DEAR ABBY: I have known "Julia" for a long time. She was my best friend in high school and my maid of honor when I got married. She and her husband have an open relationship and invite other women into their bedroom. Several years ago, when my husband and I were struggling, they asked me if I wanted to join them. I declined in favor of working on my marriage. After that, Julia and I drifted apart and we spoke only rarely.
Our children go to the same school now, so we have reconnected and I realize how much I have missed having her as a close friend. Recently, however, Julia's husband, "Jerry," has started making suggestive remarks when he's the one picking their daughter up from school. It makes me really uncomfortable. When I told my husband about it, he wasn't happy.
How do I ask this man to stop without losing Julia's friendship again? I see them every day now, and I'd hate for there to be bitterness between us. -- NOT INTERESTED THAT WAY
DEAR NOT INTERESTED: Tell Jerry that his comments are making you uncomfortable and to cut it out. Point out that while you and your husband are not judgmental about their lifestyle, you are not interested in being more than good platonic friends. Then repeat it to Julia, so she hears it straight from you. If, after that, your refusal to participate in their bedroom antics causes "bitterness," then so be it.
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
Sometimes, you have to do what is best for your marriage.
Tell "Jerry" you are not interested and then stay away from him as much as possible.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
when lived/went to school in ca, swinging was pretty typical behavior--was not involved in a relationship myself so didn't have the perspective of a married man in the same situation--it was generally enjoyable but there were also occaisions that were a bit strange as the interactions/reactions between the married partners could get a bit surreal-if group is your thing then ok but would recommend that you experience it with professionals rather than emotionally invested amateurs
-- Edited by burns07 on Saturday 9th of January 2016 10:16:27 PM
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" the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. "--edmund burke
what i meant was that if you're interested in a menage a trois or more, try it with people who are professionals--no emotional attachments/episodes, etc.--just the experience--most swingers start out with the idea of a threesome rather than outright swapping--once they're in the moment, their reactions can sometimes be a little crazy ( and especially if they know/are acquainted with the other participant(s) )--not pitching it at all, just saying that it's usually a lot more enjoyable with people who aren't invested emotionally in the experience
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" the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. "--edmund burke
There are some things you just don't want seared into you brain.
And it does get emotionally messy if not kept compartmentalized.
Those who can not distinguish between love and lust, shouldn't be involved in any kind of multiple partner relationship.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
JMHO. I know. I'm old fashioned.
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don't feel like the lone ranger--did all that stuff years ago--when first met my lady, and ever since, is like all that crazy stuff just blew away like smoke, dissappeared--that man is gone for good
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" the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. "--edmund burke
Meanwhile I am sitting here thinking that there is just no one I want to get naked for at this point in life. Besides DH of course. Oh...and Ewan McGregor. Ok...and Kit Harrington.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
Meanwhile I am sitting here thinking that there is just no one I want to get naked for at this point in life. Besides DH of course. Oh...and Ewan McGregor. Ok...and Kit Harrington.
Heck, I wouldn't even get naked in front of my cats, at this point.
Meanwhile I am sitting here thinking that there is just no one I want to get naked for at this point in life. Besides DH of course. Oh...and Ewan McGregor. Ok...and Kit Harrington.
DEAR NOT INTERESTED: Tell Jerry that his comments are making you uncomfortable and to cut it out. Point out that while you and your husband are not judgmental about their lifestyle, you are not interested in being more than good platonic friends. Then repeat it to Julia, so she hears it straight from you. If, after that, your refusal to participate in their bedroom antics causes "bitterness," then so be it.
So, he's approaching a married woman for sex and she isn't allowed to be "judgmental"? I do find it interesting that LW declined because she had to "work on her marriage" which sounds like maybe she is sending some kind of mixed signal to them or something that makes it seems like she is possibly interested.
How about, No Jerry, I don't swing, nor do i believe in swinging. So, now, I am going to ask you to NEVER mention that to me again. Capiche?
I stopped having dreams about have relations with hot guys, now I dream about sleeping with them.
Actually going to sleep.
That's my thrill now.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the whole idea.
Let alone, trying to imagine actually doing it.
One thing I can say for certain.
If any of "our" friends had hinted at that, and I told Wayne about it...
That guy would still be looking for his teeth.
Or dead.
And Wayne would be in jail.
Don't get married, and have children, if you can't be loyal to one man/woman.
JMHO. I know. I'm old fashioned.
I don't think your husband going to jail is a very practical solution to such situations.
LOL...if we haven't run in to any swingers in the past 37 years, I don't think we're at much risk of it now.
Fort Worth is a conservative town.
I never have either. In Ca. or where I live now. To me that is just gross.
A girl I was seeing once asked me to join her and one of her friends for a 3-way. Her friend's husband was serving 6 months for selling drug, and she was really horny.
I declined. She was disappointed.
She was enough for me, but apparently I wasn't enough for her.
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
I think if a person or couple is relatively close with a couple and they think their could be interest in swinging it's o.k. to ask once. There's an old saying "you never know until you ask."
But, once the question has been asked and the offer declined it should be dropped.
I'm not saying I'm into swinging or want to be asked, but I would not be upset with anyone if I was asked by them once. I would be upset if they continued advances after being refused that once though. I can't say that I would be considering physical violence over a spoken question, as some have said, though. That doesn't make any sense to me.
