DEAR ABBY: My fiancee and I have known each other since high school. I was the “good kid” with honors and the right parents. She was considered trouble and didn’t have the best home life. Rumor had it that she moonlighted as a stripper our senior year, but I always blew that off as false.
Fast-forward 12 years: I ran into her recently, and we decided to have dinner. I fell in love with her on that date.
A few months went by and I mentioned the rumors. She wasn’t upset and matter-of-factly explained that she did start stripping in high school and continued through college. It bothered me, but the benefits of being with her far outweighed the negatives.
Now that we are engaged, she told me she had to “come clean.” She said there were times in college when she had sex with some of her regular clients. I am floored. She basically admitted she had prostituted herself.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to blame her for her past indiscretions, but this is a big deal. I don’t know how to let it go. Advice, please! — GUY WHO NEEDS ADVICE
DEAR GUY: You now see your fiancee clearly — warts and all. The problem with “falling in love” (what I define as infatuation) is that you don’t yet know who the person IS.
Regardless of how your fiancee financed her education, she deserves respect for being honest with you. She has done as much as she can to improve her life. You must now ask yourself if you can see past her past, and if she is someone you would be happy spending the rest of your life with.
Remember, I live in Los Angeles, and in this town, her revelation wouldn’t necessarily be a deal-breaker.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
If the mere act of having sex makes you a prostitute, then I guess we all are. Nothing says she got paid for the sex. She just had sex with the patrons of the club.
I went to law school with a girl who financed her education by doing porn. She graduated top of her class. Not sure what happened to her, whether she passed the Bar and if so, whether she was able to pass the background investigation.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
If the mere act of having sex makes you a prostitute, then I guess we all are. Nothing says she got paid for the sex. She just had sex with the patrons of the club.
I went to law school with a girl who financed her education by doing porn. She graduated top of her class. Not sure what happened to her, whether she passed the Bar and if so, whether she was able to pass the background investigation.
"Clients" means paid.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
If she had regular clients she liked, and decided to have sex with them just because she liked having sex with them,
that's not prostitution.
If she didn't like them (or any one of them) and had sex with him / them because they left a large tip afterward, yes, that's prostitution.
It sounds like she wants to be completely honest with him. I'm not sure she's done that yet.
Clients pay. A client by definition has a business relationship.
Accountants and lawyers have clients who pay for their time and effort.
If a female accountant decides to have sex with a client that's not prostitution (usually), that's just for pleasure. Unless she tells the client that there is a charge for the extra services.
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
If she had regular clients she liked, and decided to have sex with them just because she liked having sex with them,
that's not prostitution.
If she didn't like them (or any one of them) and had sex with him / them because they left a large tip afterward, yes, that's prostitution.
It sounds like she wants to be completely honest with him. I'm not sure she's done that yet.
Clients pay. A client by definition has a business relationship.
Accountants and lawyers have clients who pay for their time and effort.
If a female accountant decides to have sex with a client that's not prostitution (usually), that's just for pleasure. Unless she tells the client that there is a charge for the extra services.
Yeah, but if they sleep with them, they are no longer termed "clients". That's a different relationship. The fact that she described them as clients is absolute proof that the business relationship--was "the business".
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
If clients that she liked while she was dancing on the pole that paid her the same as other clients that didn't sleep with her for her work on the pole are the ones she was sleeping with. Then sleeping with them doesn't make her a prostitute.
If she made more from those she was sleeping with, whether they paid her at the time of the sex or while she was working the pole, then prostitution becomes possible.
That aside, He should forgive her the past - as long as the activity isn't still currently going on. People make mistakes. She was honest about what she did. He needs to forgive her.
But if she never told him, is it a secret or a lie?
It did happen long before they were involved.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
A secret is not a lie. A secret is a secret. However, not disclosing every damn thing about everything that ever happened to you and every bowel movement and every time you lusted over Brad Pitt doesn't necessarily make those things secrets or lies. However, getting back to the OP she told him and now he needs to decide if he can live with that knowledge or not. I guess some men can and some men can't. If that is something he can't let go, then he should move on. It's in the past. So, you can let it just be some curious bit of information about her that is long over, or you can decide it means something about who she is today.
-- Edited by Lady Gaga Snerd on Friday 4th of March 2016 06:26:59 AM
If clients that she liked while she was dancing on the pole that paid her the same as other clients that didn't sleep with her for her work on the pole are the ones she was sleeping with. Then sleeping with them doesn't make her a prostitute.
If she made more from those she was sleeping with, whether they paid her at the time of the sex or while she was working the pole, then prostitution becomes possible.
That aside, He should forgive her the past - as long as the activity isn't still currently going on. People make mistakes. She was honest about what she did. He needs to forgive her.
The latter. Definitely the latter.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
