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ed11563


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over-friendly stranger
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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was eating lunch at a public counter yesterday when an elderly lady (a stranger) came up to me, put her arm around me and started talking. I was so startled that I just responded, "Please don't touch me!" in a loud voice.

She backed up and murmured something, and her male companion said something under his breath. Was there a better way for me to have responded?

GENTLE READER: Probably. Miss Manners is given to a more genteel squeal in such instances.

But as this was a stranger, and you didn't know her intentions or her state of mental health, your reaction was acceptable and the message the same: Do not startle a stranger if you do not want a startled reaction.



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ed11563


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It occurs to me that this elderly lady and her companion might be

 

pickpockets.

 

 

 



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That's a good point.



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lilyofcourse


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Or she mistook her for someone else.

Or she was just being friendly.

Or she was attempting to inform the LW of something discreetly.

Either way, it seems like a major over reaction and actually probably came across as hateful.



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TrudyML


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Maybe she is just off her rocker.

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lilyofcourse


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I mean, I don't want people hanging on me either.

But it's like people have lost all the ability to be polite.

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Charley Harper
Divine Geek


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lilyofcourse wrote:

I mean, I don't want people hanging on me either.

But it's like people have lost all the ability to be polite.

how about being polite and not invading strangers personal space.  



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lilyofcourse


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What if this elderly lady thought that was her grandchild from behind?

It could have been anything, it could have been nothing.

In a public space, I just think a little politeness wouldn't hurt.

"Oh gosh, you startled me" as you move away would have been better.

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Lexxy


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I don't know what I'd do if a stranger did that to me. It would definitely startle me. I'm not sure what would come out of my mouth.

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lilyofcourse


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I've had it happen to me quite often.



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Lexxy


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I guess it's a Southern thing or maybe a small town thing. I've never had it happen to me.

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lilyofcourse


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Perhaps.

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Cheerios4606


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I dont think I would say "stop touching me" but I would definitely pull out of her embrace.

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Nobody Just Nobody


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How about, "I'm sorry. Do I know you?" As you step away.

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flan327


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Lexxy wrote:

I guess it's a Southern thing or maybe a small town thing. I've never had it happen to me.

 It's never happened to me either.

I don't want strangers touching me.

flan



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If someone touches me unexpectedly, my first instinct is to pull away - even if I know them. So if it were a stranger, I am not sure how I would react. It would depend on where I was, if it was crowded, if I was with the kids or alone etc.

I would never judge someone else's reaction. You have no idea what their history is. Their memories of touch may be tragic and traumatic. I would never expect every person to be able to respond the way I deem appropriate. I have not walked in their shoes. They might be doing the best they can.

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