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Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

RE: Dear Abby - Heartbroken 4 year old

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I've been thinking.

I know I said I would probably tell the BTB off.

And I probably would let her know she had hurt my child's feelings.

But this is also a moment to teach by example.

Yes. The little girl is hurt. But this is a chance to teach graciousness and how to deal with disappointment.

While I would find a chance to talk to BTB in private, I would also talk to my daughter about it.

Hopefully, anyway.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Well, that sucks.

I have a hard time believing they actually asked her and then rescinded.

I think it's more likely it was mentioned as a possibility and mom ran with it.

That said, let's assume it is exactly the way mom says. I wouldn't bet on an apology.

What is the end goal here, then? To boycott the wedding? A wedding the kid will barely remember? She can still get a nice dress and do all that stuff.

While hurtful if that is the way it went down, I think you have to let this one go. Just be more careful how you deal with that new inlaw in the future.

The voice of reason.

NAOW · Vette's SS

Lawyerlady wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
What a horrible thing to do to a 4yo. They asked her first & got her all excited. I don't understand why they can't both be flower girls. I'd probably want to skip the wedding too. But it's her husband's sister so I think they sort of have to go.
The only things you have to do in life are pay taxes and die. This one would be a hill to die on for me and would quite possibly ruin the relationship forever unless there was a big, over the top apology and a big making it up to my child. You can screw me over all you want, and I might possibly forgive you, but break the heart of my child and you've earned my wrath forever.

Exactly. And it is her husbands sister, but it's also his child too, he is probably mad about the whole thing as well.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I dont think dad is losing any sleep over it.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
What a horrible thing to do to a 4yo. They asked her first & got her all excited. I don't understand why they can't both be flower girls. I'd probably want to skip the wedding too. But it's her husband's sister so I think they sort of have to go.
The only things you have to do in life are pay taxes and die. This one would be a hill to die on for me and would quite possibly ruin the relationship forever unless there was a big, over the top apology and a big making it up to my child. You can screw me over all you want, and I might possibly forgive you, but break the heart of my child and you've earned my wrath forever.

It's a STUPID hill to die on.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
What a horrible thing to do to a 4yo. They asked her first & got her all excited. I don't understand why they can't both be flower girls. I'd probably want to skip the wedding too. But it's her husband's sister so I think they sort of have to go.
The only things you have to do in life are pay taxes and die. This one would be a hill to die on for me and would quite possibly ruin the relationship forever unless there was a big, over the top apology and a big making it up to my child. You can screw me over all you want, and I might possibly forgive you, but break the heart of my child and you've earned my wrath forever.
It's a STUPID hill to die on.

Nope. Some stupid, heartless selfish bitch means nothing to me. Family does not treat you like that, and if they do, they are not worth my time. I don't HAVE TO surround myself or have anything to do with people like that.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

And my attendance at a wedding is not required. It will go on without me perfectly fine.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

It wasn't a nice thing to do. But being "heartbroken, devastated, crying hysterically" or whatever seems silly to me. I mean, by all means, carry on with the hissies if that is what everyone wants to do. But to me, by making this such a big deal mom is making the kid feel WORSE when most likely maybe the girl was upset but she would have been long over it by now.
As for weddings, they aren't about you. This is your husband's family, whether you like them or not. So, sometimes you do things for the sake of your husband whether you want to or not.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
What a horrible thing to do to a 4yo. They asked her first & got her all excited. I don't understand why they can't both be flower girls. I'd probably want to skip the wedding too. But it's her husband's sister so I think they sort of have to go.
The only things you have to do in life are pay taxes and die. This one would be a hill to die on for me and would quite possibly ruin the relationship forever unless there was a big, over the top apology and a big making it up to my child. You can screw me over all you want, and I might possibly forgive you, but break the heart of my child and you've earned my wrath forever.
It's a STUPID hill to die on.

Nope. Some stupid, heartless selfish bitch means nothing to me. Family does not treat you like that, and if they do, they are not worth my time. I don't HAVE TO surround myself or have anything to do with people like that.

WHO treats a CHILD like that?

No one I want to associate with. An ADULT should know better.

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
It wasn't a nice thing to do. But being "heartbroken, devastated, crying hysterically" or whatever seems silly to me. I mean, by all means, carry on with the hissies if that is what everyone wants to do. But to me, by making this such a big deal mom is making the kid feel WORSE when most likely maybe the girl was upset but she would have been long over it by now.
As for weddings, they aren't about you. This is your husband's family, whether you like them or not. So, sometimes you do things for the sake of your husband whether you want to or not.

Gaga - I am never going to agree that family gets to treat you like **** and get away with it because they are "family". Family is supposed to treat you better. If they don't, they are not worth my time. I'm sure the husband is capable of driving and he if wants to go he can. However, you leave your family and join with your spouse - not the spouse joins with the family. Your family is the one you make.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

OMG. She didn't beat her. Most likely she was just blabbling about her wedding and she probably suggested it, didn't confirm it and mom ran with it. It isn't like she told her the day of the wedding, Oh know we didn't mean you. Wow. People are allowed to change their minds. Yes, she should have had more care and consideration about this. Or maybe the SIL is just a jerk, who knows?

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Some children are more sensitive than others. Maybe this little girl is obsessed with princesses, and when she finally gets her chance to be a princess, it gets taken away from her, because sometimes adults suck.

I would buy her a fancy dress & have a party for her & a few friends.

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
OMG. She didn't beat her. Most likely she was just blabbling about her wedding and she probably suggested it, didn't confirm it and mom ran with it. It isn't like she told her the day of the wedding, Oh know we didn't mean you. Wow. People are allowed to change their minds. Yes, she should have had more care and consideration about this. Or maybe the SIL is just a jerk, who knows?

AGain - that is not what it says. You can try to rationalize that all day long, but it flat out says she asked. You wouldn't do that to an adult if you were asking them to be in a wedding party and you damn sure shouldn't do it to a child.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
OMG. She didn't beat her. Most likely she was just blabbling about her wedding and she probably suggested it, didn't confirm it and mom ran with it. It isn't like she told her the day of the wedding, Oh know we didn't mean you. Wow. People are allowed to change their minds. Yes, she should have had more care and consideration about this. Or maybe the SIL is just a jerk, who knows?
AGain - that is not what it says. You can try to rationalize that all day long, but it flat out says she asked. You wouldn't do that to an adult if you were asking them to be in a wedding party and you damn sure shouldn't do it to a child.

I didn't rationalize. I said that was inconsiderate, rude, etc. But, that doesnt' mean I have to tear off my clothes and scream and cry and smash the TV. This is a good opportunity to teach your kid about disappointments in life. And, even 4 years can understand that circumstances change and now instead of doing this, we are doing that. I think you are all making this a heck of a lot harder than it needs to be and the person whom is paying the price if mom goes on some rampage is the girl. So, there are times i am upset as parent, but I realize that I am not helping my child by acting out only I FEEL.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
OMG. She didn't beat her. Most likely she was just blabbling about her wedding and she probably suggested it, didn't confirm it and mom ran with it. It isn't like she told her the day of the wedding, Oh know we didn't mean you. Wow. People are allowed to change their minds. Yes, she should have had more care and consideration about this. Or maybe the SIL is just a jerk, who knows?
AGain - that is not what it says. You can try to rationalize that all day long, but it flat out says she asked. You wouldn't do that to an adult if you were asking them to be in a wedding party and you damn sure shouldn't do it to a child.
I didn't rationalize. I said that was inconsiderate, rude, etc. But, that doesnt' mean I have to tear off my clothes and scream and cry and smash the TV. This is a good opportunity to teach your kid about disappointments in life. And, even 4 years can understand that circumstances change and now instead of doing this, we are doing that. I think you are all making this a heck of a lot harder than it needs to be and the person whom is paying the price if mom goes on some rampage is the girl. So, there are times i am upset as parent, but I realize that I am not helping my child by acting out only I FEEL.

Dramatic much?

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I am not the one with some going on and on about it. If that happened to me, i would be over it, i wouldn't be writing to an advice column.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

So, let me get this straight, now that you know SIL is an arsehole, you are still mad that your dd can't be the flower girl in the wedding of an arsehole you don't want to be around anyway? Makes perfect sense!

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

But. It didn't happen to the LW.

It happened to a little 4 year old girl.

And I don't doubt one bit that the little girl is terribly upset.

I remember being in my uncle's wedding at about that age. I remember the dress and the little basket.

At 4, all this little girl is thinking is, I was gonna do it.

She might even feel like someone is mad at her or that she did something wrong.

Of course how mom handles it is very important and this is absolutely a teaching moment.

But this child probably is very hurt by this.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I am not the one with some going on and on about it. If that happened to me, i would be over it, i wouldn't be writing to an advice column.

Are you 4 years old?

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
OMG. She didn't beat her. Most likely she was just blabbling about her wedding and she probably suggested it, didn't confirm it and mom ran with it. It isn't like she told her the day of the wedding, Oh know we didn't mean you. Wow. People are allowed to change their minds. Yes, she should have had more care and consideration about this. Or maybe the SIL is just a jerk, who knows?
AGain - that is not what it says. You can try to rationalize that all day long, but it flat out says she asked. You wouldn't do that to an adult if you were asking them to be in a wedding party and you damn sure shouldn't do it to a child.
I didn't rationalize. I said that was inconsiderate, rude, etc. But, that doesnt' mean I have to tear off my clothes and scream and cry and smash the TV. This is a good opportunity to teach your kid about disappointments in life. And, even 4 years can understand that circumstances change and now instead of doing this, we are doing that. I think you are all making this a heck of a lot harder than it needs to be and the person whom is paying the price if mom goes on some rampage is the girl. So, there are times i am upset as parent, but I realize that I am not helping my child by acting out only I FEEL.

First off - it's not an either/or situation, and your "tear my clothes off" thing is a bit much. Of course, she is now going to have to teach her kid about disappointments in life. And she doesn't have to do anything other than check the little "will not be attending" box on the RSVP and send it back in relation to the wedding. It's not like she has to be there. You know what another disappointment is that people need to deal with? That not everyone you invite will attend your wedding.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
So, let me get this straight, now that you know SIL is an arsehole, you are still mad that your dd can't be the flower girl in the wedding of an arsehole you don't want to be around anyway? Makes perfect sense!

Damn straight.

TrudyML · Guru

Probably isn't allowing children at the wedding!

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

TrudyML wrote:
Probably isn't allowing children at the wedding!

She asked another girl to be the flower girl, though.

flan

TrudyML · Guru

My tiny niece is my maid of honor! We think it'll be a riot! She is so excited!

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

TrudyML wrote:
My tiny niece is my maid of honor! We think it'll be a riot! She is so excited!

Little girls tend to be MORE excited about weddings than grown-ups.

Can you imagine if she had done this to her maid of honor? They would no longer be friends.

TrudyML · Guru

She told her doctor. I know her doctor and the doctor called me. We laughed away.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
What a horrible thing to do to a 4yo. They asked her first & got her all excited. I don't understand why they can't both be flower girls. I'd probably want to skip the wedding too. But it's her husband's sister so I think they sort of have to go.
The only things you have to do in life are pay taxes and die. This one would be a hill to die on for me and would quite possibly ruin the relationship forever unless there was a big, over the top apology and a big making it up to my child. You can screw me over all you want, and I might possibly forgive you, but break the heart of my child and you've earned my wrath forever.
It's a STUPID hill to die on.

Nope. Some stupid, heartless selfish bitch means nothing to me. Family does not treat you like that, and if they do, they are not worth my time. I don't HAVE TO surround myself or have anything to do with people like that.

And that's an idiotic characterization and attitude. You would tear apart your husbands family--and likely risk tearing apart your own--because you are miffed over something silly.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
What a horrible thing to do to a 4yo. They asked her first & got her all excited. I don't understand why they can't both be flower girls. I'd probably want to skip the wedding too. But it's her husband's sister so I think they sort of have to go.
The only things you have to do in life are pay taxes and die. This one would be a hill to die on for me and would quite possibly ruin the relationship forever unless there was a big, over the top apology and a big making it up to my child. You can screw me over all you want, and I might possibly forgive you, but break the heart of my child and you've earned my wrath forever.
It's a STUPID hill to die on.

Nope. Some stupid, heartless selfish bitch means nothing to me. Family does not treat you like that, and if they do, they are not worth my time. I don't HAVE TO surround myself or have anything to do with people like that.
And that's an idiotic characterization and attitude. You would tear apart your husbands family--and likely risk tearing apart your own--because you are miffed over something silly.

Why? Obviously, if this is "no big deal" and people need to just accept disappointment and get over it - then the same exact thing can be said of them. They can accept the disappointment that we won't attend, and they can get over our absense. HER behavior caused this mess. She broke the heart of a child and the consequences of that are her own problem.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

If anyone is responsible for "tearing the family apart", it's the damn idiotic, heartless bitch of a SIL.

FNW · Guru

I don't get how people can be so mean to children. Had she never asked her to be flower girl, then okay. But she did. Then reneged, without even notifying her. I would be boycotting the wedding and letting the bride know why. Something a long the lines of, "Attending your wedding would be putting salt in my little girl's wound, since she had so been looking forward to being included in the festivities. I refuse to put her through more disappointment, particularly from a family member. Instead, I will be taking her out for a fancy tea so she can wear a fancy dress and feel special. Hopefully that will distract her from her current disappointment and give her something else to look forward to. I hope your wedding day is all that you desire."

-- Edited by FNW on Tuesday 12th of January 2016 10:32:56 AM

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

FNW wrote:
I don't get how people can be so mean to children. Had she never asked her to be flower girl, then okay. But she did. Then reneged, without even notifying her. I would be boycotting the wedding and letting the bride know why. Something a long the lines of, "Attending your wedding would be putting salt in my little girl's wound, since she had so been looking forward to being included in the festivities. I refuse to put her through more disappointment, particularly from a family member. Instead, I will be taking her out for a fancy tea so she can wear a fancy dress and feel special. Hopefully that will distract her from her current disappointment and give her something else to look forward to. I hope your wedding day is all that you desire."

-- Edited by FNW on Tuesday 12th of January 2016 10:32:56 AM

Yes. Exactly.

You don't get to be the irresponsible bitch and then blame others for the fallout. The bride is the one to blame for this mess, no one else.

Lindley · Guru

She should have her husband talk to both his sister and mother for how poorly they handled the situation and caused his dd to have hurt feelings.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

And quite frankly, I don't CARE about knowing and spending time with anyone, family or not, that behaves like this.

Honeys_Mom · Mod & Permanent Board Sweetheart

Lawyerlady wrote:
FNW wrote:
I don't get how people can be so mean to children. Had she never asked her to be flower girl, then okay. But she did. Then reneged, without even notifying her. I would be boycotting the wedding and letting the bride know why. Something a long the lines of, "Attending your wedding would be putting salt in my little girl's wound, since she had so been looking forward to being included in the festivities. I refuse to put her through more disappointment, particularly from a family member. Instead, I will be taking her out for a fancy tea so she can wear a fancy dress and feel special. Hopefully that will distract her from her current disappointment and give her something else to look forward to. I hope your wedding day is all that you desire."

-- Edited by FNW on Tuesday 12th of January 2016 10:32:56 AM
Yes. Exactly.

You don't get to be the irresponsible bitch and then blame others for the fallout. The bride is the one to blame for this mess, no one else.

But but but... it's the bride's special day! evileye

NAOW · Vette's SS

Lawyerlady wrote:
FNW wrote:
I don't get how people can be so mean to children. Had she never asked her to be flower girl, then okay. But she did. Then reneged, without even notifying her. I would be boycotting the wedding and letting the bride know why. Something a long the lines of, "Attending your wedding would be putting salt in my little girl's wound, since she had so been looking forward to being included in the festivities. I refuse to put her through more disappointment, particularly from a family member. Instead, I will be taking her out for a fancy tea so she can wear a fancy dress and feel special. Hopefully that will distract her from her current disappointment and give her something else to look forward to. I hope your wedding day is all that you desire."

-- Edited by FNW on Tuesday 12th of January 2016 10:32:56 AM
Yes. Exactly.

You don't get to be the irresponsible bitch and then blame others for the fallout. The bride is the one to blame for this mess, no one else.

Same here. I would have had a lot to say during the phone call where the BTB told her of this change.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
What a horrible thing to do to a 4yo. They asked her first & got her all excited. I don't understand why they can't both be flower girls. I'd probably want to skip the wedding too. But it's her husband's sister so I think they sort of have to go.
The only things you have to do in life are pay taxes and die. This one would be a hill to die on for me and would quite possibly ruin the relationship forever unless there was a big, over the top apology and a big making it up to my child. You can screw me over all you want, and I might possibly forgive you, but break the heart of my child and you've earned my wrath forever.
It's a STUPID hill to die on.

Nope. Some stupid, heartless selfish bitch means nothing to me. Family does not treat you like that, and if they do, they are not worth my time. I don't HAVE TO surround myself or have anything to do with people like that.
And that's an idiotic characterization and attitude. You would tear apart your husbands family--and likely risk tearing apart your own--because you are miffed over something silly.

Why? Obviously, if this is "no big deal" and people need to just accept disappointment and get over it - then the same exact thing can be said of them. They can accept the disappointment that we won't attend, and they can get over our absense. HER behavior caused this mess. She broke the heart of a child and the consequences of that are her own problem.

you don't skip family weddings for no reason and expect that everyone will just get over it.

if youve ever been a part of a family you should know that.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
What a horrible thing to do to a 4yo. They asked her first & got her all excited. I don't understand why they can't both be flower girls. I'd probably want to skip the wedding too. But it's her husband's sister so I think they sort of have to go.
The only things you have to do in life are pay taxes and die. This one would be a hill to die on for me and would quite possibly ruin the relationship forever unless there was a big, over the top apology and a big making it up to my child. You can screw me over all you want, and I might possibly forgive you, but break the heart of my child and you've earned my wrath forever.
It's a STUPID hill to die on.

Nope. Some stupid, heartless selfish bitch means nothing to me. Family does not treat you like that, and if they do, they are not worth my time. I don't HAVE TO surround myself or have anything to do with people like that.
And that's an idiotic characterization and attitude. You would tear apart your husbands family--and likely risk tearing apart your own--because you are miffed over something silly.

Why? Obviously, if this is "no big deal" and people need to just accept disappointment and get over it - then the same exact thing can be said of them. They can accept the disappointment that we won't attend, and they can get over our absense. HER behavior caused this mess. She broke the heart of a child and the consequences of that are her own problem.
you don't skip family weddings for no reason and expect that everyone will just get over it.
if youve ever been a part of a family you should know that.

You and I differ greatly on what "no reason" means.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
What a horrible thing to do to a 4yo. They asked her first & got her all excited. I don't understand why they can't both be flower girls. I'd probably want to skip the wedding too. But it's her husband's sister so I think they sort of have to go.
The only things you have to do in life are pay taxes and die. This one would be a hill to die on for me and would quite possibly ruin the relationship forever unless there was a big, over the top apology and a big making it up to my child. You can screw me over all you want, and I might possibly forgive you, but break the heart of my child and you've earned my wrath forever.
It's a STUPID hill to die on.

Nope. Some stupid, heartless selfish bitch means nothing to me. Family does not treat you like that, and if they do, they are not worth my time. I don't HAVE TO surround myself or have anything to do with people like that.
And that's an idiotic characterization and attitude. You would tear apart your husbands family--and likely risk tearing apart your own--because you are miffed over something silly.

Why? Obviously, if this is "no big deal" and people need to just accept disappointment and get over it - then the same exact thing can be said of them. They can accept the disappointment that we won't attend, and they can get over our absense. HER behavior caused this mess. She broke the heart of a child and the consequences of that are her own problem.
you don't skip family weddings for no reason and expect that everyone will just get over it.
if youve ever been a part of a family you should know that.
You and I differ greatly on what "no reason" means.

It's only a big deal because you CHOOSE to make it so.

DemoniaD · Senior Member

I can understand changing ones mind. Maybe some other factors came in to play and the niece was a better fit. Fair enough.

What I don't understand is why anyone, let alone an adult, would not at a minimum inform the original parties of a change. Is it awkward to say a day after asking "I know we asked your daughter yesterday, but we decided niece would be a better fit for the job." But what is really to be gained by ignoring the situation hoping it will go away, until you have no choice but to say you changed your mind? A whole lot of awkwardness, and hurt and anger in the family because the BTB couldn't be bothered to own up to her decision.

I don't think I would cut someone off over it, but they wouldn't be someone I associated with outside of family obligations either.

huskerbb · Guru

If people went into hysterics every time a 4 year old got upset, the world would come to a halt.

They get upset all the time. My niece is 4. She gets upset that we have mashed potatoes one day, and the next day she's upset we don't.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
What a horrible thing to do to a 4yo. They asked her first & got her all excited. I don't understand why they can't both be flower girls. I'd probably want to skip the wedding too. But it's her husband's sister so I think they sort of have to go.
The only things you have to do in life are pay taxes and die. This one would be a hill to die on for me and would quite possibly ruin the relationship forever unless there was a big, over the top apology and a big making it up to my child. You can screw me over all you want, and I might possibly forgive you, but break the heart of my child and you've earned my wrath forever.
It's a STUPID hill to die on.

Nope. Some stupid, heartless selfish bitch means nothing to me. Family does not treat you like that, and if they do, they are not worth my time. I don't HAVE TO surround myself or have anything to do with people like that.
And that's an idiotic characterization and attitude. You would tear apart your husbands family--and likely risk tearing apart your own--because you are miffed over something silly.

Why? Obviously, if this is "no big deal" and people need to just accept disappointment and get over it - then the same exact thing can be said of them. They can accept the disappointment that we won't attend, and they can get over our absense. HER behavior caused this mess. She broke the heart of a child and the consequences of that are her own problem.
you don't skip family weddings for no reason and expect that everyone will just get over it.
if youve ever been a part of a family you should know that.
You and I differ greatly on what "no reason" means.
It's only a big deal because you CHOOSE to make it so.

Husker - I care more about my daughter's feelings and being hurt than I do some bridezilla.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
If people went into hysterics every time a 4 year old got upset, the world would come to a halt.

They get upset all the time. My niece is 4. She gets upset that we have mashed potatoes one day, and the next day she's upset we don't.

But this is something someone intentionally did to her and that could have been avoided. It was inconsiderate and mean.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

And SIL should UNDERSTAND why we would choose to do something with our daughter instead of attending her wedding. After all, she created the upset. If she doesn't UNDERSTAND, then she is the one creating further drama. I simple declining of an invitation should be acceptable.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lexxy wrote:
What a horrible thing to do to a 4yo. They asked her first & got her all excited. I don't understand why they can't both be flower girls. I'd probably want to skip the wedding too. But it's her husband's sister so I think they sort of have to go.
The only things you have to do in life are pay taxes and die. This one would be a hill to die on for me and would quite possibly ruin the relationship forever unless there was a big, over the top apology and a big making it up to my child. You can screw me over all you want, and I might possibly forgive you, but break the heart of my child and you've earned my wrath forever.
It's a STUPID hill to die on.

Nope. Some stupid, heartless selfish bitch means nothing to me. Family does not treat you like that, and if they do, they are not worth my time. I don't HAVE TO surround myself or have anything to do with people like that.
And that's an idiotic characterization and attitude. You would tear apart your husbands family--and likely risk tearing apart your own--because you are miffed over something silly.

Why? Obviously, if this is "no big deal" and people need to just accept disappointment and get over it - then the same exact thing can be said of them. They can accept the disappointment that we won't attend, and they can get over our absense. HER behavior caused this mess. She broke the heart of a child and the consequences of that are her own problem.
you don't skip family weddings for no reason and expect that everyone will just get over it.
if youve ever been a part of a family you should know that.
You and I differ greatly on what "no reason" means.
It's only a big deal because you CHOOSE to make it so.
Husker - I care more about my daughter's feelings and being hurt than I do some bridezilla.

Basing major decisions on the whims of a 4 year old is ridiculous and bizarre.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
If people went into hysterics every time a 4 year old got upset, the world would come to a halt.

They get upset all the time. My niece is 4. She gets upset that we have mashed potatoes one day, and the next day she's upset we don't.
But this is something someone intentionally did to her and that could have been avoided. It was inconsiderate and mean.

Maybe. We are getting only one side of the story.

But, ok, have it your way. It was inconsiderate and mean. Moving along now.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

huskerbb wrote:
If people went into hysterics every time a 4 year old got upset, the world would come to a halt.

They get upset all the time. My niece is 4. She gets upset that we have mashed potatoes one day, and the next day she's upset we don't.

You know damn well that is NOT what happened here.

flan

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

DemoniaD wrote:
I can understand changing ones mind. Maybe some other factors came in to play and the niece was a better fit. Fair enough.

What I don't understand is why anyone, let alone an adult, would not at a minimum inform the original parties of a change. Is it awkward to say a day after asking "I know we asked your daughter yesterday, but we decided niece would be a better fit for the job." But what is really to be gained by ignoring the situation hoping it will go away, until you have no choice but to say you changed your mind? A whole lot of awkwardness, and hurt and anger in the family because the BTB couldn't be bothered to own up to her decision.

I don't think I would cut someone off over it, but they wouldn't be someone I associated with outside of family obligations either.

That shows her true colors, imo.

And WHY can't she have TWO flower girls?

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:

Basing major decisions on the whims of a 4 year old is ridiculous and bizarre.

Why can't you understand that it is not what the 4 year old did? This is not a tantrum. The SIL did this TO her. You really let people be mean to your kids and go on as if nothing happened?

huskerbb · Guru

flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
If people went into hysterics every time a 4 year old got upset, the world would come to a halt.

They get upset all the time. My niece is 4. She gets upset that we have mashed potatoes one day, and the next day she's upset we don't.
You know damn well that is NOT what happened here.
flan

Not exactly, no--but rather the same principle. It's only a bigger issue because mom makes it one.