TOTALLY GEEKED!

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
totallygeeked -> totallygeeked general -> Dear Prudie: Anxious Boyfriend
Post Info TOPIC: Dear Prudie: Anxious Boyfriend
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Dear Prudie: Anxious Boyfriend
Permalink  
 

Dear Prudence,
Since my divorce, I have been dating a new guy for more than a year and a half now. He’s great, and we’re very compatible. I’ve never felt so valued as a person. The issue is that he’s back living at home (he’s 30) with some pretty severe anxiety/panic issues, and it’s likely he won’t be able to work for a while. Although I want him to recover, his unemployment doesn’t bother me. But I know my family is worried about my future with him (my ex-husband was a perfect-on-paper guy). He doesn’t “show” well due to his anxiety, and most of them have not met him. Is there anything I can do to convince my family that his personality and our compatibility is more important to me than his employment situation, without sounding like I’m overcompensating?

—Grower, Not a Shower

How lovely that you’re in a relationship where you feel cherished and appreciated. It’s thoughtful of you to want to introduce your boyfriend to your family in a way that doesn’t put undue pressure on him to act impressive. For those he has yet to meet, it may help to introduce him to one or two family members at a time, rather than trotting him out at a big get-together in front of everyone. I don’t know if your boyfriend has been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder or something more specific, but if he’s unable to work as a result, he’s dealing with emotional distress/mental illness, and I think you should frame it as such. Explain to your family that vulnerability is not the same thing as weakness and that your boyfriend’s anxiety is not a choice he’s making in order to avoid work. Tell them he is dealing with issues that currently interfere with his ability to work, but that he’s (hopefully) receiving treatment to manage his condition and—most importantly—is an active and supportive partner to you.

 

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2016/01/dear_prudence_my_lazy_10_year_old_daughter_is_getting_bad_grades.html



__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
FNW


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 18703
Date:
Permalink  
 

Run, Forrest, run.

__________________

#it's5o'clocksomewhere
Lady Gaga Snerd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 25897
Date:
Permalink  
 

It's her life. If she loves him, then fine. But, she needs to realize she is going to be supporting him forever and that she is going to be going to family functions alone since he can't cope with his anxiety. But, why does she not want a real partner who can pull his own weight?

__________________

https://politicsandstuff.proboards.com/
FNW


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 18703
Date:
Permalink  
 

She wants something she can fix.

__________________

#it's5o'clocksomewhere
lilyofcourse


My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Status: Offline
Posts: 38325
Date:
Permalink  
 

Wonder how soon after the divorce she met this little ray of sunshine.

__________________

A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.

Charley Harper
huskerbb


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 10215
Date:
Permalink  
 

If she is truly happy, then fine.

However, that doesn't mean that everyone else has to like him or the situation.

They should be polite around him, she can't expect much more than that.

__________________

I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.

 

Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
I know what to do_sometimes


Frozen Sucks!

Status: Offline
Posts: 24384
Date:
Permalink  
 

He is not emotionally available. She needs to realize that and move on. NEXT!

__________________

Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.

Frozen is the bestest movie ever, NOT!
ed11563


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 9186
Date:
Permalink  
 

FNW wrote:

She wants something she can fix.

Yes, she doesn't realize she CANNOT fix him. 

 



__________________

The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.

Always misinterpret when you can.
FNW


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 18703
Date:
Permalink  
 

Exactly, Ed.

__________________

#it's5o'clocksomewhere
Nobody Just Nobody


Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Status: Offline
Posts: 24026
Date:
Permalink  
 

Yeah, this sounds like a disaster to me too.

__________________


“You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I'll rise!”
― Maya Angelou
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
totallygeeked -> totallygeeked general -> Dear Prudie: Anxious Boyfriend


Create your own FREE Forum
Report Abuse 		Powered by ActiveBoard