TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lawyerlady wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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I gave you my answers. You just don't like them.

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No.  You have not answered my question as to when someone's feelings start to matter.  Apparently, to you, a 4 year old doesn't matter.  I want to know exactly when you expect people to start being nice to kids and treat them with respect.   

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 I have answered your questions.  Just because I don't deal with my kids feelings in the way you would doesnt' make me wrong. 

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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I gave you my answers. You just don't like them.

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No.  You have not answered my question as to when someone's feelings start to matter.  Apparently, to you, a 4 year old doesn't matter.  I want to know exactly when you expect people to start being nice to kids and treat them with respect.   

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 I have answered your questions.  Just because I don't deal with my kids feelings in the way you would doesnt' make me wrong. 

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LOL.  NO, you haven't.  You can say that all day long.  You said she is 4 so it is different and you wouldn't care if she was booted off the basketball team.  Then I asked you about now - and you deflected and said you'd put her on a travel team - you didn't actually answer whether you would be upset. 

And you have NOT answered or attempted to answer the question about when kids' feelings start to matter.  If not 4, then when? 

Lawyerlady wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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I gave you my answers. You just don't like them.

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No.  You have not answered my question as to when someone's feelings start to matter.  Apparently, to you, a 4 year old doesn't matter.  I want to know exactly when you expect people to start being nice to kids and treat them with respect.   

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 I have answered your questions.  Just because I don't deal with my kids feelings in the way you would doesnt' make me wrong. 

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LOL.  NO, you haven't.  You can say that all day long.  You said she is 4 so it is different and you wouldn't care if she was booted off the basketball team.  Then I asked you about now - and you deflected and said you'd put her on a travel team - you didn't actually answer whether you would be upset. 

And you have NOT answered or attempted to answer the question about when kids' feelings start to matter.  If not 4, then when? 

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 I didn't say her feelings didn't matter.  But, you apparently want to keep putting words in my mouth.

I already told you how i would handle it. I don't think it is that big of a deal. I think i could manage my kid's emotions just fine. If you don't agree with what I would do, then you dont' agree.

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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I gave you my answers. You just don't like them.

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No.  You have not answered my question as to when someone's feelings start to matter.  Apparently, to you, a 4 year old doesn't matter.  I want to know exactly when you expect people to start being nice to kids and treat them with respect.   

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 I have answered your questions.  Just because I don't deal with my kids feelings in the way you would doesnt' make me wrong. 

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LOL.  NO, you haven't.  You can say that all day long.  You said she is 4 so it is different and you wouldn't care if she was booted off the basketball team.  Then I asked you about now - and you deflected and said you'd put her on a travel team - you didn't actually answer whether you would be upset. 

And you have NOT answered or attempted to answer the question about when kids' feelings start to matter.  If not 4, then when? 

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 I didn't say her feelings didn't matter.  But, you apparently want to keep putting words in my mouth.

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A couple of times you repeated that because she was FOUR, you wouldn't care.   

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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I said a 4 yr old would be over that in 30 sec if mom didn't keep beating the drum.

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Exactly.  They'd never even know or remember if mom wasn't harping on it.

 

I think a kid would be really upset for maybe a day. At the most.

And the child may bring it up a few times in the next few days.

But that is when mom and dad minimize it.

"I wanted to be the flower girl"

" I know sweetie. But you still get to go and wear a really pretty dress and there will be cake and you can play with all your cousins. Doesn't that sound fun?"

lilyofcourse wrote:

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I think a kid would be really upset for maybe a day. At the most.

And the child may bring it up a few times in the next few days.

But that is when mom and dad minimize it.

"I wanted to be the flower girl"

" I know sweetie. But you still get to go and wear a really pretty dress and there will be cake and you can play with all your cousins. Doesn't that sound fun?"

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 Yeah - and then she gets there and the other girl is the flower girl.

Lawyerlady wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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I think a kid would be really upset for maybe a day. At the most.

And the child may bring it up a few times in the next few days.

But that is when mom and dad minimize it.

"I wanted to be the flower girl"

" I know sweetie. But you still get to go and wear a really pretty dress and there will be cake and you can play with all your cousins. Doesn't that sound fun?"

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 Yeah - and then she gets there and the other girl is the flower girl.

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 And you make sure she knows that before hand and then you make it perfectly ok.

Kids follow our example.

 

lilyofcourse wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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I think a kid would be really upset for maybe a day. At the most.

And the child may bring it up a few times in the next few days.

But that is when mom and dad minimize it.

"I wanted to be the flower girl"

" I know sweetie. But you still get to go and wear a really pretty dress and there will be cake and you can play with all your cousins. Doesn't that sound fun?"

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 Yeah - and then she gets there and the other girl is the flower girl.

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 And you make sure she knows that before hand and then you make it perfectly ok.

Kids follow our example.

 

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 Not always!

No way would I take her to the wedding.

flan

flan327 wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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I think a kid would be really upset for maybe a day. At the most.

And the child may bring it up a few times in the next few days.

But that is when mom and dad minimize it.

"I wanted to be the flower girl"

" I know sweetie. But you still get to go and wear a really pretty dress and there will be cake and you can play with all your cousins. Doesn't that sound fun?"

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 Yeah - and then she gets there and the other girl is the flower girl.

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 And you make sure she knows that before hand and then you make it perfectly ok.

Kids follow our example.

 

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 Not always!

No way would I take her to the wedding.

flan

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 There is no way I would take my child to the wedding.  There is no way I'd send them the message that it's okay for adults to lie to them.  And that's what it was whether the stupid bride intended it to be or not.  If this were any other thread people would be saying "DO NOT MAKE PROMISES TO A CHILD YOU CAN'T KEEP!"  People would be falling all over themselves saying you are teaching your kids a lesson by promising them stuff and not carrying through. 

The BTB may be evil incarnate, and she should be told how rotten her actions are.

But, you, the parent, don't make it worse for the child.

The child will follow your example.

If you behave and conduct yourself properly, the child will as well.

I don't think minimizing any part of the situation is right or ok.

But you, as the parent, can teach your kid how to be a gracious "loser" and how to graciously accept disappointment.

Or you can teach them how to be a sore "loser" and that they are always the victim and how to behave like a brat.

And that is why you don't tell your four year old to suck it up and that she has to go watch the other little girl wear the dress SHE should have worn and walk down the aisle like she should have. That's when you tell your child, "Some people do mean things. I'm sorry that mean aunt did this. She should not have done it and it is not your fault. You did nothing wrong. But I can't make mean aunt put you in the wedding. So instead of crying about it we will go out and shop for a nice new pretty dress for you. Daddy and I are planning on taking you out for a special dinner."

See, you can teach your child grace and class without rubbing crap in their face. And in the future that stupid BTB wouldn't be allowed near my kids.

huskerbb wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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And that is why you don't tell your four year old to suck it up and that she has to go watch the other little girl wear the dress SHE should have worn and walk down the aisle like she should have. That's when you tell your child, "Some people do mean things. I'm sorry that mean aunt did this. She should not have done it and it is not your fault. You did nothing wrong. But I can't make mean aunt put you in the wedding. So instead of crying about it we will go out and shop for a nice new pretty dress for you. Daddy and I are planning on taking you out for a special dinner."

See, you can teach your child grace and class without rubbing crap in their face. And in the future that stupid BTB wouldn't be allowed near my kids.

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Oh for fvck's sake.  She would have had NO IDEA what a flower girl even did except for the fact that mom made a big issue out of it.  

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 You do NOT know that. The BTB could have explained it. Hell, she could have watched a cartoon & found it out.

flan

flan327 wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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And that is why you don't tell your four year old to suck it up and that she has to go watch the other little girl wear the dress SHE should have worn and walk down the aisle like she should have. That's when you tell your child, "Some people do mean things. I'm sorry that mean aunt did this. She should not have done it and it is not your fault. You did nothing wrong. But I can't make mean aunt put you in the wedding. So instead of crying about it we will go out and shop for a nice new pretty dress for you. Daddy and I are planning on taking you out for a special dinner."

See, you can teach your child grace and class without rubbing crap in their face. And in the future that stupid BTB wouldn't be allowed near my kids.

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Oh for fvck's sake.  She would have had NO IDEA what a flower girl even did except for the fact that mom made a big issue out of it.  

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 You do NOT know that. The BTB could have explained it. Hell, she could have watched a cartoon & found it out.

flan

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Oh victim.  Jaysus. Get a grip. 

You keep using that word.  I do not think it means what you think it means.  

And grace and class does not include calling people names and huffing and puffing stomping your emotional foot.

That's really quite the opposite of grace and class.

FNW wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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I think a kid would be really upset for maybe a day. At the most.

And the child may bring it up a few times in the next few days.

But that is when mom and dad minimize it.

"I wanted to be the flower girl"

" I know sweetie. But you still get to go and wear a really pretty dress and there will be cake and you can play with all your cousins. Doesn't that sound fun?"

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 Yeah - and then she gets there and the other girl is the flower girl.

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 Yeah, and she has to watch the other girl throw out flowers and do what she was going to do.

Look, everyone is trying to minimize the bride's role in this.  The truth is the mom would not have gotten the idea if the bride didn't mention it at the very least.  I don't think the mom pulled this out of her azz.  Her letter doesn't seem the type to be making this up.  The bride was wrong for even mentioning it if she was considering someone else.  And then after she changed her mind she didn't even have the balls to tell the mom!  What did she think was going to happen?  How long did she think she could get away with not facing the music?  The bride is totally in the wrong here.  She's a bitch.  And she mistreated this four year old girl and if I were her mother I wouldn't give the bitch a chance to mistreat her again.  You're supposed to protect your children from certain things.  This is one of them.  There's a huge difference between your child not making a team or a sport or something of that sort and someone in their family purposely hurting them.  In the first situation a parent needs to help a child learn how to deal with the fact that they won't always get what they want.  In the second situation it's a parents job to protect them from people who don't give a crap about them and are willing to throw them under the bus at the drop of a hat.

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 Word.

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 That's exactly it.  Setting aside how the child handles it, there is no f'ing way I'd go to that wedding and make the bride think what she did wasn't that bad.  The BRIDE needs to know what she did was not ok.

Lawyerlady wrote:

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FNW wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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I think a kid would be really upset for maybe a day. At the most.

And the child may bring it up a few times in the next few days.

But that is when mom and dad minimize it.

"I wanted to be the flower girl"

" I know sweetie. But you still get to go and wear a really pretty dress and there will be cake and you can play with all your cousins. Doesn't that sound fun?"

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 Yeah - and then she gets there and the other girl is the flower girl.

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 Yeah, and she has to watch the other girl throw out flowers and do what she was going to do.

Look, everyone is trying to minimize the bride's role in this.  The truth is the mom would not have gotten the idea if the bride didn't mention it at the very least.  I don't think the mom pulled this out of her azz.  Her letter doesn't seem the type to be making this up.  The bride was wrong for even mentioning it if she was considering someone else.  And then after she changed her mind she didn't even have the balls to tell the mom!  What did she think was going to happen?  How long did she think she could get away with not facing the music?  The bride is totally in the wrong here.  She's a bitch.  And she mistreated this four year old girl and if I were her mother I wouldn't give the bitch a chance to mistreat her again.  You're supposed to protect your children from certain things.  This is one of them.  There's a huge difference between your child not making a team or a sport or something of that sort and someone in their family purposely hurting them.  In the first situation a parent needs to help a child learn how to deal with the fact that they won't always get what they want.  In the second situation it's a parents job to protect them from people who don't give a crap about them and are willing to throw them under the bus at the drop of a hat.

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 Word.

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 That's exactly it.  Setting aside how the child handles it, there is no f'ing way I'd go to that wedding and make the bride think what she did wasn't that bad.  The BRIDE needs to know what she did was not ok.

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 Ok. 

So you make sure the bride knows.

But you don't bad mouth and run someone down. What does that teach the child?

Calling someone mean who has been that horrible is just being realistic. It's not running someone down. Saying that person was mean to you is a fact. Name calling would be to say "Your aunt is an ugly horrible person who doesn't care about anyone else but herself. She's selfish and pig headed."

Acknowledging someone treated you badly is just fact.

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Really? It's easier to see the bride sitting in the seats rather than standing next to her? That's a flat out lie. And I can't see how telling your child they WILL have fun just because you want to cover for a lying bitch is the way to go. You can't demand your kids feel a certain way no matter how hard you try. But go for it. Ignore their feelings.

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 I said see everything. The whole thing. Everything that is going on.

Its easy to have fun if you try. It will still be fun. 

And teaching your child how to handle disappointment is not covering for anyone. 

Who is demanding anything? 

Again, being gracious and having class is not lowering yourself to the other person's level.

You show your kid that they can still have fun. How to look on the bright side of things. 

Or you create a life long victim mentality because "she done her wrong".

I preferred to raise resilient kids. Not whiny "why me" kids.

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Calling someone mean who has been that horrible is just being realistic. It's not running someone down. Saying that person was mean to you is a fact. Name calling would be to say "Your aunt is an ugly horrible person who doesn't care about anyone else but herself. She's selfish and pig headed."

Acknowledging someone treated you badly is just fact.

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 Nope. By saying "your mean aunt" you are setting a tone. 

You are teaching your child it's ok to call someone a name.

You can acknowledge that someone hurt your feelings without calling them names.

 

flan327 wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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And that is why you don't tell your four year old to suck it up and that she has to go watch the other little girl wear the dress SHE should have worn and walk down the aisle like she should have. That's when you tell your child, "Some people do mean things. I'm sorry that mean aunt did this. She should not have done it and it is not your fault. You did nothing wrong. But I can't make mean aunt put you in the wedding. So instead of crying about it we will go out and shop for a nice new pretty dress for you. Daddy and I are planning on taking you out for a special dinner."

See, you can teach your child grace and class without rubbing crap in their face. And in the future that stupid BTB wouldn't be allowed near my kids.

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 No. You don't refer to the aunt as mean. 

Honey, aunt has decided to use her (insert name). I know you are disappointed, but it'll still be fun. You still get a pretty new dress. And you get to sit with mom and dad. It's a lot easier to see everything sitting with us. What? Your feelings are hurt. I know dear. But this is going to be ok and we will have fun. I promise. 

 

 

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 Except you CAN'T promise...no matter how much "fun" you pretend to have.

flan

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 Yeah, promise more crap to a kid who's just been lied to.  See how well that works.  Lying to kids doesn't create trust.  But go ahead.  Try it.  You raise your kids lying to them.  I won't.

Yes, Lily is saying the BTB is full of class and kids don't matter. I mean, after all, you can just promise them more stuff you won't deliver. Their feelings don't matter. They're four. They shouldn't even have feelings at four.
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No. I am not.

What I am saying is two wrongs, don't make it right.

I'm saying you have to teach your child how to handle disappointment.

I'm saying you are not responsible for another person's actions.

But you are responsible for your reactions.

Let's look at it another way.

This would be a disappointment. For sure. I have not belittled that or questioned it.

Some of you say you wouldn't take her to the wedding, that because she was disappointed, she would get a pretty dress and a special outing.

Ok.

What about the next time she is disappointed or gets her feelings hurt?

A trip to the zoo? Ice cream?

When she doesn't get to be line leader because school was canceled and the teacher went to the kid who was on the calendar for the day they go back?

What about when she doesn't get invited to the party her friend is going to?

What about when she gets passed over for the ball team?

What are you going to do? Buy a gift and make a special outing for her? Every time?

What will that teach her?