TOTALLY GEEKED!

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

RE: SHE DIVORCED ME BECAUSE I LEFT DISHES BY THE SINK

huskerbb · Guru

FNW wrote:
In all seriousness, there has to be more to the story. After I left my abusive husband, someone asked me, "Okay, what really happened. There had to be more than the fact that he liked football and you didn't."

The leavee usually leaves out a lot.

Undoubtedly--but this was what the article focused on.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

The dishes are a freaking metaphor people. It isn't about the actual dishes. It's about him depending on his wife to clean up after him - which is disrespectful. And being disrespected would not make for a joyful marriage.

huskerbb · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
The dishes are a freaking metaphor people. It isn't about the actual dishes. It's about him depending on his wife to clean up after him - which is disrespectful. And being disrespected would not make for a joyful marriage.

So.....I should never do any of my wife's laundry?

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

This thread cracks me up.

FNW · Guru

Gosh, I just helped DH shovel snow. Because we have a very long driveway, and I love him. Maybe I should move on and find someone with a plow. sheesh.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

IMHO, people are silly to make a big deal over picking up after someone. It isn't going to kill you. It's not a hill to die on. We all have our own personal quirks. I wonder what her personal quirk is... oh, wait...she goes nuts over a glass in the sink.

Yup, she's a winner.

And I bet she expected him to take care of all the car maintenance, house repairs and so on, but can't handle one issue of having to do something for him. Repeatedly.

For some people, it is the little things that kill a marriage because they are small minded people in the first place. In general and directly at the LW.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

If that is truly the situation and she is just some bitch who flips out over minor crap then he is better off.

Dona Worry Be Happy · Vette's SS!!

It drives me CRAZY that my bf can't get it through his thick head that I don't like ham or American cheese, and consistently buys me a ham and cheese sandwich when it is his turn for lunch.
And he just flat doesn't do dishes. And yes, it starts to feel disrespectful after a while, and it becomes about something much bigger than sandwiches or dishes.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
If that is truly the situation and she is just some bitch who flips out over minor crap then he is better off.

Agreed.

But if if he is the type of man who expects his wife to clean up after him, and do all the housework and all the childcare and doesnt help out at all, and really just wants a mother he can have sex with...then SHE is better off without HIM.

When DH worked full time and I worked part time, I gladly did the lion's share of the housework. But I would NOT pick up his sh!t and put it in the laundry basket, nor would I pick up his dishes and put them in the dishwasher. I am not your mother, clean up after yourself. Don't make my job harder.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I agree Dona. When I got married DH would leave his towel in a heap on the floor. I got so tired of picking them up. I tried leaving them there to see what would happen. They would just stay there. And wet towels start to smell mildewy after awhile. I finally got him to hang his towel up. Sometimes he leaves it over the shower rod and sometimes he just half sticks it on the towel bar but I don't complain anymore. It's off the floor and not mildewing. If I want it hung a certain way I just do that myself.

You have to make compromises in a relationship. Some things you can overlook and some things just really bother you. You learn to prioritize and let the things that aren't important go and then you do the important things.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

FNW wrote:
Gosh, I just helped DH shovel snow. Because we have a very long driveway, and I love him. Maybe I should move on and find someone with a plow. sheesh.

Well, if you have more snow in your future and you want to get out of the house, consider it. just saying.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Well, since I am the cook, i decide what goes in the food. DH hates beans in his chili. My mom had a long tradition of making awesome chili and of course it had beans. His mom didn't cook. So, for me, chili ain't chili without beans. I did make it without beans a few times to suit him but to me that is just basically a sloppy joe or a meat sauce. No thanks. So, if i am going to be spending the day savoring over a pot of chili, it's gonna have beans. He can pick them out or go get take out. Over the years, now he likes the beans, lol.

Tangerine · Guru

Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:
It drives me CRAZY that my bf can't get it through his thick head that I don't like ham or American cheese, and consistently buys me a ham and cheese sandwich when it is his turn for lunch.
And he just flat doesn't do dishes. And yes, it starts to feel disrespectful after a while, and it becomes about something much bigger than sandwiches or dishes.

It absolutely feels disrespectful. By agreement, I do all the laundry in our house. All Husband has to do is put it in the basket.

And yet there would frequently be a mound of laundry on the floor by his side of the bed. When I had a full time job and a toddler and did all the cooking as well, it started to feel like he didn't give a rip about me or my feelings. Like I was doing so much all the time and he couldn't even put his dirty clothes in the hamper.

I talked to Husband about it and told him how it made me feel. Unlike the husband in the article, he understood and tried to do better. Still not perfect. But better, so I know he cares.

That's what this is really about. The husband in the article didn't even try to make his wife happy over something even he thought was minor, he only thought about why he was right and she was wrong

huskerbb · Guru

Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:
It drives me CRAZY that my bf can't get it through his thick head that I don't like ham or American cheese, and consistently buys me a ham and cheese sandwich when it is his turn for lunch.
And he just flat doesn't do dishes. And yes, it starts to feel disrespectful after a while, and it becomes about something much bigger than sandwiches or dishes.

Well, then the obvious solution is to dump him. Why are you still with him?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I agree, there are some women who will never be happy no matter what their spouse does. We all know someone like that. They don't have a home you want to visit because you are afraid to move in it. In their mind, they have "high standards" and everyone else has to follow suit. Nothing wrong with keeping a tidy home, but that isn't what this is about here.

But, again, i have seem women really busting their humps for husbands that seem to bring very little to the relationship.

Dona Worry Be Happy · Vette's SS!!

huskerbb wrote:
Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:
It drives me CRAZY that my bf can't get it through his thick head that I don't like ham or American cheese, and consistently buys me a ham and cheese sandwich when it is his turn for lunch.
And he just flat doesn't do dishes. And yes, it starts to feel disrespectful after a while, and it becomes about something much bigger than sandwiches or dishes.
Well, then the obvious solution is to dump him. Why are you still with him?

Because other things make up for it, and hey, he could still learn.

huskerbb · Guru

Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:
It drives me CRAZY that my bf can't get it through his thick head that I don't like ham or American cheese, and consistently buys me a ham and cheese sandwich when it is his turn for lunch.
And he just flat doesn't do dishes. And yes, it starts to feel disrespectful after a while, and it becomes about something much bigger than sandwiches or dishes.
Well, then the obvious solution is to dump him. Why are you still with him?
Because other things make up for it, and hey, he could still learn.

Ah. So there it is. Makes the article seem even more petty.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Yup, "husband training", just as I said earlier..

chef · Guru

There is so much in this article that rings true. I will be showing it to DH when he's off work. For me, the glass by the sink is his constant interrupting. I've explained over and over that his constant interrupting me and talking over me makes me feel disrespected and like my words, thoughts, feelings, etc. are not important to him. He doesn't get it and says "it's the natural human emotion to interrupt" when I get upset about being interrupted yet again.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

We all train each other in order to have a successful relationship. This goes both ways. There are things that each person in the relationship does that drives the other nuts. You learn to adjust. You can say it's about giving up a part of who you are, being submissive, or being trained or whatever but it's really about loving and respecting someone. There were things I did when I got married that drove DH nuts. I guess he "trained me" not to do them anymore.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

chef wrote:
There is so much in this article that rings true. I will be showing it to DH when he's off work. For me, the glass by the sink is his constant interrupting. I've explained over and over that his constant interrupting me and talking over me makes me feel disrespected and like my words, thoughts, feelings, etc. are not important to him. He doesn't get it and says "it's the natural human emotion to interrupt" when I get upset about being interrupted yet again.

Oh, this hit home with me!

For years, DH has complained that I never finish my sentences. I finally figured out WHY.

He's always interrupting me.

flan

Cheerios4606 · Guru

Very true. If there wasn't more to the story, then I could say I left my first husband cuz he berated me over a cup of coffee for an hour.

Edit: dad gum it! I got nabbed by the 'page 2' bug! hahaha!

-- Edited by Cheerios4606 on Monday 25th of January 2016 04:10:49 PM

chef · Guru

flan327 wrote:
chef wrote:
There is so much in this article that rings true. I will be showing it to DH when he's off work. For me, the glass by the sink is his constant interrupting. I've explained over and over that his constant interrupting me and talking over me makes me feel disrespected and like my words, thoughts, feelings, etc. are not important to him. He doesn't get it and says "it's the natural human emotion to interrupt" when I get upset about being interrupted yet again.
Oh, this hit home with me!
For years, DH has complained that I never finish my sentences. I finally figured out WHY.
He's always interrupting me.
flan

No kidding. Kinda hard to finish a sentence when one isn't allowed to.

It pisses DH off when I refuse to finish a sentence after he's interrupted me. Well, if you wanted to know what I had to say, you would've kept your trap shut.

I don't know about you, Flan, but I don't consider interrupting with important info (such as DH can see the stove and is alerting you that what you're cooking needs attention) to be interrupting. I don't consider conversational back and forth to be interrupting. I consider interrupting to be situations like when DH will ask me something, I'll get two words out, and he'll interrupt and go off on a long-winded tangent about something or another. Do you have the same definition I do?

We could lock our husbands in a room together. They can enjoy interrupting each other.

Cheerios4606 · Guru

Have you tried the tactic where you simply don't stop talking even tho he interrupted? That you simply keep talking louder and louder over the top of him? ;)

huskerbb · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
We all train each other in order to have a successful relationship. This goes both ways. There are things that each person in the relationship does that drives the other nuts. You learn to adjust. You can say it's about giving up a part of who you are, being submissive, or being trained or whatever but it's really about loving and respecting someone. There were things I did when I got married that drove DH nuts. I guess he "trained me" not to do them anymore.

You learn to adjust be accepting their quirks and foibles, not by punishing them for doing things you don't like.

Cheerios4606 · Guru

Like me. I give up trying to keep my house tidy when I am living with 3 boys who don't care that they have left their sox on the stairs for over a week. I am a nervous wreck because of all the stuff left out, and am never comfortable in my own home, but I am outnumbered so I will have to live with it.

Or I will run away someday to a CLEAN home. LOL!

chef · Guru

Cheerios4606 wrote:
Have you tried the tactic where you simply don't stop talking even tho he interrupted? That you simply keep talking louder and louder over the top of him? ;)

I try not to fight rudeness with rudeness. I do fail sometimes.

Talking louder and louder wouldn't work because he would just yell. He grew up in a house where it was acceptable to yell for no reason and I try my best to keep him away from that mindset.

I stop talking and give him the evil eye while he spews his verbal diarrhea. When he finishes, I pick up where I left off - including finishing the word I was in the middle of, if necessary. Sometimes, I simply refuse to finish my sentence. If my words were that important to him, he wouldn't have interrupted me.

Cheerios4606 · Guru

HAHAHAHA!!!!

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

huskerbb wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
We all train each other in order to have a successful relationship. This goes both ways. There are things that each person in the relationship does that drives the other nuts. You learn to adjust. You can say it's about giving up a part of who you are, being submissive, or being trained or whatever but it's really about loving and respecting someone. There were things I did when I got married that drove DH nuts. I guess he "trained me" not to do them anymore.
You learn to adjust be accepting their quirks and foibles, not by punishing them for doing things you don't like.

But we ALL have things that drive us absolutely nuts. They could be crazy unreasonable things. But if it's just one or two things you learn to give in to your partner to make a marriage work. This guy couldn't even put the glass in the dishwasher. Maybe that was her one thing and he couldn't even be bothered to "get it".

huskerbb · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
We all train each other in order to have a successful relationship. This goes both ways. There are things that each person in the relationship does that drives the other nuts. You learn to adjust. You can say it's about giving up a part of who you are, being submissive, or being trained or whatever but it's really about loving and respecting someone. There were things I did when I got married that drove DH nuts. I guess he "trained me" not to do them anymore.
You learn to adjust be accepting their quirks and foibles, not by punishing them for doing things you don't like.
But we ALL have things that drive us absolutely nuts. They could be crazy unreasonable things. But if it's just one or two things you learn to give in to your partner to make a marriage work. This guy couldn't even put the glass in the dishwasher. Maybe that was her one thing and he couldn't even be bothered to "get it".

That contradicts earlier posts.

some people earlier said that isptt not about the "one thing" that's just the proverbial straw that broke the camels back.

if it truly is just that petty "one thing", then that's what it is--petty.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

chef wrote:
flan327 wrote:
chef wrote:
There is so much in this article that rings true. I will be showing it to DH when he's off work. For me, the glass by the sink is his constant interrupting. I've explained over and over that his constant interrupting me and talking over me makes me feel disrespected and like my words, thoughts, feelings, etc. are not important to him. He doesn't get it and says "it's the natural human emotion to interrupt" when I get upset about being interrupted yet again.
Oh, this hit home with me!
For years, DH has complained that I never finish my sentences. I finally figured out WHY.
He's always interrupting me.
flan
No kidding. Kinda hard to finish a sentence when one isn't allowed to.
It pisses DH off when I refuse to finish a sentence after he's interrupted me. Well, if you wanted to know what I had to say, you would've kept your trap shut.
I don't know about you, Flan, but I don't consider interrupting with important info (such as DH can see the stove and is alerting you that what you're cooking needs attention) to be interrupting. I don't consider conversational back and forth to be interrupting. I consider interrupting to be situations like when DH will ask me something, I'll get two words out, and he'll interrupt and go off on a long-winded tangent about something or another. Do you have the same definition I do?
We could lock our husbands in a room together. They can enjoy interrupting each other.

With our luck, they'll just sit there & look at each other...

The irony is that, when we first met, he could barely get me to talk! (Poor guy!)

flan

chef · Guru

flan327 wrote:
chef wrote:
flan327 wrote:
chef wrote:
There is so much in this article that rings true. I will be showing it to DH when he's off work. For me, the glass by the sink is his constant interrupting. I've explained over and over that his constant interrupting me and talking over me makes me feel disrespected and like my words, thoughts, feelings, etc. are not important to him. He doesn't get it and says "it's the natural human emotion to interrupt" when I get upset about being interrupted yet again.
Oh, this hit home with me!
For years, DH has complained that I never finish my sentences. I finally figured out WHY.
He's always interrupting me.
flan
No kidding. Kinda hard to finish a sentence when one isn't allowed to.
It pisses DH off when I refuse to finish a sentence after he's interrupted me. Well, if you wanted to know what I had to say, you would've kept your trap shut.
I don't know about you, Flan, but I don't consider interrupting with important info (such as DH can see the stove and is alerting you that what you're cooking needs attention) to be interrupting. I don't consider conversational back and forth to be interrupting. I consider interrupting to be situations like when DH will ask me something, I'll get two words out, and he'll interrupt and go off on a long-winded tangent about something or another. Do you have the same definition I do?
We could lock our husbands in a room together. They can enjoy interrupting each other.
With our luck, they'll just sit there & look at each other...
The irony is that, when we first met, he could barely get me to talk! (Poor guy!)
flan

The only time DH is quiet is when he's sleeping. Well, not really. He snores. Loudly. The snoring doesn't bother me, honestly.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

OH - so what I want to know is this - my DH has been emptying the dishwasher for 16 years after I load it beautifully and efficiently and he still can't properly load a dishwasher. How does this not soak in the brain after all this time?

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
OH - so what I want to know is this - my DH has been emptying the dishwasher for 16 years after I load it beautifully and efficiently and he still can't properly load a dishwasher. How does this not soak in the brain after all this time?

So, you are the only one loading the dishwasher? Where do the dishes sit while waiting for you to load them?

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

She said up thread that she loads them as she goes along.

Tinydancer · Guru

A dishwasher is for holding and cleaning dishes. Obviously this is a hard concept for some people to understand. The guy in the OP admits he knew it bothered her but he just had to be right. Sounds familiar...

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
OH - so what I want to know is this - my DH has been emptying the dishwasher for 16 years after I load it beautifully and efficiently and he still can't properly load a dishwasher. How does this not soak in the brain after all this time?

So, you are the only one loading the dishwasher? Where do the dishes sit while waiting for you to load them?

I have to rearrange them.

Tinydancer · Guru

I always rearrange to get those last few dirty dishes in there before I start it.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
OH - so what I want to know is this - my DH has been emptying the dishwasher for 16 years after I load it beautifully and efficiently and he still can't properly load a dishwasher. How does this not soak in the brain after all this time?

So, you are the only one loading the dishwasher? Where do the dishes sit while waiting for you to load them?
I have to rearrange them.

LOL!!! That's what I said in the first place. If they get put in the dishwasher, I have to take them out and put them back in, or , in other words,"rearrange" them.

Tinydancer · Guru

So what. Why does everyone have to do it the way you do?

Renegade Time Lord · Member

I have never owned or used a dishwasher. I wash all my dishes in the kitchen sink. Granted I am single and have no SO, and even when I did, I was the one to do dishes. My long-standing routine is to wash my dishes after I am done eating. This way, I don't have any unclean dishes in the sink area, and do not attract bugs.

I visit and dine with some friends on a regular basis who also do not have a dishwasher. They always insist I leave my dishes in the sink after a meal, then at sometime during the evening, one of them will do the dishes. This is their routine. The dishes do not sit overnight.

As for the article itself, I don't know enough about their background to respond accordingly, and since I am only reading one side of the story, I do not have the full picture. I do believe, however, that both in the relationship should have worked on their communication and interpersonal skills, and if this was difficult, found a third-party who could assist them with counseling. It was a lot more than just "leaving dishes by the sink."

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
OH - so what I want to know is this - my DH has been emptying the dishwasher for 16 years after I load it beautifully and efficiently and he still can't properly load a dishwasher. How does this not soak in the brain after all this time?

So, you are the only one loading the dishwasher? Where do the dishes sit while waiting for you to load them?
I have to rearrange them.
LOL!!! That's what I said in the first place. If they get put in the dishwasher, I have to take them out and put them back in, or , in other words,"rearrange" them.

But I'd rather they be in the dishwasher "wrong" than piled in the sink stinking and making the sink difficult to use.

Tinydancer · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
OH - so what I want to know is this - my DH has been emptying the dishwasher for 16 years after I load it beautifully and efficiently and he still can't properly load a dishwasher. How does this not soak in the brain after all this time?

So, you are the only one loading the dishwasher? Where do the dishes sit while waiting for you to load them?
I have to rearrange them.
LOL!!! That's what I said in the first place. If they get put in the dishwasher, I have to take them out and put them back in, or , in other words,"rearrange" them.
But I'd rather they be in the dishwasher "wrong" than piled in the sink stinking and making the sink difficult to use.

This!!!!

huskerbb · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
So what. Why does everyone have to do it the way you do?

I was roundly criticiced for doing it the way we do. Why do we have to do it like everyone else?

Tinydancer · Guru

You can do it any way you want but if I came over and saw a sink full of dirty dishes I'd judge you...lol

Tinydancer · Guru

Oh and I didn't see anyone critisize you just telling you they put them in their dishwasher. You were the one acting like WE were doing something wrong.

huskerbb · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
You can do it any way you want but if I came over and saw a sink full of dirty dishes I'd judge you...lol

Yeah, because I don't do things exactly the way you would, which is just what you were bitching at me about.

Tinydancer · Guru

No. I would just judge you. I didn't say you had to do it my way.

huskerbb · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
No. I would just judge you. I didn't say you had to do it my way.

???? I never said anyone had to do it my way--I was judging them. Again, the exact same thing yiou were just bitching at me about.