TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

RE: Dear Prudie:Inconsiderate Inlaws

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
The line beyond will be different for everyone and will depend a lot of differing family dynamics and finances.

It may be--but I think expecting anything beyond that is absurd.

NAOW · Vette's SS

huskerbb wrote:
Not a huge loss, I'm sure.

:eyeroll: Yep. Sure.

Luckily, not an issue in my family, because no one would have to put this much effort into where the line is on how to treat children.

huskerbb · Guru

Oh, and I wouldn't do diddly if the parents aren't married--to each other.

huskerbb · Guru

NAOW wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Not a huge loss, I'm sure.
:eyeroll: Yep. Sure.
Luckily, not an issue in my family, because no one would have to put this much effort into where the line is on how to treat children.

We don't either. The situation has never come up.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

Lawyerlady wrote:
The line beyond will be different for everyone and will depend a lot of differing family dynamics and finances.

My mom set up a college fund for my bio-niece & not for my step-niece. As you said there were other circumstances at play in that decision. The money for the funding came from my dad's life insurance when he passed. At the time of his passing my step-niece had moved out of state to live with her bio-dad & step-mom. My mom decided that if step-niece didn't want to be part of the family then her bio-family could foot the bill for college. She still gets Christmas, birthday, baby shower, etc. gifts from us.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
The line beyond will be different for everyone and will depend a lot of differing family dynamics and finances.
It may be--but I think expecting anything beyond that is absurd.

Quite frankly, I think it's absurd to expect grandparents to set up college funds for anyone, including their own grandkids.

msrock · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
The line beyond will be different for everyone and will depend a lot of differing family dynamics and finances.
It may be--but I think expecting anything beyond that is absurd.

Quite frankly, I think it's absurd to expect grandparents to set up college funds for anyone, including their own grandkids.

No kidding. That's not a thing in my family. Never heard of it.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

No one ever set up college funds in our family either. And no one bought you a car. You paid for it yourself.

FNW · Guru

I have never heard of it either. My in-laws supposedly have set up bank accounts for the boys, but I have yet to see a statement. Just a note indicating they $25 in (or whatever). Well, they used to anyway. Which was nice I suppose, but it doesn't make up for them being mean to the boys.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
The line beyond will be different for everyone and will depend a lot of differing family dynamics and finances.
It may be--but I think expecting anything beyond that is absurd.

Quite frankly, I think it's absurd to expect grandparents to set up college funds for anyone, including their own grandkids.

No one said anything about expecting--except the entitled parents who expect a kid gets showered with gifts.

The grandparents should be able to set one up, though, for their grandchild WITHOUT being expected to do so for someone who is not their grandkid.

huskerbb · Guru

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
No one ever set up college funds in our family either. And no one bought you a car. You paid for it yourself.

My grandmother gave me grandpas old pickup.

i plan on getting cars for my grandkids--but not every kid in the neighborhood.

FNW · Guru

May you be blessed with a couple dozen grandchildren.

huskerbb · Guru

FNW wrote:
May you be blessed with a couple dozen grandchildren.

I hope, but i doubt it. I only had two kids. The one might have five or six, he's getting an early start. The other one I doubt would have more than two, three at the most.

TrudyML · Guru

FNW wrote:
I have never heard of it either. My in-laws supposedly have set up bank accounts for the boys, but I have yet to see a statement. Just a note indicating they $25 in (or whatever). Well, they used to anyway. Which was nice I suppose, but it doesn't make up for them being mean to the boys.

They suck.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
The line beyond will be different for everyone and will depend a lot of differing family dynamics and finances.
It may be--but I think expecting anything beyond that is absurd.

Quite frankly, I think it's absurd to expect grandparents to set up college funds for anyone, including their own grandkids.
No one said anything about expecting--except the entitled parents who expect a kid gets showered with gifts.
The grandparents should be able to set one up, though, for their grandchild WITHOUT being expected to do so for someone who is not their grandkid.

You are right that no one said anything about expecting college funds. However, it was hardly expecting a "shower of gifts". They asked that if they are going to send a gift for one child in the household, they also give to the other. That's hardly demanding copious gifts.

huskerbb · Guru

Yeah, it is.

Domestic Engineer · Guru

How would you treat the child if the step-parent adopted the step child. Would you then consider it family? What about foster children? Would you ignore their birthday and Christmas, since they aren't "family"?

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Quite frankly, I'm glad my parents never paid for things like cars and college. My step father, and he loved us dearly and treated us like his very own, didn't believe in handing us stuff. He never graduated from high school. He bought a gas station way back when the attendants pumped gas. He worked there every day, seven days a week from sun up to sun down. He made enough money to sell it and go to Devry and become an electrical engineer. All he had going for him is his persistent attitude and hard work. And he told us that if we worked for what we got we would appreciate it more. He was right. And a very smart man.

huskerbb · Guru

Domestic Engineer wrote:
How would you treat the child if the step-parent adopted the step child. Would you then consider it family? What about foster children? Would you ignore their birthday and Christmas, since they aren't "family"?

Adoption makes a legal relationship.

Foster children--still not the same as grandchildren. as I've repeatedly said, I don't have an issue with a few birthday or Christmas gicpfts. I do take issue with the sense of entitlement and the notion that everything has to be exactly the same.

Cheerios4606 · Guru

I like the idea of telling the two kids that a birthday card came for them both and that the $20 bucks included would be divided between the two. If the relatives dont like the fact that the money sent is being divided, they can either stop sending it in the first place or grow some gracious attitudes and send birthday gifts to ALL children in the house instead of only one. My husband's parents always included my oldest from a different marriage and I was always grateful that they accepted him as their grandson despite the fact they were not blood grandparents.

huskerbb · Guru

Cheerios4606 wrote:
I like the idea of telling the two kids that a birthday card came for them both and that the $20 bucks included would be divided between the two. If the relatives dont like the fact that the money sent is being divided, they can either stop sending it in the first place or grow some gracious attitudes and send birthday gifts to ALL children in the house instead of only one. My husband's parents always included my oldest from a different marriage and I was always grateful that they accepted him as their grandson despite the fact they were not blood grandparents.

But is he in the will?

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

huskerbb wrote:
Cheerios4606 wrote:
I like the idea of telling the two kids that a birthday card came for them both and that the $20 bucks included would be divided between the two. If the relatives dont like the fact that the money sent is being divided, they can either stop sending it in the first place or grow some gracious attitudes and send birthday gifts to ALL children in the house instead of only one. My husband's parents always included my oldest from a different marriage and I was always grateful that they accepted him as their grandson despite the fact they were not blood grandparents.
But is he in the will?

Husker, really - that does not have anything to do with the topic at hand. And as I said, MOST grandkids are not in the will unless their parents are dead or deadbeats.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I think goodwill should start at home. The women at the battered women's shelter have probably all made really poor choices and even some immoral ones. But they are people and deserving of a chance so DH and I routinely take diapers, formula, and toiletries to them. They are not my problem. I am not related to them nor should I even be bothered by their lifestyles or choices. But I do because it's the right thing to do. We support several local charities and I know that many of those people live lifestyles that I don't approve of. Most of the women at the pregnancy aid center are unmarried and having sex. That's immoral and against what I believe in. They're not my problem. I don't have to do anything for them. But DH and I routinely take stuff there too. I honestly don't understand some of the attitudes on these threads.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Cheerios4606 wrote:
I like the idea of telling the two kids that a birthday card came for them both and that the $20 bucks included would be divided between the two. If the relatives dont like the fact that the money sent is being divided, they can either stop sending it in the first place or grow some gracious attitudes and send birthday gifts to ALL children in the house instead of only one. My husband's parents always included my oldest from a different marriage and I was always grateful that they accepted him as their grandson despite the fact they were not blood grandparents.
But is he in the will?
Husker, really - that does not have anything to do with the topic at hand. And as I said, MOST grandkids are not in the will unless their parents are dead or deadbeats.

I don't know of any grand kids that make it into the will. Unless it's something specific they want them to have. Like a picture or something. My maternal grand parents gave away all their belongings before they went into a nursing home. Everything with value or sentiment they gave to whom they wanted to have it. I still have a few things they gave me.

Cheerios4606 · Guru

I rarely hear of instances where grandkids are in wills, and it really isnt what the problem topic is about now is it? We are talking about a singular andrew jackson once a year, not the family jewels. ;)

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

My sister's sons were in my dad's will only because she is deceased. The boys will split her share.

Same sister had 3 step children. They received gifts for birthdays and Christmas. They weren't mentioned in the will and they are fine with that.

huskerbb · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Cheerios4606 wrote:
I like the idea of telling the two kids that a birthday card came for them both and that the $20 bucks included would be divided between the two. If the relatives dont like the fact that the money sent is being divided, they can either stop sending it in the first place or grow some gracious attitudes and send birthday gifts to ALL children in the house instead of only one. My husband's parents always included my oldest from a different marriage and I was always grateful that they accepted him as their grandson despite the fact they were not blood grandparents.
But is he in the will?
Husker, really - that does not have anything to do with the topic at hand. And as I said, MOST grandkids are not in the will unless their parents are dead or deadbeats.

It's absolutely relevant. Where is the line drawn?

Again, I'm willing to accept it's drawn at birthdays and Christmas--but then someone comes along and says they should be treated "exactly" like the other grandkids--which could open up a whole range of things.

So, is it "exactly", or is it birthdays and Christmas only?

huskerbb · Guru

My mom's grandkids aren't mentioned by name, but descendants are mentioned, and they must be blood related.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Wow.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

That is the norm.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lawyerlady wrote:
That is the norm.

It doesn't make it right, especially now, with so many blended families.

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
That is the norm.
It doesn't make it right, especially now, with so many blended families.
flan

If your children are living - your grandchildren are not your legal heirs.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

And why isn't it "right"? You can't say that in every blended family the other kids won't inherit from their other parent's side. Why should one kid get double inheritance b/c the parents got divorced and remarried, taking a share of the natural grandparents grand-child?

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
That is the norm.
It doesn't make it right, especially now, with so many blended families.
flan
If your children are living - your grandchildren are not your legal heirs.

I assumed you were referring to this statement of husker's:

Descendants are mentioned, and they must be blood related.

flan

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lawyerlady wrote:
And why isn't it "right"? You can't say that in every blended family the other kids won't inherit from their other parent's side. Why should one kid get double inheritance b/c the parents got divorced and remarried, taking a share of the natural grandparents grand-child?

We've had this discussion before.

NO descendant has a "right" to money from any relative. It's a choice.

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
And why isn't it "right"? You can't say that in every blended family the other kids won't inherit from their other parent's side. Why should one kid get double inheritance b/c the parents got divorced and remarried, taking a share of the natural grandparents grand-child?
We've had this discussion before.
NO descendant has a "right" to money from any relative. It's a choice.
flan

Then why would a non-descendant?

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
That is the norm.
It doesn't make it right, especially now, with so many blended families.
flan
If your children are living - your grandchildren are not your legal heirs.
I assumed you were referring to this statement of husker's:
Descendants are mentioned, and they must be blood related.
flan

Descendants are mentioned in a general legal sense - not by name - either by using the term "per stirpes" or having a sentence like this:

I give, bequeath and devise to my son, fifty percent (50%) of the residue of my estate, if he survives me. If he does not survive me, then such distribution shall be made in equal shares to his descendants, if any, and if none, this share shall be added equally to the other shares set out in this, my Last Will and Testament.

That's a shorthand version b/c I'm making it generic.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
And why isn't it "right"? You can't say that in every blended family the other kids won't inherit from their other parent's side. Why should one kid get double inheritance b/c the parents got divorced and remarried, taking a share of the natural grandparents grand-child?
We've had this discussion before.
NO descendant has a "right" to money from any relative. It's a choice.
flan
Then why would a non-descendant?

Where did I say they did? You said they were taking it away from the "natural" grand-child.

Every family is different.

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
And why isn't it "right"? You can't say that in every blended family the other kids won't inherit from their other parent's side. Why should one kid get double inheritance b/c the parents got divorced and remarried, taking a share of the natural grandparents grand-child?
We've had this discussion before.
NO descendant has a "right" to money from any relative. It's a choice.
flan
Then why would a non-descendant?
Where did I say they did? You said they were taking it away from the "natural" grand-child.
Every family is different.
flan

You said it wasn't right to exclude a step-grandchild from a will. I want to know why.

huskerbb · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
And why isn't it "right"? You can't say that in every blended family the other kids won't inherit from their other parent's side. Why should one kid get double inheritance b/c the parents got divorced and remarried, taking a share of the natural grandparents grand-child?
We've had this discussion before.
NO descendant has a "right" to money from any relative. It's a choice.
flan
Then why would a non-descendant?
Where did I say they did? You said they were taking it away from the "natural" grand-child.
Every family is different.
flan

Well, in our case, blood descendants DO have the right to their inheritance. Others do not.

My wife can't even inherit from my mom. I can will her a life estate to any income, but ownership of the estate passes directly to my children if I'm gone. I can't will it to anyone but my children, either, and they can't will it to anyone but blood descendants, either, and so on.

-- Edited by huskerbb on Thursday 3rd of March 2016 08:52:02 PM