Q. How do I tell people my preteen is suicidal?: My daughter has been hospitalized numerous times for self-harm and suicidal behavior and thoughts. Most people presume it’s due to her other serious health conditions, and I don’t challenge that assumption. It would be a relief to tell the truth, but I fear the backlash (for her and us, her parents) because of backward attitudes about mental illness. How can I/should I tell people the truth?
A: I’m so sorry about your daughter, and I’m so glad that you’re getting her the help she needs. I think you’re right to want to protect her from other people’s assumptions about mental illness, especially since she’s so young. When it comes to acquaintances and strangers, I think there’s no reason for you to get specific about her diagnoses or the details of her illness. I hope, though, that you’re able to share some of the relevant details with close friends and family. I don’t know your daughter’s current state, but if it’s at all possible, consider asking her how much or how little she’d like you to share with the people you’re close to. On the one hand, you don’t want to expose her to the misconceptions of other people; on the other hand, you don’t want to contribute to the stigmatization of mental illness or make her feel like the truth is something to hide or be ashamed of.
Why does she need to tell people? What ever happened to having a private life? We dont' have to parade our entire lives and private moments in front of people. There is no need to tell people and what about her daughter's medical privacy. Yes, it might be a relief for her to talk to someone, so go talk to a pastor or a therapist or best friend, but i would not be putting that info out there for public fodder.
Right? Sheesh. If she is hesitant to tell anyone the truth, it's most likely because she doesn't trust the person she is tempted to tell. Stick with your gut.
I can understand her wanting to be honest, but agree that she needs to limit who she tells. I wonder what other "serious health conditions" the poor girl has?
It is no body's business. Don't make it worse for the girl by telling others about her mental health issues, because, yes, people will gossip. Eventually it will get back to the girl. And that would be awful.
Preteens have not developed the emotion skills to deal with gossip, drama, and a lot of other things. She needs to be able to trust her mother, not worry about family and friends gossiping about her.
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I drink coffee so I don't kill you.
I quilt so I don't kill you.
Do you see a theme?
Faith isn't something that keeps bad things from happening. Faith is what helps us get through bad things when they do happen.
There is way too much sharing of everything these days.
If the information isn't necessary for the situation, keep it to yourself.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
It often causes gossip. So mom needs to be sure about who she's telling and if the kid needs to talk get her to counseling (I hope they're already doing this if she's suicidal).
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“Until I discovered cooking, I was never really interested in anything.” ― Julia Child ―
It often causes gossip. So mom needs to be sure about who she's telling and if the kid needs to talk get her to counseling (I hope they're already doing this if she's suicidal).
Can you imagine having all your business being told to everyone?
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
People have sympathy for those with cancer. Too many people don't even believe there is such a thing as mental illness. We've seen enough of that right here.
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“Until I discovered cooking, I was never really interested in anything.” ― Julia Child ―
What good would it do to tell anyone that doesn't just need to know?
How would it help any of them, especially the daughter?
The only thing I can think is that the mother is hoping to gain sympathy. Or even pity.
I can see telling people, outside of the very few who need to know, making the situation worse.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
That's the reality. They are wrong. There are people who have real mental health issues. But unfortunately, there are people who are going to to judge that. So, why expose your daughter, who is already in a fragile state, to more ridicule? Lots of people will pretend to give a damn to your face, but when you turn your back, they can't wait to gossip.
That's the reality. They are wrong. There are people who have real mental health issues. But unfortunately, there are people who are going to to judge that. So, why expose your daughter, who is already in a fragile state, to more ridicule? Lots of people will pretend to give a damn to your face, but when you turn your back, they can't wait to gossip.
The mother sounds like she knows what will happen IF she talks about, she's just making a valid point about American society.
Fine, but there are consequences. The consequences of disclosing your daughter's deepest, darkest moments. The consequences of judgmental people who will choose to exclude her or think she is "weird". And, why should mom be disclosing her private medical history to other people? No.
Fine, but there are consequences. The consequences of disclosing your daughter's deepest, darkest moments. The consequences of judgmental people who will choose to exclude her or think she is "weird". And, why should mom be disclosing her private medical history to other people? No.
Oh, maybe because she's worried that one time, her daughter will succeed.
Of fearing that she will succeed. If she is that unstable, then the parent needs to take other measures, not just assume that other people will watch her.
I know what it is to have a mom with absolutely zero ability to keep private things private.
Do you have any idea what it's like to be blind sided by questions about something you didn't know anyone else knew about?
If this woman wants to help her daughter, she won't put her business out there for public inspection.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I feel for the mom, and I know how nice it would be to unburden herself, but I think unless her daughter is ok with her telling people, she needs to keep it to herself. There has to be a few family members who know already that the mom can talk to.
I think she should look into a support group so she can talk it over with people in similar situations and not air her daughters business. Ideally, she would be able to share the info as if she said her daughter had a physical ailment, and there would be no backlash. Unfortunately, that is not the world we live in.
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"I have a very strict gun control policy. If there's a gun around, I want to be in control of it." - Clint Eastwood
I know what it is to have a mom with absolutely zero ability to keep private things private.
Do you have any idea what it's like to be blind sided by questions about something you didn't know anyone else knew about?
If this woman wants to help her daughter, she won't put her business out there for public inspection.
Yes. When I was learning to walk, my feet were pigeon-toed. I wore special shoes that had a metal bar connecting them to straighten out my feet while I slept. A neighbor girl teased me about it one time on my way home. I handled it well at the time, telling the girl that my feet were fixable, unlike her personality, but when I got home, I was livid.
I know what it is to have a mom with absolutely zero ability to keep private things private.
Do you have any idea what it's like to be blind sided by questions about something you didn't know anyone else knew about?
If this woman wants to help her daughter, she won't put her business out there for public inspection.
Yes. When I was learning to walk, my feet were pigeon-toed. I wore special shoes that had a metal bar connecting them to straighten out my feet while I slept. A neighbor girl teased me about it one time on my way home. I handled it well at the time, telling the girl that my feet were fixable, unlike her personality, but when I got home, I was livid.
I get it. And kids are mean.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I think she should look into a support group so she can talk it over with people in similar situations and not air her daughters business. Ideally, she would be able to share the info as if she said her daughter had a physical ailment, and there would be no backlash. Unfortunately, that is not the world we live in.
Of fearing that she will succeed. If she is that unstable, then the parent needs to take other measures, not just assume that other people will watch her.
That is absolutely NOT the reason she wants to talk to people.
