TOTALLY GEEKED!

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

RE: Dear Abby - Heartbroken 4 year old

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
So let me get this straight.

If a husband, one who has always been there, provided for your family and never done anything to make you doubt him, decided to go to his sister's wedding because he did not agree with you over this, you would divorce him?

Not to mention the fact that he could then take the child to see his family whenever he had custody, anyway--which could be a significant amount of time.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

lilyofcourse wrote:
So let me get this straight.

If a husband, one who has always been there, provided for your family and never done anything to make you doubt him, decided to go to his sister's wedding because he did not agree with you over this, you would divorce him?

Jump to extremes much?

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Well, husker, there are NINE pages of people disagreeing with you.

That's not my definition of "NOTHING."

flan
People who mistakenly think that feelings are something to base decisions on.
WHY do we have feelings, then?
flan
People can have feelings--but they are a poor basis for making decisions.
how many decisions made in the heat of anger, the bloom of first love, initial disappointment--are bad?
If you want to consider feelings in making decisions--consider those of others.

If the BTB had done that, there would have been no need for a letter.

flan

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

No.

Divorce was just one of the things brought up in this thread.

What if he doesn't agree with you and your perceived offense?

What if he says, ok, you can go do a girls day out, but I'm going to the wedding, because he thinks you are over reacting?

Or what if he told you that you were wrong and that you were all going?

Because it seems lines can be drawn by the wife, what if the husband draws a line?

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
So let me get this straight.

If a husband, one who has always been there, provided for your family and never done anything to make you doubt him, decided to go to his sister's wedding because he did not agree with you over this, you would divorce him?
Jump to extremes much?

Yeah, I'd actually like to see a quote.

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

lilyofcourse wrote:
No.

Divorce was just one of the things brought up in this thread.

What if he doesn't agree with you and your perceived offense?

What if he says, ok, you can go do a girls day out, but I'm going to the wedding, because he thinks you are over reacting?

Or what if he told you that you were wrong and that you were all going?

Because it seems lines can be drawn by the wife, what if the husband draws a line?

If he decided to go - so be it. But no, my husband would not tell me I was going anywhere.

As Husker says - I chose better. My husband would never let his family treat our child like that.

But some women marry stupid or abusive men, and they would probably cave and go.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
No.

Divorce was just one of the things brought up in this thread.

What if he doesn't agree with you and your perceived offense?

What if he says, ok, you can go do a girls day out, but I'm going to the wedding, because he thinks you are over reacting?

Or what if he told you that you were wrong and that you were all going?

Because it seems lines can be drawn by the wife, what if the husband draws a line?
If he decided to go - so be it. But no, my husband would not tell me I was going anywhere.
As Husker says - I chose better. My husband would never let his family treat our child like that.
But some women marry stupid or abusive men, and they would probably cave and go.

So if he doesn't agree with you, he is stupid and/or abusive?

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

lilyofcourse wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
No.

Divorce was just one of the things brought up in this thread.

What if he doesn't agree with you and your perceived offense?

What if he says, ok, you can go do a girls day out, but I'm going to the wedding, because he thinks you are over reacting?

Or what if he told you that you were wrong and that you were all going?

Because it seems lines can be drawn by the wife, what if the husband draws a line?
If he decided to go - so be it. But no, my husband would not tell me I was going anywhere.
As Husker says - I chose better. My husband would never let his family treat our child like that.
But some women marry stupid or abusive men, and they would probably cave and go.
So if he doesn't agree with you, he is stupid and/or abusive?

Here is where I need the eyeroll emoticon. That is not what I said. You just love to twist things, don't you? If there are women who will marry and stay will abusive men, I'm quite certain there are women who will do whetver their husbands demand whether it is reasonable or not. Some women may be too weak to take a stand against their husbands.

AGAIN - No man that I would married - and the one I did marry - would not allow his family to treat our children like crap.

HUSKER was the first person to mention divorce, and it goes right up there with the over dramatic "tearing your clothes off" and "smashing the TV" comments.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

But you seem to think, from the way you are talking, that you couldn't be wrong here.

What if he thinks you are wrong?

You expect that he would "not allow" something but what if he doesn't see it the same way you do?

I think there are way too many variables to say one way or another.

The father of that child has just as much right to teach this child as the mother does.

Just as much right to take his child as the mom has to not take the child.

He may not see it as the end all, horrible situation the mom does.

He might not see it as anything more than a change in plans and he may think the mother and daughter are over reacting.

That doesn't make him stupid or abusive or a bad choice.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

lilyofcourse wrote:
But you seem to think, from the way you are talking, that you couldn't be wrong here.

What if he thinks you are wrong?

You expect that he would "not allow" something but what if he doesn't see it the same way you do?

I think there are way too many variables to say one way or another.

The father of that child has just as much right to teach this child as the mother does.

Just as much right to take his child as the mom has to not take the child.

He may not see it as the end all, horrible situation the mom does.

He might not see it as anything more than a change in plans and he may think the mother and daughter are over reacting.

That doesn't make him stupid or abusive or a bad choice.

I'm not wrong. And he would not think I am wrong. I actually asked him. He said he can't believe the husband didn't have something to say to his family, and he would not let that treatment of our daughter go unaddressed. He acutally said the solution was two flower girls as well.

So, if he did address it, and they would not apologize and make it right - he would not be demanding that we go.

And quite frankly - if he thought I was wrong, that would make him stupid.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
But you seem to think, from the way you are talking, that you couldn't be wrong here.

What if he thinks you are wrong?

You expect that he would "not allow" something but what if he doesn't see it the same way you do?

I think there are way too many variables to say one way or another.

The father of that child has just as much right to teach this child as the mother does.

Just as much right to take his child as the mom has to not take the child.

He may not see it as the end all, horrible situation the mom does.

He might not see it as anything more than a change in plans and he may think the mother and daughter are over reacting.

That doesn't make him stupid or abusive or a bad choice.

I'm not wrong. And he would not think I am wrong. I actually asked him. He said he can't believe the husband didn't have something to say to his family, and he would not let that treatment of our daughter go unaddressed. He acutally said the solution was two flower girls as well.
So, if he did address it, and they would not apologize and make it right - he would not be demanding that we go.
And quite frankly - if he thought I was wrong, that would make him stupid.

Of course it would, you're always right.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Finally. You've seen the light.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Keep telling yourself that....

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Gotta toughen up those little children, LL. We can't let them think their parents would actually protect them from being mistreated.

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Gotta toughen up those little children, LL. We can't let them think their parents would actually protect them from being mistreated.

flan

There are times to do that flan, unless you want to cripple your children.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Gotta toughen up those little children, LL. We can't let them think their parents would actually protect them from being mistreated.

flan
There are times to do that flan, unless you want to cripple your children.

And, in my opinion, this is one of those times.

flan

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
But you seem to think, from the way you are talking, that you couldn't be wrong here.

What if he thinks you are wrong?

You expect that he would "not allow" something but what if he doesn't see it the same way you do?

I think there are way too many variables to say one way or another.

The father of that child has just as much right to teach this child as the mother does.

Just as much right to take his child as the mom has to not take the child.

He may not see it as the end all, horrible situation the mom does.

He might not see it as anything more than a change in plans and he may think the mother and daughter are over reacting.

That doesn't make him stupid or abusive or a bad choice.

I'm not wrong. And he would not think I am wrong. I actually asked him. He said he can't believe the husband didn't have something to say to his family, and he would not let that treatment of our daughter go unaddressed. He acutally said the solution was two flower girls as well.
So, if he did address it, and they would not apologize and make it right - he would not be demanding that we go.
And quite frankly - if he thought I was wrong, that would make him stupid.

I've been talking about this for days with my DH. He says no way would we go to the wedding nor would we have taken our child.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Gotta toughen up those little children, LL. We can't let them think their parents would actually protect them from being mistreated.

flan
There are times to do that flan, unless you want to cripple your children.

Cripple your children by teaching them that family shouldn't mistreat them? On the contrary - this is how little girls grow up and end up taking crap and thinking they deserve to be mistreated by those that are supposed to love them.

You teach your children to stand up for themselves and call people out who treat them badly. You don't teach them that it's ok for loved ones to just disregard them.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Gotta toughen up those little children, LL. We can't let them think their parents would actually protect them from being mistreated.

flan
There are times to do that flan, unless you want to cripple your children.
Cripple your children by teaching them that family shouldn't mistreat them? On the contrary - this is how little girls grow up and end up taking crap and thinking they deserve to be mistreated by those that are supposed to love them.
You teach your children to stand up for themselves and call people out who treat them badly. You don't teach them that it's ok for loved ones to just disregard them.

This is what I said above thread. This is where we begin to teach our children, especially our girls, that they should just "take it" when someone treats them badly. Then later on they become an adult and all their life no one has ever considered their feelings or listened to them and suddenly this charming man is taking an interest in them. Then shortly he stops caring about what they want/feel and they know that's the way it's supposed to be because we've sent them that message all their life.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I agree, NJN. No way would I ever just tell my daughter that she needs to act like nothing happened when people treat her badly. Even FAMILY. Because someday, the FAMILY hurting her might be her husband.

It's unbelievable to me how fast people will say you have to divorce a spouse over something stupid, but that you should be up with even higher levels of crap from siblings/parents/children.

huskerbb · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
But you seem to think, from the way you are talking, that you couldn't be wrong here.

What if he thinks you are wrong?

You expect that he would "not allow" something but what if he doesn't see it the same way you do?

I think there are way too many variables to say one way or another.

The father of that child has just as much right to teach this child as the mother does.

Just as much right to take his child as the mom has to not take the child.

He may not see it as the end all, horrible situation the mom does.

He might not see it as anything more than a change in plans and he may think the mother and daughter are over reacting.

That doesn't make him stupid or abusive or a bad choice.

I'm not wrong. And he would not think I am wrong. I actually asked him. He said he can't believe the husband didn't have something to say to his family, and he would not let that treatment of our daughter go unaddressed. He acutally said the solution was two flower girls as well.
So, if he did address it, and they would not apologize and make it right - he would not be demanding that we go.
And quite frankly - if he thought I was wrong, that would make him stupid.
I've been talking about this for days with my DH. He says no way would we go to the wedding nor would we have taken our child.

Pussy whipped

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

huskerbb wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
But you seem to think, from the way you are talking, that you couldn't be wrong here.

What if he thinks you are wrong?

You expect that he would "not allow" something but what if he doesn't see it the same way you do?

I think there are way too many variables to say one way or another.

The father of that child has just as much right to teach this child as the mother does.

Just as much right to take his child as the mom has to not take the child.

He may not see it as the end all, horrible situation the mom does.

He might not see it as anything more than a change in plans and he may think the mother and daughter are over reacting.

That doesn't make him stupid or abusive or a bad choice.

I'm not wrong. And he would not think I am wrong. I actually asked him. He said he can't believe the husband didn't have something to say to his family, and he would not let that treatment of our daughter go unaddressed. He acutally said the solution was two flower girls as well.
So, if he did address it, and they would not apologize and make it right - he would not be demanding that we go.
And quite frankly - if he thought I was wrong, that would make him stupid.
I've been talking about this for days with my DH. He says no way would we go to the wedding nor would we have taken our child.
Pussy whipped

Cruisin' for a bruisin,' I'd say...

flan

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

huskerbb wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
But you seem to think, from the way you are talking, that you couldn't be wrong here.

What if he thinks you are wrong?

You expect that he would "not allow" something but what if he doesn't see it the same way you do?

I think there are way too many variables to say one way or another.

The father of that child has just as much right to teach this child as the mother does.

Just as much right to take his child as the mom has to not take the child.

He may not see it as the end all, horrible situation the mom does.

He might not see it as anything more than a change in plans and he may think the mother and daughter are over reacting.

That doesn't make him stupid or abusive or a bad choice.

I'm not wrong. And he would not think I am wrong. I actually asked him. He said he can't believe the husband didn't have something to say to his family, and he would not let that treatment of our daughter go unaddressed. He acutally said the solution was two flower girls as well.
So, if he did address it, and they would not apologize and make it right - he would not be demanding that we go.
And quite frankly - if he thought I was wrong, that would make him stupid.
I've been talking about this for days with my DH. He says no way would we go to the wedding nor would we have taken our child.
Pussy whipped

That's uncalled for. I cannot believe even an someone who has such idiotic thoughts would stoop that low. My DH is anything but pussy whipped. But it sure does sound like you sit on a mainly women's board and argue with them because you can't win at home with your own wife.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
But you seem to think, from the way you are talking, that you couldn't be wrong here.

What if he thinks you are wrong?

You expect that he would "not allow" something but what if he doesn't see it the same way you do?

I think there are way too many variables to say one way or another.

The father of that child has just as much right to teach this child as the mother does.

Just as much right to take his child as the mom has to not take the child.

He may not see it as the end all, horrible situation the mom does.

He might not see it as anything more than a change in plans and he may think the mother and daughter are over reacting.

That doesn't make him stupid or abusive or a bad choice.

I'm not wrong. And he would not think I am wrong. I actually asked him. He said he can't believe the husband didn't have something to say to his family, and he would not let that treatment of our daughter go unaddressed. He acutally said the solution was two flower girls as well.
So, if he did address it, and they would not apologize and make it right - he would not be demanding that we go.
And quite frankly - if he thought I was wrong, that would make him stupid.
I've been talking about this for days with my DH. He says no way would we go to the wedding nor would we have taken our child.
Pussy whipped
Cruisin' for a bruisin,' I'd say...
flan

It's husker. He's allowed to name call.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
But you seem to think, from the way you are talking, that you couldn't be wrong here.

What if he thinks you are wrong?

You expect that he would "not allow" something but what if he doesn't see it the same way you do?

I think there are way too many variables to say one way or another.

The father of that child has just as much right to teach this child as the mother does.

Just as much right to take his child as the mom has to not take the child.

He may not see it as the end all, horrible situation the mom does.

He might not see it as anything more than a change in plans and he may think the mother and daughter are over reacting.

That doesn't make him stupid or abusive or a bad choice.

I'm not wrong. And he would not think I am wrong. I actually asked him. He said he can't believe the husband didn't have something to say to his family, and he would not let that treatment of our daughter go unaddressed. He acutally said the solution was two flower girls as well.
So, if he did address it, and they would not apologize and make it right - he would not be demanding that we go.
And quite frankly - if he thought I was wrong, that would make him stupid.
I've been talking about this for days with my DH. He says no way would we go to the wedding nor would we have taken our child.
Pussy whipped
That's uncalled for. I cannot believe even an someone who has such idiotic thoughts would stoop that low. My DH is anything but pussy whipped. But it sure does sound like you sit on a mainly women's board and argue with them because you can't win at home with your own wife.

huskerbb · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
But you seem to think, from the way you are talking, that you couldn't be wrong here.

What if he thinks you are wrong?

You expect that he would "not allow" something but what if he doesn't see it the same way you do?

I think there are way too many variables to say one way or another.

The father of that child has just as much right to teach this child as the mother does.

Just as much right to take his child as the mom has to not take the child.

He may not see it as the end all, horrible situation the mom does.

He might not see it as anything more than a change in plans and he may think the mother and daughter are over reacting.

That doesn't make him stupid or abusive or a bad choice.

I'm not wrong. And he would not think I am wrong. I actually asked him. He said he can't believe the husband didn't have something to say to his family, and he would not let that treatment of our daughter go unaddressed. He acutally said the solution was two flower girls as well.
So, if he did address it, and they would not apologize and make it right - he would not be demanding that we go.
And quite frankly - if he thought I was wrong, that would make him stupid.
I've been talking about this for days with my DH. He says no way would we go to the wedding nor would we have taken our child.
Pussy whipped
That's uncalled for. I cannot believe even an someone who has such idiotic thoughts would stoop that low. My DH is anything but pussy whipped. But it sure does sound like you sit on a mainly women's board and argue with them because you can't win at home with your own wife.

LOL!!!! So now only women can post on here?

weltschmerz · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
But you seem to think, from the way you are talking, that you couldn't be wrong here.

What if he thinks you are wrong?

You expect that he would "not allow" something but what if he doesn't see it the same way you do?

I think there are way too many variables to say one way or another.

The father of that child has just as much right to teach this child as the mother does.

Just as much right to take his child as the mom has to not take the child.

He may not see it as the end all, horrible situation the mom does.

He might not see it as anything more than a change in plans and he may think the mother and daughter are over reacting.

That doesn't make him stupid or abusive or a bad choice.

I'm not wrong. And he would not think I am wrong. I actually asked him. He said he can't believe the husband didn't have something to say to his family, and he would not let that treatment of our daughter go unaddressed. He acutally said the solution was two flower girls as well.
So, if he did address it, and they would not apologize and make it right - he would not be demanding that we go.
And quite frankly - if he thought I was wrong, that would make him stupid.
I've been talking about this for days with my DH. He says no way would we go to the wedding nor would we have taken our child.
Pussy whipped
That's uncalled for. I cannot believe even an someone who has such idiotic thoughts would stoop that low. My DH is anything but pussy whipped. But it sure does sound like you sit on a mainly women's board and argue with them because you can't win at home with your own wife.

Lol!! Exactly!

huskerbb · Guru

Actually, I don't need to argue with my wife. She wouldn't be so foolish as to make life altering decisions based on the whims of a toddler.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

huskerbb wrote:
Actually, I don't need to argue with my wife. She wouldn't be so foolish as to make life altering decisions based on the whims of a toddler.

A 4-year old is actually NOT a toddler.

flan

huskerbb · Guru

flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Actually, I don't need to argue with my wife. She wouldn't be so foolish as to make life altering decisions based on the whims of a toddler.
A 4-year old is actually NOT a toddler.
flan

So what? The whims of a 4 year old, or a 6 year old, then.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Actually, I don't need to argue with my wife. She wouldn't be so foolish as to make life altering decisions based on the whims of a toddler.
A 4-year old is actually NOT a toddler.
flan
So what? The whims of a 4 year old, or a 6 year old, then.

What about a teenager? An adult?

What if the BTB asked your wife to be her Maid of Honor, and "forgot" to tell her that she changed her mind?

flan

huskerbb · Guru

flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Actually, I don't need to argue with my wife. She wouldn't be so foolish as to make life altering decisions based on the whims of a toddler.
A 4-year old is actually NOT a toddler.
flan
So what? The whims of a 4 year old, or a 6 year old, then.
What about a teenager? An adult?
What if the BTB asked your wife to be her Maid of Honor, and "forgot" to tell her that she changed her mind?
flan

My guess would be she'd say "oh thank God".

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

NOT my point & you know it, husker.

flan

huskerbb · Guru

You asked.

huskerbb · Guru

Sometimes slights happen.

My sister was hurt that she was not asked to be a godparent for our oldest child.

My wife did think she'd be a bridesmaid in my brothers wedding--and wasn't.

I was disappointed when I wasnt a pall bearer for someone I was close to.

Get over it. Sometimes it's not all about you.

Riding · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
<snipped>
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
I've been talking about this for days with my DH. He says no way would we go to the wedding nor would we have taken our child.
Pussy whipped

ummm I would say that NJN's DH's actions show respect for his wife and child.

this just seems to be way unnecessary. My grandpa used to say if you are arguing or disagreeing with someone and they resort to cussing or name calling it is merely just showing their ignorance

weltschmerz · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Actually, I don't need to argue with my wife. She wouldn't be so foolish as to make life altering decisions based on the whims of a toddler.

Well, it seems you've beaten it into her that you're always, always, always right.

You won't have any such luck with the women on this board.

weltschmerz · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Sometimes slights happen.

My sister was hurt that she was not asked to be a godparent for our oldest child.

My wife did think she'd be a bridesmaid in my brothers wedding--and wasn't.

I was disappointed when I wasnt a pall bearer for someone I was close to.

Get over it. Sometimes it's not all about you.

It's more than a slight. First of all, were you, your wife or sister four years old? Secondly, were you asked and then UNinvited?

Hardly the same thing.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

weltschmerz wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Sometimes slights happen.

My sister was hurt that she was not asked to be a godparent for our oldest child.

My wife did think she'd be a bridesmaid in my brothers wedding--and wasn't.

I was disappointed when I wasnt a pall bearer for someone I was close to.

Get over it. Sometimes it's not all about you.
It's more than a slight. First of all, were you, your wife or sister four years old? Secondly, were you asked and then UNinvited?
Hardly the same thing.

I am going outside to beat my head against a brick wall.

Anyone want to join me?

flan

Ilumine · Regular

I would have no problem if my husband chose to go to the wedding. If anything, I would actually encourage it.

However, I firmly and 110% believe that when two people disagree, the person who will feel the discomfort, be "put upon" or have to do the most work gets to make the final decision.

So if I wanted to invite my mother to visit or if I wanted to go visit a friend out of town and the dates conflicted with my husbands schedule, then he gets the final say. And if he wanted to invite his mother for a week's visit, but expected me to do all of the heavy lifting, from cleaning to cooking to entertaining, then I get the final say.

And if my 4 year old is going to get upset being forced to sit through an event she had initially been invited to participate in and then rudely excluded, then her voice gets to be heard.

Because THIS situation (not all but this specific one) has a number of life lessons that I want to teach my child.

1) manners and common courtesy matter. How can we demand out children be polite, empathetic and compassionate when we don't demand that of others, especially family?

2) ETIQUETTE requires only an RSVP, not an yes. Mom and Daughter not going to the wedding is no being rude as long as they RSVP in the appropriate time.

3) that it is ok to expect family to treat you with the same common courtesy and manners as they would a co-worker, friend or stranger. And if your family is rude and unmannerly, it's ok to expect them to treat you like they SHOULD treat co-workers, friends and strangers.

Demanding basic common courtesy for your child is not giving them a sense of entitlement unless you don't demand the same common courtesy from them (your children). And to think that is hypocritical.

weltschmerz · Guru

Ilumine wrote:
I would have no problem if my husband chose to go to the wedding. If anything, I would actually encourage it.

However, I firmly and 110% believe that when two people disagree, the person who will feel the discomfort, be "put upon" or have to do the most work gets to make the final decision.

So if I wanted to invite my mother to visit or if I wanted to go visit a friend out of town and the dates conflicted with my husbands schedule, then he gets the final say. And if he wanted to invite his mother for a week's visit, but expected me to do all of the heavy lifting, from cleaning to cooking to entertaining, then I get the final say.

And if my 4 year old is going to get upset being forced to sit through an event she had initially been invited to participate in and then rudely excluded, then her voice gets to be heard.

Because THIS situation (not all but this specific one) has a number of life lessons that I want to teach my child.

1) manners and common courtesy matter. How can we demand out children be polite, empathetic and compassionate when we don't demand that of others, especially family?

2) ETIQUETTE requires only an RSVP, not an yes. Mom and Daughter not going to the wedding is no being rude as long as they RSVP in the appropriate time.

3) that it is ok to expect family to treat you with the same common courtesy and manners as they would a co-worker, friend or stranger. And if your family is rude and unmannerly, it's ok to expect them to treat you like they SHOULD treat co-workers, friends and strangers.

Demanding basic common courtesy for your child is not giving them a sense of entitlement unless you don't demand the same common courtesy from them (your children). And to think that is hypocritical.

Well said!

It's like asking a little girl to Disneyland. She's beside herself with excitement, can't stop talking about it, tells all her friends and spends hours packing and repacking her little suitcase.

The miserable aunt doesn't say...."Oh, we've decided to take someone else." It's exceptionally rude, not to mention downright mean.

It can't be compared to not being asked to be a bridesmaid or pallbearer.

-- Edited by weltschmerz on Monday 18th of January 2016 05:36:31 PM

huskerbb · Guru

Ilumine wrote:
I would have no problem if my husband chose to go to the wedding. If anything, I would actually encourage it.

However, I firmly and 110% believe that when two people disagree, the person who will feel the discomfort, be "put upon" or have to do the most work gets to make the final decision.

So if I wanted to invite my mother to visit or if I wanted to go visit a friend out of town and the dates conflicted with my husbands schedule, then he gets the final say. And if he wanted to invite his mother for a week's visit, but expected me to do all of the heavy lifting, from cleaning to cooking to entertaining, then I get the final say.

And if my 4 year old is going to get upset being forced to sit through an event she had initially been invited to participate in and then rudely excluded, then her voice gets to be heard.

Because THIS situation (not all but this specific one) has a number of life lessons that I want to teach my child.

1) manners and common courtesy matter. How can we demand out children be polite, empathetic and compassionate when we don't demand that of others, especially family?

2) ETIQUETTE requires only an RSVP, not an yes. Mom and Daughter not going to the wedding is no being rude as long as they RSVP in the appropriate time.

3) that it is ok to expect family to treat you with the same common courtesy and manners as they would a co-worker, friend or stranger. And if your family is rude and unmannerly, it's ok to expect them to treat you like they SHOULD treat co-workers, friends and strangers.

Demanding basic common courtesy for your child is not giving them a sense of entitlement unless you don't demand the same common courtesy from them (your children). And to think that is hypocritical.

not attending a siblings wedding is NOT "common courtesy".

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Oh, really?

That TOTALLY depends on the family dynamics.

flan

huskerbb · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Oh, really?

That TOTALLY depends on the family dynamics.

flan

Ok, if you have a close family, then.

if you don't, then it probably doesn't matter.

you can teach your kid whatever lesson you want--but find another way to do it.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

And MIL1 did NOT attend her own son's wedding...BS excuse at the last minute only because she did NOT want to see her ex...who was perfectly harmless.

flan

huskerbb · Guru

flan327 wrote:
And MIL1 did NOT attend her own son's wedding...BS excuse at the last minute only because she did NOT want to see her ex...who was perfectly harmless.

flan

See--even yiu say it was a BS excuse. Which this would be, as well.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
And MIL1 did NOT attend her own son's wedding...BS excuse at the last minute only because she did NOT want to see her ex...who was perfectly harmless.

flan
See--even yiu say it was a BS excuse. Which this would be, as well.

Apples & aardvarks...not even remotely the same.

flan

weltschmerz · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
And MIL1 did NOT attend her own son's wedding...BS excuse at the last minute only because she did NOT want to see her ex...who was perfectly harmless.

flan
See--even yiu say it was a BS excuse. Which this would be, as well.

No. You don't do that to a little kid. You just don't.

I wouldn't go to the wedding, either.

Cheerios4606 · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Gotta toughen up those little children, LL. We can't let them think their parents would actually protect them from being mistreated.

flan
There are times to do that flan, unless you want to cripple your children.
Cripple your children by teaching them that family shouldn't mistreat them? On the contrary - this is how little girls grow up and end up taking crap and thinking they deserve to be mistreated by those that are supposed to love them.
You teach your children to stand up for themselves and call people out who treat them badly. You don't teach them that it's ok for loved ones to just disregard them.

A thousand bravos!