TOTALLY GEEKED!

huskerbb · Guru

RE: Dear Abby - Heartbroken 4 year old

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

A pissy pants baby? Lmao!!!!

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

lilyofcourse wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Calling someone mean who has been that horrible is just being realistic. It's not running someone down. Saying that person was mean to you is a fact. Name calling would be to say "Your aunt is an ugly horrible person who doesn't care about anyone else but herself. She's selfish and pig headed."

Acknowledging someone treated you badly is just fact.
Nope. By saying "your mean aunt" you are setting a tone.
You are teaching your child it's ok to call someone a name.
You can acknowledge that someone hurt your feelings without calling them names.

No. You also need to teach children was acceptable behavior is - and this is not it. She needs to know it is mean, and that we don't do that to people, so that she doesn't learn it's ok to treat people like this. It was a MEAN thing to do, and she needs to be aware of that. I'm not going to justify this behavior and make it seem like no big deal b/c I don't want my kid to grow up thinking it's normal that people be treated that way.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

huskerbb wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
People can justify this anyway they want. They can say the kid shouldn't be upset. They can say the kid didn't need to go. Say whatever you want about what the little girl SHOULD have or have not done. But one thing is fact. When adults promise kids something and then go back on their word they teach children, especially young children, that you cannot be trusted. If you, general you, want to send your four year old the message that grown ups will lie and disappoint you just because they're adults and they can get away with it then go ahead. I wish to protect my kids from adults like this.
No, the kid CAN be upset--although I HIGHLY doubt they are as upset as mom.
It's not about what the little girl should or should not have done or do. It's about how mom handles it.
Mom can handle it like a pissy pants baby and pout and blow up the family, or she can handle it like an adult should. Realize that you don't always get what you want, it isn't all about you--and be careful about interactions with that person in the future.

As far as the bolded--you won't always be able to do that. Hell, it COULDN'T BE DONE here.

It ISN'T about the mother, it's about her daughter. And she is 100% within her rights to protect her daughter, since the grandmother doesn't seem to care.

flan

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Calling someone mean who has been that horrible is just being realistic. It's not running someone down. Saying that person was mean to you is a fact. Name calling would be to say "Your aunt is an ugly horrible person who doesn't care about anyone else but herself. She's selfish and pig headed."

Acknowledging someone treated you badly is just fact.
Nope. By saying "your mean aunt" you are setting a tone.
You are teaching your child it's ok to call someone a name.
You can acknowledge that someone hurt your feelings without calling them names.

No. You also need to teach children was acceptable behavior is - and this is not it. She needs to know it is mean, and that we don't do that to people, so that she doesn't learn it's ok to treat people like this. It was a MEAN thing to do, and she needs to be aware of that. I'm not going to justify this behavior and make it seem like no big deal b/c I don't want my kid to grow up thinking it's normal that people be treated that way.

Who said justify the behavior?

Yes. It was mean.

So do you help your child learn how to deal graciously or how to be the victim?

The kid knows it was mean. If she didnt, she would have hurt feelings.

You validate those feelings.

"I know this hurt your feelings"

That tells the child you get it.

But to run down another person, even when they've done you wrong, is not right either.

It puts you on the same level as them.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

flan327 wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
The BTB may be evil incarnate, and she should be told how rotten her actions are.

But, you, the parent, don't make it worse for the child.

The child will follow your example.

If you behave and conduct yourself properly, the child will as well.

I don't think minimizing any part of the situation is right or ok.

But you, as the parent, can teach your kid how to be a gracious "loser" and how to graciously accept disappointment.

Or you can teach them how to be a sore "loser" and that they are always the victim and how to behave like a brat.

In THIS specific case, she IS the victim. She has the right to her feelings.
flan

A victim is someone who has a freak accident and is paralyzed in a wheelchair. Everyone is not a "victim". This is a Disappointment. Having disappointments ln life don't make you a VICTIM!!! Well, unless that is how you choose to proceed in life, which apparently a lot of people do.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Victim:

1.
a person who suffers from a destructive or injurious action or agency:
a victim of an automobile accident.

2.
a person who is deceived or cheated, as by his or her own emotions or ignorance, by the dishonesty of others, or by some impersonal agency:
a victim of misplaced confidence; the victim of a swindler; a victim of an optical illusion.

3.
a person or animal sacrificed or regarded as sacrificed:
war victims.

4.
a living creature sacrificed in religious rites.

Does #2 sound familiar?
flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Victim:

1.
a person who suffers from a destructive or injurious action or agency:
a victim of an automobile accident.

2.
a person who is deceived or cheated, as by his or her own emotions or ignorance, by the dishonesty of others, or by some impersonal agency:
a victim of misplaced confidence; the victim of a swindler; a victim of an optical illusion.

3.
a person or animal sacrificed or regarded as sacrificed:
war victims.

4.
a living creature sacrificed in religious rites.

Does #2 sound familiar?
flan

And, none of those apply whatsoever to this.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Victim:

1.
a person who suffers from a destructive or injurious action or agency:
a victim of an automobile accident.

2.
a person who is deceived or cheated, as by his or her own emotions or ignorance, by the dishonesty of others, or by some impersonal agency:
a victim of misplaced confidence; the victim of a swindler; a victim of an optical illusion.

3.
a person or animal sacrificed or regarded as sacrificed:
war victims.

4.
a living creature sacrificed in religious rites.

Does #2 sound familiar?
flan
And, none of those apply whatsoever to this.

Explain to us how the bolded is not EXACTLY what happened here...

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dramatic much?

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Dramatic much?

No, hon, you win that prize!

evileye

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Dramatic much?
No, hon, you win that prize!
flan

I am not the one arguing for 7 pages that this is some Tragedy. confuse

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Did I say "tragedy?"

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Did I say "tragedy?"

flan

She's a VICTIM!!

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Calling someone mean who has been that horrible is just being realistic. It's not running someone down. Saying that person was mean to you is a fact. Name calling would be to say "Your aunt is an ugly horrible person who doesn't care about anyone else but herself. She's selfish and pig headed."

Acknowledging someone treated you badly is just fact.
Nope. By saying "your mean aunt" you are setting a tone.
You are teaching your child it's ok to call someone a name.
You can acknowledge that someone hurt your feelings without calling them names.

No. You also need to teach children was acceptable behavior is - and this is not it. She needs to know it is mean, and that we don't do that to people, so that she doesn't learn it's ok to treat people like this. It was a MEAN thing to do, and she needs to be aware of that. I'm not going to justify this behavior and make it seem like no big deal b/c I don't want my kid to grow up thinking it's normal that people be treated that way.

Skipping a wedding because you are having a tantrum is not acceptable behavior, either.

Of of course it's "mean"--sometimes people are mean.

there re is more than one lesson that can be taught here.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Did I say "tragedy?"

flan
She's a VICTIM!!

According to the DEFINITION...you know, one actually in a DICTIONARY...

flan

huskerbb · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Did I say "tragedy?"

flan

You used the word victim like this was a rape or something.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Did I say "tragedy?"

flan
You used the word victim like this was a rape or something.

Dramatic much?

A child was lied to by a family member. That's bad enough.

flan

huskerbb · Guru

flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Did I say "tragedy?"

flan
You used the word victim like this was a rape or something.
Dramatic much?
A child was lied to by a family member. That's bad enough.
flan

Oh come off it. People lie to kids all the time. Ever hear of Santa Claus?

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Did I say "tragedy?"

flan
You used the word victim like this was a rape or something.
Dramatic much?
A child was lied to by a family member. That's bad enough.
flan
Oh come off it. People lie to kids all the time. Ever hear of Santa Claus?

Swing and a MISS...

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Calling someone mean who has been that horrible is just being realistic. It's not running someone down. Saying that person was mean to you is a fact. Name calling would be to say "Your aunt is an ugly horrible person who doesn't care about anyone else but herself. She's selfish and pig headed."

Acknowledging someone treated you badly is just fact.
Nope. By saying "your mean aunt" you are setting a tone.
You are teaching your child it's ok to call someone a name.
You can acknowledge that someone hurt your feelings without calling them names.

No. You also need to teach children was acceptable behavior is - and this is not it. She needs to know it is mean, and that we don't do that to people, so that she doesn't learn it's ok to treat people like this. It was a MEAN thing to do, and she needs to be aware of that. I'm not going to justify this behavior and make it seem like no big deal b/c I don't want my kid to grow up thinking it's normal that people be treated that way.

Skipping a wedding because you are having a tantrum is not acceptable behavior, either.

Of of course it's "mean"--sometimes people are mean.

there re is more than one lesson that can be taught here.

There is nothinig that requires anyone to attend a wedding. An invitation is not a demand performance.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Calling someone mean who has been that horrible is just being realistic. It's not running someone down. Saying that person was mean to you is a fact. Name calling would be to say "Your aunt is an ugly horrible person who doesn't care about anyone else but herself. She's selfish and pig headed."

Acknowledging someone treated you badly is just fact.
Nope. By saying "your mean aunt" you are setting a tone.
You are teaching your child it's ok to call someone a name.
You can acknowledge that someone hurt your feelings without calling them names.

No. You also need to teach children was acceptable behavior is - and this is not it. She needs to know it is mean, and that we don't do that to people, so that she doesn't learn it's ok to treat people like this. It was a MEAN thing to do, and she needs to be aware of that. I'm not going to justify this behavior and make it seem like no big deal b/c I don't want my kid to grow up thinking it's normal that people be treated that way.

Skipping a wedding because you are having a tantrum is not acceptable behavior, either.

Of of course it's "mean"--sometimes people are mean.

there re is more than one lesson that can be taught here.
There is nothinig that requires anyone to attend a wedding. An invitation is not a demand performance.

You must not be a member of a family.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

lilyofcourse wrote:

Let's look at it another way.

This would be a disappointment. For sure. I have not belittled that or questioned it.

Some of you say you wouldn't take her to the wedding, that because she was disappointed, she would get a pretty dress and a special outing.

Ok.

What about the next time she is disappointed or gets her feelings hurt?

A trip to the zoo? Ice cream?

When she doesn't get to be line leader because school was canceled and the teacher went to the kid who was on the calendar for the day they go back?

What about when she doesn't get invited to the party her friend is going to?

What about when she gets passed over for the ball team?

What are you going to do? Buy a gift and make a special outing for her? Every time?

What will that teach her?

I ask again.

-- Edited by lilyofcourse on Friday 15th of January 2016 10:10:01 AM

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Calling someone mean who has been that horrible is just being realistic. It's not running someone down. Saying that person was mean to you is a fact. Name calling would be to say "Your aunt is an ugly horrible person who doesn't care about anyone else but herself. She's selfish and pig headed."

Acknowledging someone treated you badly is just fact.
Nope. By saying "your mean aunt" you are setting a tone.
You are teaching your child it's ok to call someone a name.
You can acknowledge that someone hurt your feelings without calling them names.

No. You also need to teach children was acceptable behavior is - and this is not it. She needs to know it is mean, and that we don't do that to people, so that she doesn't learn it's ok to treat people like this. It was a MEAN thing to do, and she needs to be aware of that. I'm not going to justify this behavior and make it seem like no big deal b/c I don't want my kid to grow up thinking it's normal that people be treated that way.

Skipping a wedding because you are having a tantrum is not acceptable behavior, either.

Of of course it's "mean"--sometimes people are mean.

there re is more than one lesson that can be taught here.
There is nothinig that requires anyone to attend a wedding. An invitation is not a demand performance.
You must not be a member of a family.

I love it when husker goes to such lengths rather than admit he's wrong.

Kinda makes me want to pat his lil head.

flan

huskerbb · Guru

flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Calling someone mean who has been that horrible is just being realistic. It's not running someone down. Saying that person was mean to you is a fact. Name calling would be to say "Your aunt is an ugly horrible person who doesn't care about anyone else but herself. She's selfish and pig headed."

Acknowledging someone treated you badly is just fact.
Nope. By saying "your mean aunt" you are setting a tone.
You are teaching your child it's ok to call someone a name.
You can acknowledge that someone hurt your feelings without calling them names.

No. You also need to teach children was acceptable behavior is - and this is not it. She needs to know it is mean, and that we don't do that to people, so that she doesn't learn it's ok to treat people like this. It was a MEAN thing to do, and she needs to be aware of that. I'm not going to justify this behavior and make it seem like no big deal b/c I don't want my kid to grow up thinking it's normal that people be treated that way.

Skipping a wedding because you are having a tantrum is not acceptable behavior, either.

Of of course it's "mean"--sometimes people are mean.

there re is more than one lesson that can be taught here.
There is nothinig that requires anyone to attend a wedding. An invitation is not a demand performance.
You must not be a member of a family.
I love it when husker goes to such lengths rather than admit he's wrong.
Kinda makes me want to pat his lil head.
flan

I'm not wrong. You don't skip a siblings wedding For no reason.

Tinydancer · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Calling someone mean who has been that horrible is just being realistic. It's not running someone down. Saying that person was mean to you is a fact. Name calling would be to say "Your aunt is an ugly horrible person who doesn't care about anyone else but herself. She's selfish and pig headed."

Acknowledging someone treated you badly is just fact.
Nope. By saying "your mean aunt" you are setting a tone.
You are teaching your child it's ok to call someone a name.
You can acknowledge that someone hurt your feelings without calling them names.

No. You also need to teach children was acceptable behavior is - and this is not it. She needs to know it is mean, and that we don't do that to people, so that she doesn't learn it's ok to treat people like this. It was a MEAN thing to do, and she needs to be aware of that. I'm not going to justify this behavior and make it seem like no big deal b/c I don't want my kid to grow up thinking it's normal that people be treated that way.

Skipping a wedding because you are having a tantrum is not acceptable behavior, either.

Of of course it's "mean"--sometimes people are mean.

there re is more than one lesson that can be taught here.
There is nothinig that requires anyone to attend a wedding. An invitation is not a demand performance.
You must not be a member of a family.
I love it when husker goes to such lengths rather than admit he's wrong.
Kinda makes me want to pat his lil head.
flan
I'm not wrong. You don't skip a siblings wedding For no reason.

Except there is a reason. It may not be one to you but you don't run anyones life but your own.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Yes. There is a reason. And I'm a member of a couple of families, thanks. Of course, no one in mine would be stupid enough to ask my kid to be a flower girl and then renege on her.

huskerbb · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Calling someone mean who has been that horrible is just being realistic. It's not running someone down. Saying that person was mean to you is a fact. Name calling would be to say "Your aunt is an ugly horrible person who doesn't care about anyone else but herself. She's selfish and pig headed."

Acknowledging someone treated you badly is just fact.
Nope. By saying "your mean aunt" you are setting a tone.
You are teaching your child it's ok to call someone a name.
You can acknowledge that someone hurt your feelings without calling them names.

No. You also need to teach children was acceptable behavior is - and this is not it. She needs to know it is mean, and that we don't do that to people, so that she doesn't learn it's ok to treat people like this. It was a MEAN thing to do, and she needs to be aware of that. I'm not going to justify this behavior and make it seem like no big deal b/c I don't want my kid to grow up thinking it's normal that people be treated that way.

Skipping a wedding because you are having a tantrum is not acceptable behavior, either.

Of of course it's "mean"--sometimes people are mean.

there re is more than one lesson that can be taught here.
There is nothinig that requires anyone to attend a wedding. An invitation is not a demand performance.
You must not be a member of a family.
I love it when husker goes to such lengths rather than admit he's wrong.
Kinda makes me want to pat his lil head.
flan
I'm not wrong. You don't skip a siblings wedding For no reason.
Except there is a reason. It may not be one to you but you don't run anyones life but your own.

Not a legitimate one. As to your last comment--what a hypocrite. you have mom here trying to run the brides life.

wah!!!! Make my child a flower girl or I wont come to your wedding! Wah!!!!!

FNW · Guru

As mean as my in-laws were to the boys, I never have spoken ill of them in front of the boys. I never told them why we stopped going around or having them over. They haven't asked. And when/if they do, I'll either tell them "I don't know". When they older if they continue to ask, I'll tell them they did/said some things to me that hurt my feelings, weren't sorry for it, and I chose not to let them do that again. And the easiest way to keep someone from hurting you again is to not give them the chance. Unless someone has a better idea for me, as I am open to advice.

huskerbb · Guru

In general, feelings are a VERY poor basis upon which to make decisions.

People give undue importance to how they "feel". They think that should somehow be of utmost importance.

Tinydancer · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Calling someone mean who has been that horrible is just being realistic. It's not running someone down. Saying that person was mean to you is a fact. Name calling would be to say "Your aunt is an ugly horrible person who doesn't care about anyone else but herself. She's selfish and pig headed."

Acknowledging someone treated you badly is just fact.
Nope. By saying "your mean aunt" you are setting a tone.
You are teaching your child it's ok to call someone a name.
You can acknowledge that someone hurt your feelings without calling them names.

No. You also need to teach children was acceptable behavior is - and this is not it. She needs to know it is mean, and that we don't do that to people, so that she doesn't learn it's ok to treat people like this. It was a MEAN thing to do, and she needs to be aware of that. I'm not going to justify this behavior and make it seem like no big deal b/c I don't want my kid to grow up thinking it's normal that people be treated that way.

Skipping a wedding because you are having a tantrum is not acceptable behavior, either.

Of of course it's "mean"--sometimes people are mean.

there re is more than one lesson that can be taught here.
There is nothinig that requires anyone to attend a wedding. An invitation is not a demand performance.
You must not be a member of a family.
I love it when husker goes to such lengths rather than admit he's wrong.
Kinda makes me want to pat his lil head.
flan
I'm not wrong. You don't skip a siblings wedding For no reason.
Except there is a reason. It may not be one to you but you don't run anyones life but your own.
Not a legitimate one. As to your last comment--what a hypocrite. you have mom here trying to run the brides life.

wah!!!! Make my child a flower girl or I wont come to your wedding! Wah!!!!!

At that point even if she changed her mind again I'd tell her no and still not go to the wedding. Too damn bad if she or anyone else didn't like it. Obviously other peoples feelings don't matter according to you so she can just get over it or rip the family apart herself.

Tinydancer · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
In general, feelings are a VERY poor basis upon which to make decisions.

People give undue importance to how they "feel". They think that should somehow be of utmost importance.

Obviously only YOUR feelings are important. Talk about being a hypocrite...lol

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

FNW - As you know, our situations are very similar. We have talked about how our husbands might be related! I would caution against saying "I don't know". That leads to more questions (why don't you know? Does dad know? Should I ask him? Can we see them then?) and it isn't true. You do know.

I was honest with my kids as soon as they asked. Why haven't we seen Grandpa and Grandma lately? Well, grown ups sometimes aren't as nice as they should be. They do things and say things they shouldn't. Right now, we are on a time out until Grandpa and Grandma can learn to behave. Or whatever is appropriate for their age. I had to have the conversation when my DD was 3. She noticed and she asked why. She asked what grandma and grandpa did. I told her it was stuff for grow ups to worry about and that seemed to be enough. As she got older we talked about it more.

-- Edited by Mellow Momma on Friday 15th of January 2016 12:21:36 PM

huskerbb · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Calling someone mean who has been that horrible is just being realistic. It's not running someone down. Saying that person was mean to you is a fact. Name calling would be to say "Your aunt is an ugly horrible person who doesn't care about anyone else but herself. She's selfish and pig headed."

Acknowledging someone treated you badly is just fact.
Nope. By saying "your mean aunt" you are setting a tone.
You are teaching your child it's ok to call someone a name.
You can acknowledge that someone hurt your feelings without calling them names.

No. You also need to teach children was acceptable behavior is - and this is not it. She needs to know it is mean, and that we don't do that to people, so that she doesn't learn it's ok to treat people like this. It was a MEAN thing to do, and she needs to be aware of that. I'm not going to justify this behavior and make it seem like no big deal b/c I don't want my kid to grow up thinking it's normal that people be treated that way.

Skipping a wedding because you are having a tantrum is not acceptable behavior, either.

Of of course it's "mean"--sometimes people are mean.

there re is more than one lesson that can be taught here.
There is nothinig that requires anyone to attend a wedding. An invitation is not a demand performance.
You must not be a member of a family.
I love it when husker goes to such lengths rather than admit he's wrong.
Kinda makes me want to pat his lil head.
flan
I'm not wrong. You don't skip a siblings wedding For no reason.
Except there is a reason. It may not be one to you but you don't run anyones life but your own.
Not a legitimate one. As to your last comment--what a hypocrite. you have mom here trying to run the brides life.

wah!!!! Make my child a flower girl or I wont come to your wedding! Wah!!!!!
At that point even if she changed her mind again I'd tell her no and still not go to the wedding. Too damn bad if she or anyone else didn't like it. Obviously other peoples feelings don't matter according to you so she can just get over it or rip the family apart herself.

Yeah. Hypocrite. exactly what I said. Yiou are trying to control what someone else does With their life.

Tinydancer · Guru

How is me not going to the wedding running her life? Will she call off the wedding because I diodn't come? That is ridiculous.

FNW · Guru

Thanks, MM. I like your advice. And I see your point, husker, and do agree. Thanks.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Control what other people do with their life? NO. Keep people from interfering with mine and my kid's life? YES.

You are ignoring completely the action that started all this.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Tinydancer wrote:
How is me not going to the wedding running her life? Will she call off the wedding because I diodn't come? That is ridiculous.

Exactly.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

FNW wrote:
As mean as my in-laws were to the boys, I never have spoken ill of them in front of the boys. I never told them why we stopped going around or having them over. They haven't asked. And when/if they do, I'll either tell them "I don't know". When they older if they continue to ask, I'll tell them they did/said some things to me that hurt my feelings, weren't sorry for it, and I chose not to let them do that again. And the easiest way to keep someone from hurting you again is to not give them the chance. Unless someone has a better idea for me, as I am open to advice.

That's because they were not old enough to remember themselves. This child will remember. And I'm not going to tell her that people hurting her feelings is ok. We tell our kids they shouldn't put up with other people being mean to them, why on earth would you pretend it's ok for family to do it?

huskerbb · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
How is me not going to the wedding running her life? Will she call off the wedding because I diodn't come? That is ridiculous.

Because siblings go to each other's weddings--unless you are another one who has never been a part of a family.

Tinydancer · Guru

I come from a very large family (I have 6 siblings) and there have been times in my life when they have done something mean or thoughtless but never to my kid and they did hear it from me. If you want to let family treat you like crap have at it. I know I won't worry a sinlge day about sticking up for my kid.

And the question was how is my not going to her wedding running her life. I bet you can't answer that sensibly...lol

-- Edited by Tinydancer on Friday 15th of January 2016 01:47:28 PM

huskerbb · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
I come from a very large family (I have 6 siblings) and there have been times in my life when they have done something mean or thoughtless but never to my kid and they did hear it from me. If you want to let family treat you like crap have at it. I know I won't worry a sinlge day about sticking up for my kid.

Did you go to their weddings? Did they come to yours? since feelings are so all fired important,meow would yiu have felt if they hadn't?

or maybe yiu simply aren't close.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
How is me not going to the wedding running her life? Will she call off the wedding because I diodn't come? That is ridiculous.
Because siblings go to each other's weddings--unless you are another one who has never been a part of a family.

You can all do what you want. But, I would tell my child that SIL has had a change of plans, it happens. But, we are going to go to her wedding and dance and do the Hokey Pokey and have a great time. If you all wanna be pissy, then be pissy. I know that my kids wouldn't be crying about this for more than 10 min. In my book, it's a big So What?

Tinydancer · Guru

Very close but nice try.

Tinydancer · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
How is me not going to the wedding running her life? Will she call off the wedding because I diodn't come? That is ridiculous.
Because siblings go to each other's weddings--unless you are another one who has never been a part of a family.
You can all do what you want. But, I would tell my child that SIL has had a change of plans, it happens. But, we are going to go to her wedding and dance and do the Hokey Pokey and have a great time. If you all wanna be pissy, then be pissy. I know that my kids wouldn't be crying about this for more than 10 min. In my book, it's a big So What?

Yes I will be pissy about it if I want to. I get to run my own life just like you...

huskerbb · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
Very close but nice try.

Not if yiu would refuse to go to their weddings over nothing.

Tinydancer · Guru

It's not nothing to me.

Tinydancer · Guru

If you would let them treat you like crap then YOU must not be very close.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
How is me not going to the wedding running her life? Will she call off the wedding because I diodn't come? That is ridiculous.
Because siblings go to each other's weddings--unless you are another one who has never been a part of a family.
You can all do what you want. But, I would tell my child that SIL has had a change of plans, it happens. But, we are going to go to her wedding and dance and do the Hokey Pokey and have a great time. If you all wanna be pissy, then be pissy. I know that my kids wouldn't be crying about this for more than 10 min. In my book, it's a big So What?
Yes I will be pissy about it if I want to. I get to run my own life just like you...

Do whatever the heck you want. I choose to raise my children to be strong and not consider themselves "victims" of everything. IF that works for you, then it works for you.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
If you would let them treat you like crap then YOU must not be very close.

I honestly Don't Care about weddings all that much. Sorry. They don't make me crazy.