker, is precisely the problem.

If you have not experienced crippling depression, you can never truly understand.

flan
Fine, then I guess the obvious thing is to wallow in your misery and try to make everyone else around you as miserable as you can, too.
You just don't get it.
True depression is actually NOT misery...it is "zombieland," the absence of ANY emotion, positive or negative.
flan

Sounds like wallowing to me.

But again, EVERYONE loses loved ones. Not everyone is perpetually miserable for the rest of their lives.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Flan, i am in no way saying "Suck it up, stop being a baby, etc". What i am saying is to get help, which pulls you up to the place where you can begin taking steps to help yourself. If you carefully read what i have written instead of reading it with a defensive posture, you will see that.
Yes, BUT depression convinces a person they don't DESERVE help. That's already been stated on this thread.
flan
Well, refusing to get it isn't going to do anything. So if they don't, they will just do exactly what Husker said - wallow in their depression and make everyone else around them miserable, too. Even if you won't do it for yourself, get help for the sake of your family.
And NOONE on this board has the excuse of not knowing better.
Actually you just disappear into the background.
flan
That's what you THINK. You affect everyone around you. You dont just disappear as you would like to believe...people are having to walk on eggshells. While you think you are invisible, you are causing a lot of pain...
During the latest episode, the kids were already gone. There was no "everyone" around me. I managed to do my job.
It took a long time for DH to even notice.
flan

What is it that you wanted your DH or anyone else to DO? ANd, be specific please. Also, here you are, you powered through.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
And THAT, husker, is precisely the problem.

If you have not experienced crippling depression, you can never truly understand.

flan
Fine, then I guess the obvious thing is to wallow in your misery and try to make everyone else around you as miserable as you can, too.
You just don't get it.
True depression is actually NOT misery...it is "zombieland," the absence of ANY emotion, positive or negative.
flan
Sounds like wallowing to me.
But again, EVERYONE loses loved ones. Not everyone is perpetually miserable for the rest of their lives.

Clinical depression is different from situational depression.

And I don't care what you think. You have been told over & over that depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain.

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

You keep saying that! We know! I have said a 1100000000xxxx to get the medical help and counseling, spiritual help, etc. Sheesh.

huskerbb · Guru

flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
And THAT, husker, is precisely the problem.

If you have not experienced crippling depression, you can never truly understand.

flan
Fine, then I guess the obvious thing is to wallow in your misery and try to make everyone else around you as miserable as you can, too.
You just don't get it.
True depression is actually NOT misery...it is "zombieland," the absence of ANY emotion, positive or negative.
flan
Sounds like wallowing to me.
But again, EVERYONE loses loved ones. Not everyone is perpetually miserable for the rest of their lives.
Clinical depression is different from situational depression.
And I don't care what you think. You have been told over & over that depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain.
flan

You say that as if I should somehow give a crap.

Tinydancer · Guru

flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
And THAT, husker, is precisely the problem.

If you have not experienced crippling depression, you can never truly understand.

flan
Fine, then I guess the obvious thing is to wallow in your misery and try to make everyone else around you as miserable as you can, too.
You just don't get it.
True depression is actually NOT misery...it is "zombieland," the absence of ANY emotion, positive or negative.
flan
Sounds like wallowing to me.
But again, EVERYONE loses loved ones. Not everyone is perpetually miserable for the rest of their lives.
Clinical depression is different from situational depression.
And I don't care what you think. You have been told over & over that depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain.
flan

Then take your damn meds and don't expect the rest of the world to wallow with you.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

What IS your problem?

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I give a crap flan. I am sincerely trying to have a discussion with you.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I give a crap flan. I am sincerely trying to have a discussion with you.

I don't feel like sharing any more, considering who is here.

flan

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

Have you tried watching cheesy cheery Hallmark movies when you feel depressed? They always put me in a happy mood.

Tinydancer · Guru

You said it was a chemical imbalance. If that's the case then when people are depressed they should go see someone and get medicine that will make them feel better. If you took that personally then that's on you flan.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Lexxy wrote:
Have you tried watching cheesy cheery Hallmark movies when you feel depressed? They always put me in a happy mood.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
Have you tried watching cheesy cheery Hallmark movies when you feel depressed? They always put me in a happy mood.

That would make me want to chew my own hand off.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

What? They were amazing. Can't be sad listening to them!

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
What? They were amazing. Can't be sad listening to them!

I know, right?

flan

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
What? They were amazing. Can't be sad listening to them!

I guess. Not my thing.

Lindley · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
And THAT, husker, is precisely the problem.

If you have not experienced crippling depression, you can never truly understand.

flan
Fine, then I guess the obvious thing is to wallow in your misery and try to make everyone else around you as miserable as you can, too.
You just don't get it.
True depression is actually NOT misery...it is "zombieland," the absence of ANY emotion, positive or negative.
flan
Sounds like wallowing to me.
But again, EVERYONE loses loved ones. Not everyone is perpetually miserable for the rest of their lives.
Clinical depression is different from situational depression.
And I don't care what you think. You have been told over & over that depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain.
flan
Then take your damn meds and don't expect the rest of the world to wallow with you.

It is not always that easy. Chemical Depression is different from situational depression. Sometimes it is hard to find the right doses or meds that can help. I had pretty bad depression when my dad died. I was so angry at my BIL that I couldn't even cry. I thought I was fine but I just wasn't myself. My co-worker noticed I wasn't myself. Honestly what pulled me out of it was a segment on Roseanne where dan was arrested. Of course the skit was funny and I got to laughing so hard it snapped me out of it. That was a situational depression because I was grieving my dad and didn't release my grief because of my anger. Chemical depression is much harder and you can't just tell someone who is suffering with it to just snap out of it. Flan is trying to share her expierence and I don't think she isn't trying or just sitting there doing nothing about it.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

"Situation depression" is called life and in most cases - GRIEF. We all struggle through difficult times and we all deal with grief. That is not depression. The term "depression" used to describe a mental illness should be limited to the actual illness and not used to describe grief, melancholy, and other temporary bouts of sadness.

Tinydancer · Guru

Lindley wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
And THAT, husker, is precisely the problem.

If you have not experienced crippling depression, you can never truly understand.

flan
Fine, then I guess the obvious thing is to wallow in your misery and try to make everyone else around you as miserable as you can, too.
You just don't get it.
True depression is actually NOT misery...it is "zombieland," the absence of ANY emotion, positive or negative.
flan
Sounds like wallowing to me.
But again, EVERYONE loses loved ones. Not everyone is perpetually miserable for the rest of their lives.
Clinical depression is different from situational depression.
And I don't care what you think. You have been told over & over that depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain.
flan
Then take your damn meds and don't expect the rest of the world to wallow with you.
It is not always that easy. Chemical Depression is different from situational depression. Sometimes it is hard to find the right doses or meds that can help. I had pretty bad depression when my dad died. I was so angry at my BIL that I couldn't even cry. I thought I was fine but I just wasn't myself. My co-worker noticed I wasn't myself. Honestly what pulled me out of it was a segment on Roseanne where dan was arrested. Of course the skit was funny and I got to laughing so hard it snapped me out of it. That was a situational depression because I was grieving my dad and didn't release my grief because of my anger. Chemical depression is much harder and you can't just tell someone who is suffering with it to just snap out of it. Flan is trying to share her expierence and I don't think she isn't trying or just sitting there doing nothing about it.

I'm not saying it's easy. What I'm saying is if you're not doing anything to help yourself then you are wallowing. If you're depressed, see a doctor and take the medicine prescribed to you. Too many times people just say "Oh there's nothing to be done" when they haven't even tried what the doctor has said. I have a sister who won't take her meds and will tell you they aren't working. Believe me sis, we're around you and can tell when you stop taking them and when you finally start taking them again we notice that too. I believe she misses her depression when she's doing well so she invites it back for a visit.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I have a lot of empathy for those who are clinically depressed. People here would NEVER talk to someone with a heart problem or with diabetes the same way they talk to depressed patients. There is still a huge stigma in this country surrounding the mentally ill. Telling someone with clinical depression to "just get over it" is like being angry because you asked someone who has been blind from birth to describe the color yellow and they are unable to do it. It's not their "fault" as much as you'd, general you, would like to dump all the blame on them. Furthermore, many of the antidepressant meds have horrible side effects. I have a sister who is bipolar. They got her on meds and got her stabilized. The problem was that with most antidepressants she gained weight. She gained 60 pounds in two months. Faced with the world around her commenting on her weight she went off her meds. The next one they tried gave her SEVERE constipation. She almost had to be hospitalized for it. It's so easy for someone who isn't depressed to say, "Just take the pill." It's a lot harder to have to know that you have to take a pill for the rest of your life for your mental health that leaves the rest of your body destroyed.

Now feel free to flame away.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
I have a lot of empathy for those who are clinically depressed. People here would NEVER talk to someone with a heart problem or with diabetes the same way they talk to depressed patients. There is still a huge stigma in this country surrounding the mentally ill. Telling someone with clinical depression to "just get over it" is like being angry because you asked someone who has been blind from birth to describe the color yellow and they are unable to do it. It's not their "fault" as much as you'd, general you, would like to dump all the blame on them. Furthermore, many of the antidepressant meds have horrible side effects. I have a sister who is bipolar. They got her on meds and got her stabilized. The problem was that with most antidepressants she gained weight. She gained 60 pounds in two months. Faced with the world around her commenting on her weight she went off her meds. The next one they tried gave her SEVERE constipation. She almost had to be hospitalized for it. It's so easy for someone who isn't depressed to say, "Just take the pill." It's a lot harder to have to know that you have to take a pill for the rest of your life for your mental health that leaves the rest of your body destroyed.

Now feel free to flame away.

I have never flamed anyone for being depressed. However, people with physical ailments also get some tough talk. If you are a heart patient and you contine to smoke and eat a bunch of crap, then yes, you are not helping yourself. The POINT of any illness is that everyone has to take that responsibility for their own health. If you can't help yourself, you need to go find someone who can help you.