Dear Prudence, My wife and I have a wonderful nanny who has taken excellent care of our two young children for the last year. She’s fun, smart, creative, dependable, flexible with our schedules, and our kids love her. She recently called out sick for three days, the first time she ever missed work. When she returned, she told us that she’s been HIV positive for about five years and was addressing a complication due to an otherwise minor viral infection. Our initial reaction (in retrospect, an ignorant and emotional one) was that we should let her go. We were concerned about the risk of infecting our children and angry that she hadn’t told us before we hired her and our children developed an emotional bond. We have discussed with our pediatrician and are moving in the direction of keeping her. Is this wise? Are there risks? If so, how can we mitigate them? Should she wear gloves when she changes our 1-year-old’s diapers?
—Nervous Parents
Yes, it’s perfectly safe to have a nanny who’s seropostive. She shouldn’t be wearing gloves while changing your child’s diaper unless both she and your baby have open, bleeding sores, which I imagine neither of them does (frankly, she’d have to wear gloves if she had open sores on her hands and wasn’t HIV-positive). She was under no legal obligation to disclose her HIV status to you, but self-reported once it affected her work, which suggests to me that she is a responsible and caring person. You’ve known her for a year and in all that time she’s been nothing but conscientious and attentive; I commend you for recognizing that your initial reaction of panic and fear was borne of ignorance. If she is on antiretroviral treatment, as most patients with HIV are today, the chances of her transmitting HIV even to an intimate partner are extremely low; the odds of her infecting a child is infinitesimally small. If you find yourself unable to stop worrying, speak with your doctor or consult an HIV/AIDs resource center for safety information. The more information you have, the more comfortable you will feel.
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I wouldn't play Russian roulette with kid's health like that.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I wouldn't play Russian roulette with kid's health like that.
I'd be fine with it because I know it can't be spread through casual contact. She's been their nanny for the last year.
Are the kids at death's door?
But what's "casual" contact. No, she isn't going to have sex with them--but she's going to do a LOT more than shake hands or brush up against them in a crowded room.
Where's there are kids--there is blood. The risk may be low--it may be VERY low--but it isn't non-existent.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
I wouldn't play Russian roulette with kid's health like that.
I'd be fine with it because I know it can't be spread through casual contact. She's been their nanny for the last year.
Are the kids at death's door?
But what's "casual" contact. No, she isn't going to have sex with them--but she's going to do a LOT more than shake hands or brush up against them in a crowded room.
Where's there are kids--there is blood. The risk may be low--it may be VERY low--but it isn't non-existent.
OK. You'll do what's right for you and I'll do what's right for me.
She has more to worry about, catching something from the kids than the kids catching something from her.
I'd keep her, especially if she's a great nanny and the kids adore her.
People want flip out over chicken pox but have no issue with HIV.
Crazy.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I don't think she has to tell her employer her medical history period. Their is nothing wrong or dangerous about interacting with someone who is HIV positive in normal daily activities.
Would you fire a nanny if you found out she was an anti-vaccer and never got vaccinated?
Luckily its a non issue for me since Gordito goes to a daycare the mandates vaccines. But if California law prohibited me from requiring vaccinations as part of employing a nanny I wouldn't use one to start.
Would you fire a nanny if you found out she was an anti-vaccer and never got vaccinated?
Luckily its a non issue for me since Gordito goes to a daycare the mandates vaccines. But if California law prohibited me from requiring vaccinations as part of employing a nanny I wouldn't use one to start.
But that's part of her medical history.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Would you fire a nanny if you found out she was an anti-vaccer and never got vaccinated?
Luckily its a non issue for me since Gordito goes to a daycare the mandates vaccines. But if California law prohibited me from requiring vaccinations as part of employing a nanny I wouldn't use one to start.
But that's part of her medical history.
Some jobs require some medical stuff. HIV disclosure is not on the list.
Also, you can't get HIV from being in the same room with someone or sharing a cup of coffee with them like you can with Chicken Pox.
If she legally could ask her to disclose of certain medical things I may be ok with it.
You never had your baby raise up into your chin? Making you bite your tongue or lip?
Never stepped on something and cut yourself?
Never broken a glass or done anything else that causes you to bleed?
Cause all that happened at one time or another to me.
And kids don't always stop when tell them to.
I would not knowingly expose my kids to that threat.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I don't think she has to tell her employer her medical history period. Their is nothing wrong or dangerous about interacting with someone who is HIV positive in normal daily activities.
You are totally disregarding that the babysitter is unreliable due to her medical condition, As the disease progresses she will be calling in sick more and more ofter.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
Would you fire a nanny if you found out she was an anti-vaccer and never got vaccinated?
Luckily its a non issue for me since Gordito goes to a daycare the mandates vaccines. But if California law prohibited me from requiring vaccinations as part of employing a nanny I wouldn't use one to start.
But that's part of her medical history.
Yeah. Exactly. You want the medical history when it suits you--but think it should be secret when you think it doesn't? That's bull.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
Would you fire a nanny if you found out she was an anti-vaccer and never got vaccinated?
Luckily its a non issue for me since Gordito goes to a daycare the mandates vaccines. But if California law prohibited me from requiring vaccinations as part of employing a nanny I wouldn't use one to start.
But that's part of her medical history.
Some jobs require some medical stuff. HIV disclosure is not on the list.
Also, you can't get HIV from being in the same room with someone or sharing a cup of coffee with them like you can with Chicken Pox.
If she legally could ask her to disclose of certain medical things I may be ok with it.
Chicken Pox is almost never fatal. It is also cheaper to treat since, well, you don't really treat it other than letting the kid stay in bed a few days and eat soup.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
I cook. And that involves using knives and sharp objects. Sometimes I get cut. If I hired a nanny, she would be doing some of these things. Including kitchen work, fixing lunches, etc. No way in hell I would want someone inadvertently bleeding HIV on my kids. Sure, it would need to come in contact with an open wound, but you know what, kids have open wounds. Usually every day there is a cut or scrape somewhere on the boys' bodies. Whether it be a papercut, a scraped knee, a torn cuticle, or a split lip. I'd rather not take the risk with my children's lives.
Would you fire a nanny if you found out she was an anti-vaccer and never got vaccinated?
Luckily its a non issue for me since Gordito goes to a daycare the mandates vaccines. But if California law prohibited me from requiring vaccinations as part of employing a nanny I wouldn't use one to start.
But that's part of her medical history.
Some jobs require some medical stuff. HIV disclosure is not on the list.
Also, you can't get HIV from being in the same room with someone or sharing a cup of coffee with them like you can with Chicken Pox.
If she legally could ask her to disclose of certain medical things I may be ok with it.
Chicken Pox is almost never fatal. It is also cheaper to treat since, well, you don't really treat it other than letting the kid stay in bed a few days and eat soup.
I was hospitalized over chicken pox. I had it 3 times as a child. It can be very serious for some people.
Well, again if you give out this information, then do you expect people to react to it or not? What do you think will happen if you run around broadcasting that you have HIV or whatever? So, she had no obligation to reveal this and there is likely very little risk in reality. But, she decided to announce it so now what would she expect mom to do?
Would you fire a nanny if you found out she was an anti-vaccer and never got vaccinated?
Luckily its a non issue for me since Gordito goes to a daycare the mandates vaccines. But if California law prohibited me from requiring vaccinations as part of employing a nanny I wouldn't use one to start.
But that's part of her medical history.
Some jobs require some medical stuff. HIV disclosure is not on the list.
Also, you can't get HIV from being in the same room with someone or sharing a cup of coffee with them like you can with Chicken Pox.
If she legally could ask her to disclose of certain medical things I may be ok with it.
Chicken Pox is almost never fatal. It is also cheaper to treat since, well, you don't really treat it other than letting the kid stay in bed a few days and eat soup.
I was hospitalized over chicken pox. I had it 3 times as a child. It can be very serious for some people.
Very serious is not common. Fatal is very uncommon. Hospitalization is not common.
For HIV--serious is always. Fatal is eventually a guarantee. Hospitalization is frequent. Treatment is expensive.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.