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huskerbb


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Yeah, idiot.  You have a moral obligation to this relationship.  That's what marriage is, dumbass.

 

Dear Amy: I married a single mom. Now that I am in the thick of it, I find I want out.

I grew up an orphan, so I have found that navigating family life is challenging. I am 35 now and am getting established, but I am finding the requirements of being a dad, finding and buying a house for the family and other expectations to be too much.

Is there any graceful way to leave? Have I morally committed myself to the relationship? — Regretful Stepdad

635878749180206124-ThinkstockPhotos-127015586.jpg

DETROIT FREE PRESS

Husband would like financial bailout from his wife

Dear Regretful: Yes, you have morally committed yourself to the relationship. That’s what the marriage vows are all about.

Leaving will never be “graceful.” Leaving a marriage is most often messy and emotionally challenging, certainly when there are children involved.

Stepparenting is the most challenging form of parenting there is, and you are insightful to realize that, given your own upbringing, you lack the tools necessary to cope with the demands of family life.

And because you lack any context, you may believe that marriage and family building should be easier than it really is. I assure you, many a young parent has wanted to flee in the night. Do not feel pressured to purchase a home unless (or until) you feel more stable in the marriage.

Because you seem so distressed and disassociated, it might be best for you to separate now, but, please, only do so with some therapeutic counsel and support. Start on your own and then invite your wife to join you in order to discuss your unique challenges. Be aware that you carry your history with you everywhere you go. Your challenges will not flee, even if you do. Your goal should be to live an integrated and emotionally balanced life, but you will need support to get there.



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lilyofcourse


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If this guy is not fully committed, the mom and child would be better off without him.



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flan327


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OMG, husker...

What the EFF? I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

flan

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Lawyerlady


On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

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lilyofcourse wrote:

If this guy is not fully committed, the mom and child would be better off without him.

 I get really tired of this line of thinking.  Marriage is a commitment and supposed to be a lifelong one.  Why is the knee jerk reaction that they would be better off if he left them?  They might be better off it he grew the **** up and learned responsibility, reliability, and manhood.



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huskerbb


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lilyofcourse wrote:

If this guy is not fully committed, the mom and child would be better off without him.

That's true--but just like I get irritated with young women for making poor decisions they later regret, the same goes for the guys. The time to decide if he was "fully committed" was BEFORE the relationship got to the point of marriage.

 

Now, he's fvcking up their lives by leaving, even if in the long run they might be better off.  



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huskerbb


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Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:

If this guy is not fully committed, the mom and child would be better off without him.

 I get really tired of this line of thinking.  Marriage is a commitment and supposed to be a lifelong one.  Why is the knee jerk reaction that they would be better off if he left them?  They might be better off it he grew the **** up and learned responsibility, reliability, and manhood.

I agree. Grow the fvck up.  Sometimes it's not all about you--especially when you made the CHOICE to do this.   



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lilyofcourse


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Lawyerlady wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:

If this guy is not fully committed, the mom and child would be better off without him.

 I get really tired of this line of thinking.  Marriage is a commitment and supposed to be a lifelong one.  Why is the knee jerk reaction that they would be better off if he left them?  They might be better off it he grew the **** up and learned responsibility, reliability, and manhood.

 IF THIS GUY IS NOT FULLY COMMITTED. 

That's the thing.

How long do you wait for him to grow up? He's 35 for cripes sake.

I don't think the child was a surprise that jumped out of the wedding cake.

He knew going in to the marriage there was a kid and he would be a step parent.

IF he isn't fully committed. 

IF he can't give 100%

IF he is doing more harm than good.

They would be better off without him.

 



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Lawyerlady


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Very few people give 100%.

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Man up to your responsibilities in this world!

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Nobody Just Nobody


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He needs to grow up. I have no sympathy for him. He knew there was a child ahead of time. Nothing was a "surprise" for him. He has no excuse. It's not like she tricked him into having a baby, had an affair, or something else. Nothing has changed about the situation from the day he met her. This is all on him.

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Lindley


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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

He needs to grow up. I have no sympathy for him. He knew there was a child ahead of time. Nothing was a "surprise" for him. He has no excuse. It's not like she tricked him into having a baby, had an affair, or something else. Nothing has changed about the situation from the day he met her. This is all on him.

  I so agree with everything you said.



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just Czech


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I have no sympathy for this moron. Self-centered twit.

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huskerbb


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just Czech wrote:

I have no sympathy for this moron. Self-centered twit.

And this is a woman for whom I do have a lot of sympathy for.  Presumably she didn't hold a gun to his head to get him to marry her.  He made a CHOICE.  She trusted him and took him at his word--his wedding VOWS. 

 

This wasn't some two month relationship that ended up with her pregnant.  He MARRIED her.  It's not her fault that she thought that meant something when it didn't, at least not to him.  



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Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
just Czech


Give Me Grand's!

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huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:

I have no sympathy for this moron. Self-centered twit.

And this is a woman for whom I do have a lot of sympathy for.  Presumably she didn't hold a gun to his head to get him to marry her.  He made a CHOICE.  She trusted him and took him at his word--his wedding VOWS. 

 

This wasn't some two month relationship that ended up with her pregnant.  He MARRIED her.  It's not her fault that she thought that meant something when it didn't, at least not to him.  

I agree. It is not her fault. She entered the marriage in good faith. This is all on him. 



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I drink coffee so I don't kill you.

I quilt so I don't kill you.

Do you see a theme?

Faith isn't something that keeps bad things from happening. Faith is what helps us get through bad things when they do happen.
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