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ed11563


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a 10-year-old reported to me that her friend’s daddy had slapped her on her bottom
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DEAR AMY: Recently a 10-year-old reported to me that her friend’s daddy had slapped her on her bottom twice and also held her in a way that made her uncomfortable. The child has told him not to touch her or hold her, but he persisted. (The dad has two children.) The child has told me that her parents are friendly with this couple and that efforts to inform her folks about this “toucher” resulted in the father minimizing the events and dismissing them as “nothing.” When she told me, I informed her that no one has the right to touch a child against that child’s will, and if it persists, she’s to seek proper authorities by dialing 911. When she told her father what I had said, he became enraged and called me, screaming at me and also screaming at the child. He “blamed the victim” which is, in my mind, a very traumatic response to the child — who did nothing wrong. I’m deeply hurt and very conflicted about this whole thing and would like your advice. — Protective

DEAR PROTECTIVE: My concern with your advice to this child is that no 10-year-old should realistically be expected to know what the “proper authorities” are or to call 911 in this circumstance.

The child already was doing what she knows she is supposed to do, which is to tell her parents — and when they minimized it, tell another responsible adult (you) about what happened and how she feels about it. If you felt this incident rose to the level of alarm, you should call the police and/or Child Protective Services to report this, so they could investigate and make sure she is safe.

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It seems this girl lives in a household where the parents shout first, ask questions later. I hope you can manage to stay close so she knows she always has someone who will take her seriously and do right by her.

 

 



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Who is this LW? A friend of the family? Relative? School teacher?

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School teachers are mandated reporters so if the LW is a teacher,he/she didn't follow the law.

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Whenitrains


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Since the girls own parents won't do anything, the LW should. I fear that the girl will deny it happened because her parents will be mad at her. Poor girl.

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We reported sexual abuse of a friend of mine when I was a tween. We were told the school would talk to the student but if she doesn't admit what has been happening, there's nothing they could do. And they said most children deny it because they are afraid of repercussion.

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FNW wrote:

We reported sexual abuse of a friend of mine when I was a tween. We were told the school would talk to the student but if she doesn't admit what has been happening, there's nothing they could do. And they said most children deny it because they are afraid of repercussion.

 That is no longer the law. If a school gets info that even makes them suspect something is happening they have to call the authorities. It's called being a mandated reporter. Mandated reporters have to contact the police or CPS (depending on the state) and then the authorities conduct an investigstion. Often, the investigation does rely on the victim's ability to tell what really happened though. 



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