DEAR ABBY: I have 18-year-old twin sons who are seniors in high school and more mature than most at their age. My husband and I raised them with responsibility and manners, and people comment on how well they behave.
My problem is neither one seems interested in socializing. They don't date and never have friends over. They tell me people their age are "morons."
The boys are very close. They still share a room, and want to attend college together and major in the same field. I'm worried that they are too close and need to separate from each other and get out more. I worry that they aren't experiencing the life of typical teenagers. Should I be worried about this or wait and see what college brings them? -- MOTHER OF TWINS
DEAR MOTHER: Your boys may be responsible and mannerly, but they appear to be socially immature. The time to have separated them and encouraged them to develop their individual personalities was when they entered their teens.
While it is normal for twins to share a special closeness, the fact that they don't socialize, don't date and consider their contemporaries all to be morons IS something to be worried about. If you are going to contribute to their college educations, it might be helpful to insist they go to different schools. But before you do, consult a licensed counselor for guidance because it may be traumatic for them.
My boys talk about sharing a house and raising children together that they will adopt. Well, one does anyway. He says it's because he is never getting married. The other one is not so sure, because he feels he might fall in love with someone.
Before they are teens, I will be moving one into their own bedroom.
I have a couple of cousins who are twins. They are very socially awkward. They are in their 50's and still live together. They have few, if any, friends outside of my aunt who is about their age. They've never dated.
They are nice enough people, but their experiences are so limited there is almost nothing to talk about with them.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
My SIL is in her 50's and lives with a bunch of cats and has never dated, to speak of. (I think she went on one date). But she does have friends. Still, it's odd to me that she has never dated, nor ever had any desire to.
Everyone thought my boys were twins. They were given identical gifts at Christmases and mom went so far as to get them identical outfits.
I think it is easy to fall into that trap even without twins.
I think parents have to separate kids early.
I don't physically, but activities, hobbies.
Make sure to let them be individuals.
Maybe even insist on it at times.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I only had a few friends in high school. I didn't really socialize much. Outside of band, I usually just stayed home and did homework. I dated one guy my freshman year for like 2 months. That was it.
And I've turned out relatively normal. There is hope for them.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I only had a few friends in high school. I didn't really socialize much. Outside of band, I usually just stayed home and did homework. I dated one guy my freshman year for like 2 months. That was it.
And I've turned out relatively normal. There is hope for them.
Really?Are you "normal"?
DS is normal. I moved him every 3-4 years while he was growing up so he doesn't have those HS relationships that a lot of people had. He does have some great friends from the military though. Not a lot of friends but good ones.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
I only had a few friends in high school. I didn't really socialize much. Outside of band, I usually just stayed home and did homework. I dated one guy my freshman year for like 2 months. That was it.
And I've turned out relatively normal. There is hope for them.
Really?Are you "normal"?
DS is normal. I moved him every 3-4 years while he was growing up so he doesn't have those HS relationships that a lot of people had. He does have some great friends from the military though. Not a lot of friends but good ones.
You should meet the rest of my family. I am totally the normal one!
I only had a few friends in high school. I didn't really socialize much. Outside of band, I usually just stayed home and did homework. I dated one guy my freshman year for like 2 months. That was it.
And I've turned out relatively normal. There is hope for them.
Really?Are you "normal"?
DS is normal. I moved him every 3-4 years while he was growing up so he doesn't have those HS relationships that a lot of people had. He does have some great friends from the military though. Not a lot of friends but good ones.
You should meet the rest of my family. I am totally the normal one!
DS would say the same about his family
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
