DEAR ABBY: I have been working for four years. I need to work to help my husband financially. However, over the last few months, I've felt torn about not being a stay-at-home mom.
My grandmother, who is in her 70s, has been taking care of my son full time while I work, but her health isn't the greatest now. I don't trust any of the day care in my area and can't afford one anyway.
I really want to be a stay-at-home mom, but still feel obligated to help bring in money. How do I get over my guilt for not wanting to work outside the home full time? -- STUCK IN DELAWARE
DEAR STUCK: You are not the only mother who feels this kind of ambivalence. Many others are as torn as you are.
Perhaps it would help if you focus harder on thinking about this rationally rather than emotionally. When your grandmother's health no longer allows her to care for your son, you may have to cut back on your schedule to be with him -- or your husband may need to take a second job. Also, some people manage to work from home, and you may want to explore those opportunities.
I think mom needs to realize that maybe 70 yr old grandma isn't cut out for full time infant care as well. I mean, some 70 yr olds are. But, my mom spent a lot of time watching my kids, but I did put that on her full time. My kids went to daycare for the most part when i was working. There were times when she watched them but not every day. I think as a mother, you have to recognize whether or not grandma is equipped to do that or not. Your kid will survive going to daycare. Or, adjust your job and work schedules. One parent can work day shift and the other can work evenings, nights , weekends or whatever.
The good news is, the older the kid gets the easier it becomes.
At 4, he should be in a preschool at least 3 or 4 days a week.
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I have had the luxury of working from home two days a week. My parents watched the boys 3 days a week until they turned 2. They were 69 and 70 when the boys were born. Then I put them in preschool. My mother was upset with me, but I assured her it was best for the boys. Now, she admits that it was the best thing I could have done. They went to preschool 3 days a week. I had them with me one day, and my mother/father had them on Thursdays. They love it, but admittedly, are worn out the days they have them. My parents are now 76 and 77 (almost 78).
Still, preschool isn't cheap. One needs to make sure that they earn enough to make sending them to preschool worth it.
Well, the cost of working outside of the home has to be taken into consideration. If she "can't afford daycare", then I assume she doesn't actually make very much money. Taking into account gas, work clothes, convenience foods, higher tax bracket and other intangibles, she may not be contributing as much as she thinks.
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LawyerLady
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