TOTALLY GEEKED!

Tangerine · Guru

RE: Now I've seen everything. Worst advice ever.

NAOW · Vette's SS

Tangerine wrote:
Why do y'all think that taking this kid to a therapist means that she won't be punished/responsible for her actions?

Honest question.

Because she doesn't mention having done anything about it yet. She said this happened yesterday and the day before. So she hasn't even had a chance to try anything. Her first reaction is schedule an appointment with a therapist and write an advice columnist. Both of which seem like huge over reactions.

If she would have said this happened a few weeks ago and they've tried many different consequences and her little snowflake hasn't improved then I'd see her point a little better.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Lawyerlady wrote:
And one of the important things for a kid to learn is that no matter her personal issues, she doesn't get to take it out by kicking other kids. That's just ridiculous.

"Why did you murder that guy?"

"My parents got divorced."

Uh-uh. Whatever "issues" the child is having don't excuse the behavior.

-- Edited by Lawyerlady on Monday 25th of January 2016 08:49:50 PM

ITA. Whenever SS acts out here DH says, "Must be something going on at home." My first answer is "I don't care what is going on at home he cannot be a little brat and get away with it." Sure, you need to talk to them and find out if there's a problem but it's never appropriate for a kid to take it out on someone else.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

NAOW wrote:
Tangerine wrote:
Why do y'all think that taking this kid to a therapist means that she won't be punished/responsible for her actions?

Honest question.
Because she doesn't mention having done anything about it yet. She said this happened yesterday and the day before. So she hasn't even had a chance to try anything. Her first reaction is schedule an appointment with a therapist and write an advice columnist. Both of which seem like huge over reactions.
If she would have said this happened a few weeks ago and they've tried many different consequences and her little snowflake hasn't improved then I'd see her point a little better.

My question is: "Where the hell did she get HER (lack of) parenting skills?"

NAOW, you hit it right on the head.

huskerbb · Guru

Tangerine wrote:
Why do y'all think that taking this kid to a therapist means that she won't be punished/responsible for her actions?

Honest question.

Because any parents whose FIRST reaction to a child's misbehavior is to call the therapist is not going to discipline the kid.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

It's not just that. This mom has a serious lack of anything. She shows no organizational skills. No ability to figure things out. She seems to be HIDING from the teacher instead of working to solve the problem. When I first read the letter the first thing that popped out is that she seems so helpless. By choice of course. I have kids and a SS. I've conferenced with teachers. The LW seems so fragile. Like she's crying and just wants it all to go away. Pull up your big girl britches and deal.

WYSIWYG · Guru

This is stupid, but the spanking shouldn't start now. The spanking when the child acts out should have started at one or two. Not hard spanks. Just enough to get the child's attention. If done right, a few spankings early will eliminate the need for a lot of them later.

I'm sorry, I don't believe the letter writer that this "bright, giddy, delightful" child was always so up until this one incident. Problem children (read: spoiled and rotten) don't become problem children overnight. They are raised to be that way.

Tangerine · Guru

I did say that the LW needed to calm down.

I can see where y'all would think this woman is not capable of effective parenting.

I don't understand the problem with wanting to find out the cause of her child's sudden change in behavior.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

She should ask questions.

But in the meantime you don't let her think it's ok to kick somebody.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I don't agree WYSIWYG. Sure, MOST of the time it's the spoiled kid that just needs discipline. I agree with that. But I seriously counsel people not to write off every behavior as "just needing discipline". Sometimes there are real reasons for kids to act out. There could be bullying going on or worse abuse of some kind. A couple years ago my SS started lying. And he would lie even when we confronted him with the obvious truth. It was like he would have frosting all over his face but say he didn't eat a cupcake. It was very frustrating as his parents. But as we hunted the reason why he lied we found out that his mom was MAKING him lie. Her b/f was doing drugs and beating her and she would tell him to lie about it. Lie about this and that. Lie to the police whenever they came out. Don't tell anyone about this or that. He began to not understand lying was just wrong. So yeah, sometimes the kids need a good butt whooping but other times you need to find out what's going on.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Well it doesn't matter the reason.

The kid still needs discipline.

Kids need to learn self control regardless of what is going on.

Momala · Great cook-happy wife-superb fisherman

My initial reaction was: what happened in the classroom? Was she the target of bullying? Kids that age are just starting to figure out they can make other people do what they want if they are just mean enough - starting to feel power. I think the LW needs a parent/teacher conference waaaayyy before she contacts a therapist.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Momala wrote:
My initial reaction was: what happened in the classroom? Was she the target of bullying? Kids that age are just starting to figure out they can make other people do what they want if they are just mean enough - starting to feel power. I think the LW needs a parent/teacher conference waaaayyy before she contacts a therapist.

I agree totally. This LW doesn't seem to be able to handle that though.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

NAOW wrote:
Tangerine wrote:
Why do y'all think that taking this kid to a therapist means that she won't be punished/responsible for her actions?

Honest question.
Because she doesn't mention having done anything about it yet. She said this happened yesterday and the day before. So she hasn't even had a chance to try anything. Her first reaction is schedule an appointment with a therapist and write an advice columnist. Both of which seem like huge over reactions.
If she would have said this happened a few weeks ago and they've tried many different consequences and her little snowflake hasn't improved then I'd see her point a little better.

And she's crying.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Yeah, that's ridiculous.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Momala wrote:
My initial reaction was: what happened in the classroom? Was she the target of bullying? Kids that age are just starting to figure out they can make other people do what they want if they are just mean enough - starting to feel power. I think the LW needs a parent/teacher conference waaaayyy before she contacts a therapist.

I agree totally. This LW doesn't seem to be able to handle that though.

Where's the father?

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

He's probably sobbing in another corner!

DemoniaD · Senior Member

In many schools, the routine for kindergartners changes after Christmas break. It becomes less about being a step above pre-k, and more about getting prepared for 1st grade. It could be that she isn't handling the transition well, and is acting out.

Maybe she was moved to a different table/desk and is no longer by her friends,and thinks that if she is mean to the other kids, the teacher will move her back.

Maybe she has grown tired with the curriculum and is acting out out of boredom.

Maybe she just doesn't like the kids she kicked.

Maybe they kicked first and she was the only one caught.

Maybe she is being picked on.

Or maybe she was just feel particularly ornery that week.

There are a lot of reason for a behavior change in a 5 year old. The first step should always be finding out the cause-talk to the teacher, talk to the principal, talk to the girl- and make sure she knows that under any circumstances the behavior is unacceptable. Chances are you won't find out the cause simply by asking, "so what did you do that?" to a 5 year old. You've got to ask about the other details of their day, find out from the teacher any recent changes, etc. Regardless of the reason, she needs to be aware that what she did is not okay. Jumping straight to therapy seems like a huge leap, skipping many steps on the way.

huskerbb · Guru

DemoniaD wrote:
In many schools, the routine for kindergartners changes after Christmas break. It becomes less about being a step above pre-k, and more about getting prepared for 1st grade. It could be that she isn't handling the transition well, and is acting out.

Maybe she was moved to a different table/desk and is no longer by her friends,and thinks that if she is mean to the other kids, the teacher will move her back.

Maybe she has grown tired with the curriculum and is acting out out of boredom.

Maybe she just doesn't like the kids she kicked.

Maybe they kicked first and she was the only one caught.

Maybe she is being picked on.

Or maybe she was just feel particularly ornery that week.

There are a lot of reason for a behavior change in a 5 year old. The first step should always be finding out the cause-talk to the teacher, talk to the principal, talk to the girl- and make sure she knows that under any circumstances the behavior is unacceptable. Chances are you won't find out the cause simply by asking, "so what did you do that?" to a 5 year old. You've got to ask about the other details of their day, find out from the teacher any recent changes, etc. Regardless of the reason, she needs to be aware that what she did is not okay. Jumping straight to therapy seems like a huge leap, skipping many steps on the way.

So what?

So those "reasons" somehow justify what she did? She should be rewarded for kicking some kids by getting moved back to her old seat?

Her dislike of those kids allows her to kick them?

Lindley · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
DemoniaD wrote:
In many schools, the routine for kindergartners changes after Christmas break. It becomes less about being a step above pre-k, and more about getting prepared for 1st grade. It could be that she isn't handling the transition well, and is acting out.

Maybe she was moved to a different table/desk and is no longer by her friends,and thinks that if she is mean to the other kids, the teacher will move her back.

Maybe she has grown tired with the curriculum and is acting out out of boredom.

Maybe she just doesn't like the kids she kicked.

Maybe they kicked first and she was the only one caught.

Maybe she is being picked on.

Or maybe she was just feel particularly ornery that week.

There are a lot of reason for a behavior change in a 5 year old. The first step should always be finding out the cause-talk to the teacher, talk to the principal, talk to the girl- and make sure she knows that under any circumstances the behavior is unacceptable. Chances are you won't find out the cause simply by asking, "so what did you do that?" to a 5 year old. You've got to ask about the other details of their day, find out from the teacher any recent changes, etc. Regardless of the reason, she needs to be aware that what she did is not okay. Jumping straight to therapy seems like a huge leap, skipping many steps on the way.

So what?
So what?
So what?
So what?
So what?
So what?

So those "reasons" somehow justify what she did? She should be rewarded for kicking some kids by getting moved back to her old seat?
Her dislike of those kids allows her to kick them?

She wasn't excusing the child's behavior just speculating what might have caused the child to misbeave.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Here is what I know. DD11 was a biter when she was 2-3. The daycare and I did all the usual - talked to her about why it wasn't ok, time-outs, put her to bed early, etc. She still bit again. The last time she bit a kid - I went over to the daycare and busted her butt in front of her entire class. She never did it again. And she was not warped or damaged by it. She has probably been spanked less than 5 times in her entire life. But when she was - it got the point across.

Hurting others is not acceptable. Sometimes, it takes a kid understanding what it means to be hurt to get that little nugget of truth in their brain.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lindley wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
DemoniaD wrote:
In many schools, the routine for kindergartners changes after Christmas break. It becomes less about being a step above pre-k, and more about getting prepared for 1st grade. It could be that she isn't handling the transition well, and is acting out.

Maybe she was moved to a different table/desk and is no longer by her friends,and thinks that if she is mean to the other kids, the teacher will move her back.

Maybe she has grown tired with the curriculum and is acting out out of boredom.

Maybe she just doesn't like the kids she kicked.

Maybe they kicked first and she was the only one caught.

Maybe she is being picked on.

Or maybe she was just feel particularly ornery that week.

There are a lot of reason for a behavior change in a 5 year old. The first step should always be finding out the cause-talk to the teacher, talk to the principal, talk to the girl- and make sure she knows that under any circumstances the behavior is unacceptable. Chances are you won't find out the cause simply by asking, "so what did you do that?" to a 5 year old. You've got to ask about the other details of their day, find out from the teacher any recent changes, etc. Regardless of the reason, she needs to be aware that what she did is not okay. Jumping straight to therapy seems like a huge leap, skipping many steps on the way.

So what?
So what?
So what?
So what?
So what?
So what?

So those "reasons" somehow justify what she did? She should be rewarded for kicking some kids by getting moved back to her old seat?
Her dislike of those kids allows her to kick them?

She wasn't excusing the child's behavior just speculating what might have caused the child to misbeave.

It's husker, remember. Any parent who doesn't "whoop" their kids is not a good parent in his eyes.

flan

DemoniaD · Senior Member

huskerbb wrote:
DemoniaD wrote:
In many schools, the routine for kindergartners changes after Christmas break. It becomes less about being a step above pre-k, and more about getting prepared for 1st grade. It could be that she isn't handling the transition well, and is acting out.

Maybe she was moved to a different table/desk and is no longer by her friends,and thinks that if she is mean to the other kids, the teacher will move her back.

Maybe she has grown tired with the curriculum and is acting out out of boredom.

Maybe she just doesn't like the kids she kicked.

Maybe they kicked first and she was the only one caught.

Maybe she is being picked on.

Or maybe she was just feel particularly ornery that week.

There are a lot of reason for a behavior change in a 5 year old. The first step should always be finding out the cause-talk to the teacher, talk to the principal, talk to the girl- and make sure she knows that under any circumstances the behavior is unacceptable. Chances are you won't find out the cause simply by asking, "so what did you do that?" to a 5 year old. You've got to ask about the other details of their day, find out from the teacher any recent changes, etc. Regardless of the reason, she needs to be aware that what she did is not okay. Jumping straight to therapy seems like a huge leap, skipping many steps on the way.

So what?
So what?
So what?
So what?
So what?
So what?

So those "reasons" somehow justify what she did? She should be rewarded for kicking some kids by getting moved back to her old seat?
Her dislike of those kids allows her to kick them?

I'm guessing you missed the part where I said the behavior is unacceptable? And the part where I said she needed to know it wasn't ok?

My whole point was, there are many reasons for a 5 year old to suddenly start acting out. Reasons that don't require a counselor, just a parent willing to do their job.

huskerbb · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Lindley wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
DemoniaD wrote:
In many schools, the routine for kindergartners changes after Christmas break. It becomes less about being a step above pre-k, and more about getting prepared for 1st grade. It could be that she isn't handling the transition well, and is acting out.

Maybe she was moved to a different table/desk and is no longer by her friends,and thinks that if she is mean to the other kids, the teacher will move her back.

Maybe she has grown tired with the curriculum and is acting out out of boredom.

Maybe she just doesn't like the kids she kicked.

Maybe they kicked first and she was the only one caught.

Maybe she is being picked on.

Or maybe she was just feel particularly ornery that week.

There are a lot of reason for a behavior change in a 5 year old. The first step should always be finding out the cause-talk to the teacher, talk to the principal, talk to the girl- and make sure she knows that under any circumstances the behavior is unacceptable. Chances are you won't find out the cause simply by asking, "so what did you do that?" to a 5 year old. You've got to ask about the other details of their day, find out from the teacher any recent changes, etc. Regardless of the reason, she needs to be aware that what she did is not okay. Jumping straight to therapy seems like a huge leap, skipping many steps on the way.

So what?
So what?
So what?
So what?
So what?
So what?

So those "reasons" somehow justify what she did? She should be rewarded for kicking some kids by getting moved back to her old seat?
Her dislike of those kids allows her to kick them?

She wasn't excusing the child's behavior just speculating what might have caused the child to misbeave.
It's husker, remember. Any parent who doesn't "whoop" their kids is not a good parent in his eyes.
flan

Read my posts. I didn't even bring up spanking on this thread except in reply to a couple of others' posts.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I think all children need a good beating every now and then. biggrin