TOTALLY GEEKED!

ed11563 · Guru

Dear Prudie - Q. Undercover junkie:

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Why, on earth, do people think they have to share everything?

Discretion is a very wonderful thing.

I wouldn't tell anyone. As long as the medical records have the history, it's really no one else's business.

Now if she decides to have kids, then they might need to know. I don't know how long something like that can cause problems for babies.

Bonny22Pye · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
Why, on earth, do people think they have to share everything?

Discretion is a very wonderful thing.

I wouldn't tell anyone. As long as the medical records have the history, it's really no one else's business.

Now if she decides to have kids, then they might need to know. I don't know how long something like that can cause problems for babies.

He said his GF knows about his past. Somethings you just don't need to share with casual friends.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

His, I said her. Don't know why I said her.

Anyway, I agree.

TrudyML · Guru

He's an ex-junkie. Ugh, move on in life! If it comes up, fine but move on!

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Bonny22Pye wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Why, on earth, do people think they have to share everything?

Discretion is a very wonderful thing.

I wouldn't tell anyone. As long as the medical records have the history, it's really no one else's business.

Now if she decides to have kids, then they might need to know. I don't know how long something like that can cause problems for babies.
He said his GF knows about his past. Somethings you just don't need to share with casual friends.

No one is saying EVERYTHING has to be shared.

I wouldn't tell a casual friend or people at work, though.

I wonder if it would help to attend a few NA meetings?

flan

weltschmerz · Guru

TrudyML wrote:
He's an ex-junkie. Ugh, move on in life! If it comes up, fine but move on!

No such thing as an ex-junkie. Once a junkie, always a junkie. He will always be craving that stuff.

Kind of like an alcoholic, who doesn't drink any more, but is still an alcoholic.

That's why he can't drink any more. Because he's still an alcoholic.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

weltschmerz wrote:
TrudyML wrote:
He's an ex-junkie. Ugh, move on in life! If it comes up, fine but move on!
No such thing as an ex-junkie. Once a junkie, always a junkie. He will always be craving that stuff.
Kind of like an alcoholic, who doesn't drink any more, but is still an alcoholic.
That's why he can't drink any more. Because he's still an alcoholic.

So, he has to define himself as a "addict" for the rest of his life? That's bull. And, you seem to be a bit behind on some of the thinking regarding that Welts. Maybe you need to do some reading. In fact most addicts who recover do so on there own. And, the notion that you have to label yourself as an "addict" everywhere you go is old thinking in pyschology.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

People are not their disease Welts and they don't have to define themselves that way. Yes, this LW had a serious problem. He overcame it. And, he can keep his private medical history private if he chooses too, or not. His choice.

weltschmerz · Guru

An alcoholic no longer drinks because he's still an alcoholic.
A junkie no longer does heroin, but he's still a junkie. He craves it. He dreams about it.
I'm glad he was able to stop. It's a very hard thing to do.

Ohfour · Hooker

weltschmerz wrote:
An alcoholic no longer drinks because he's still an alcoholic.
A junkie no longer does heroin, but he's still a junkie. He craves it. He dreams about it.
I'm glad he was able to stop. It's a very hard thing to do.

Meh, not really.

G was a coke addict for quite a while. He doesn't crave it, he doesn't dream about it. It's not really a thought...

NAOW · Vette's SS

I get the urge to share. That's how you become close with people. He's just going to have to think before he makes the decision to open up about that part of his life that it is with people who are truly his friends, since it also sounds like he doesn't want it to be common knowledge.

weltschmerz · Guru

Ever see heroin withdrawal up close and personal? It's nothing like running out of coke.

Ohfour · Hooker

weltschmerz wrote:
Ever see heroin withdrawal up close and personal? It's nothing like running out of coke.

Not the point. You said once a junkie, always a junkie. Simply not true.

weltschmerz · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
weltschmerz wrote:
Ever see heroin withdrawal up close and personal? It's nothing like running out of coke.
Not the point. You said once a junkie, always a junkie. Simply not true.

Fine. I bow to your superior medical knowledge.

This guy is just fine and there's nothing more to be said.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

The vast majority of addicts or alcohics who recover have done so on their own.

Ohfour · Hooker

weltschmerz wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
weltschmerz wrote:
Ever see heroin withdrawal up close and personal? It's nothing like running out of coke.
Not the point. You said once a junkie, always a junkie. Simply not true.
Fine. I bow to your superior medical knowledge.
This guy is just fine and there's nothing more to be said.

Thank you.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

It's about time!

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Ohfour wrote:
weltschmerz wrote:
An alcoholic no longer drinks because he's still an alcoholic.
A junkie no longer does heroin, but he's still a junkie. He craves it. He dreams about it.
I'm glad he was able to stop. It's a very hard thing to do.
Meh, not really.
G was a coke addict for quite a while. He doesn't crave it, he doesn't dream about it. It's not really a thought...

Some people are junkies, not matter the drug, others can do it for a long time but end up being able to walk away, they are not junkies, I believe addiction is in the DNA, some people will find something to become asdicted to and others will just use until they no longer do.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Ohfour wrote:
weltschmerz wrote:
Ever see heroin withdrawal up close and personal? It's nothing like running out of coke.
Not the point. You said once a junkie, always a junkie. Simply not true.

You don't stop being an addict because you have quit your drug of choice.

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

How do u know?

Ohfour · Hooker

flan327 wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
weltschmerz wrote:
Ever see heroin withdrawal up close and personal? It's nothing like running out of coke.
Not the point. You said once a junkie, always a junkie. Simply not true.
You don't stop being an addict because you have quit your drug of choice.
flan

Yeah, sometimes you do. G doesn't crave it, he doesn't dream about it...he is around it constantly. He really doesn't care for it anymore. And he was an addict for almost 20 years...

weltschmerz · Guru

Read the letter again. it says right there....
"I’m in my late 20s, and, to be blunt, I’m a junkie"

Junkie. Not ex-junkie. Not "used to be junkie". Not "previously a junkie but now clean." Junkie.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

So do you want him to wear a big red letter A or what?

weltschmerz · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
So do you want him to wear a big red letter A or what?

No. Where did you get that from?

Ohfour · Hooker

weltschmerz wrote:
Read the letter again. it says right there....
"I’m in my late 20s, and, to be blunt, I’m a junkie"

Junkie. Not ex-junkie. Not "used to be junkie". Not "previously a junkie but now clean." Junkie.

He's been programmed to think the way you do. A lot of bunk therapists say that. Its simply not true. He needs to get away from people like you that think that way.

weltschmerz · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
weltschmerz wrote:
Read the letter again. it says right there....
"I’m in my late 20s, and, to be blunt, I’m a junkie"

Junkie. Not ex-junkie. Not "used to be junkie". Not "previously a junkie but now clean." Junkie.
He's been programmed to think the way you do. A lot of bunk therapists say that. Its simply not true. He needs to get away from people like you that think that way.

Let's see. Who would I rather marry? Someone who is a social drinker or someone who can no longer drink because of an alcohol addiction in the past, and has a MUCH higher risk of relapse?

I'll pick the former.

You could marry whatever alkies or junkies you want. Your problem, not mine.

Deal?

Ohfour · Hooker

I married a former addict. One that has no desire to touch the stuff anymore. Your all or nothing scenario is bogus...

ladyloonatic · Regular

Regarding the poll, I wouldn't feel the need to know or feel betrayed if they didn't tell me. If they want to tell me, that's fine.

Regarding the LW, I'd say don't feel like you need to hide it, but don't feel like you have to announce to everyone " Hello, my name is ----- and I'm a -----whatever. If it comes up in the course of conversation and you feel comfortable sharing parts of that time in your life, do so.

I think in weltz's post, she was referring to the use of the prefix "ex-". True addiction is a specific disease, and once you have it, you have it. Doesn't necessarily mean you're thoughts are consumed by it. It's become more common to refer to out-of-control behavior (obsessions, compulsions) as addictions.

WYSIWYG · Guru

I wouldn't "want to know" out of the blue, but if it came up in casual conversation, I wouldn't want a friend to keep something like that from me either.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

DH is an alcoholic. You can ask him. He's been sober for over ten years and he will still say he's a recovering addict. I've never known him drunk or seen him that way. He had been sober for quite a long time before we met. His family has told me plenty of stories though. And he will tell you that he is a recovering alcoholic. If I say he used to be an alcoholic he corrects me and tells me "I am one drink away from being an alcoholic again." He says after all this time he still takes it one day at a time. And yes, he did it mostly on his own. He went to AA for awhile but said some of the stories were so depressing he couldn't handle it. And he will tell you in times of high stress he feels himself wanting a drink to cope.

weltschmerz · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
DH is an alcoholic. You can ask him. He's been sober for over ten years and he will still say he's a recovering addict. I've never known him drunk or seen him that way. He had been sober for quite a long time before we met. His family has told me plenty of stories though. And he will tell you that he is a recovering alcoholic. If I say he used to be an alcoholic he corrects me and tells me "I am one drink away from being an alcoholic again." He says after all this time he still takes it one day at a time. And yes, he did it mostly on his own. He went to AA for awhile but said some of the stories were so depressing he couldn't handle it. And he will tell you in times of high stress he feels himself wanting a drink to cope.

Yes. That's exactly it. Other people can have one drink but alcoholics can't.

Junkies are one stressor away from chasing the dragon again. They too, have to do it one day at a time.

weltschmerz · Guru

.....and that's why I should know what I'm potentially in for.
He should tell her.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
DH is an alcoholic. You can ask him. He's been sober for over ten years and he will still say he's a recovering addict. I've never known him drunk or seen him that way. He had been sober for quite a long time before we met. His family has told me plenty of stories though. And he will tell you that he is a recovering alcoholic. If I say he used to be an alcoholic he corrects me and tells me "I am one drink away from being an alcoholic again." He says after all this time he still takes it one day at a time. And yes, he did it mostly on his own. He went to AA for awhile but said some of the stories were so depressing he couldn't handle it. And he will tell you in times of high stress he feels himself wanting a drink to cope.

Thank you for sharing that story.

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

weltschmerz wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
DH is an alcoholic. You can ask him. He's been sober for over ten years and he will still say he's a recovering addict. I've never known him drunk or seen him that way. He had been sober for quite a long time before we met. His family has told me plenty of stories though. And he will tell you that he is a recovering alcoholic. If I say he used to be an alcoholic he corrects me and tells me "I am one drink away from being an alcoholic again." He says after all this time he still takes it one day at a time. And yes, he did it mostly on his own. He went to AA for awhile but said some of the stories were so depressing he couldn't handle it. And he will tell you in times of high stress he feels himself wanting a drink to cope.
Yes. That's exactly it. Other people can have one drink but alcoholics can't.
Junkies are one stressor away from chasing the dragon again. They too, have to do it one day at a time.

Except when they are not. Like O4's hubby. Why can't you accept that not everyone is the same? Yes, there are some people for whom that is absolutely the case. But, not ALL.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
weltschmerz wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
DH is an alcoholic. You can ask him. He's been sober for over ten years and he will still say he's a recovering addict. I've never known him drunk or seen him that way. He had been sober for quite a long time before we met. His family has told me plenty of stories though. And he will tell you that he is a recovering alcoholic. If I say he used to be an alcoholic he corrects me and tells me "I am one drink away from being an alcoholic again." He says after all this time he still takes it one day at a time. And yes, he did it mostly on his own. He went to AA for awhile but said some of the stories were so depressing he couldn't handle it. And he will tell you in times of high stress he feels himself wanting a drink to cope.
Yes. That's exactly it. Other people can have one drink but alcoholics can't.
Junkies are one stressor away from chasing the dragon again. They too, have to do it one day at a time.
Except when they are not. Like O4's hubby. Why can't you accept that not everyone is the same? Yes, there are some people for whom that is absolutely the case. But, not ALL.

I don't know enough about the circumstances here. What is the difference between someone who abuses drugs or alcohol and an addict?

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Well, i think that is a good point too. I think there are people who abuse it for a period of time. Maybe they are having a bad time in their life or something and are using it for awhile and then they straighten up.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Well, i think that is a good point too. I think there are people who abuse it for a period of time. Maybe they are having a bad time in their life or something and are using it for awhile and then they straighten up.

There is a lot we don't know. I've read stories about a gene marker for alcoholism, for example, which would indicate it runs in families, like other traits.

flan

weltschmerz · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
weltschmerz wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
DH is an alcoholic. You can ask him. He's been sober for over ten years and he will still say he's a recovering addict. I've never known him drunk or seen him that way. He had been sober for quite a long time before we met. His family has told me plenty of stories though. And he will tell you that he is a recovering alcoholic. If I say he used to be an alcoholic he corrects me and tells me "I am one drink away from being an alcoholic again." He says after all this time he still takes it one day at a time. And yes, he did it mostly on his own. He went to AA for awhile but said some of the stories were so depressing he couldn't handle it. And he will tell you in times of high stress he feels himself wanting a drink to cope.
Yes. That's exactly it. Other people can have one drink but alcoholics can't.
Junkies are one stressor away from chasing the dragon again. They too, have to do it one day at a time.
Except when they are not. Like O4's hubby. Why can't you accept that not everyone is the same? Yes, there are some people for whom that is absolutely the case. But, not ALL.

I don't give a crap about Ohfour's husband or her stories.

If my soon to be husband has a heroin addiction in his past, I need to be told.

I'm not going to say, "Well, there's this woman in the US who claims her husband no longer craves drugs, so I'm sure everything will be just peachy!"

It's my life, my marriage, and I need to know.

Just like I need to know if he's an alcoholic, or had a child porn addiction in his past.

"Oh, don't worry, he's not touching kids any more." Not going to fly.

-- Edited by weltschmerz on Friday 5th of February 2016 11:20:45 AM

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Bonny22Pye wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Why, on earth, do people think they have to share everything?

Discretion is a very wonderful thing.

I wouldn't tell anyone. As long as the medical records have the history, it's really no one else's business.

Now if she decides to have kids, then they might need to know. I don't know how long something like that can cause problems for babies.
He said his GF knows about his past. Somethings you just don't need to share with casual friends.

Yes - he told her, and that's the only one that needs to be told.

Some people can't read, though.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

weltschmerz wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
weltschmerz wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
DH is an alcoholic. You can ask him. He's been sober for over ten years and he will still say he's a recovering addict. I've never known him drunk or seen him that way. He had been sober for quite a long time before we met. His family has told me plenty of stories though. And he will tell you that he is a recovering alcoholic. If I say he used to be an alcoholic he corrects me and tells me "I am one drink away from being an alcoholic again." He says after all this time he still takes it one day at a time. And yes, he did it mostly on his own. He went to AA for awhile but said some of the stories were so depressing he couldn't handle it. And he will tell you in times of high stress he feels himself wanting a drink to cope.
Yes. That's exactly it. Other people can have one drink but alcoholics can't.
Junkies are one stressor away from chasing the dragon again. They too, have to do it one day at a time.
Except when they are not. Like O4's hubby. Why can't you accept that not everyone is the same? Yes, there are some people for whom that is absolutely the case. But, not ALL.
I don't give a crap about Ohfour's husband or her stories.
If my soon to be husband has a heroin addiction in his past, I need to be told.
I'm not going to say, "Well, there's this woman in the US who claims her husband no longer craves drugs, so I'm sure everything will be just peachy!"
It's my life, my marriage, and I need to know.
Just like I need to know if he's an alcoholic, or had a child porn addiction in his past.
"Oh, don't worry, he's not touching kids any more." Not going to fly.

-- Edited by weltschmerz on Friday 5th of February 2016 11:20:45 AM

The letter isnt' about telling your spouse. It is about running around with a big letter A and broadcasting your past to every damn body. confuse

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
weltschmerz wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
weltschmerz wrote:
Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
DH is an alcoholic. You can ask him. He's been sober for over ten years and he will still say he's a recovering addict. I've never known him drunk or seen him that way. He had been sober for quite a long time before we met. His family has told me plenty of stories though. And he will tell you that he is a recovering alcoholic. If I say he used to be an alcoholic he corrects me and tells me "I am one drink away from being an alcoholic again." He says after all this time he still takes it one day at a time. And yes, he did it mostly on his own. He went to AA for awhile but said some of the stories were so depressing he couldn't handle it. And he will tell you in times of high stress he feels himself wanting a drink to cope.
Yes. That's exactly it. Other people can have one drink but alcoholics can't.
Junkies are one stressor away from chasing the dragon again. They too, have to do it one day at a time.
Except when they are not. Like O4's hubby. Why can't you accept that not everyone is the same? Yes, there are some people for whom that is absolutely the case. But, not ALL.
I don't give a crap about Ohfour's husband or her stories.
If my soon to be husband has a heroin addiction in his past, I need to be told.
I'm not going to say, "Well, there's this woman in the US who claims her husband no longer craves drugs, so I'm sure everything will be just peachy!"
It's my life, my marriage, and I need to know.
Just like I need to know if he's an alcoholic, or had a child porn addiction in his past.
"Oh, don't worry, he's not touching kids any more." Not going to fly.

-- Edited by weltschmerz on Friday 5th of February 2016 11:20:45 AM
The letter isnt' about telling your spouse. It is about running around with a big letter A and broadcasting your past to every damn body.

Then WHY does the LW say this?

I want to start telling a few friends.

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Huh? Telling your spouse about every wart on your behind is different than snapchatting it to the world.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Huh? Telling your spouse about every wart on your behind is different than snapchatting it to the world.

Huh? A few friends is now = the world?

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

He can tell whomever he wants. However, i think he should think that through. Not everyone is understanding. You can't unring the bell so once it is out , it's out. And, i think the point that most of us are trying to make is that he is not obligated to tell all of his business to everyone. If he wants to tell some friends, then fine, but he just needs to be prepared then for that info to get out further.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

We've told some people. We don't hide it. But alcohol is different than drugs. Alcohol is present in every day life. We don't keep it in the house and don't serve it to friends who might come over for dinner. We have no problem telling them why. But the difference is why alcohol is still around most drugs aren't a daily issue. So you really wouldn't have to say much about that. It's not like someone is going to be pouring you a glass of drugs with dinner.

We also had a dry wedding regardless of how awful that makes us look to some who think a wedding isn't a wedding without booze. DH's family are all recovering alcoholics. Bunches of them. My family doesn't drink. They're what you call tee totalers. So we just didn't have it. I've never hung around with addicts so I can't say what they're like. I just know what DH has told me. I can only go by his experience is all.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Huh? Telling your spouse about every wart on your behind is different than snapchatting it to the world.
Huh? A few friends is now = the world?
flan

Really? Once more than 2 people know, everyone will know.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

For the most part its best to be open and honest. Not hide or run from your past. But neither does it have to be in the forefront or explained to everyone.

My Sil had an alcohol problem as a teen. She is 50+ and it is still all she talks about. She tells u every bad thing that has ever happened to her all the time. Move on!

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Huh? Telling your spouse about every wart on your behind is different than snapchatting it to the world.
Huh? A few friends is now = the world?
flan
Really? Once more than 2 people know, everyone will know.

That's sad. I trust my friends.

flan

FNW · Guru

I think it's up to the individual who he might decide to tell. Personally, I think it should be on a "need-to-know" basis. But then again, if he's still battling the cravings, etc., it would be a good idea to let friends in on it so that they can be supportive and avoid exposing their addict friend to temptation.

I worked with a woman years ago and we became good friends. She was a recovering heroin addict, who did time for manslaughter. I knew early in our friendship that she was recovering, and that she did time. I found out later the crime. It's not something one just blurts out at an office party. She was in the process of making amends and told me she had hit and killed someone with her car while under the influence. Her license was suspended, so there were times when I took her to NA meetings. When we went out to see her son play (he was in a band) or to the recording studio where the band was staying, I refrained from having a drink even though she said it didn't bother her. For me, it was a small price to pay to help her maintain her sobriety.