TOTALLY GEEKED!

Tinydancer wrote:

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If you would let them treat you like crap then YOU must not be very close.

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 That is NOT what this is.  Foolish characterization.

Tinydancer wrote:

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Well my daughter isn't a victim either but keep thinking that if it helps your argument.

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 If yiu would refuse to go to a wedding over something like this she is.

Lawyerlady wrote:

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Yep. None of us who disagree with Husker have families. We magically appeared out of nowhere.

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 You've likely managed to alienate them with your pouting over nothing.

Lawyerlady wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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Yep. None of us who disagree with Husker have families. We magically appeared out of nowhere.

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 You've likely managed to alienate them with your pouting over nothing.

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Tell that to my dead sister whose child I adopted. 

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 What does that have to do with this topic?

Personally, i am raising my daughter to be a strong young woman. There was a point where she was having difficulties and I pitied and sympathized. But, then i realized i was making her WEAKER. That I had to teach her to be strong and overcome adversity. If you want your daughters to sit in a heap of tears, then go for it. But, I think I can teach her to move on to other things and not let something like this RUIN your life which some of you seem to indicate.

Tinydancer wrote:

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It would be over right after it happened. I'd say no to the invitation and move on. I wanted to teach my kids that no one, not even family had the RIGHT to treat them badly. Different styles and all that.

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   Fine, then dont' tell me i don't "care about kids' blah, blah.

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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Personally, i am raising my daughter to be a strong young woman. There was a point where she was having difficulties and I pitied and sympathized. But, then i realized i was making her WEAKER. That I had to teach her to be strong and overcome adversity. If you want your daughters to sit in a heap of tears, then go for it. But, I think I can teach her to move on to other things and not let something like this RUIN your life which some of you seem to indicate.

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 Yup.  you can teach someone to wallow, or you can teach them to move on.

huskerbb wrote:

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I've got a GREAT comeback, but LL has to take everything personally, even when she opens that door, so she'd bam me.

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 Ooooh! OOOOOOH!!!!!

Can I BAM you?

flan

huskerbb wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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I said a 4 yr old would be over that in 30 sec if mom didn't keep beating the drum.

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Exactly.  They'd never even know or remember if mom wasn't harping on it.

 

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 I have seen this Article in a number of message boards and have seen this ^^^^^ response in all of the threads. So I asked my mother, a 50+ year PreK, Kindergarden and 1st grade, with a masters in early education, still teaching mother about the developmental level and ability of a 4 year old to:

1) look forward to / become invested in a future activity such as a wedding or future trip or proposed "special" gift.

2) remember about said activity, trip, or gift without parental reminders

3) be extremely disappointed when said activity, trip or gift did not come to fruition 

4) how long it should take for a parent to force their child to "get over it".

basically, you both need a crash course in early childhood becuase even IF the aunt asked the little girl once and the parents never brought it up again, even to let her know she was no longer in the wedding, it would be perfectly "normal" for her to have remembers on her own and be extremely disappointed. 

its akin to a kid asking a parent for a gift in June, parent saying ask santa for Christmas and the kid getting butt hurt on Christmas Day that they didn't get the gift they asked the store front Santa for. 

and at the same time, having a good/long memory does not mean that 4 year olds are actually emotionally or even COGNITIVELY mature enough to understand - no matter how much an adult wants to believe or force it - that something like this "should be able to be shrugged off".

my mother also pointed out that children mature physically, emotionally and cognitively (which is not to be confused with being able to remember things better) at different rates, both within themselves and in comparison with each other. so while you may have "helped your child learn to get over disappointments" at an early age, that could mean you were able to get your 4 yo to cognitively understand the fact that Auntie was a bitch, emotionally understand that bitch auntie's actions have nothing to do with her AND remember both every time a reminder hit them. 

or it could be that your children just remember that when they bring up their hurt feelings, ie start to show thier sad disappointment to Mommy/Daddy, they will at least NOT GET support and could get in trouble so they eternalize it vs actually process it 

or any combination in between. 

But to HONESTLY believe that every 4 year old is cognitively and emotionally mature enough to get the concept of getting over something / that it's just a small thing in the grand scheme of thier life WHILE NOT believing that the child couldn't be holding onto the memory by themselves (without mommy's prodding) is ludicros. 

 

 

Tinydancer wrote:

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Where did I say you don't care about your kids?

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 Really?  We've been told that having our kids back on this is bad parenting, being a drama queen, being a bad family member, and everything else.  Hypocrite much?

Lawyerlady wrote:

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Tinydancer wrote:

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Where did I say you don't care about your kids?

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 Really?  We've been told that having our kids back on this is bad parenting, being a drama queen, being a bad family member, and everything else.  Hypocrite much?

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 This is also in response to GAga's post - not yours, TD.

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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Tinydancer wrote:

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Where did I say you don't care about your kids?

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 Really?  We've been told that having our kids back on this is bad parenting, being a drama queen, being a bad family member, and everything else.  Hypocrite much?

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 Seriously?  You started early on that we "don't care " about the feelings of our own kids , blah, blah, blah.

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You started that first.  Along with the overly dramatic "hysteria", "tearing off clothes", busting up TVs.  You should go back and read it.   

Lawyerlady wrote:

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Ilumine wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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I said a 4 yr old would be over that in 30 sec if mom didn't keep beating the drum.

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Exactly.  They'd never even know or remember if mom wasn't harping on it.

 

---

 I have seen this Article in a number of message boards and have seen this ^^^^^ response in all of the threads. So I asked my mother, a 50+ year PreK, Kindergarden and 1st grade, with a masters in early education, still teaching mother about the developmental level and ability of a 4 year old to:

1) look forward to / become invested in a future activity such as a wedding or future trip or proposed "special" gift.

2) remember about said activity, trip, or gift without parental reminders

3) be extremely disappointed when said activity, trip or gift did not come to fruition 

4) how long it should take for a parent to force their child to "get over it".

basically, you both need a crash course in early childhood becuase even IF the aunt asked the little girl once and the parents never brought it up again, even to let her know she was no longer in the wedding, it would be perfectly "normal" for her to have remembers on her own and be extremely disappointed. 

its akin to a kid asking a parent for a gift in June, parent saying ask santa for Christmas and the kid getting butt hurt on Christmas Day that they didn't get the gift they asked the store front Santa for. 

and at the same time, having a good/long memory does not mean that 4 year olds are actually emotionally or even COGNITIVELY mature enough to understand - no matter how much an adult wants to believe or force it - that something like this "should be able to be shrugged off".

my mother also pointed out that children mature physically, emotionally and cognitively (which is not to be confused with being able to remember things better) at different rates, both within themselves and in comparison with each other. so while you may have "helped your child learn to get over disappointments" at an early age, that could mean you were able to get your 4 yo to cognitively understand the fact that Auntie was a bitch, emotionally understand that bitch auntie's actions have nothing to do with her AND remember both every time a reminder hit them. 

or it could be that your children just remember that when they bring up their hurt feelings, ie start to show thier sad disappointment to Mommy/Daddy, they will at least NOT GET support and could get in trouble so they eternalize it vs actually process it 

or any combination in between. 

But to HONESTLY believe that every 4 year old is cognitively and emotionally mature enough to get the concept of getting over something / that it's just a small thing in the grand scheme of thier life WHILE NOT believing that the child couldn't be holding onto the memory by themselves (without mommy's prodding) is ludicros. 

 

 

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And most of us on this thread didn't even need the degree in child development and education to know all that.  But, it's nice to know a professional agrees.  

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 Well that was mostly for Huskers sake, given the number of times he has tried to use his "opinion" as fact and dismiss anyone with a differing opinion, even those opinions based on facts, experience and education.  

though I'm sure he will somehow find a way to dismiss her education and experience since it runs counter to his...opinion. 

Just give in Lilly. This is one of the worst things that could ever happen to a child. I really dont know if she will be able to live a normal life.

Ilumine wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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Ilumine wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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I said a 4 yr old would be over that in 30 sec if mom didn't keep beating the drum.

---

Exactly.  They'd never even know or remember if mom wasn't harping on it.

 

---

 I have seen this Article in a number of message boards and have seen this ^^^^^ response in all of the threads. So I asked my mother, a 50+ year PreK, Kindergarden and 1st grade, with a masters in early education, still teaching mother about the developmental level and ability of a 4 year old to:

1) look forward to / become invested in a future activity such as a wedding or future trip or proposed "special" gift.

2) remember about said activity, trip, or gift without parental reminders

3) be extremely disappointed when said activity, trip or gift did not come to fruition 

4) how long it should take for a parent to force their child to "get over it".

basically, you both need a crash course in early childhood becuase even IF the aunt asked the little girl once and the parents never brought it up again, even to let her know she was no longer in the wedding, it would be perfectly "normal" for her to have remembers on her own and be extremely disappointed. 

its akin to a kid asking a parent for a gift in June, parent saying ask santa for Christmas and the kid getting butt hurt on Christmas Day that they didn't get the gift they asked the store front Santa for. 

and at the same time, having a good/long memory does not mean that 4 year olds are actually emotionally or even COGNITIVELY mature enough to understand - no matter how much an adult wants to believe or force it - that something like this "should be able to be shrugged off".

my mother also pointed out that children mature physically, emotionally and cognitively (which is not to be confused with being able to remember things better) at different rates, both within themselves and in comparison with each other. so while you may have "helped your child learn to get over disappointments" at an early age, that could mean you were able to get your 4 yo to cognitively understand the fact that Auntie was a bitch, emotionally understand that bitch auntie's actions have nothing to do with her AND remember both every time a reminder hit them. 

or it could be that your children just remember that when they bring up their hurt feelings, ie start to show thier sad disappointment to Mommy/Daddy, they will at least NOT GET support and could get in trouble so they eternalize it vs actually process it 

or any combination in between. 

But to HONESTLY believe that every 4 year old is cognitively and emotionally mature enough to get the concept of getting over something / that it's just a small thing in the grand scheme of thier life WHILE NOT believing that the child couldn't be holding onto the memory by themselves (without mommy's prodding) is ludicros. 

 

 

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And most of us on this thread didn't even need the degree in child development and education to know all that.  But, it's nice to know a professional agrees.  

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 Well that was mostly for Huskers sake, given the number of times he has tried to use his "opinion" as fact and dismiss anyone with a differing opinion, even those opinions based on facts, experience and education.  

though I'm sure he will somehow find a way to dismiss her education and experience since it runs counter to his...opinion. 

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 He'll call it "psychobabble" and double down.

Good gosh, I remember events from when I was 4. I remember events from the age of 3 as well.

I remember my grandpa being very ill. I remember watching grandma and my dad take care of him. I remember him dying. I remember my dad crying. I WASN'T 4 yet!

So, please do not tell me a 4 year old can not remember without being reminded. Ever.

lilyofcourse wrote:

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So what about the next time the child is disappointed and gets their feeling hurt?

What will you give them or treat them with? What event will you miss?

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 You mean LIED TO BY A FAMILY MEMBER?

flan

LOL Ain't that the truth!

Ilumine wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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I said a 4 yr old would be over that in 30 sec if mom didn't keep beating the drum.

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Exactly.  They'd never even know or remember if mom wasn't harping on it.

 

---

 I have seen this Article in a number of message boards and have seen this ^^^^^ response in all of the threads. So I asked my mother, a 50+ year PreK, Kindergarden and 1st grade, with a masters in early education, still teaching mother about the developmental level and ability of a 4 year old to:

1) look forward to / become invested in a future activity such as a wedding or future trip or proposed "special" gift.

2) remember about said activity, trip, or gift without parental reminders

3) be extremely disappointed when said activity, trip or gift did not come to fruition 

4) how long it should take for a parent to force their child to "get over it".

basically, you both need a crash course in early childhood becuase even IF the aunt asked the little girl once and the parents never brought it up again, even to let her know she was no longer in the wedding, it would be perfectly "normal" for her to have remembers on her own and be extremely disappointed. 

its akin to a kid asking a parent for a gift in June, parent saying ask santa for Christmas and the kid getting butt hurt on Christmas Day that they didn't get the gift they asked the store front Santa for. 

and at the same time, having a good/long memory does not mean that 4 year olds are actually emotionally or even COGNITIVELY mature enough to understand - no matter how much an adult wants to believe or force it - that something like this "should be able to be shrugged off".

my mother also pointed out that children mature physically, emotionally and cognitively (which is not to be confused with being able to remember things better) at different rates, both within themselves and in comparison with each other. so while you may have "helped your child learn to get over disappointments" at an early age, that could mean you were able to get your 4 yo to cognitively understand the fact that Auntie was a bitch, emotionally understand that bitch auntie's actions have nothing to do with her AND remember both every time a reminder hit them. 

or it could be that your children just remember that when they bring up their hurt feelings, ie start to show thier sad disappointment to Mommy/Daddy, they will at least NOT GET support and could get in trouble so they eternalize it vs actually process it 

or any combination in between. 

But to HONESTLY believe that every 4 year old is cognitively and emotionally mature enough to get the concept of getting over something / that it's just a small thing in the grand scheme of thier life WHILE NOT believing that the child couldn't be holding onto the memory by themselves (without mommy's prodding) is ludicros. 

 

 

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 Which happens ALL THE TIME because most kids don't get that pony for Christmas that they asked for.  

No, a 4 year old isn't mature enough to understand that--which is why mom needs to help them through it--rather than make it worse. 

Ilumine wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Ilumine wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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I said a 4 yr old would be over that in 30 sec if mom didn't keep beating the drum.

---

Exactly.  They'd never even know or remember if mom wasn't harping on it.

 

---

 I have seen this Article in a number of message boards and have seen this ^^^^^ response in all of the threads. So I asked my mother, a 50+ year PreK, Kindergarden and 1st grade, with a masters in early education, still teaching mother about the developmental level and ability of a 4 year old to:

1) look forward to / become invested in a future activity such as a wedding or future trip or proposed "special" gift.

2) remember about said activity, trip, or gift without parental reminders

3) be extremely disappointed when said activity, trip or gift did not come to fruition 

4) how long it should take for a parent to force their child to "get over it".

basically, you both need a crash course in early childhood becuase even IF the aunt asked the little girl once and the parents never brought it up again, even to let her know she was no longer in the wedding, it would be perfectly "normal" for her to have remembers on her own and be extremely disappointed. 

its akin to a kid asking a parent for a gift in June, parent saying ask santa for Christmas and the kid getting butt hurt on Christmas Day that they didn't get the gift they asked the store front Santa for. 

and at the same time, having a good/long memory does not mean that 4 year olds are actually emotionally or even COGNITIVELY mature enough to understand - no matter how much an adult wants to believe or force it - that something like this "should be able to be shrugged off".

my mother also pointed out that children mature physically, emotionally and cognitively (which is not to be confused with being able to remember things better) at different rates, both within themselves and in comparison with each other. so while you may have "helped your child learn to get over disappointments" at an early age, that could mean you were able to get your 4 yo to cognitively understand the fact that Auntie was a bitch, emotionally understand that bitch auntie's actions have nothing to do with her AND remember both every time a reminder hit them. 

or it could be that your children just remember that when they bring up their hurt feelings, ie start to show thier sad disappointment to Mommy/Daddy, they will at least NOT GET support and could get in trouble so they eternalize it vs actually process it 

or any combination in between. 

But to HONESTLY believe that every 4 year old is cognitively and emotionally mature enough to get the concept of getting over something / that it's just a small thing in the grand scheme of thier life WHILE NOT believing that the child couldn't be holding onto the memory by themselves (without mommy's prodding) is ludicros. 

 

 

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 Which happens ALL THE TIME because most kids don't get that pony for Christmas that they asked for.  

No, a 4 year old isn't mature enough to understand that--which is why mom needs to help them through it--rather than make it worse. 

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Yet again you missed and proved the point of the entire post.  

It takes years, building in small steps that can take weeks for children to master, to memorize and to conceptually understand math.  So why are you expecting/demanding a child to grasp emotional concepts in a shorter manner?  

There is SCIENCE that proves your ascertains are short sighted. A child may never get over not getting that pony (if that weren't true the stereotype of the girl btchgin about not getting her pony in therapy years later wouldn't be so prevalent, no?).  Or a 4 year old may be able to understand not getting a pony because she understands that there is no where to put the pony in her apartment but cannot understand why her aunt and grandmother would be so callous towards her feelings because, you know FAAAAMMMIIILLYYY.  

Just like we can't know if the Mother is the impetus for the 4 yo's sadness, you can't know if Mom hasn't been working with her.  But the one thing that we can be sure of is that YOU cannot decide for a child what his/her level of understanding, memory, and emotional cognisance is.  And to continually post that YOU do, just shows your lack of understanding and education, and therefor anything else you post is suspect and...well...not worth reading.  

You know it is extremely hypocritical to expect us to accept your GMO based scientific studies even when there are studies that show different results at face value but you refuse to accept the studies on how baby/toddler/children brains grow and learn even though there aren't studies that run counter - hell even Stanford, a huge Common Core supporter did a study on rote memorization and math, pretty much to shut the new math naysayers down and came up with yet another study to show that rote memorization over a period of time is necessary for children's brains to be "pathwayed" for grasping the more complex mathematical concepts.  

And with that, I am not engaging with you on this post because it would be a waste. 

 

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 You madam won the internet today. Well done. 

People keep talking about how you can't change the bride and boycotting the wedding doesn't do anything but make the bride upset. I know some here will think this is stupid but part of a parent's job is also to teach your kids that it is NOT okay to allow yourself to be treated like crap. And it doesn't matter if it's family, friends, teachers, or bosses. One does not have to throw a hissy fit or temper tantrum to take a stand. If we, general we, teach our children that it's okay for people to mistreat them you, general you, are sending them a really powerful message. And this is even worse for girls. People wonder how women get into abusive relationships and it starts when they are four we send them the message that what they think, feel, and want isn't important because, after all, they're a little four year old girl and they don't matter. So suck it up buttercup and let's go rub salt in the wound by watching the other girl be flower girl because you don't matter. You're only a four year old girl after all and these are adults. They can do whatever they want with no repercussions.

""Only this mother can decide what is right for her family."

You all seem to be forgetting one person. Dad. His opinion and input matter too.

flan327 wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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""Only this mother can decide what is right for her family."

You all seem to be forgetting one person. Dad. His opinion and input matter too.

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 True!

Sometimes men are not comfortable with emotional confrontations, but they should present a united front.

flan

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 Yes, but mom doesnt' unilaterally get to decide what to do in this instance.

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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""Only this mother can decide what is right for her family."

You all seem to be forgetting one person. Dad. His opinion and input matter too.

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 True!

Sometimes men are not comfortable with emotional confrontations, but they should present a united front.

flan

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 Yes, but mom doesnt' unilaterally get to decide what to do in this instance.

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 At the same time, Dad doesn't get to choose his extended family's feelings at the expense of his daughter's.  

When you have a conundrum like this, you choose what is best for the nuclear family.