TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Dear Abby - Heartbroken 4 year old

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I would be absolutely livid. That is such a MEAN thing to do to a little girl. I would not attend the wedding, either. SIL is a ****.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

What a horrible thing to do to a 4yo. They asked her first & got her all excited. I don't understand why they can't both be flower girls. I'd probably want to skip the wedding too. But it's her husband's sister so I think they sort of have to go.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lexxy wrote:
What a horrible thing to do to a 4yo. They asked her first & got her all excited. I don't understand why they can't both be flower girls. I'd probably want to skip the wedding too. But it's her husband's sister so I think they sort of have to go.

The only things you have to do in life are pay taxes and die. This one would be a hill to die on for me and would quite possibly ruin the relationship forever unless there was a big, over the top apology and a big making it up to my child. You can screw me over all you want, and I might possibly forgive you, but break the heart of my child and you've earned my wrath forever.

Honeys_Mom · Mod & Permanent Board Sweetheart

Terribly thoughtless and probably clueless people. cry

Lindley · Guru

I would let them know that even though they had a right to change their mind they could at least not said anything till they decided and at the very least explain to the little girl why. Either I would get a sitter for my dd on the day of the wedding because why rub her nose in it or dress her in the prettiest dress I could fine.

I may not be to generous with my wedding present either.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

She's 4. If she is "devastated" and still crying about it, it's because mom is acting like this is on par with nuclear holocaust. Yeah, that wasn't nice. So, SIL isn't a nice person. Now she knows.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Yeah, I saw this on another board. It was obvious some of the posters did not have children...

flan

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

And, to add insult to injury, the SIL did not even have the balls to tell the child's mom. She waited until the mom asked about the dress fitting.

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Lindley wrote:
I would let them know that even though they had a right to change their mind they could at least not said anything till they decided and at the very least explain to the little girl why. Either I would get a sitter for my dd on the day of the wedding because why rub her nose in it or dress her in the prettiest dress I could fine.

I may not be to generous with my wedding present either.

Get them a crappy wedding gift! lol biggrin

Lindley · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Lindley wrote:
I would let them know that even though they had a right to change their mind they could at least not said anything till they decided and at the very least explain to the little girl why. Either I would get a sitter for my dd on the day of the wedding because why rub her nose in it or dress her in the prettiest dress I could fine.

I may not be to generous with my wedding present either.
Get them a crappy wedding gift! lol

A ten dollar gift card to wal-mart.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Lindley wrote:
I would let them know that even though they had a right to change their mind they could at least not said anything till they decided and at the very least explain to the little girl why. Either I would get a sitter for my dd on the day of the wedding because why rub her nose in it or dress her in the prettiest dress I could fine.

I may not be to generous with my wedding present either.
Get them a crappy wedding gift! lol

That's too P/A for me. I'd tell them the reason I was pizzed.

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Heartbroken, devastated, stil crying"? Really?

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Heartbroken, devastated, stil crying"? Really?

Yes. If she has a girly child that was all excited about it, then she could easily be all those things. Some kids are more sensitive than others. This would have devastated my child.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Why was anything said to the child until the dress was bought?

Both could be flower girls.

Or, instead of flower girls, they could be birdseed girls.

Thas what I did.

I would probably have something come up last minute and couldn't make it.

Who am I kidding?

I'd tell BTB off.

There is no excuse for this behavior.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

4 years old. She isn't 14. I think the hysterical and catastrophic language is what is sending the message that someone has died to this poor kid.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

She's a little girl. She doesn't understand. It was unfair to her and the SIL is a biotch. I'm sure the mom could make the little girl feel better about it and smooth it over but why? Why do the SIL's dirty work?

Lindley · Guru

Sometimes little girls really set their hearts on something. I understand that kids need to learn to deal with disappointment but still doesn't mean it is ok to tell a child they can be a part of the wedding party then ask another child the day after and then not say anything to the mother.

Lindley · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Heartbroken, devastated, stil crying"? Really?
Yes. If she has a girly child that was all excited about it, then she could easily be all those things. Some kids are more sensitive than others. This would have devastated my child.

This

Lindley · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Lindley wrote:
I would let them know that even though they had a right to change their mind they could at least not said anything till they decided and at the very least explain to the little girl why. Either I would get a sitter for my dd on the day of the wedding because why rub her nose in it or dress her in the prettiest dress I could fine.

I may not be to generous with my wedding present either.
Get them a crappy wedding gift! lol
That's too P/A for me. I'd tell them the reason I was pizzed.
flan

I can do both. I hate seeing a child hurt because of insensitivity of adults who should know better.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Lindley wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Heartbroken, devastated, stil crying"? Really?
Yes. If she has a girly child that was all excited about it, then she could easily be all those things. Some kids are more sensitive than others. This would have devastated my child.
This

Plus, the mom was probably building it all up. Not to be mean. The mom THOUGHT her daughter was going to be in the wedding so she probably talked a lot about it. Oh, you're going to be so pretty... You're going to have so much fun... You'll really like this... Your dress will be like a princess dress... If the mom talked to her all about it she probably built her excitement about it. And the mom didn't do anything wrong either because she didn't know the SIL was going to change her mind.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

It sounds like the SIL just kind of brought it up. And, then the mom went the next step calling her about dresses, etc. Yes, SIL should have called her and told her that they had a change of plans. But, why not have 2 flower girls? I would suggest her husband call his sister and suggest that.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Lindley wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Heartbroken, devastated, stil crying"? Really?
Yes. If she has a girly child that was all excited about it, then she could easily be all those things. Some kids are more sensitive than others. This would have devastated my child.
This

Sorry, she's 4. Her attention span is about 5 min. Mom should have just said that there was a change of plans so now she will sit with mommy and daddy at the wedding instead and won't that be fun?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Kids make a big deal about whatever their parents make a big deal about. If mom act like the world is ending, so will the kid. If mom is like, whatever, let's go get some ice cream and watch Bugs Bunny ,a 4yr old will say OK.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
4 years old. She isn't 14. I think the hysterical and catastrophic language is what is sending the message that someone has died to this poor kid.

A 14 year old would handle it better. A 4 year old would not understand why someone asked her and got her all excited and then wouldn't let her.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
4 years old. She isn't 14. I think the hysterical and catastrophic language is what is sending the message that someone has died to this poor kid.
A 14 year old would handle it better. A 4 year old would not understand why someone asked her and got her all excited and then wouldn't let her.

A 4 yr old doesn't need to "understand". A simple explanation is all that is needed.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
It sounds like the SIL just kind of brought it up. And, then the mom went the next step calling her about dresses, etc. Yes, SIL should have called her and told her that they had a change of plans. But, why not have 2 flower girls? I would suggest her husband call his sister and suggest that.

No, it doesn't. It says flat out she asked her. But, even IF she had just "brought it up", she shouldn't have done that, either, if she hadn't made up her mind.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

OK, she asked her. I said she was wrong. However, mom is the one making the child feel WORSE by acting like it is some tragedy.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
4 years old. She isn't 14. I think the hysterical and catastrophic language is what is sending the message that someone has died to this poor kid.
A 14 year old would handle it better. A 4 year old would not understand why someone asked her and got her all excited and then wouldn't let her.
A 4 yr old doesn't need to "understand". A simple explanation is all that is needed.

Wow. Yes, they do when someone brings them into it. Could you be any more callous?

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
OK, she asked her. I said she was wrong. However, mom is the one making the child feel WORSE by acting like it is some tragedy.

You have no idea if that is true - you are making that up. The girl could have been talking about it nonstop since SIL asked her.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
4 years old. She isn't 14. I think the hysterical and catastrophic language is what is sending the message that someone has died to this poor kid.
A 14 year old would handle it better. A 4 year old would not understand why someone asked her and got her all excited and then wouldn't let her.
A 4 yr old doesn't need to "understand". A simple explanation is all that is needed.
Wow. Yes, they do when someone brings them into it. Could you be any more callous?

What are you talking about? Callous? Why is it callous to give a simple explanation to a 4 yr old? What kind of explanation does she need. Tell the kid that SIL had to change her plans and she will not be the flower girl but instead you are going to sit with mommy and daddy and we will have a fun day. What is so hard about that?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
OK, she asked her. I said she was wrong. However, mom is the one making the child feel WORSE by acting like it is some tragedy.
You have no idea if that is true - you are making that up. The girl could have been talking about it nonstop since SIL asked her.

Yes I do since it is such a devastating tragedy that she had to write Prudie in order to even function in her own life.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
OK, she asked her. I said she was wrong. However, mom is the one making the child feel WORSE by acting like it is some tragedy.
You have no idea if that is true - you are making that up. The girl could have been talking about it nonstop since SIL asked her.
Yes I do since it is such a devastating tragedy that she had to write Prudie in order to even function in her own life.

Because that stupid bitch didn't even have the decency to tell her herself.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Sooo, give her a crappy wedding gift!

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Sooo, give her a crappy wedding gift!

I wouldn't be attending, and I wouldn't be giving her ANY wedding gift.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Meh. I would be glad that I didn't have to fork over for a dress and get involved with all that stuff. That would suit me just fine.

Lindley · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Lindley wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Heartbroken, devastated, stil crying"? Really?
Yes. If she has a girly child that was all excited about it, then she could easily be all those things. Some kids are more sensitive than others. This would have devastated my child.
This
Plus, the mom was probably building it all up. Not to be mean. The mom THOUGHT her daughter was going to be in the wedding so she probably talked a lot about it. Oh, you're going to be so pretty... You're going to have so much fun... You'll really like this... Your dress will be like a princess dress... If the mom talked to her all about it she probably built her excitement about it. And the mom didn't do anything wrong either because she didn't know the SIL was going to change her mind.

This.

huskerbb · Guru

Well, that sucks.

I have a hard time believing they actually asked her and then rescinded.

I think it's more likely it was mentioned as a possibility and mom ran with it.

That said, let's assume it is exactly the way mom says. I wouldn't bet on an apology.

What is the end goal here, then? To boycott the wedding? A wedding the kid will barely remember? She can still get a nice dress and do all that stuff.

While hurtful if that is the way it went down, I think you have to let this one go. Just be more careful how you deal with that new inlaw in the future.

Momala · Great cook-happy wife-superb fisherman

Mom should dress 4 y/o in an absolutely gorgeous dress (the mean side of me says it should be all white) and make sure she has fun during the reception. And kill the BTB with kindness - just to show that Mom knows how to act with maturity.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

4 year olds do not forget. My sister did something very similar to my DD at that age. She still remembers the snub and has never really forgiven my sister. I avoided the subject at all costs at the time and never spoke of the snub to my DD, ever. But, SHE remembers. DD ended up being a gift carrier instead of the flower girl. Yeah, she was hurt. We carried on as if nothing had happened. That was the only choice we really had at the time.

The SIL is beyond cruel, IMHO.

Dona Worry Be Happy · Vette's SS!!

My niece just barely turned five, and she remembers that last Christmas I said that MAYBE she could be a big girl and help decorate the Christmas desserts and make my mother's birthday cake.
To say a four year old won't remember something important to them is ridiculous. Nothing remembers better than a determined little girl.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Lindley wrote:
I would let them know that even though they had a right to change their mind they could at least not said anything till they decided and at the very least explain to the little girl why. Either I would get a sitter for my dd on the day of the wedding because why rub her nose in it or dress her in the prettiest dress I could fine.

I may not be to generous with my wedding present either.

I wouldn't go to the wedding and my gift might be a card. I would be livid. Who does that to a kid?

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
She's 4. If she is "devastated" and still crying about it, it's because mom is acting like this is on par with nuclear holocaust. Yeah, that wasn't nice. So, SIL isn't a nice person. Now she knows.

I disagree, little girls remember these very exciting times.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:
My niece just barely turned five, and she remembers that last Christmas I said that MAYBE she could be a big girl and help decorate the Christmas desserts and make my mother's birthday cake.
To say a four year old won't remember something important to them is ridiculous. Nothing remembers better than a determined little girl.

Yup, especially considering how upset she is.

flan

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

We should band together and crash the wedding and shame that bride!

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

My SS was just barely four when DH and I got married. And by just barely I mean it had only been a few days since he turned four. So I met his dad when he was three. He wasn't a four year old going on five. To this day he remembers holding our rings at the courthouse. So yeah, just barely four year old kids remember things like this. He can tell you all about it.

Lindley · Guru

Momala wrote:
Mom should dress 4 y/o in an absolutely gorgeous dress (the mean side of me says it should be all white) and make sure she has fun during the reception. And kill the BTB with kindness - just to show that Mom knows how to act with maturity.

I so agree a really pretty dress, hair done with a pretty tiara.

Lindley · Guru

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Lindley wrote:
I would let them know that even though they had a right to change their mind they could at least not said anything till they decided and at the very least explain to the little girl why. Either I would get a sitter for my dd on the day of the wedding because why rub her nose in it or dress her in the prettiest dress I could fine.

I may not be to generous with my wedding present either.
I wouldn't go to the wedding and my gift might be a card. I would be livid. Who does that to a kid?

I forgot to add that instead of going to the wedding I would take my little girl someplace special.

Honeys_Mom · Mod & Permanent Board Sweetheart

Lindley wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Lindley wrote:
I would let them know that even though they had a right to change their mind they could at least not said anything till they decided and at the very least explain to the little girl why. Either I would get a sitter for my dd on the day of the wedding because why rub her nose in it or dress her in the prettiest dress I could fine.

I may not be to generous with my wedding present either.
I wouldn't go to the wedding and my gift might be a card. I would be livid. Who does that to a kid?
I forgot to add that instead of going to the wedding I would take my little girl someplace special.

I like that idea, Lindley.

Lindley · Guru

Honeys_Mom wrote:
Lindley wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Lindley wrote:
I would let them know that even though they had a right to change their mind they could at least not said anything till they decided and at the very least explain to the little girl why. Either I would get a sitter for my dd on the day of the wedding because why rub her nose in it or dress her in the prettiest dress I could fine.

I may not be to generous with my wedding present either.
I wouldn't go to the wedding and my gift might be a card. I would be livid. Who does that to a kid?
I forgot to add that instead of going to the wedding I would take my little girl someplace special.
I like that idea, Lindley.

Thank you